Hi Trisha,
Did anything ‘matter' before? In Direct Experience? Or only in thoughts?
It was only in thoughts that anything mattered, the direct experience has always been what it is.
Could anything change from how it is?
No nothing can change from how it is.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
There is no separate self and there never was.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
From my own experience the illusion of a separate self is a story/label, it is the content of the mind saying "I am doing this , "I am feeling this", "I am thinking this". It starts when we are very young and conditioned by our parents and society to have a belief that we are the doer and the controller of the character. From this conditioning comes a strong belief in the content of the mind, especially the "I" thought". For example when walking is happening, there is a thought "I am walking" and this story is believed to be the reality. The mechanism/illusion stays In tact because of the believing in the story, when it seen through or stops being believed it seen to have never happened, it was just a dream. No one is believing in the story, it just seems to be what's happening, its a mystery.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels very ordinary because it was seen that there never was a self in the first place, there was never anything to liberate. There is also a relaxation. The difference is that before I started this dialogue there was a belief that there was no self from an intellectual standpoint, but now there is a direct seeing that there is no self. Before I thought that there was something that I was missing, but now its seen that life is perfect how it is and nothing needs to change. Before there was a lot of believing in the mind and its concepts , now its seen that the mind content is just mental chatter in the background of the actual experience. Of course there is still some tension and resistance, but I'm okay with that.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
I had mentioned to Trisha that there is still seeking energy left and she asked me if there was a seeker to be found. I looked for the seeker and there was no seeker found. You could say this made me see there was no seeker and never was. The seeker was just a thought/story that was being believed, the seeing that there was no seeker and nothing behind the story of a seeker was the push.
5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
Decision is a thought arising as a decision. For example, deciding whether to eat an apple or an orange, or which show to watch on Netflix. These decisions arise as a thought for no one. Decisions are being made, but no one is making these decisions.
Describe intention & give examples from experience.
Intention is a thought arising as an intention. For example, "I am going to workout 5 times a week to get more fit." the intention is to get more fit, that intention is what is happening, nobody owns the intention or the thought that they are going to workout more.
Describe free will & give examples from experience.
Free-will is the illusion that there is a separate entity controlling a character. For example having free will to go for a walk or not to go for a walk. A thought arises saying that I am going to go for a walk, the thought is a story because getting up and going for a walk is just what happens. The ownership of the walking is illusory and when it is looked at is seen.
Describe choice & give examples from experience.
Choice is a thought that arises as having a choice. For example choosing what song to play arises. Choosing a song happens and then the the thought comes in "I am going to choose this one". Choice is illusory, the thought that I am choosing is a story that the mind plays.
Describe control & give examples from experience.
Control is the illusion that there is a separate entity who can control what actions they take. It is seen that there is no control over how these questions are being answered. There are thoughts arising that seem to be directing what is being said, but the actual experience is just typing happening. The control comes from the story "I am doing this", the 'I' is a concept and no one is doing anything.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
I have no idea what makes things happen.
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
I am not responsible for anything, there is no self for their to be any responsibility.
6. Thank you for the pointing, Your caption is so true its so simple that we miss it. This is it!
Much Love, Eli.
