No.1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
The illusion of separate self is an habitual thought pattern. It manifests as the sense that there is an 'I' that is, for instance, hot, hungry, confused, craving, perceiving, remembering, moving a body around, eating, making decisions, steering thought and activity, learning, deducing, and so on, when actually there are just perceptions, thoughts, volitions, etc, that are appearing to mental consciousness/awareness which arises simultaneously with what is appearing (sense perceptions and thought).2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
Where the pattern starts is either in childhood or in previous lives. In any given instance it starts with a thought response to perceptions.
It works by a thought of 'I' or 'mine' subsequently arising when a sense perception or thought appears. Immediately after a recognition of 'hunger' (for example) arises, the thought 'I am hungry' arises. In fact, it doesn't even need words. There can be a sense of identification with hunger, and subsequent volitions arising, without having put it into words.
It appears most strongly when there is a strong sense of craving or aversion arising.
It feels expansive, and brings a sense of freedom.3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
The difference is that grasping at thoughts, moods, wishes and so on has greatly decreased. Thoughts, craving, aversion, etc, are observed, and instead of a lot of involvement in a story arising, there is much more often now a thought of 'Ah, look at that craving (or aversion, or story, or whatever it is) arising', and a letting go. Things that previously seemed important to 'me' seem now much less important, having seen that there is no 'me' for them to be important to. (But there is still the recognition that things are important to other people.)
Recognising how we impute persons upon fictional movie characters, and how little difference there is between that and imputing a self upon the aggregates of 'real' persons, including 'this' one. This was a progression from the apple exercise we did, - looking for a truly existent apple amongst the perceptions we label 'apple'.4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Decisions arise in dependence upon myriad causes and conditions. It used to feel (and still sometimes does, but it's now recognised for what it is,) that there was a 'me' making conscious decisions about, for instance, what to say next when typing, but it's clear now that that's not the case, and there is no 'director' choosing what to think or do before it's thought or done. It's just that another thought of recognition arises so immediately after the choice or action that it gives an illusion of consciously created volitions.5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
The same as above. It used to feel like an 'I' could create an intention, e.g. to meditate more often or to be more mindful of the 'me' thoughts, but it all just arises in dependence on causes and conditions. So something appears which suggests e.g. making an effort to meditate more often, and the experience of that suggestion may or may not result in a change in patterns of behaviour, depending on what other factors are in play.Describe intention & give examples from experience.
Free will is also an illusion. Appearances, thoughts, volitions, actions, etc, all arise unbidden.Describe free will & give examples from experience.
Choice is also an illusion. It's basically the same as decision.Describe choice & give examples from experience.
There is none. The same as with 'free will'.Describe control & give examples from experience.
The conclusion here, from what has been learned and observed, is that everything that appears or arises is an inseparable part of an infinitely complex and continuous pattern: the process of creation and becoming unfolding.What makes things happen? How does it work?
However, all that can really be known is that experience of phenomena appears to some kind of mind/awareness/consciousness. Beyond this, there is only speculation.
Legally, my actions. In reality, nothing. Everything arises in dependence upon causes and conditions. Thoughts, volitions, actions, choices, etc, all arise without the direction of a controlling self, because that perceived self does not exist. Equally, there is no responsibility for others, as their lives and happiness are also the result of the causes and conditions that give rise to experience.What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Only a deep gratitude for this most profound and precious of opportunities, and for all your wisdom, kindness and patience.6) Anything to add?
With huge love and thanks xxxx
