Who am I? Help

[Jair]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
Theres no self. What there seems to be is a personality enforced by belief systems, which forms the "self", of which also includes the thoughts, emotions, feelings, and all the senses. While this happens, there's no one this happens to, but the "I" that is present to them.

What are you looking for at LU?
A breakthrough, or direct pointing helping such a breakthrough happen. A realization and liberation. To see through the Illusion of the self. Who sees through that? Where am I? Who am I? I have yet to come out of this world of separation and experience what truly is

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I will go ahead and jump into this without expectations. Whether something happens or nothing happens is alright. I surrender to the experience, as i have done this past year and have been led down a wonderful path thus far. Thank you

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have been meditating 40 minutes to 1 hour daily for the past year, and have added self inquiry practices the past few weeks, attempting to remain in the thoughtless gap that appears when doing self-inquiry. I have also done shadow work, working on traumas and beliefs.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

[Shell]

Good afternoon, from the Costa del Sol, Spain, dear Jair,

Chris and Ilona helped me through the gateless gate in 2012.

Today it is 2021. It also happens to be my birthday, today.

I have shared the help I received since 2012, although not often directly on this wonderful board, here.

Today, on my birthday, I’m inspired to share here with anyone really keen…..and you are the new member of the day, my birthday :)……and you wrote, that out of 10, your willingness is an 11 ;)

Would you like to begin with me as your humble guide?

Xxx

[Jair]

Happy Birthday Shell :), I hope it was a great one.

Costa de Sol also sounds like a beautiful place to live.

Thank you for choosing to guide me on this special day. I am more than happy to begin.

Thanks again :)

[Shell]

OK! Super :) Let us begin:

Where/ in what, does every perception you (we all) have ever had appear?

Xxx

[Shell]

2) Perhaps I didn’t phrase my first question clearly, before I pressed *send”, dear Jair.

Let me repeat, more clearly:

Where/ in What, does every perception, every experience, that you have EVER had, are currently having, & will ever have, arise / appear?

You mention you meditate regularly.

Perhaps, you will enjoy to use this question for your next meditations?

Do consider, that we are only EVER concerned with your very DIRECT experience. Not with intellectual, studied learnings, as useful as they may be. Throw them ALL out the door for this moment…….and answer from your DIRECT intimate experience.

Hope this clarifies.

OK, it is midnight now on the Costa del Sol, a big storm is raging, and I’m going to turn the light out.

Thank you for your happy birthday wishes :) xxx

[Jair]

Thank you for rephrasing the question!

Where/ in What, does every perception, every experience, that you have EVER had, are currently having, & will ever have, arise / appear?

I am not sure from where they appear, or what you mean by "In what". They seem to appear to me, i am witnessing them appear. I am in the front row seat, I am seeing, I am hearing, I am feeling, I am experiencing...Even more so with my thoughts, my thoughts are very close to me. But I question whether these thoughts are me. They make me think I am me. But from where do these thoughts appear? i am still not sure

I will ask this question on my next meditation as well, thank you

Do consider, that we are only EVER concerned with your very DIRECT experience. Not with intellectual, studied learnings, as useful as they may be. Throw them ALL out the door for this moment…….and answer from your DIRECT intimate experience.

Thank you for this helpful pointing/reminder.

[Shell]

I am not sure from where they appear

No, neither am I;) It’s a great mystery, indeed.
I’ve never heard of anyone directly knowing the answer to this;)

I am genuinely thrilled that you found the answer, although you think this answer is “wrong”.

I want to encourage you to trust your direct experience.

Your answer, although formed as a question doubting your own direct discovery, is correct.

No one knows how these perceptions/ experiences arise within us.

or what you mean by "In what"

When no perception, when no experience, when no thought is appearing/ arising, what IS happening in your direct, closer than intimate “experience”?

Dear, you’ve asked other questions in your post and we will get back to them.

For now, please continue to delve into my first question.

Without any sense of strain.
With gentleness, with kindness, with curiosity, as if you were watching over a beloved child who simply thinks it lost it’s way….but hasn’t.
You DO know What You Are.
You have never not known What You Are.
At no point, EVER, have You not known Your Eternal Beloved Self.

Xxxx

[Shell]

Clarification:

When no perception, when no experience, when no thought is appearing/ arising, what IS happening in your direct, closer than intimate “experience”?

…perhaps, I should better ask, not what is “happening”, but rather what is ever present in your most intimate, closer than close, direct “experience”.

Jair dear, personally, my most trusted teacher taught me that, “words are but symbols twice removed from Reality”.

That’s why, I consider, meditate on what I’ve written, and come back to you with inspired clarification.

Hope it helps xxx

[Jair]

…perhaps, I should better ask, not what is “happening”, but rather what is ever present in your most intimate, closer than close, direct “experience”.

My awareness is ever present, the same awareness that was present when i was a child- that hasn't changed, yet i need to further experience or abide in that awareness it seems

I want to encourage you to trust your direct experience.

How do you live from direct experience rather than living from the perception of your thoughts?

That’s why, I consider, meditate on what I’ve written, and come back to you with inspired clarification.

Thank You Shell :) I will continue meditating on these pointers for further clarification

[Shell]

My awareness is ever present, the same awareness that was present when i was a child- that hasn't changed,

OK. This is a direct experience that is far, far, far beyond precious, Jair.

You’ve tapped into it, but, as happens with so very many of us, a thought (that we attach to and identify with as being “me” or “mine”) sends you out with doubt and questions. Totally normal. The ego will fight to your death. The ego doesn’t want you to rest in, abide in, or know ‘“God”, “Nirvana”, The Beloved”.

You are doing just fine.

I encourage you, as and when you can during your busy day full of worldly demands, to quietly continue to touch base with your awareness of awareness,

Your awareness of being, of knowing.

This is gold.

I do know from experience, that this can seem very hard to do, especially when you are busy engaging in the world.

What works well for many, is simply asking yourself the question, “Am I aware”. You can ask it of yourself, even whilst you are busy tending to family, work, friends, household obligations, etc.An intellectual answer will never work. You MUST genuinely look into yourself, “Am I aware”?

Simply, during your day, as and when you remember, ask yourself, “Am I aware?”.

Not in the sense of being conscious or aware of something objective, like how long your grass is, of how urgently your child needs a haircut.

No. Simply, “am I aware”.

This question, honestly and directly answered by you, must send you back into your natural, holy, “beingness and knowingness”. This is sacred. Utterly sacred.

I almost wish I knew your religious upbringing. Perhaps I could share quotes from it.

All paths lead to God.

In Christian terms, “Be still and know Thyself, be still and know God.”

The beautiful poets like Rumi, refer to God as the Beloved.

You are doing so well.

I want for you, to gently and lovingly concentrate NOT on what you are perceiving and experiencing in Awareness.

I dearly wish for you, to relax deeply into being aware of being aware, no matter what comes up in awareness.

And when you ARE relaxed, aware of being aware, consider whether EVERYTHING that arises in your holy awareness, is made of awareness, and NOT matter, as you/ we all have been conditioned to believe.

Have you EVER known anything other than yourself/ God?

Have you EVER experienced or known ANYTHING outside of your holy Awareness of Being?

Or, on deep direct looking, is EVERYTHING that you have ever experienced, made out of your own holy Awarenees/ Knowing/Being?

OK, I just threw a lot to you. Not at you xxx

Relax into “being aware of being aware”

Stay gentle and kind and patient.

It generally takes quite a while and quite some gentle viglilence to see through a lifetime of conditioning that has no basis in Reality.

Xxxx



Awareness of being aware.

[Jair]

Wow, that was a beautiful response. Thank you.

Simply, during your day, as and when you remember, ask yourself, “Am I aware?”.

I will do this through out the day, including when doing daily tasks.

It generally takes quite a while and quite some gentle viglilence to see through a lifetime of conditioning that has no basis in Reality.

This is what it feels like. It seems theres no doing, but if anything undoing of conditioning.

Stay gentle and kind and patient.

Every once in a while, while being aware of awareness, my mind says, "theres nothing happening" "whats the point of this" and its like it becomes impatient

[Shell]

Hello dear Jair,

I’m so glad you could appreciate my “from our deepest heart” message :)

You write,

This is what it feels like. It seems theres no doing, but if anything undoing of conditioning

.

From my direct experience, I totally agree.

It becomes more of a recognition. The words, enlightenment and wakening are thrown around a lot. That’s not bad. Like I already wrote you, words are but symbols twice removed from Reality…..
As your partner on this journey without distance to a place/Heaven/Nirvana that we’ve never ever left….I also can only share words that I find close to Truth/Heaven/Nirvana….

My preference is, instead of using “enlightenment”, is: “recognition” or, “rembering”.

I totally agree with you from DIRECT (not conceptual or intellectual) experience.

This is more about undoing, than doing.

Every once in a while, while being aware of awareness, my mind says, "theres nothing happening" "whats the point of this" and its like it becomes impatient

Now this is a wonderful opportunity, Jair, for you.
Please, read my special post to you above many times, very, very closely.
Especially, in this case, about gently resting in awareness of being aware/knowing/being.
& NOT in being attentive or paying attention to what arises in your holy awareness.

It is, in my humble opinion, a very valid and useful step, to go the Neti Neti approach.

Ie, when one asks, “Who Am I/ What Am I/ Am I aware?”, on deep direct experience, the Answer is always, I am not that which I think I witness. I am not the body, I am not the world, etc.

A very useful practice. Neti Neti.

But, it doesn’t work to bring one to enlightenment. Just a good step.

Neti Neti, what you are practicing, without you perhaps realising it, has the Subject (You) believing there is an object, a separate object (the world of form and matter….and billions of thoughts, like, as you mentioned above:

theres nothing happening" "whats the point of this" and its like it becomes impatient[

I turn you back to your whole, holy Awareness of Awareness/ Knowing/ Being, Jair.

That is You, the Subject.

Be it thought, a seemingly real and manifest physical world 🌎…..it all but arises or appears as objective ideas in your subjective self.
Hold on to the Awareness of being Aware, of Knowing, of Being.

There is nothing, but nothing, so deceptive as perception of form/ the physical, emotional, apparently manifest world.

If this is too abstract, send me a sign. To me, it’s not abstract,, just living Truth xxx

I have loads of exercises for you to test out for your Direct Experience.

However, I know the Wisdom lies within You and Is You.

I’d love for you, to keep basking in your awareness of being aware. Not your witnessing frame of mind.
Therin lies our wisdom. .



Nothing Real can be threatened (You)
Nothing unreal exists (= the entire apparently manifest world and universe, including the mind body that you have identified as being you).

Herein lies the peace, bliss, joy of eternal Life/ God/ Nirvana
Your current and eternal Home that you never left.

Enlightenment is recognition.

Here is are my 3 questions to You,,Jair, PLEASE take note of them and answer from Direct Knowing in your next post:
1) Had there EVER been an experience or perception ( including thoughts) that have not arisen within your Awareness?

2) what are, thus, every single experience/ perception/ thought made of?

3) if You are holy Awareness, and every thought, every seemingly manifest world is made of Awareness, is Everything not You?

Xxx

[Shell]

Just touching base with you, Jair.
I hope you are happy & well :)
Xxx

[Shell]

Jair, what are your own very precious answers to the questions posed?
What does your own deep looking tell you?

You’ve not responded for a long while.

If you prefer to stop our sessions, it would be kind of you to let me know. No hard feelings.
Please, just have the good manners to respond.
I look out for you here several times every day.
If you’d prefer to stop, absolutely no problem.
Please, just show respect & let me know.
Hope you are ok xxx

[Jair]

What does your own deep looking tell you?

You’ve not responded for a long while.

Hello Shell, i apologize for not answering back within the time frame initially requested. I am surrendering to this process of unfolding and i do not have any excuse as to why i have not answered but to say that i am following where my heart tells me to go, what it feels right to do or try. It is nothing personal, just what it is doing. I am still inquiring, meditating and being aware. Who is aware? who is inquiring? who is meditating? even now these questions arise as i am writing here. Who is writing this?

If you wish to discontinue this because i may not answer right away i completely understand and respect your decision. Even so i will answer your questions.

words are but symbols twice removed from Reality…..

I had to stop as i read this and absorb it. Not are only symbols twice removed from reality, but also what i perceive, because everything is going through a filter, automatically attaching the self of me to everything.

1) Had there EVER been an experience or perception ( including thoughts) that have not arisen within your Awareness?

No. there has not been. Sensations, feelings, thoughts, all arise within my awareness.

2) what are, thus, every single experience/ perception/ thought made of?

I am not sure what they are made of.

3) if You are holy Awareness, and every thought, every seemingly manifest world is made of Awareness, is Everything not You?

Sorry Shell but this question is phrased in a way that is a bit confusing.

f you prefer to stop our sessions, it would be kind of you to let me know. No hard feelings.
Please, just have the good manners to respond.
I look out for you here several times every day.
If you’d prefer to stop, absolutely no problem.
Please, just show respect & let me know.

Once again i want to apologize. I have made a priority to recognize and live my truth. Nothing happening here is personal