Free to live fully

[Benedikte]

Dear Vince. Your reply this time made me relax a little. Thank you so much. And I smiled when I read the note about you pondering upon if you needed to be more nice to me or not. I guess that is up to Life to decide...

You can use the stress to practice accepting what life offers. ..and by accepting, I don't mean in a resignation way, but in a welcoming, inviting way. By the time you become aware of anything, it is already in the past. It's finished. There is no way to change it and wishing it was different only adds to the stress.

I like this. Instead of trying to get rid of stress which only adds more stress, instead to invite it in, smile and laugh at it. I will experiment with that and get back to you tomorrow and tell you how it goes.

Firstly, observe an intent to change.
Secondly, when awareness of that undesirable happening occurs - laugh. Anything from a loud guffaw to a smile, or even a mental chuckle. This thwarts the completion of the old behavior and robs it of the satisfaction factor. It also floods the body with feel-good hormones.
& thirdly, imagine the new neuronal pathway being established that replaces the undesirable one.
On the second point.. the awareness of the habitual response. You will come to recognize triggers. Usually, some intense emotion will arise in response to a situation.
In a fairly short time, you will come to recognize that a trigger has happened but the response to it is short-circuited by the awareness of it. It simply won't eventuate and you will see the new response (a chuckle) happen instead.

I had to read this section a couple of times. As I mentioned above I will experiment with it. I am actually a little excited about this. Like I almost wish a trigger could show up...

i like to say that what life offers (which includes the thoughts that arise) comes from a big mystery. They (the offerings) visit for a moment then return to that mystery. ..but remember that by the time we become aware of what it is, it's already gone back.

I also had to read this a few times. I am not sure if I understand it. A thought is coming. I notice it. And by the time I notice it - it has already gone back. I wonder if you could say a little more about that. It feels like some thought (the sticky ones) they keep on coming back. Maybe I should just keep on noticing them until the vanish?

That "trying to get out" is the wishing it was different that I mentioned above. It only makes matters worse. Remember it is the recognition that it happened or is happening that is the important bit. Not the content of the story or the fact that we got sucked in.

Yes the trying to get out is the problem. And I am here to learn another way and I sense that this new proces of responding to triggers have already begun.

I end this e-mail feeling a little bit more at peace and excited to be laughing at the triggers arising in the moment. Thank you dear Vince.

With love from Benedikte.

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Benedikte,

I guess that is up to Life to decide...

Yes, absolutely. Whatever our intentions are, what life offers just IS.

I will experiment with that and get back to you tomorrow and tell you how it goes.

I'm looking forward to that..

I had to read this section a couple of times.

It can be a bit to take in, but worth it. The science behind it is strong.

I am actually a little excited about this. Like I almost wish a trigger could show up...

Great attitude. It portends well for our journey.

And by the time I notice it - it has already gone back. I wonder if you could say a little more about that. It feels like some thought (the sticky ones) they keep on coming back.

The sticky thoughts that keep coming back.. it's not the same thought. It's just saying the same thing. It's a copy.
You can only see one thought for one instant.
By "gone back", I was saying that the thought emerges from a mystery and returns there after visiting you. (for that split second)

Maybe I should just keep on noticing them until they vanish?

Yes, just noticing that you notice them. Without opinion or judgment. (or with if it happens)

I end this e-mail feeling a little bit more at peace and excited to be laughing at the triggers arising in the moment.

Good stuff.

with love

vince

[Benedikte]

Dear Vince. Thank you for your reply. I Will tell you how it went with the experiment, smiling at triggers. I was so excited and it went great the Hole Day Yesterday. I smiled when ever I could feel some tension, when ever I noticed triggerthoughts and when ever I heard some one talk about stress, PTSD and anxiety (the words alone triggers something in me). I felt calm the rest of the Day. Then to Day when I woke up I continued the experiment but it Got more and more difficult. The smile Got more and more fake. Right now I feel that worklife is a Big scary monster out there and when ever I hear about someone complaining about their work, feeling stressed out at work, it is like my mind dramatize those stories Big time and I feel a Big knot in my stomach. This happened again today. I tried to smile at it but I went right back in the worry mode/feeling fearful mode. I feel a little defeated but I Will continue the experiment… with Love from Kirja

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Benedikte,

I felt calm the rest of the Day. Then to Day when I woke up I continued the experiment but it Got more and more difficult. The smile Got more and more fake.

This is pretty normal, and it shows you something big. That is that those that have an epiphany will pretty quickly return to the familiar. This is how the organism works. Habits are shortcuts that make life easier. They also make it harder to change.
That fake smile is ok. In fact, it's good. It is a tangible recognition of the fact that you recognize what is happening. This is the quickest way to change.
One of the ways that habit is maintained is by producing a feeling of satisfaction when certain behavior is completed. That smile interrupts that. This is the quickest way to make old neuronal pathways redundant.
The recognition (that you were lost in story), is the beginning of establishing new pathways in the brain. The establishment of a greater (wider) perspective.

I tried to smile at it but I went right back in the worry mode/feeling fearful mode.

The fact that you are telling this, means that you recognize it. Now remember that no matter how long after the event that it is recognized, you celebrate that. Smile, even if it's fake. Make a bid deal about the recognition. That is what establishes new responses.

with love

vince

[Benedikte]

Dear Vince,

Thank you for your e-mail. I will continue to smile when ever I feel caught up. Today I feel really intense emotions. I am scared about this proces. Is it going to be hard and so on? I have wanted to ask you how I best can help my self in this proces. I feel I want to speed it up. When are we going to talk about the no self?
So today I have read everything on the Liberation Unleashed app. And my mind is overloaded and exhausted. I did it again. The endless search. I want to make a commitment with you if it is okay?! When you and I are having this exploration together - I should not go on any other search. I stress myself otherwise and it gets harder and harder to live a normal life with normal duties. It doesn't do me any good to think about this - I have to explore it. And then I have to be brave enough to sit with the strong emotions (fear, panic, overwhelm, "I am loosing my mind" without going on the Internet to listen to another calming video. I don't know if it makes sense. But I want this exploration to be fun and not so hard. I am ashamed that I did it again. Went on the search... That is my biggest wish. To end the search.

The fact that you are telling this, means that you recognize it. Now remember that no matter how long after the event that it is recognized, you celebrate that. Smile, even if it's fake. Make a bid deal about the recognition. That is what establishes new responses.

I will keep on seeing when I get lost in thinking and smile at it - even if I have to wear a fake smile all day long.
With love from Benedikte

[vinceschubert]

good morning Benedikte,

I will continue to smile when ever I feel caught up.

Excellent. A good trigger to recognize that you are caught up is any unpleasant emotion. (any emotion actually) ..and remember that the smile is in celebration of the recognition.

I am scared about this process. Is it going to be hard and so on?

Ah, there is a trigger. Did you recognize it?

I feel I want to speed it up.

Is there a story that it is taking too long? (another trigger)

When are we going to talk about the no self?

Firstly we have to recognize that rather than the self being a thing, that it is identification with a book-size story. That it is habitual responding to characteristics described in that story. Is this yet clear for you?

So today I have read everything on the Liberation Unleashed app. And my mind is overloaded and exhausted. I did it again. The endless search.

Oh, I do understand. i remember well the obsessive seeking for any clue to enable that magical thing.
i also remember the moment when I recognized that while I was constantly focussed on a future transformation that I was missing what I already had.
That seeking was the antithesis of the magic that was present in THIS. In what life was offering in this exact moment.
That it didn't matter what flavor the offering was, even unpleasant stuff. It was THIS. This was IT!

I want to make a commitment with you if it is okay?! When you and I are having this exploration together - I should not go on any other search.

This is good. Other stuff is a distraction. Maybe even an avoidance. It scatters the focus.

I will keep on seeing when I get lost in thinking and smile at it - even if I have to wear a fake smile all day long.

..and remembering what the smile is in celebration of.

with love

vince

[Benedikte]

Dear Vince. Thank you for the reply.
I am glad that we can make the deal, that I stay away from YouTube for a while. I really want to live fully, not being scared of Life or a feeling. And yes I can see that there are so many triggers and distraction. I want to ask you this, and I don't know if it is okay. But I do it anyway. What do I do when I find my self in a feeling/thoughtstorm I don't like? Right now I can see that I try to distract my self from it. I try to allow it in. I try to sit with it and really FEEEEEl it. It is all a lot of trying. And I know that is the problem. But then what....

Excellent. A good trigger to recognize that you are caught up is any unpleasant emotion. (any emotion actually) ..and remember that the smile is in celebration of the recognition.

I will continue. I still feel that it is a bit fake. A fake smile. But the thing about it being a celebration of recognition makes it a little bit clearer for me.

I am scared about this process. Is it going to be hard and so on?
Ah, there is a trigger. Did you recognize it?

No I didn't caught this one. But now I am on to it. OMG it just feels like there is an endless bucket full of triggers...

Firstly we have to recognize that rather than the self being a thing, that it is identification with a book-size story. That it is habitual responding to characteristics described in that story. Is this yet clear for you?

It is clear what this conversation is about but I still feel very much as a character, I feel the weigh of my story. I still only have very few glimpses of me not being the story.

Oh, I do understand. i remember well the obsessive seeking for any clue to enable that magical thing.
i also remember the moment when I recognized that while I was constantly focussed on a future transformation that I was missing what I already had.
That seeking was the antithesis of the magic that was present in THIS. In what life was offering in this exact moment.
That it didn't matter what flavor the offering was, even unpleasant stuff. It was THIS. This was IT!

Yes this is IT. This is what I long for. I truly don't understand why it is so difficult for someone (me). My husband never thinks about his thinking at all. He just is in Life. He is not caught up in his pscykolgy at all.

I feel like I know so much intellectually about this but I don't feel it... I feel hopeless. Trigger. Smile. Fake smile.

Thank you Vince. I hope you have big patience with me.

With love from Benedikte

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Benedikte,

I really want to live fully, not being scared of Life or a feeling.

Ok, I get what you are saying. The thing is that if being scared comes up as what you are feeling, then that is living life fully.
i know that it's paradoxical but the quickest way out of these unpleasant emotions it to accept them. Well, it's not just the acceptance of them, but the seeing, the recognition that you are seeing them. Even more than this is that the seeing that you are accepting what arises, isn't done as a way of changing anything. It's the perspective that whatever arises is not only willingly accepted, but it is welcomed as an opportunity.
If there is no desire for whatever arises to be different, then it will be different. If there is a desire to escape it, then it will be strengthened.
Now the tricky part here is that if a desire for it to be different arises, then that too is just what arises. That too is to be welcomed and accepted without a desire for it to be different.
Everything that happens is an opportunity to practice that welcome, inviting surrender.

I still feel that it is a bit fake. A fake smile.

That is fine. Even a fake smile is an acknowledgment that you recognize what was happening.

OMG it just feels like there is an endless bucket full of triggers...

Yes, but a bucket can be emptied with one movement.
Every one of those triggers is an opportunity.

I feel the weight of my story. I still only have very few glimpses of me not being the story.

There will come a time...
..and this is a bit tricky too. You (the me/I/self) is a story. Well, actually the self is the responding to the story.
So when we grok that, we respond differently. When we respond without identification, then the self just becomes a useful tool to be used in appropriate circumstances.

with love

vince

[Benedikte]

Dear Vince. Thank you for your reply.

Ok, I get what you are saying. The thing is that if being scared comes up as what you are feeling, then that is living life fully.
i know that it's paradoxical but the quickest way out of these unpleasant emotions it to accept them. Well, it's not just the acceptance of them, but the seeing, the recognition that you are seeing them. Even more than this is that the seeing that you are accepting what arises, isn't done as a way of changing anything. It's the perspective that whatever arises is not only willingly accepted, but it is welcomed as an opportunity.
If there is no desire for whatever arises to be different, then it will be different. If there is a desire to escape it, then it will be strengthened.
Now the tricky part here is that if a desire for it to be different arises, then that too is just what arises. That too is to be welcomed and accepted without a desire for it to be different.
Everything that happens is an opportunity to practice that welcome, inviting surrender.

I get it. I really do. Theoretically. All I can do is to see. Right. I do see what happens. I see that my little brain is scared and tired.

There will come a time...
..and this is a bit tricky too. You (the me/I/self) is a story. Well, actually the self is the responding to the story.
So when we grok that, we respond differently. When we respond without identification, then the self just becomes a useful tool to be used in appropriate circumstances.

There will come a time. That gives me some hope. But I feel a bit hopeless because I can see the freedom in that theoretically but if I will ever really grasp it...I don't know.
Can I do some experiments or something to get a feel for it?
With love from Benedikte

[Benedikte]

Oh no Vince. I used my name again. With Love from Benedikte. Silly brain😊

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Benedikte,

I do see what happens. I see that my little brain is scared and tired.

...and?
Did you celebrate the seeing?
Did you see that brain is scared and tired because it is exhausted from the stories endlessly repeating?

I feel a bit hopeless because I can see the freedom in that theoretically but if I will ever really grasp it...I don't know.

More stories to see.
The hopeless feeling.
The stories "will I ever get it?"
The confused feelings.
They are all ok. (not pleasant, but ok) They are ok because they are habitual responses. Conditioned reflex.
Keep in mind that every time you smile (or better still, laugh) in celebration of the recognition that you were wallowing in one of those stories, that you weaken the neuronal pathway that was established when you learned to do this.
There is a tipping point after which, when it happens you will laugh spontaneously and with joy. Soon after that...

Can I do some experiments or something to get a feel for it?

What did you have in mind?

I used my name again.

I will ask again for a fix...

with love

vince

[Benedikte]

Dear Vince. Thank you for the reply. I havn’t smiled since our last mail. I feel like I am in a very Dark place. It feels to fake to even try smiling when I am sunch a Down feeling. With Love from Benedikte

[Benedikte]

And Can I maybe ask you to be a little more kind and loving towards me? I am really struggling at the moment. And if it is not possible maybe we are not the right match as a guide and a student. I am sorry. With live from Benedikte

[vinceschubert]

Hi Benedikte,

I haven't smiled since our last mail. I feel like I am in a very Dark place.

I do have sadness and much compassion for you.
The sun will rise again, for sure.

It feels too fake to even try smiling when I am such a Down feeling

The smile does have magical properties, but I do understand.
The point of it was to acknowledge that you have recognized that you were lost in stories.
If you are so lost that you can't see this, then we need to backtrack to where you understand and see for yourself how that happens.

Can I maybe ask you to be a little more kind and loving towards me?

Of course you can. Although I am somewhat bewildered that you might think that I don't have love for you.
When I sign off with love, it is not just politeness. It is a genuine heart sensation that wishes wonderfulness for you.

maybe we are not the right match as a guide and a student.

You only have to ask and I will enquire about a different guide.
i do need to say though, that I don't consider you a student of mine. We are fellow travellers and though I have not travelled that road that you are on, I am familiar with the countryside that you are traversing.
What I am offering you, I fully believe is the quickest and surest way out of the darkness for you.
Can you tell me if you do recognize that you are/were lost in some repeating thought patterns? Even if it is hours or even days after the event.

with much love & compassion. ❤️

vince

[Benedikte]

Dear Vince. Thank you for your kind reply. I don't know why but I really needed that. And of course I will continue as my guide. I acctually sit here with the flu in my hole body. Maybe that was what was on its way yesterday when I felt so so depressed and as you mention - tired of listening to old stories from the mind.
I do see a lot of the stories but they still get me pulled back in. I know it is not MINE. But a habitual machine running its software on repeat. To protect me? From what? From seeing through the Illusion?

Can I maybe ask you to be a little more kind and loving towards me?
Of course you can. Although I am somewhat bewildered that you might think that I don't have love for you.
When I sign off with love, it is not just politeness. It is a genuine heart sensation that wishes wonderfulness for you.

Tears just came to my eyes when reading this. Wonderfulness is an option? Wow.

What I am offering you, I fully believe is the quickest and surest way out of the darkness for you.

Thank you. I am in for then ride.

Can you tell me if you do recognize that you are/were lost in some repeating thought patterns? Even if it is hours or even days after the event.

Yes I can recognize that I get lost in some old repeating thought patterns about a "Me" that easily gets overwhelmed and stressed out about Life. I get lost in a story about a "Me" that is anxious. I get lost in a story about work being "scary".

With love from Benedikte