It seems close but yet so far

[CuriousBeing]

OK. Who are you without this desire?

There is no answer but it feels vast. Like an empty space.

There is a strong sense that I am not who I've been thinking I am. There are sights, sounds, thoughts and the idea there is a Simon. But it seems easier to disregard now, like it's there but it's not really me. But I haven't seen anything, so I don't yet really know. Do you know when you see the truth? Is there really no doubt?

Thanks again,
Simon

[CuriousBeing]

OK. Who are you without this desire?

Stillness. Nothing but experience. Thoughts arise like "now what?" but they are seen and let go. Still nothing happens.

Could I be expecting something big and therefore am missing the obvious?

Thanks,
Simon

[CuriousBeing]

Went out for a walk in nature a bit yesterday and I felt drawn to this peace. There was a sort of knowing that I can rest by letting go. Still nothing was found however and the feeling of a self and me still exist.

[Luchana]

HI Simon,
Just wanted to say that it is too busy here these days, but I am fully with you. Will able to give you a prooer reply this evening (my evening EEST).
You are doing really great. Keep looking.

Much love,
Luchana

[CuriousBeing]

Hi Luchana,

That's alright. Take all the time you need. I'll be here looking in the meantime :)!

May I ask however, is becoming more aware of other people's reactions a sign of progress? Noticing how reactions seem automatic and expected?

Thanks,
Simon

[Luchana]

Hi Simon,

Thank you for waiting my reply and for you burning disare.
I have read all of your messages.
Lets see these ones:

May I ask however, is becoming more aware of other people's reactions a sign of progress? Noticing how reactions seem automatic and expected?

There is an expectation that there is an you who doesn't have a life , is it like this?

What if there is just life and there is no you who is separate from life?

...is becoming more aware of other people's reactions

Notice - there people with reactions or there is someone who is aware of people's reaction ?

Noticing how reactions seem automatic and expected?

What happens when we change the word "automatic" with the word "natural", notice which one feels more true?

A cat which is stretching - is this an automatic or natural?

Is there a separate entity, Simon, separate from the experience who is natural

or everything is a natural life?

Much Love
Luchana

[CuriousBeing]

There is an expectation that there is an you who doesn't have a life , is it like this?

Yes it appears as though there is a me watching others and judging. More thoughts.

What if there is just life and there is no you who is separate from life?

This one feels true. There is a deep sense of knowing with this. Are they just more sensations and thoughts? Looking at this it feels expansive and open, accepting everything.

Notice - there people with reactions or there is someone who is aware of people's reaction

The latter. There is the belief of there being someone watching others and thoughts judging them.

What happens when we change the word "automatic" with the word "natural", notice which one feels more true?

I see what you mean here. It's natural because it is what is. It may change but whatever it is is natural. It's just a label in the end.

A cat which is stretching - is this an automatic or natural?

Natural. Even if they one day start doing back flips. It'll be natural. Life playing out.

Is there a separate entity, Simon, separate from the experience who is natural

Nothing in my experience points to there being a Simon. Only experience. But there is this feeling in the throat. A feeling of me. Is it just sensation and thought or something else?

or everything is a natural life?

It is all natural. Thoughts bring about judgement and labels.

I don't know where I'm stuck and I'm frustrated with living in this delusion. I've been searching for a long while and it seems like I won't see the obvious. Please help me to see the truth as I desire it very much. The illusion brings about so much negativity and unnecessary suffering. Yet it is still believed...

Thank you for your time Luchana. I feel that I am failing you when there is no progress.

Thanks,
Simon

[CuriousBeing]

There is a feeling of relaxation and detachment now but beliefs are the same. I'll keep looking at your questions in the meantime.

[Luchana]

Thank you for your time Luchana.

You are more then welcome.

I feel that I am failing you when there is no progress

I will be here as long as it takes. Your freedom is more important than some idea of a progress.

Can you notice- this is the voice of the shame speeking? Be very vigilant any time it appears. It is never true.

Who or what are you without this voice?

What if there is just life and there is no you who is separate from life?

This one feels true. There is a deep sense of knowing with this.

Notice which word feels more true - "knowing" or "recognition"?
What knowing points to and what recognition points to?

Looking at this it feels expansive and open, accepting everything.

"accepting everything" - yes this can feel like a accepting but :)
Is there an accepting or there is a recognition that there is just this/everything?
Is there an acceptER?[/i]
Let's try not to accept? Some changes in reality? :)

I see what you mean here. It's natural because it is what is. It may change but whatever it is is natural. It's just a label in the end.
Natural. Even if they one day start doing back flips. It'll be natural. Life playing out.

Wow :) Exactly.

But there is this feeling in the throat. A feeling of me

Ok, be very gently and notice :
- Is it absolutely true that you are this feeling? Who says so? A feeling itself? A thought?
Without reffering to ANY thought isn't it just a feeling? Stuck energy there?
Stay for a while with this feeling and ask it
What you are? Why are you here? What is your message ?

And wait for the answer.

Much love
Luchana

[CuriousBeing]

I will be here as long as it takes. Your freedom is more important than some idea of a progress.

Thank you. I very much appreciate this and if I get to see the truth I would like to pay it forward by helping others.

Who or what are you without this voice?

Life playing out. Nothing else is here.

Notice which word feels more true - "knowing" or "recognition"?

Recognition feels more true.

What knowing points to and what recognition points to?

Knowing points to thought. Recognition points to the recognizer? There is something here right? I am here. I must recognize. It isn't just happening right? There has to be something here to recognize?

Is there an accepting or there is a recognition that there is just this/everything?

It is a recognition. Accepting implies it was different but it was always this way. Only covered by thoughts and beliefs.

Is there an acceptER?

There is no accepter in experience.

Is it absolutely true that you are this feeling? Who says so? A feeling itself? A thought?

When observed the feeling goes away and experience is left.

Without reffering to ANY thought isn't it just a feeling? Stuck energy there?

Yes. The energy stays for a while then leaves when it leaves. Observing it stops identification with thought.

Stay for a while with this feeling and ask it
What you are? Why are you here? What is your message ?

There is no response when I do this.

It felt strange this evening. As I was walking my dog I felt detached. It was like the head was empty but at the same time there was a lot of anxious energy in the body. A lot of frustration and anger too. It went away after a while but the experience was intense.

[CuriousBeing]

I will be here as long as it takes. Your freedom is more important than some idea of a progress.

Thank you. I very much appreciate this and if I get to see the truth I would like to pay it forward by helping others.

Who or what are you without this voice?
Life playing out. Nothing else is here.

Notice which word feels more true - "knowing" or "recognition"?
Recognition feels more true.

What knowing points to and what recognition points to?
Knowing points to thought. Recognition points to the recognizer? There is something here right? I am here. I must recognize. It isn't just happening right? There has to be something here to recognize?

Is there an accepting or there is a recognition that there is just this/everything?
It is a recognition. Accepting implies it was different but it was always this way. Only covered by thoughts and beliefs.

Is there an acceptER?
There is no accepter in experience.

Is it absolutely true that you are this feeling? Who says so? A feeling itself? A thought?
When observed the feeling goes away and experience is left.

Without reffering to ANY thought isn't it just a feeling? Stuck energy there?
Yes. The energy stays for a while then leaves when it leaves. Observing it stops identification with thought.

Stay for a while with this feeling and ask it
What you are? Why are you here? What is your message ?
There is no response when I do this.

[CuriousBeing]

Sorry for double post. Forum acted up :)

[CuriousBeing]

Hey Luchana,

I'm wondering if another guide could take over as I feel you may be a bit preoccupied right now. I feel having a guide pointing me every day may help me to stay on track. Has nothing at all to do with you as I'm enjoying the pointings but maybe it'll be best for my progress?

Thanks,
Simon

[Luchana]

Hi Simon,

Knowing points to thought. Recognition points to the recognizer? There is something here right? I am here. I must recognize. It isn't just happening right? There has to be something here to recognize?

You did a good looking. Knowing is intellectual.
Recognition is spontanious, but does recognition implies someone?
What if there is just recognising?
The beleif is that there must be something or someone to recognize.
But is this so in reality?

What if recognition happen spontaniusly to no one?

you said this

Life playing out. Nothing else is here.

and tths

There has to be something here to recognize

Who or what is claiiming that?

When observed the feeling goes away and experience is left.

Beautiful.

Yes. The energy stays for a while then leaves when it leaves. Observing it stops identification with thought.

Who or what can start or stop identification with a thougth?
Look Is there something? Something solid, real?

There is no response when I do this.

You can try again if this feeling/sensation appears. No rush, approach it gently.

It felt strange this evening. As I was walking my dog I felt detached. It was like the head was empty but at the same time there was a lot of anxious energy in the body. A lot of frustration and anger too. It went away after a while but the experience was intense.

Thank you for sharing this with me. It is common, somethimes the ride is tough.
And anything can happen, all kind of energies can arrise and they are welcome to arrise, We are all humans.
In the midst of a storm is dificult to look, but when the water is calm look
Do these feelings belong to someone?

Next when you go for a walk.
Walk for a while, sit somewhere and look arround. Trees, flowers, insects, birds, people's chatters, children's playing, sensations in the body, thoughts including the thought of I, Simon am sitting, looking and observing- all this is just one happening. Look at what is present and answer these questions:

Can the character chooses what to feel, what to think, whether go for a walk or not?

Does the character choose this story?

Can it chooses another story, a different one, instead of what already is?

Can the story of Simon be seen as what it is - just a story, including Simon?


Please, look very carefull all the given questions, do not rush to reply. Spent whole day looking and spent another day with the last questions when walking.
I will be able to reply each morning now, but I will completly understand if you want to try with another guide.

Also if you are willing we can also have a zoom chat for a while one of the next days, it really help to soften the experience.

Much love
Luchana

[CuriousBeing]

I'll do just that and report back on Saturday.

Thank for you for offering for a zoom call but for now I'm not comfortable with the idea.

Thank you, Luchana, for your time and effort. You're doing this for free and I am very much grateful for your presence. I meant no disrespect about changing of guides but rather did not wish you to overburden you with my journey if life is currently overfull for you :)!

Thanks,
Simon