Too smart for my own good…

[Metanoia]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
I take it to mean that LU helps people see through the fake construct of a ”free willing” Self that the frightened, conditioned human animal creates in order to navigate a world that without a Self would seem scary, unpredictable and meaningless.
But, this is just what my smart brain understands in theory.
I haven’t ”gotten” it… :)

What are you looking for at LU?
I am looking for someone who can help me get to the core of why I am afraid to truly go through the Gateless Gate. Or to find out if there is some reason other than fear that is keeping me hostage on this side…
I just want to see 100% clearly and stop having fleeting insights that come and go. I’m tired of knowing that there is no Santa, but then suddenly finding myself again maaaaybe thinking there COULD be.
I think I have been ready to pass through the Gate for so long and am so happy to now have found LU that hopefully can help with this. I don’t expect whiz bang pyrotechnics and for life to be without suffering once I’m through, but I’m so tired of not ”getting it”.
(Or am I expecting ”angels and bells” and therefore am afraid to go through fearing disappointment..? 🤷🏼‍♂️🤔).
Most of all, I think, I am tired of the I, I, I, I (look above and see how all sentences start with I, I, I) and KNOW that ”I” is not the point of life… If I can shed this bullshit label and truly put myself aside I stand a chance of showing kindness to all - because there is no one there to NOT be kind to all!

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I expect a brave and meaningful exchange with someone who understands where I am, who then can help me pinpoint and remove the obstacles in my way.
I expect to be ”seen and heard” in a way I never have before (a lot of pressure, yeah!) and I expect to have a conversation that focuses on the matter at hand, instead of becoming about positioning, being smart and all the other blind alleys we end up in in ”real life”.
And I expect someone to slap me, because if I know me I think that is what I need!

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have ”searched”, I guess, since I was 13-14 years old living in India. I then started thinking about death, religion, meaning of life, etc and couldn’t come up with anything smarter than ”procreation”. Kept searching and wanting to uncover more meaning but went about it in the wrong ways with the wrong people, I think, and only got ”on the right track” as I began meditating in 2015. Went to a 10 day Vipassana retreat - loved it becasue it was the hardest thing I had ever done - but got stuck in the whole ”me-observing-sensations” duality crap and didn’t like it. (I also didn’t understand why I ”had to” sit for 60 min in the morning and 60 in the evening?! Why didn’t 58 min work? Was 62 too much? And since I’m so smart and do everything much faster than anyone else, does this ”rule” apply to me, too?! Can’t be!)
Started to look into Dzogchen and liked the whole pointing out stuff, much more my style! I didn’t like the prospect of sitting with the Vipassana ”sit and you might see” for decades only to find out that someone could have said ”look right there” instead. Driven by laziness? Or by my efficiency drive..? 🤷🏼‍♂️

Have read quite a lot of philosophy and love it. Have been into Stoicism for over 20 years because I like how it gives clear, genuine, sober guidance in how to navigate the ”human doing” 3D world, meaning the Monopoly game we as humans are condemned to play whether we like it or not.

I have ALWAYS known that the game humans play CAN’T be ”it”. But never have found the crowd to talk to about it. Until now. 🤗

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

[StaffordJR]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
I take it to mean that LU helps people see through the fake construct of a ”free willing” Self that the frightened, conditioned human animal creates in order to navigate a world that without a Self would seem scary, unpredictable and meaningless.
But, this is just what my smart brain understands in theory.
I haven’t ”gotten” it… :)

What are you looking for at LU?
I am looking for someone who can help me get to the core of why I am afraid to truly go through the Gateless Gate. Or to find out if there is some reason other than fear that is keeping me hostage on this side…
I just want to see 100% clearly and stop having fleeting insights that come and go. I’m tired of knowing that there is no Santa, but then suddenly finding myself again maaaaybe thinking there COULD be.
I think I have been ready to pass through the Gate for so long and am so happy to now have found LU that hopefully can help with this. I don’t expect whiz bang pyrotechnics and for life to be without suffering once I’m through, but I’m so tired of not ”getting it”.
(Or am I expecting ”angels and bells” and therefore am afraid to go through fearing disappointment..? ).
Most of all, I think, I am tired of the I, I, I, I (look above and see how all sentences start with I, I, I) and KNOW that ”I” is not the point of life… If I can shed this bullshit label and truly put myself aside I stand a chance of showing kindness to all - because there is no one there to NOT be kind to all!

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I expect a brave and meaningful exchange with someone who understands where I am, who then can help me pinpoint and remove the obstacles in my way.
I expect to be ”seen and heard” in a way I never have before (a lot of pressure, yeah!) and I expect to have a conversation that focuses on the matter at hand, instead of becoming about positioning, being smart and all the other blind alleys we end up in in ”real life”.
And I expect someone to slap me, because if I know me I think that is what I need!

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have ”searched”, I guess, since I was 13-14 years old living in India. I then started thinking about death, religion, meaning of life, etc and couldn’t come up with anything smarter than ”procreation”. Kept searching and wanting to uncover more meaning but went about it in the wrong ways with the wrong people, I think, and only got ”on the right track” as I began meditating in 2015. Went to a 10 day Vipassana retreat - loved it becasue it was the hardest thing I had ever done - but got stuck in the whole ”me-observing-sensations” duality crap and didn’t like it. (I also didn’t understand why I ”had to” sit for 60 min in the morning and 60 in the evening?! Why didn’t 58 min work? Was 62 too much? And since I’m so smart and do everything much faster than anyone else, does this ”rule” apply to me, too?! Can’t be!)
Started to look into Dzogchen and liked the whole pointing out stuff, much more my style! I didn’t like the prospect of sitting with the Vipassana ”sit and you might see” for decades only to find out that someone could have said ”look right there” instead. Driven by laziness? Or by my efficiency drive..?

Have read quite a lot of philosophy and love it. Have been into Stoicism for over 20 years because I like how it gives clear, genuine, sober guidance in how to navigate the ”human doing” 3D world, meaning the Monopoly game we as humans are condemned to play whether we like it or not.

I have ALWAYS known that the game humans play CAN’T be ”it”. But never have found the crowd to talk to about it. Until now.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

Hi Metanoia my names is Stafford. Welcome too LU & apologies for the waite !!! It would Be an Honor to Guide You through This if You're still interested ?!?
I like to state that This isn't Anything Intellectual Conceptual Theoretical or Verbal !!! We use words but That's Not IT, just a Pointing Then Drop The Pointing !?! It's a Thorn We use too take a thorn out so to say !!!
OK so if Your ready We can start anytime !?! Sending much Love Stafford

Sent from my moto g stylus using Tapatalk

[Metanoia]

Hello Stafford!
Absolutely I am still interested and absolutely I am (I think..! 😁) ready to start now! And no problems about the wait, I was expecting it since there were so much good and clear information saying that it would take some time.

I am very happy you wrote what you wrote. It is precisely BECAUSE I have understood that it isn’t an Intellectual Conceptual Theoretical or Verbal thing that I am turning to LU… I keep getting in my own way with Intellectual Conceptual Theoretical or Verbal stuff, and I suspect it is because I am afraid of what is on the other side of letting go… but I’m not sure…and I’m not sure what that would be… 🤷🏼‍♂️
Anyway, would love to get started and am ready TRY to put all the Intellectual Conceptual Theoretical or Verbal stuff aside! I hope! 🤗
So, do we communicate here or what is the procedure?
Thanks!
- Jani

[StaffordJR]

Hello Stafford!
Absolutely I am still interested and absolutely I am (I think..! ) ready to start now! And no problems about the wait, I was expecting it since there were so much good and clear information saying that it would take some time.

I am very happy you wrote what you wrote. It is precisely BECAUSE I have understood that it isn’t an Intellectual Conceptual Theoretical or Verbal thing that I am turning to LU… I keep getting in my own way with Intellectual Conceptual Theoretical or Verbal stuff, and I suspect it is because I am afraid of what is on the other side of letting go… but I’m not sure…and I’m not sure what that would be…
Anyway, would love to get started and am ready TRY to put all the Intellectual Conceptual Theoretical or Verbal stuff aside! I hope!
So, do we communicate here or what is the procedure?
Thanks!
- Jani

Hi Jani Nice to meet You & Love the Passion Inspiration & Sincerity !!!
Good News You won't have too try & Do Anything , It's already The Fact !!! I'm here to Point out Clearly The Seeing of This & Happy to do so !!!
We can start Here or Zoom just depends on You & what would work for You , I'm open either way !!!
Since I'm Here Now let's Look & See What's Actually Happening Right Now !!! Be with Sight Sound Touch Taste Smell & Thinking !!! Look & See when these senses are happening ??? Then Look & See When There's a Me Firing them ?!?
Another word's when are you seeing smelling feeling tasting hearing and thinking are you actually doing them look and see or are they firing by themselves creating a image of You !?!
OK stopping here to see What comes up for You & if this style Works for You ?!?
Sending much Love Stafford

Sent from my moto g stylus using Tapatalk

[Metanoia]

Hi Stafford!
Ok, the problem isn’t that I TRY to try…it’s that if I follow your instructions I AUTOMATICALLY make it a brain exercise… This is what I meant when I wrote ”too smart for my own good”…I have relied on my brain so much my whole life that it seems I am unable to ”disconnect” it long enough to just allow seeing, feeling, etc to just happen. And as I write you now my smart brain ”knows” it shouldn’t say/write ”allow ME to see, feel, etc” because IN THEORY I ”know” there is no me - not because I have seen it, but because my smart brain has figured out that that’s what I want to believe (because I really do BELIEVE it, otherwise I wouldn’t be here!). It’s like I ”KNOW” there is no Santa Claus, but part of me is clinging onto the belief that there is a Santa Claus. My smart brain tells me there is no me/Santa Claus, but the child/afraid (?) Jani/something can’t 100% let go of that belief…
I don’t know how to get past this!
I could try what you told me to do but knowing me and the way I have operated my whole life I would try to say something and it would be bullshit because it would be my brain trying to sound smart or try to ”say the right thing”, but it wouldn’t be ”pure”…
Maybe zoom isn’t a bad idea. Just so we perhaps could address stuff/my blockages more directly?
In what part of the world are you? I’m in Sweden. 🤗

[StaffordJR]

Hi Stafford!
Ok, the problem isn’t that I TRY to try…it’s that if I follow your instructions I AUTOMATICALLY make it a brain exercise… This is what I meant when I wrote ”too smart for my own good”…I have relied on my brain so much my whole life that it seems I am unable to ”disconnect” it long enough to just allow seeing, feeling, etc to just happen. And as I write you now my smart brain ”knows” it shouldn’t say/write ”allow ME to see, feel, etc” because IN THEORY I ”know” there is no me - not because I have seen it, but because my smart brain has figured out that that’s what I want to believe (because I really do BELIEVE it, otherwise I wouldn’t be here!). It’s like I ”KNOW” there is no Santa Claus, but part of me is clinging onto the belief that there is a Santa Claus. My smart brain tells me there is no me/Santa Claus, but the child/afraid (?) Jani/something can’t 100% let go of that belief…
I don’t know how to get past this!
I could try what you told me to do but knowing me and the way I have operated my whole life I would try to say something and it would be bullshit because it would be my brain trying to sound smart or try to ”say the right thing”, but it wouldn’t be ”pure”…
Maybe zoom isn’t a bad idea. Just so we perhaps could address stuff/my blockages more directly?
In what part of the world are you? I’m in Sweden.

Hi Jani !!!
Really That's Great Perfect !!!
Now See That Everything You See Know & Have was Freely given Freely Changes & can Be Instantly Taken !!! And Everything That's Perception, Anything Seen is an Image !!!
Can You as an Image have Any Choice ???
Wouldn't That just Be a Created Being ?!?
OK Stopping Here because a little tiered !!!
We can do a Zoom & Clear up any Blockage & stuff !!!
We just have to figure a time ?!? I'm Here in Northwest Oregon in the United States !!! Just Let me Know What time would be Best & go from their
Zzzz k definitely tired talk soon & Good Night & Good Day for You &
Sending much Love Stafford

Sent from my moto g stylus using Tapatalk

[StaffordJR]

Hi Stafford!
Ok, the problem isn’t that I TRY to try…it’s that if I follow your instructions I AUTOMATICALLY make it a brain exercise… This is what I meant when I wrote ”too smart for my own good”…I have relied on my brain so much my whole life that it seems I am unable to ”disconnect” it long enough to just allow seeing, feeling, etc to just happen. And as I write you now my smart brain ”knows” it shouldn’t say/write ”allow ME to see, feel, etc” because IN THEORY I ”know” there is no me - not because I have seen it, but because my smart brain has figured out that that’s what I want to believe (because I really do BELIEVE it, otherwise I wouldn’t be here!). It’s like I ”KNOW” there is no Santa Claus, but part of me is clinging onto the belief that there is a Santa Claus. My smart brain tells me there is no me/Santa Claus, but the child/afraid (?) Jani/something can’t 100% let go of that belief…
I don’t know how to get past this!
I could try what you told me to do but knowing me and the way I have operated my whole life I would try to say something and it would be bullshit because it would be my brain trying to sound smart or try to ”say the right thing”, but it wouldn’t be ”pure”…
Maybe zoom isn’t a bad idea. Just so we perhaps could address stuff/my blockages more directly?
In what part of the world are you? I’m in Sweden.

Hi Jani !!!
Really That's Great Perfect !!!
Now See That Everything You See Know & Have was Freely given Freely Changes & can Be Instantly Taken !!! And Everything That's Perception, Anything Seen is an Image !!!
Can You as an Image have Any Choice ???
Wouldn't That just Be a Created Being ?!?
OK Stopping Here because a little tiered !!!
We can do a Zoom & Clear up any Blockage & stuff !!!
We just have to figure a time ?!? I'm Here in Northwest Oregon in the United States !!! Just Let me Know What time would be Best & go from their
Zzzz k definitely tired talk soon & Good Night & Good Day for You &
Sending much Love Stafford

Sent from my moto g stylus using Tapatalk

Hi hope I wasn't too Brutal with my Pointing & if You need another Guide there would be no problems & Definitely Appreciate everything You are going through hopefully, talk soon & Sending much Love Stafford

Sent from my moto g stylus using Tapatalk

[StaffordJR]

Hi Stafford!
Ok, the problem isn’t that I TRY to try…it’s that if I follow your instructions I AUTOMATICALLY make it a brain exercise… This is what I meant when I wrote ”too smart for my own good”…I have relied on my brain so much my whole life that it seems I am unable to ”disconnect” it long enough to just allow seeing, feeling, etc to just happen. And as I write you now my smart brain ”knows” it shouldn’t say/write ”allow ME to see, feel, etc” because IN THEORY I ”know” there is no me - not because I have seen it, but because my smart brain has figured out that that’s what I want to believe (because I really do BELIEVE it, otherwise I wouldn’t be here!). It’s like I ”KNOW” there is no Santa Claus, but part of me is clinging onto the belief that there is a Santa Claus. My smart brain tells me there is no me/Santa Claus, but the child/afraid (?) Jani/something can’t 100% let go of that belief…
I don’t know how to get past this!
I could try what you told me to do but knowing me and the way I have operated my whole life I would try to say something and it would be bullshit because it would be my brain trying to sound smart or try to ”say the right thing”, but it wouldn’t be ”pure”…
Maybe zoom isn’t a bad idea. Just so we perhaps could address stuff/my blockages more directly?
In what part of the world are you? I’m in Sweden.

Hi Jani !!!
Really That's Great Perfect !!!
Now See That Everything You See Know & Have was Freely given Freely Changes & can Be Instantly Taken !!! And Everything That's Perception, Anything Seen is an Image !!!
Can You as an Image have Any Choice ???
Wouldn't That just Be a Created Being ?!?
OK Stopping Here because a little tiered !!!
We can do a Zoom & Clear up any Blockage & stuff !!!
We just have to figure a time ?!? I'm Here in Northwest Oregon in the United States !!! Just Let me Know What time would be Best & go from their
Zzzz k definitely tired talk soon & Good Night & Good Day for You &
Sending much Love Stafford

Sent from my moto g stylus using Tapatalk

Hi hope I wasn't too Brutal with my Pointing & if You need another Guide there would be no problems & Definitely Appreciate everything You are going through hopefully, talk soon & Sending much Love Stafford

Sent from my moto g stylus using Tapatalk

Typo I Appreciate everything You are going through & Hopefully talk Soon !!! Sending much Love !!!

Sent from my moto g stylus using Tapatalk

[Metanoia]

Hi Stafford!
No, not too brutal at all! 🤗 It’s just that I think that I need help with a bit of a ”different thing” than what you are bringing up to get through the gate…

And seeing that you live in the US, and on the West Coast at that, can make zooming a bit of a challenge… I have a good friend in San Diego and we have a nightmare sorting out a good time to talk, mostly because of my schedule being crazy in the afternoon/evening, when it’s good for him to talk…
Do you have guides in Europe that are on CET or GMT?
I think that sounds like a lot easier…😬🤷🏼‍♂️

[StaffordJR]

Hi Stafford!
No, not too brutal at all! It’s just that I think that I need help with a bit of a ”different thing” than what you are bringing up to get through the gate…

And seeing that you live in the US, and on the West Coast at that, can make zooming a bit of a challenge… I have a good friend in San Diego and we have a nightmare sorting out a good time to talk, mostly because of my schedule being crazy in the afternoon/evening when it’s good for him to talk…
Do you have guides in Europe that are on CET or GMT?
I think that sounds a lot easier…

Hi, Jani, I understand & have asked for someone closer to You it might take a bit but someone will get back to you as soon as possible can !!!
Sending much Love Stafford

Sent from my moto g stylus using Tapatalk

[Metanoia]

Super!
Much appreciated, Stafford!
Hope to see you on your side of the gate in the future…
🤗🤗🤗

[StaffordJR]

Super!
Much appreciated, Stafford!
Hope to see you on your side of the gate in the future…

My Pleasure & Yes Hope to See their soon !!!

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[Jadzia]

Hi Jani,

I am Jadzia and if you like we can walk side by side for a while and see what happens.

Have a look at this:
Does the word I has any meaning other than the one you give it?

No need to answer now. Message me possible times for a zoom. I am in Germany, we should find a possibility.



See ya,

Jadzia

[Metanoia]

Hello Jadzia!
Thanks for reaching out and ”taking over”.
And thanks for offering your support.

Not sure if you have read above what ”my issue” is but as the title of the thread suggests I am always trying to find intellectual answers to this thing that I deep down ”know” doesn’t require an intellectual approach… I get so frustrated by myself for constantly getting in my own way and for not being able to disconnect my brain and just ”look”…

So, for example, when you ask ”Does the word I has any meaning other than the one you give it?” I can almost ”feel” my brain kicking into gear to go about answering this question, and will probably come up with something that is probably ”right” according to some book or theory, instead if truly just LOOKING at what you are asking… it’s like I’m ”too smart” for my own good…

If I were to use my amazingly fantastic superannoying and interfering brain to analyze WHY I keep up this silly behavior I think that I must be afraid of something… Usually when we don’t want to do something there is some sort of fear of going there (or a perceived advantage of staying where we are) and so I guess that I am curious to explore whether or not this is the case… OR, this is just another thing my brain is coming up with in order to keep me from actually doing what you ask me to do, to answer the question ”Does the word I has any meaning other than the one you give it?”
I’ll end this long and winding answer by answering: no, the word I doesn’t have any meaning other than the one I give it. But I just say this because my brain ”knows” it’s the right thing to say, not because I truly ”get it”…

[Jadzia]

I read everything but I won't always adress everything.

Yes, there are thoughts, they are around the whole time, doing their babbling thing, following their patterns, absolutely repetative.
These thoughts tell how Jani works - intellectually - and that this person Jani doesn't get out of it. Ok.

Do you want to stay there? No.
What about not believing thoughts for a moment?
What about not taking thoughts for facts but for proposals/suggestions or assumptions?
What about questioning what thoughts pour out?

Might sticking to intellectual thinking hide something?
Yes and no.
Yes, there might be fear. Reasonable,or? You try to get rid of a well worn in belief. On this belief the whole overview of Jani is built.
No, fear might just be a suggestion, a whole train of thoughts running through, being unquestioned.

So, for example, when you ask ”Does the word I has any meaning other than the one you give it?” I can almost ”feel” my brain kicking into gear to go about answering this question, and will probably come up with something that is probably ”right” according to some book or theory, instead if truly just LOOKING at what you are asking… it’s like I’m ”too smart” for my own good…

Lots of story. ;-)
Why not letting the brain do its brainy job but not really listen to it?
Look.

Jadzia