And what is it that producing the story?
Energy/life arises as a thought and the content of stories, just as life/energy produces a flower, otherwise there wouldn't be a story, but "what is producing" the story?? The only answer that is coming up and makes the most sense in this experience here now is - its a brain function process that produces the story, it just happens and why it just happens I cant describe. It appears also that this arising of thought is responsible for the ideas or thought of there being a me and any sort of identity the fictitious me thinks it is. If there truly is a me I do not think that I would go out of my way to think such negative thought that arises, I wouldn't allow it, but there has never been any such control. How could a separate entity called "ME, STEPHEN, I" be separate from the physical makeup of the body, like a ghost, and control every body function? NOT.
What is authoring it?
Stephen at one point "WOULD" have said that when a thought came up lets say like this: "I'm going outside to pull weeds in the garden" and a picture of a certain part of the garden would come up where weeds need to be pulled and what tools and clothes I need to use, plus other random thoughts. Stephen would have taken credit for all of that activity including all the thoughts. Somebody would walk by and say wow nice garden and Stephen would collect the praise for all that. BUT, now its seen that Stephen didn't author any of it, even though he liked the thought of being seen as a person of activity in the garden, "a gardener". What is seen here is that thought arises and then thought invests in what ever is thought about and done about. No one is authoring it, it just happens. Any thought of a Stephen adding himself to it is total fiction.
What is thinking it?
Stephen wanted soooo much to say he was thinking it, but that is just a story, an impossibility. the brain in this experience appears to have the ability to think on its own, so why would the brain produce a phony negotiator like Stephen to deal with everything when it can do without a Stephen? I think that's just another thought that was believed in here that came from another person. There never was a negotiator and when there was one "in thought" it was because I believed there was and paved the story forward. That's what I get from listening to speakers like Tony Parsons, Jim Newman, etc. They are just more thoughts, images in the head if you do not look into your own experience here now. Even all this is just a story.
Is it really a fictional me that has an effect on the body, or it’s just a simple thought ABOUT a me?
after looking at this, there cannot be a direct physical fictional me (a ghost) that has an affect on the body, but in thinking ABOUT a fictional me like "in thought content" there can be, and it can also become emotional. I'm interested in neurosciences findings that the brain cannot differentiate between a real or imagined experience, it will respond in the same way. When there's actual gardening the whole "here now" experience is very satisfying on all levels, but when thought about or imagined the experience of gardening is lacking in direct experience. The brain reacts differently one satisfied, one not satisfying, so the brain seems to differentiate between a real or imagined version of gardening.
So what I am asking here, if there is an actual me in the story, or there is a story only on behalf of a me, who doesn’t exist? Talking on behalf a ghost?
The actual me in the story and THE GHOST doesn't exist, so there couldn't even be a story on behalf of a me, only in thought ABOUT there being a me or ghost, and even then neither exists.
Just thoughts containing the words I/me/my/mine?
I use these words a lot and so does everyone else. I notice when I use them I don't feel comfortable, I feel like I'm lying to someone when I say them because they point to an individual, me, I, person, mine, my that doesn't exist. I'm fearful that I will start taking on the me as a belief again if I get used to using them. But lately I've been associating the words I, me, mine, my with nothing or a nobody, because I don't see what I am as a person or a me.
What is it here in experience right now, that is giving the impression that thought are thought by Stephen/I?
I would say this brains/senses ability to think about thoughts and I called that Stephen, Just like I would name my Dell computer Stephen, I personalize it, I personalize the computer of which I have NO part in its functionality. I do that with animals too, personalize them by making up little stories about them. Not real.
Is there an I/Stephen outside of thoughts that talk about him?
I don't see how!?! when everything appears to be blended together, there is no outside that can be seen, I've never been able to see outside of this experience, only in imagination.
So you saying that there is an I/Stephen outside of thoughts, who can get into a fight with them?
Where is this outside I that is in fight with thoughts?
Some of the thoughts that arise are not liked at all, and so there's like an identity thought war going on in the head. Stephen being all powerful living outside thoughts and the known world in an outside un-seeable realm comes in to save the day...lol Total fiction ha ha…
Isn’t getting into the fight just another thought, another line in the novel of ‘my life’? Another thought taken for granted?
Yes, but "I" has never had a "my life" but in imagination. I assumed it was true without investigating it. That seems to be a common thread throughout my life of not investigating and just going with the flow.
Yes, nothing has ever be done, but you are talking as if the adding of ownership is DONE by someone… as if there were an I outside of those thoughts, outside of the words of I/me/mine/my, who is doing the adding.
So where is the outside I that is ADDING of ownership to what is happening on its own?
There is no outside "I" other than in imagination. There's no owner, that's just thought ABOUT an owner. There's no owner in what is happening on its own, what is happening on its own has no need for an owner. The river flows beautifully on its own naturally, doesn't need a Stephen to show it how to be a river.
I found it impossible to break free from this fear of dying. The body's reaction of shortness of breath, chest tightening up, dizziness, feeling confused and disoriented is such a dreadful way to be, and it lingers on and on, it makes me want to cry. I believe and it feels real.
>>>> It might be difficult to zoom out of the story if/when it’s very captivating. But you can shift your focus from the mental story to the here and now experience.
Yes its noticed that this brain can shift the focus to the butt on a seat, etc., but it has trouble staying pulled away from being captivated by sensations in the body like adrenaline, heat flashes, and icky feelings and story content about all of this. Activity helps some but not 100%.
