Anyone want to discuss anything?

[Rikki]

Hey, how are things going?

What's happening buddy?

[No I Matt]

I had another series of glimpses that have lasted longer. Actually, it doesn't seem like a glimpse anymore, but something permanent that is knowingly experienced, but just being more prevalent at times. It was realized that there is seeing - but it's not me seeing or me looking. It's funny, it really is like 'seeing' - even though its not with the eyes. Its also been seen that the I is a thought, that it's part of a stream of thoughts that seems like they're constantly running. It just rises and falls, ebbs and flows, so to speak, like anything else in nature. More prevalent at times, never really stopping. I don't know what else to call it but 'thought-stream', but that seems pretty close to describing it.

*EDIT: I can't really call it a "glimpse" anymore, as "glimpse" implies that 'I" got a look at something for a brief moment. This was the opposite, as if there was a sort of permanence looking at the me for a moment. Make sense?


And there wasn't anything mystical or spiritual about it. Just looking. It just was.

This is outside the mind if you like... just looking at what is...but also seeing the mind as a tool and not as an identity.

This is almost exactly what it was like. As if looking, not thinking, from outside the mind, at the mind. I know it sounds crazy, but it really was like watching the mind and the 'me' thought dynamically appear and flow. I wasn't really interested in the content of the thoughts either. A short interest for second or two - but more of an interest to get back to 'beingness'. An interesting note: I realized if there was a focus on content of the thoughts - then the peacefulness I was experiencing seem to subside.

Also, I see now that destroying or dissolving the 'I' isn't necessary or even possible either. It's been seen to be completely insubstantial. It can't take on its own persona or characteristics - its just an image thats part of a larger plot that I never owned or even wrote in the first place. This 'me' is seen to rise up within this thought stream at certain times. Trying to dissolve the I would be like trying to dissolve a reflection of light on a wave. lol..can't do it - and there's no reason or purpose to doing it anyways.

Thoughts can be very seductive, you'll start to look at one or two and see them for what they truly are, but then another one will grip you and pull you into identification again.

This is where I seem to be right now. Back and forth. I still feel like there is some work to do, but I'm not sure what to do. I just seems like "it" is upfront sometimes, but mostly still feel like "I" am here.

I want to be careful to NOT try to 'get back' to that experience. I'm definitely opening up to fully realizing that there's nothing the I can do..but still not fully there yet.

Any suggestions on what to do next, if anything?

[Rikki]

That's great man, good description. You're seeing that looking is happening, but there doesn't need a 'me' to do that, right? It just is. Looking happens without the identity.

The mind created the identity, which was false. People expect enlightenment to be this grandiose achievement, but in reality it's a subtle shift of perspective. You may even laugh at how absurd the drama you were caught in when you look back. It wasn't real, just an illusion.

Ok so to push this further my friend, you say it feels like 'I' is still here. What's that like?

Because you mentioned you were able to break identification with it, and just look at it, along with thought, right? So when you search for a self, when you search for that 'me' that was believed in, what still comes up?

Is it real?

Drop all expectation and knowledge and take an honest look at what;s going on, that's all you need..

[No I Matt]

Hey Rikki, just wanted to drop in and let you know i haven't given up..still looking, investigating.


I've spent the last week kind of oscillating between the realization that its not me looking, and being caught up in the moment-the everyday drama of life, thinking the usual "I'm doing this, I'm doing that".

So while there was a very, very subtle shift, it seems to be unfolding very very slowly. I admit that I realize that I can't do anything to make it happen, but also seem to be stuck in this seeking/expectation mode. I think thats normal, considering it's the nature of the mind to 'want', but am also looking at that to try to see it as it is - just thoughts arising. Not even sure if that makes sense.


Also, in my previous post I said that it seems like the "I is still here". I still feel the same way - but know now that it isnt the "I" thats there. It's just a feeling.

Still working this out man.

Any more pointers you can provide?

[Rikki]

Dude, you're really over complicating this.

It doesn't happen 'really really slowly', it's just pure focused honesty. Just laser beam it on looking for a self ok? That's where you look, for a self, can you find one?

Forget everything you know of enlightenment, and Buddha, and Jesus and Zen koans, just that one thing. Self.

If you can't locate it, good, because there isn't one. But don't take my word for it, SEE that for yourself.

So, if you've looked, and you just can't locate it, then what is there? Explain that...

Drop all thought, plant your feet firmly in reality, and take a look at what's real. Not what you think is real, or want to be real, but what is. Pure honesty, that's all this is man. That's all this has ever been, and all it can ever be.

"Aye? Well thinkst thou still, Faustus, till experience change thy mind."

[Rikki]

It's been a while my friend, anything you'd like to discuss or share? I'd be happy to help?