Ready to dive in...

[vinceschubert]

ix, you are definitely not at square one (though mind might try and convince you that you are)
You are SEEing and thinking as an awakened person would, except of the persistent denial.
The feeling in your bones probably won't happen (if it hasn't already) and doubt thoughts will probably persist for some time.

it occurred to me that thoughts are still part of this.

Absolutely. Thoughts haven't stopped here. Maybe they will or not. There is great freedom in accepting the WonderFull-ness of the great mystery (life-ing)
Everybody does this uniquely, so your experiencing is specific to 'you', but do you remember my link to my doubts. They were a big hurdle for me. Here is another that helped me a lot; http://vince-wisingup.blogspot.com.au/2 ... -2011.html See if you can find your own sweet spot. It is an anchor when doubts arise, as it includes doubts (thoughts).
Yes thoughts will (maybe) always be present, Identification with them fades away.

Good night ix.

[ixturtle]

Love your sweet spot post. resonated with my heart and brought a smile to my face. mind stumbled a tiny bit on this one though: "When the infinite details that make up the current experiencing are seen as irrelevant to the Fact of Now, the sweet spot is here." Perhaps you are simply pointing to the singular importance of now, but are you saying anything else? Aren't the infinite details an inextricable part of now? Or is it that when one's allegiance is first and foremost to whatever is happening NOW, then the specific details of whatever is happening may be appreciated but are secondary, or even as you say, "irrelevant".

Off to bed, simply "knowing that the situation as it stands is the current situation"
--ix

[vinceschubert]

Aren't the infinite details an inextricable part of now?

Yes they are. These thing just express themselves without editing (usually) i often don't even read them before posting. (same here)
As i read that bit now, what it says is that to focus on any part of the totality of now (any of the details) is a censoring of the experiencing that is NOW.

Or is it that when one's allegiance is first and foremost to whatever is happening NOW, then the specific details of whatever is happening may be appreciated but are secondary, or even as you say, "irrelevant".

Yes, well said.
The overall flavor though, is the choiceless acceptance of What IS. (now)
Just to follow through with this, for me, what has changed my life-ing, since the gate, is an almost total absence of frustration. It does still occasionally occur but now lasts seconds, with a low intensity, whereas before the gate it was several time a day and often lasted half an hour or more.

simply "knowing that the situation as it stands is the current situation"

Is this freeing ?
I watched this video this morning and thought of you when Tim was saying something to the effect of "don't expect that the old conditioning will never appear again, it will". Anyway, you watch it...
http://batgap.com/tim-freke-2/ His take on de/re-conditioning resonated here too.

[ixturtle]

Thanks for Tim's talk link. You're right-- very relevant to a host of expectations-- and I very much appreciated the notion of celebrating the unique while embracing the oneness, and that oneness itself requires uniqueness to be perceived.

I feel the last few days as though I'm dancing at the edge of the ocean, a few moments my feet play in the cool splash, perhaps up to my shins for half a minute, then again on dry ground, maybe stepping on a few stones here and there. But what Tim speaks to, and what this community is pointing towards, seems at least an experience of full body dunking (not to go Baptist on you here). Which brings me to a question I had this morning but decided to wait until I had time to watch the video.

My understanding is that the seeing of the truth of "no-self" appears with or coincides with or clears the cobwebs for a direct experience of non-separation with everything else, with life itself. I can relate to the notion of inter-being a la Thich Nhat Han as well as deep appreciation and wonder for the magic of life arising moment to moment. But I can't say that I've ever experienced non-separation in that way (and since I've never been a drug user, can't even speak to similar chemically induced states). I'm not state seeking here and indeed am feeling more trusting of the unfolding as is, in its own time. Nevertheless, it seems to be fundamental to what's being talked about and if there are pointers you can offer I'm all ears.

[vinceschubert]

and if there are pointers you can offer I'm all ears.

Ok, here's the one that may send you flying through the gate.
Take a deep breath, relax.
You are looking for something in the future. (post "unfolding")
This discovery can only happen NOW.
IT IS ALREADY WITH YOU! Nothing needs to change. It is the Recognition that what IS, is What Is.
We are not waiting for something to change before accepting it as Reality.
Waiting for "unfolding" is reality NOW.
Doubts are reality NOW.
All stories that you are running are reality NOW. (not their content, or rather not what their content point to.)
Self is one of those stories. It will stay a story. The story will change quickly once awakening occurs. It will still be a story, only there wont be identification with it anymore.
Nothing will change. Everything will be different.
Now, take another deep breath. Relax.
Respond when you finish laughing.

[ixturtle]

Running off to work... and checked this first. I did laugh (though maybe not in the "oh I get it" kind a way-- ha ha ha). Nevertheless, there is some relaxing here and since I will be reuniting with my laughter club tonight, there will be plenty of opportunity to laugh to my heart's content.

I do feel like... well, like my blood chemistry is changing in ph ever so slightly. I doubt that makes sense. But anyway. Like you said everyone's way is unique...

Regardless, I'm going to paste your instruction on the inside of my eyelids today so that whenever I blink, I'll remember to see that its all already here. ;-)

-ix

[vinceschubert]

Hahaha, have a deep belly laugh for me too.
A great effect. Love the sensation, post laugh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDCJdrcqzDM

[ixturtle]

Feet are feeling a bit sandy right now, but the mind steadily keeps returning to look at the water and also trusts (tentatively perhaps) that even the sand is complete as it is. Thought I had the morning off but an unexpected work snafu means I'm going in. Feel very open to snafus at the moment, regardless of how sandy my feet feel. :-)

[ixturtle]

Wanted to post something before heading to bed, but feeling the need for a question to direct my attention.

What comes to mind in any case is that the day can pull "me" pretty far away from the gate, but the energy of return (in a moment to moment way) is modestly strong enough to feel like there's some little baby seeings peppered along the way. There a story about longing to get the sand off my feet by diving head first into the next wave but of course, it's just a story-- as you say, included --minus the content-- in what's already here. But if anything, what might diving head first look like?

OK-- I'm off to sleep.

[vinceschubert]

what might diving head first look like?

Ha!, wow, this jumps up at me as synchronistic. (a nice story anyway)
When i meditate, what i do is simply have to intention to stay aware of sensations, including thoughts, without losing 'myself' in the content. Watching dialogues (monologues) and stories unfold without interrupting them with opinion or judgement.
Last night an unusual type of story played out. i had forgotten it until your question about "diving head first". It may or may not be meaningful to you (it was here!), but here goes anyway.
i was walking along a beach, on the waterline, watching my feet (footsteps) when something made me look up.
What i saw was a huge black woman, naked, lying on her back with her legs apart like the sides of a cutting on a mountain pass. Her vagina was pointing directly at me, beckoning. When i got closer to it, the vertical center of her labia was about chest high. It was shiny with wonderful lubrication.
i knew what i was to do, and without hesitation, i put my arms against my legs, fingers pointing to feet and bending forward, dived in.
It was dark and warm and so lusciously slippery. i marveled that i didn't need to breathe.
The urge to swim like a dolphin came over me and my body spontaneously bent and straightened and bent... and began to move forward.
i was only about a body length in when i became aware of a peristaltic action helping me move forward. Beautiful. A very satisfying massage that started at my feet and pressed me in an rolling upward (or forward, as i was horizontal) movement. The realization struck me that now i needn't make any effort now and there would be continued forward movement.

What it was (seemed) telling me is in plain sight, and i already knew it...
Tell me what it says to you.

[ixturtle]

Wow... a most unexpected post this morning!

But what I take from it is:
1) the path is not secret or hidden but rather overtly right in front of me with flashing lights, "come hither"
2) there is required an initial movement forward towards that path-- fear or hesitation only get in the way. (this implies a bit of subject/action, which might be story, but that's the view from this side of the gate anyway)
3) the path is easy, enjoyable and fun
4) once a little way along the path, all effort or intention (whether real or imagined) can be completely relaxed-- there is no more doing at all. there is just flow.
5) enjoy the ride

i guess i asked the question last night because i wondered if i was hesitating in some way. but the only hesitations i can see are stories about external conditions, which i assume are beside the point. so i guess "diving into a wave head first" is to say yes/now (a friend just asked me on FB to meet her at the corner of Yes and Now) to whatever flashing lights appear...

[vinceschubert]

Ha, yes, it wasn't very subtle and you saw (almost) ALL of what i saw in it. The only other thing that occurred here was the symbolism of the huge black woman. She was clearly representing Mother Earth, or Nature for me and entering her was a 'coming home'.

to say yes/now ... to whatever flashing lights appear...

How about to say yes/now to EVERYTHING ?

there is no more doing at all

There is actually no doing now, just apparent doing. ? yes ?

[ixturtle]

How about to say yes/now to EVERYTHING ?

Ha ha-- I went to sleep last night with the intention/vibration of YES/NOW to everything and then life happened and i found myself saying no to a host of things (which i tried very hard to say yes to actually but ultimately, "I" got drawn in)... so when i responded later this morning, i had a lot of wind knocked out of my YES/NOW sails.

but i do believe YES/NOW to everything is where it's at. but how to "do" it?

There is actually no doing now, just apparent doing. ? yes ?

AGGG!!!! Time for a rant?

Lots of things I like about being back in city life BUT it feels like all i'm doing is DOING. DOING THIS, DOING THAT. PLANNING THIS. REHASHING THAT. CHECKING ON THIS. FOLLOWING UP ON THAT. If I push my brain through the logic we've been through a zillion times so far on this string I can sort of get to "apparent doing" but (i feel a bit like the time on the bike) it just SEEMS like i'm doing a whole heck of a lot. i know that external conditions have to be irrelevant, and truly i would only want them to be, but it all seemed so much easier to see "non-doing" in the quiet stillness of a cabin in the woods.

But "here" is where i find myself, so: OK. Apparent doing. Just awareness of stuff happening, according to conditions. No "I". No "doer". Thoughts, sensations, thoughts about sensations appearing...

In truth, having trouble relating to this right now... Non-doing seems so essential and so freeing-- the momentary glimpses of it have been quite distinct (and relief giving), but obviously not clear enough so that they penetrate the grand illusion. Sense of trust that even my confusion was part of the mix feels distant now.

You've said all the right things and I do remember them-- it doesn't go in one eye and out the other. Just not seeing anything clearly at the moment-- not depressed or disheartened, just disconnected a bit. Wishing for a return to a sense of ease/trust (read, sense of "progress") when i know that's A) not saying YES/NOW to what's here and B) is exactly the kind of thinking that creates the problem to begin with.

[vinceschubert]

which i tried very hard to say yes to...

consider this; You can't Do Yes, you can only Do No.
Yes can only be allowed. Yes is what happens when there is no resistance. Yes is a non-doing of No.

i had a lot of wind knocked out of my YES/NOW sails.

Your YES/NOW story didn't eventuate how you'd hoped ? yes ?

i found myself saying no to a host of things

If saying no happens, say yes to having said no.

but how to "do" it?

see 'Doing Yes' above.

it feels like all i'm doing is DOING. DOING

Ah, a place where frustration lives close to the surface.
Doing. Not Doing.
Is not doing, Doing ?
Perhaps like Yes, Not Doing can only be allowed. Any attempt to DO 'Not Doing' has already become another doing.
So ix, if Doing is happening, how can Not Doing occur ?
Is total acceptance of the Doing, now Not Doing ?

But "here" is where i find myself, so: OK. Apparent doing. Just awareness of stuff happening, according to conditions. No "I". No "doer". Thoughts, sensations, thoughts about sensations appearing...

...thoughts about the thoughts about sensations..
ix, Is this just raw reality that you are experiencing. ?
This is IT ix.
How do you think that IT will be different to THIS ix ?
How will liberation be different to this ix ?

[ixturtle]

Yes is what happens when there is no resistance. Yes is a non-doing of No.

Thank you for this reminder/pointer.

Your YES/NOW story didn't eventuate how you'd hoped ? yes ?

yes. hahahhaahaha.

Any attempt to DO 'Not Doing' has already become another doing.

what a butt burner, huh?

if Doing is happening, how can Not Doing occur ?
Is total acceptance of the Doing, now Not Doing ?

it's just allowing what's happening. i find this gives me a strange freedom to be weird, and to be amused by my own weirdness. there's some mind rumblings that allowing what's happening can resemble negligence at times. the flip side mind argument is that allowing allows for more love and its hard to argue with that.

How do you think that IT will be different to THIS ix ?
How will liberation be different to this

i don't know. everything i could say would just be a story. it is a gateless gate after all. i have zero confidence that i'm on the other side of it (and quite a bit of confidence that i'm not), but of course if there's nothing to be on the other side of...