Seeking Guidance to End the Seeking

[Skygazer74]

Hi Nick

Apologies i wrote a Long reply to this some time ago and bc was sure I posted it and was waiting for you!!

I’ll do it again later on when I can,

Best wishes,

[Skygazer74]

Hi Nick!,

Good to hear from you, I will take your responses step by step:

I understand that the "I", does not exist; its falsehood. So to think that it is "Nick" having these thoughts, is also to be entrapped by the mind. I do have awareness of the thoughts arising, but no sooner am I aware, I am in them, as them - in the dream....if that makes sense. But then I remember I am here to observe whats going on, which is a thought. It feels like I did have that thought, and there is this "Nick" having thoughts.

Nice. Yes, thoughts arise, and all that is important is that this is happening whether or not there is someone assumed to be thinking them, or aware of them. So there is thought, there is observation, yet nobody doing it! Does that feel clear?

Remember that 'understanding,' is at different levels - the intellect can grasp this but that is not how seeing happens. Seeing in DE the nature of thought, and the lack of a thinker, is what leads to seeing, and then yes understanding at a deeper level, or insight.

its as if "Nick" is the source from which the thoughts arise. Certainly one like this - a voice in my mind.

So in DE there is a voice in the mind, or thoughts. Can you find 'Nick' in that experience? Not with thought but by looking directly?

So intellectually, yes, I absolutely understand and get that "Nick" is this conceptual thing that arises. It seems to be one thing to know this intellectually, and a lot different to experience it viscerally

Exactly. The intellect loves concepts, in DE, concepts do not really exist.

Even as I type this, there are moments when "Nick" isnt here at all, its just my hands moving, the screen filling up with black shapes, and theres a voice I am aware of that is essentially dictating what is typing. But no "Nick". Not even a sense of "Nick", until I stop...and notice my hands or something, and then that sense of being "Nick" is instantly there...but its not there, and then it is there. I get this piece - its clear 100% that this is a construct of the mind. I have had a true wisdom-level glimpse of "Nick" arising and being aware of the fact that "Nick" arose and also disappeared, yet "I" was still here, observing the absense of "Nick".

Nice looking. Just try to keep it simple, and keep looking to see that this sense of me, or Nick, only appears, ever, as a thought! Perhaps it would be good to move onto the body soon.

The next question is definitely key - can I find the thinker of the thought....again I have both an experience and an intellectual response. I know intellectually there is no thinker - there is the experience of thoughts arising and falling....I am struggling to not feel strongly attached to this other part, that thinks he is the experiencer of thoughts - "Nick". Its bloody frustrating! I know this "Nick" is a figment, yet its a challenge to observe the gap between awareness and feeling like I am "Nick" in that moment.

Try keeping this going - looking for the thinker. The intellectual response is not important for this enquiry, can you find one in DE?

What is it exactly that is choosing which hand to raise?
OK so this morning, it seems very clear that the choice is a function of the mind - from the stillness, it is the mind that chooses which hand to move.

Look again - can you find the mind choosing which hand to move?

No. The controller is coming from the stillness of the mind, when it does eventually come back into the picture, as it invariably does. So it seems then that the "controller" is nothing other than a function of what the mind does, just as the function of this thing called "Nick" is also a function of the mind...which is interesting.

Nearly - can you find this controller in the mind, or are you assuming it is there?

In all cases, as I sit as best as I can as the witnesser/observer, the fact this arising of the need or compunction to move a hand then arises - and I am observing it - does suggest something is causing it to arise, but its DEFINITELY not this "I".

So what can be said about this in DE, no thoughts and theories allowed! :)

Best wishes,

Nic

[Mettafort]

Nic-

Thank you for your reply. Just want to let you know I will get to this very soon - I have some job interviews this week so I am studying as much as I can.

I appreciate your lengthy response, I did read it.

Thank you!

Nick.

[Skygazer74]

No worries, good luck and hope to hear from you soon!

[Skygazer74]

Hi Nick,

Are you still engaged? We need a more regular dialogue to do this properly, so it would be good to know where you are at?

Cheers,

Nic