The One That Became Zero

[ShunyaZero]

If so, I would like to give you the final questions to look if there is something missing... :)

Sure, please go ahead.

[barb]

Great:) Here they are:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

[ShunyaZero]

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No. Nothing has ever existed separate from anything else.
It’s all just a BIG-WHOLE-ONE. None of it is “I”, "me", or “self”.
And also, in a weird sense, it’s ALL me (unbounded).

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

It’s simply the false belief that I exist separate from everything else around me.
It means that I start and end somewhere – have boundaries.
It’s a belief that there are things that happen to me, and things that are done by me.
Belief that there are things, feelings, thoughts, choices, decisions etc. that belong to me.

When I was born, I was a clean slate (just like everyone else). Completely blank.
Soon, as I grew up a little, social conditioning started. Constructs of language kicked in.
People around me started referring to me as “you” (or my name) which made me feel like a separate entity. The fact that I started referring to myself as “I” and “me” (and my name) just solidified that feeling, and I started falling deeper & deeper into this illusion of separate self.

Now (after seeing through this illusion), everything just happens.
Without any “doer” or any “thing that it’s done to”. It’s just “doing”.
Just “happening”. Pure awareness, sort of aware of itself. Not “me”.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

There’s no one feeling anything. Just feelings – appearing and disappearing in awareness.
There’s no one experiencing anything. Just a detached “experiencing” as a whole.
In some sense, the only difference from before this dialogue is the end of seeking.
There used to be an “I” seeking the absolute, objective, and undeniable “truth”.
Now, there’s neither an “I”, nor such a “truth”, nor “seeking” any more.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?

The exact moment when you said the following:

You have seen the „no-self-state“, and you can see the „conventional-separate-self-state“... Look for that which sees both states! It's not about states, it's all about LOOKING and SEEING!
If there is no self, there is also no „no-self“..., do you get me?

This was absolutely the first time that the realization/liberation happened.
Realization that both the “seeker” and the “liberated” are ever-present.
It’s all (ALL) right there in the field of awareness which is “me” (but not “me”).

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

All of it’s just a farce. None of these belong to anyone.
Things just happen on there own, exactly how they’re “supposed to” happen.
They simply couldn’t happen any other way. If they could, they would.
If they did happen any other way, then that would be the “right way”.

No one decides, decisions happen. No one intends, intentions are. No one chooses, choices happen.
No one has free will. No one has control. It’s all simply happenstance.
I am not responsible for anything, since there’s no “I” to be held responsible.

Everything that’s happening could be taken as an example of it.
But just for the sake of it, let’s pick something inherent like breathing.
It is believed that under normal conditions we can choose when to breathe in or out.
But in practice, breathing simply happens (more or less all the time) even when we don’t pay attention to it.
And similarly there are so many things simply happening on “auto-mode”.

Even if we pick something more incidental, like making a career choice/decision, it still holds true.
One might feel that they chose to join an organization or not, but actually such decisions are a factor of everything that has ever happened (and/or is happening currently) in there lives. The decision/choice has sort of “already” happened.

In fact, even this conversation that we’re having is a by-product of a life lived a certain way. Someone might think that we’re choosing to have this conversation but it’s actually happening (was always “supposed to” happen) because of a whole lot of things. Like for example, on my part, the feeling of emptiness, start of a search for truth, attraction towards a particular ideology, and belief in a certain method of self-inquiry. Surely the same is true on your part as well.

6) Anything to add?

Nothing. Just utter gratitude :)

[barb]

Beautiful :)

One question pops up when I read the following:

It’s all (ALL) right there in the field of awareness which is “me” (but not “me”).

I know that it is really tricky to put the inexpressable into words, but let me be a little bit picky here again... :)

We have to be careful, that after seeing through one identification not another takes place, like identification with "awareness"...

If I ask you to show me "awareness" what would you do? Is awareness a separate object? Can awareness be separated from experience? Like awareness is aware of experience? Or is there just experiencing/perceiving going on?

Has there to be a noun at all, or isn't everything just a verb, like happening/perceiving/being, just "life" - lifeing...

If you're totally caught up in something, maybe daydreaming, or you've surely experienced when you were driving and on some point, you recognized immediately that you are so and so far and were absolutely not aware that you have already driven a certain part of the route. Like this: Woah where am I already now ...:) Where was "awareness" then?

Oh sorry. that was more than one question, but it's all about the same... ;)

[ShunyaZero]

It’s all (ALL) right there in the field of awareness which is “me” (but not “me”).

As I mentioned specifically in the parenthesis, this “awareness” is certainly not “me” – meaning that there’s no identification with it. Putting it simply, "awareness" is, "I" is not.
But at the same time, when I say it is “me”, I simply mean that ALL the mental thoughts and labels (including “I”, “me”, “my”, “mine”) are a part of it. It’s all ONE.
Both the concepts of “me” and “not me” are inside it as well.

If I ask you to show me "awareness" what would you do? Is awareness a separate object? Can awareness be separated from experience? Like awareness is aware of experience? Or is there just experiencing/perceiving going on?

Has there to be a noun at all, or isn't everything just a verb, like happening/perceiving/being, just "life" - lifeing...

I wouldn’t even attempt to show you this “awareness” in the first place, as it is not separate from anything else (not even you and me).The ideas of “you” and “I” are a part of it as well – so the question of “me” showing it to “you” doesn’t even arise.
What you call “experiencing”, I call “being aware”.
What you call "experience", I call "awareness".
They’re both one and the same thing.
And at some level, they're just concepts.

As I see it all now, there are neither any nouns nor any verbs valid any more.
Each one of us is just trying to describe something that can not be put into words, and are obviously struggling in our attempts to do the same.

For example, when you asked “Or is there just experiencing/perceiving going on?”, you were also using “experiencing/perceiving” as noun only.
You see, if you say that “Experiencing is going on” you’re using “experiencing” as a noun and “going on” as a verb.
Similarly, when you say “ ‘life’-lifeing ”, again you’re using ‘life’ as a noun and “lifeing” as a verb.

We’re both talking about the same thing. You’re trying to use verbs to express it, and I’m using nouns.
But we both inevitably end up using both nouns and verbs ‘coz of the limitations of English language. That’s just how sentences are constructed. Ultimately it doesn’t really matter which part-of-speech we use, we mean the same thing.

[barb]

Wonderful! Yes, you're so right.... words, words. word... :)

I have no more questions, another guide will read over if there are any more questions. This can take a few days.
I will post it here as soon as this has happened.

In the meantime, enjoy :)

Much love, Barb

[barb]

Hi Shunya!

There are no more questions :) You will receive a welcome message within the next days, where you will get an invitation to some FB groups (have a look at your PM folder in the right upper corner) and also other areas of the forum will be unlocked. Feel free to get in touch with me with PM whenever you want :)

Thank you very much for your engagement, trust and honesty. It was a great pleasure to go with you a little piece of the pathless path... <3

Much love barb