Sidstrate has some beliefs...
around freedom & fairness that are difficult to define.
That life is a game
Sidstrate is ultimately selfish & self serving (as everybody is). He is constantly asking “What’s in it for me? Or “How does this effect me?” He can be greedy & compulsive, irrational & unaccountable. He wants to be a better person but he also wants to self sabotage.
Despite living in Australia for 12 years, & despite letting go of many illusory attachments, there is still an identification with him being from the working class, North West of England.
He also identifies as a husband, a dad; responsible, independent, free thinking, a rebel, an outsider, a thinker, talented, confident, fun, a philosopher & a brave spiritual adventurer!
Would you find anything of this in DE?
With DE I cannot find any of this.
Lets say all is found in thoughts, in a script, though a wonderful and catching one - can you be in any way sure that this is real or true?
I can’t be sure
Does it need to be real or true? How would you feel if it isn't?
At different times I have experienced both fear & relief in response to this question
But it doesn’t need to be true.
This question exposes my attachments
How do I know it's fear. I'm recognising familiar patterns. I'm sold on the first label presented. Interesting...
Who or what recognizes a pattern. Who or what is sold on the first label.
Look closely, thoughts are very self referencing.
And do the suggestions for labels always make sense?
There is an awareness that is coming from a certain 'self' shaped' perspective.
There are attachments (through thoughts & familiar sensations) to an illusory sense of self.
This is what is being confused with the ‘who’ that is recognising the patterns.
Sometimes the labels can calm as they attempt to justify and control.
Other times the labels can inflame with unnecessary justifications.
The labels often do not make sense.
And then when they appear to make sense, they only do at a certain shallow level.
Ultimately the labels are there to validate how I am feeling.
Ok, next time an emotion comes up. Thougth tells "This is anger, or irritation, or whatever"
Check if there is a sensation.
yes
Does the sensation know about the emotion? Does it know it is the emotion?
There is sensation & the emotion risers from the sensation
Does the label anger, or irritation, or whatever know anything about anger, irritation or whatever?
No
A label is a short word that cannot begin to describe the complex activity.
The label doesn’t know. It’s a habitual reaction to make sense of situations after they have happened.
Does the feeling called anger, irritation or whateverknow anything about anger, irritation or whatever?
It knows nothing. It just is. There is nothing that expresses. It is just expressing.
Answer when there is time.
Thank you
These 3 days off have allowed things to settle & other things to come up.
I experienced a very tangible & present fear of death. Over the last few years I have considered & looked at my own death in a number of ways. But this time felt much more real.
I felt a deep acknowledgement of my own mortality. I felt what it is to look at death face on. It was very scary at first, but then it was OK. There was disbelief that I was going to die. There was shock that this was inevitable. There was surprise that I had not really faced this in such a visceral and tangible way, like this before.
This encounter with my own death was intimate & it is still with me now two days later. It is OK.
