Lol, yes, a jest. I will answer your other list of questions tomorrow. I'm tempted to do them now but if I do, I know myself well enough to know it will just take me longer to come down/fall asleep afterward... :)I am going to assume that this is a jest. If not, then this whole exploration has been a farce :)
No, there is – and has only been - the illusion of one.1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
Part of me wants to say: how can it be known what it is, when it starts, or how it works? It can’t be touched, smelled, sensed, seen – because it’s illusory, doesn’t exist – so how can these answers be answered, outside of simply a knowing sense that the separate self is a concept, an imaginary fiction, because it can’t be known/found by direct experience?2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
Honestly, what can I say? I wake up happy/content to start the day because there’s no pressure on a “me” to do anything about what happens. This doesn’t mean I wake up at 1pm and sit around in my pajamas all day watching TV – like, dude, yeah, just go with the flow. No, life goes on exactly as it always did. But there is simply a sense of having found what doesn’t move (and what also doesn’t not move)… and realizing I am a part of this unmoving-moving essence. This understanding changes everything somehow. Feeling inextricably part of whatis, what’s happening – not nothingness, but also not not-nothingness – is incredibly freeing. It's a release from the prison of feeling a need to control everything. Instead, there is simply the understanding of being part of the movement of life, flow, things happening on automatic, and there’s not a darn thing “I” can do about it. It feels freeing to know there’s no possible way to not be in the now; anything but NOW is thought/illusion... because now is all there is. Certainly, I have found myself over the past few days getting caught up in the illusion – as you once described it, like getting caught up in a movie – but I can zoom out and see/know the illusion for what it is.3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Not sure if it makes sense to pinpoint one moment because there were so many but if I had to choose a moment when I felt like I “saw” what I wasn’t seeing, or where there was a new kind of “click,” it would have to be the weekend I took to just be with all of this, after you called me on latching onto the ultimate / THIS, swapping the “I” for “I am THIS.” It was then that I saw things more clearly. Okay, yes, I see: thought/the illusory self is grasping for something, somewhere, to anchor itself, to anchor an identity. If not this then that… when that is just more illusion. THIS is all there is and the essence of what is called RavenSelf is simply part of that. I may not know what THIS is but I can know through direct experience that IT appears everywhere, exactly as it is. It is everything and it is always right now. It is not possible for it to be anything other than that. And, to me, that is insanely magical and mind blowing.4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
Ha! Kay, is this a trick question? I don’t know what makes things happen or how things work. I just don’t. Thought likes to take the illusory me down rabbit holes to try and figure these things out, though… like it did recently, wanting to “figure out” how beliefs tie to decisions/choices/behavior. Thought likes rabbit holes!! (And so, apparently, does RavenSelf... who, is, ultimately just a thought!) All I can say in answer to this one is: I just don’t know. Decision/Choice: as I type right now, I have no idea what is deciding to type these words or how they are chosen. Intention: I may go into the kitchen right now with the intention of pouring a glass of lemon water and eat a cookie instead. I used to think I knew, for sure, how intention worked. Set a clear intention and the “universe” responds. Now, what can I do but laugh at that? The idea that there’s an “I” here and a “universe” there – no wonder that shit doesn’t work. Free will: I have no idea. Seems to me, for there to be “free will” there would have to be an “I” that is independent of whatis, similar to this idea that there’s a “me” here and a “something” there, which can’t be so. Only thought says there is such a thing and thought content is fantasy. Control: there is, for sure, no control. It has become abundantly clear to me everything is happening on automatic. How can there be “control” if there’s no controller? Just now I paused to take a drink of water. Why did I do that? Why now and not before? What was behind this? I have no idea.5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.
Not sure if I’m understanding this one but what comes up for me is: how can I be responsible for anything if there is no I? I woke up this morning and “saw” the walls of the bedroom, the dresser, the floor, the ceiling. Is there an “I” here responsible for seeing these things? No. There’s just seeing/seen, no separation. The body "walked" downstairs, felt the chill in the air, and put on a sweater / wool socks. Is there an “I” responsible for this? No. There’s just sensation of cold and some sort of automatic process that puts on additional layers. I sat down at my computer and started typing these answers – is there an “I” here responsible for coming up with these particular answers? No. What comes out is just what comes out. There are people in my life who sometimes want more of “me”/my time. Am “I” responsible for their happiness? No, how could “I” be if there is no “I”? There’s no “I” here responsible for any of it.b) What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.
There are endless things to add and nothing to add -- but for now I will just say this: I'm beyond grateful for your guidance, Kay. There are no words. I’m profoundly humbled by your generosity and your willingness to look so carefully at everything I say, calling bullshit if/when needed. I feel incredibly lucky to have landed here. I have no delusions that thought / RavenSelf won’t continue to do it’s best to play tricks/make things that aren’t real seem real, try to pull me down rabbit holes, but thank you for at least helping me to know the difference.6) Anything to add?
Instead, I looked at the label/thought 'Over-Thinking' typewritten.1) Look at the label/thought ‘anxiety’ itself. See the label/word ‘anxiety’ as a typewritten word in the ‘mind’s eye’ across the forehead
The label over-thinking is just a bunch of letters and the label itself isn't over-thinking. No one/nothing can be found that is over-thinking.Does the label ‘anxiety’ know anything about anxiety, or is the word just a bunch of letters? Is the label ‘anxiety’ itself anxious? Can you find anyone/anything in the word itself that is anxious?
How about just stopping? You are aware of when you are over thinking...so just stop. You don't have to engage with every thought that appears. Yes, I know that it's paradoxical that there is no thinker of thought and thoughts just appear, however, just go with it...and simply stop. Bring your attention back to the fact that you are aware that you are aware instead of focussing on thoughts. If you can't do that, then bring your attention to other phenomena ie sound, colour etc.To be honest, this is as far as I went because - at the time - I couldn't remember the rest of the steps! But I thought it was worth posting this anyway because I'm wondering if the same steps might be applied to thinking, vs. sensation/anxiety, like I'm doing here: or if there's something else you might suggest instead.
Haha. Yes, exactly. Enough already.How about just stopping? You are aware of when you are over thinking...so just stop.
I think I do this, for the most part. I don't think I'm engaging with each thought. HOWEVER, the reason doing the exercise last night helped is because it may be as simple as taking my attention off the thoughts. Don't even observe them like passing clouds cuz that doesn't work. Observe something else. I will play with it more. Maybe that's all I need to practice doing. It doesn't happen all the time - and I can go long periods where it never happens. Just kind of depends... but all good to know.Just NOTICE thoughts and mental images as they appear, but let them pass on by.
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