Please point me to the truth

[MariaNi]

Hi Michael,

"Is life happening to a tree or as a tree? Can you see that tree is a form of life? That it’s aliveness that takes a form which we call a tree?

Yes, I can see that.

Is life happening to this body or as this body?

As this body.

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Can you see that what we call thoughts, feelings, sensations, situation, people, all are names for a form. And we fixate on labels for forms. But all that is aliveness showing up as forms.

Yes, I can see that. And the fixation part.

Is life happening to you or as you?"

Life is happening as me, but sometimes it feels like it's happening to me, given the fixation with the labels.

Thank you!
Maria

[MichaelD]

Hi Maria,

Sorry for the delay - unexpected happenings yesterday.....

A great post.

How is your sense of self showing up these days? What makes you still think / feel that there is one?

Warm regards,

Michael

[MariaNi]

Hi Michael!

No worries at all. I've had unexpected things happening too, a little accident which left me with a broken nose, but I'm feeling better.

How is your sense of self showing up these days? What makes you still think / feel that there is one?

So, I started dating someone the past couple of weeks and my sense of self is showing up quite often in the form of insecurities, attachment to thoughts and sleepless nights.. It's getting better, but I find it much harder now to do my 5-10 minute 'stay in the present' exercise and inquiry.


Thank you!
Maria

[MichaelD]

Hi Maria,

Very sorry to learn that the universe has put your nose out of joint........

my sense of self is showing up quite often in the form of insecurities, attachment to thoughts and sleepless nights.

Ok, So if you are attached to the thoughts (that you have learnt just pop up on their own) then yyou will believe the stories that begin to run. If you have a new partner the narrative is all going to be about 'you' in relation to the 'other'. If they are negative stories about yourself then insecurity will increase.....

Can you watch this process?

Can you see how the stories build?, create a particular feeling or mood?, Create a particular 'self'?

Same on the positive side - Can you see the romantic love story being created and believed?, how this too changes your mood and 'self'?

Are these selves then not a product of narrative, of fictions?

:-)

Micheal

[MariaNi]

Hi Michael,

If you have a new partner the narrative is all going to be about 'you' in relation to the 'other'. If they are negative stories about yourself then insecurity will increase.....

Yes, exactly.

Can you watch this process?

Yes, I'll try.

Can you see how the stories build?, create a particular feeling or mood?, Create a particular 'self'?

oh yes. They suck. I can see how insecurities start building up, repeating older behavioral patterns. This is hard to watch as a bystander, and not being involved. But I'm trying my best to keep up with my meditation practice.

Same on the positive side - Can you see the romantic love story being created and believed?, how this too changes your mood and 'self'?

No, I can't see the romantic love story yet. My relationships haven't been that great in the past so I think I'm a bit cynical about whatever is it that is going to unfold! hehe But I'll keep an eye on that too.

Are these selves then not a product of narrative, of fictions?

Yes, they are. It's so crazy and sad at the same time. I feel like I'm between two worlds, the world of being aware and deconstructing reality and the world of my old stories. I'd like to step out of the latter and move fully to the first one.

Thank you Michael!
Maria

[MichaelD]

Hi Maria,

Great the way you can see previous experiences conditioning / influencing the present.

A woman whose name I don't have with me at work when she gated said:

LU helped me see:

"Thoughts as thoughts
Stories as stories
And self as fiction".

You are right in this territory now.

Keep seeing that self is an ongoiung fiction created by thoughts that are believed.

:-)

Michael

[MariaNi]

Hi Michael,

Keep seeing that self is an ongoing fiction created by thoughts that are believed.

Thank you Michael. I can see that, when I purposefully look into this. I feel like I have one foot in awareness that there's no self and my other foot in my old ways. I hope I'll have both feet in awareness at some point.
I've been better in practicing being more aware of body sensations, and sounds and sights and getting more relaxation out of meditation, which is great news. I've also been interested today in noticing the space between the objects, and the silence between the sounds.

Thank you!
Maria

[MichaelD]

Hi Maria,

Thanks for the post. You seem grounded and calm.

Apologies for the gap. I work as a lecturer and term has started. Very full on!

I've been better in practicing being more aware of body sensations, and sounds and sights

When a bodily sensation is noticed is it 'yours' or is it something just occurs (that we then label and respond to)?

Likewise with sounds and sights.

Look for what they occur 'to' or 'in'.

Is there anything there that can be found? and that could be called a self?

Try this looking several times throughout the day.

Enjoy investigating!

Remember - you are looking for the self!! (because you believe there is one) Is it there? Can it be found?

Michael

[MariaNi]

Hi Michael,

No problem at all. I’ve been quite busy at work too and didn’t take my lunch (enquiry) breaks as usual. I will do though and get back to you.

Thank you!
Maria

[MariaNi]

Hi Michael,

I've been busy busy busy lately. But thankfully I've managed to get some time during lunch and do a bit of enquiring today.

When a bodily sensation is noticed is it 'yours' or is it something just occurs (that we then label and respond to)?

The latter. It just occurs.

Likewise with sounds and sights.

Sounds just exist and so do sights.

Is there anything there that can be found? and that could be called a self?

No, I can't find the self.

Thank you!
Maria

[MichaelD]

Hi Maria,

Great. Keep noticing this.

What is the impact of seeing this?

Michael

[MariaNi]

Hi Michael,

What is the impact of seeing this?

Relaxation and calmness, whenever I’m reminded of this. There’s less contraction and more kindness.

Thank you!
Maria

[MichaelD]

Hi Maria,

Very sorry for the long gap. Simple pressure of work. Where are you with your inquiry? what are you investigating? Do you still believe you have a self? If so where is it? What is it doing?

Michael.

[MariaNi]

Hi Michael,

Talking about long gaps, I can't believe it's Sunday already and I haven't replied to you!
My apologies too. October is a very busy month. I work at uni too and I'm trying to keep up with deadlines, friendships, hobbies, and a new relationship.
The inquiry isn't going well. Although, I don't believe I have a self, and I can't find it when I'm looking, I haven't been really looking for it lately. I can hardly get 15 minutes every day to notice the physical sensations in my body and relax a bit.
Do you have any exercises to suggest?

Thank you and apologies for the delay,
Maria

[MichaelD]

Hi Maria,

Thanks for your post. You do sound like you have a lot on so that can make inquiry more difficult.

Perhaps go back to the very early excercises where you explore separation.

Choose an item such as a cup or an apple and look at it. If there is a separate self, we should be able to locate a boundary.

In direct experience can a boundary be found?

Is there an act of perception or is perception just occurring?

Really search in direct experience.......but in a relaxed, open way.....What is the truth.....Self there / boundary there...........separation or not?

Michael :-)