Looking for guidance - am tired of the cycle of becoming

[Seeker2019]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
The way we perceive inner and outer reality is influenced by a belief to be a separate entity that exists independent of the outer world: the self. The perception is that the self is in control of the things going in our mind and has influence over them. It appears as a fixed thing that is always the same when perceived.

What are you looking for at LU?
Guidance in exploring how there is not self. I am on a buddhist path and want to get stream entry. I did some investigations a while ago and they produced preliminary result. I hope to get closer to the realization by receiving support in inquiry and direct pointing

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Being challenged in my beliefs about what I am. I hope to get pointers of where to look and in which direction the investigation needs to go. I also hope to get told where I am holding on, what my blind spots are and where false beliefs in what "no self" means hold me back.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have four years mediation experience (shamatha/ mindfulness of breathing), and went on some retreats. On the last one I was instructed to do some investigations like where is the sense of self, or is there a self in a body sensation. I also investigates suffering trying to find the self. I had some moments that revealed a truth to me but it was not a breath through and now it feels like I lost it.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 9

[Seamist]

Hi Seeker,
I can guide you if you like. I'm a Buddhist too and your initial post resonated with me.
Are you up for posting every day? I find that makes a huge difference to progress in this work. It doesn't have to be long - in fact short and pithy is often better. And of course if our means that you can't post on a particular day, that's fine, but I ask that you let me know.
How does that sound so far?
Sioned

[Seeker2019]

Hi Sioned,

Do I call you Sioned?

Yes, i would be happy to work with your guidance. I will post everyday, and if something comes up that makes it impossible I will let you know.

I have a question, I meditate daily and do not want to give my practice up. Is that a problem? I am not sure after reading the FAQ.

You can call me Alex if you want, but Seeker is fine too.

Sounds good!

Alex / Seeker

[Seamist]

Hi Alex,
That's great.
Have your read the initial blurb about this work?
If not, do so now.
Then have a think about what your hopes are for this work. Let met know what they are
I think it's probably give for you to continue your usual meditation: what is it you do? You may find that how you feel about it changes as we go, just be open to that.
This is great work! I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful.
X
Sioned

[Seeker2019]

Hi Sioned

Great, so let's do it :)

I do shamatha vipassana meditation, training stability and mindfulness of the sensations of the breath at the nose, and being open to what comes up.

What my hopes are. Well, first let me say that so many thoughts come up. I think that is something that I hope, to let go of all these ideas what should happen, how it should be....

I hope to experience what I seem to grasp intellectually, to see how the trick works that makes me think I am a separate self. I hope that I then can get a break and find some rest from this search that I started. I think one thought that comes up is to find a sort of validation that I can do it. I think I built and identity around this "I am a meditator and want to have a certain experience because I believe life will be better then". Immediately I think that is stupid, and then I think that these thoughts and judgements just get me deeper into this mess. I just want to be free of this feeling that I need to be free and that something is wrong and I need something to feel better. It all gets so conceptual and heady and I notice this usually makes me feel worse.

[Seamist]

Thanks for that.
Yes, lots of conceptual stuff there... The great thing about this work is that it involves just looking at your actual direct experience, rather than thinking things through. As you correctly observe, it is all too possible to "know" it intellectually, but REALLY knowing it is a different thing all together.

what do you imagine it will be like, once you've seen through the idea of the self?

[Seeker2019]

I imagine that life will be easier in a certain way. I think that looking through the illusion will help to stay more grounded in times of emotional turmoil. Emotions won't go away, but they become a bit less sticky, a bit less seductive. I think it will be easier to stay cool instead of reacting because the ego self feels threatened. I think it will be easier to not react out of anger habitually. I think that it will be easier to see sorrow and anxiety as just thoughts and feelings come up and stop spinning big stories. Said differently I hope there will be more choice to act out of positive value and conviction instead out of self defense and habits. That suffering will be diminished.

[Seamist]

That all sounds reasonably realistic to me. Three usual thing is to advise people that it will probably be nothing like they expect, so maybe best that in mind.

Any fears?

[Seeker2019]

I am sure it still will be different than I expect :)

fears
Do you mean any fears in general or about this process?

Maybe there is some doubt, like, a fear that it won't work on me. It's more a doubt, but you could express it as a fear.

In general. Yes, I fear death, disease, loosing loved ones. I fear the destruction of the environment will bring suffering and pain.

[Seamist]

About this process

[Seeker2019]

Ok, so it's maybe just that little doubt/fear that I can't do it. But it is not very strong.

[Seamist]

All good then, from my point of view.
But be assured that it is do-able, so long as you whole-heartedly engage.
More shortly!

[Seamist]

Let's begin, then.
Some theory to set the scene;
There is no such separate entity as self. There is no self at all, no manager, controller, but life flowing freely, all is one reality, one life. Life just IS.

It is so simple, that it's most difficult to see. Thinking that we all have a special separate self that is in charge of our lives it's nothing else, but unquestioned assumption. It's a core belief, through which a human sees life. The feeling of separation persists in everyday life, making one always stressed, depressed or seeking for more. There is deep constant feeling that something is wrong, that there is something to find out, that life is not full, not abundant, stressful, unfulfilled.

Of course there is something wrong.
There is this feeling that something is wrong. It rises up from deep and keeps us searching for answers.

The answer is simple- there is no self. There never was. We are not doing anything in life, life is happening not to us, but as us. There is no manager involved that decides what, when, with who, why. Life just happens, by itself, for no reason. It's life alive. It's Life-ing.

The big question is how to see that there is really no self in reality at all.
If you accept this as a belief, without testing, nothing will change. You will have one more belief running in the system creating more conflicts than before. To see the truth of it you need to look for yourself.

Looking is very simple- one just needs a clear intention to finally see the truth, no matter what distractions stand in a way. One needs to be ready to set all expectations aside. It's not scary and it is not magic. One just needs to start thinking for himself and answer some precise questions with whole honesty like never before.


ok so far? any questions on that?

I've more to say,but want to take things a step at a time
xx

[Seeker2019]

Ok, I can accept that as a hypothesis, and have been for a while. Even more: I want to believe! I feel a strong longing for seeing it, experiencing it, feeling it - not only accepting it but feeling it in my inner sense of perceiving the world. I am not there, the feeling/experience of the world is that I am a separate self.

There is deep constant feeling that something is wrong, that there is something to find out, that life is not full, not abundant, stressful, unfulfilled.

Yes, this rings true, this is what drives me.

The only question I have is, the one that brought me here: how can I see, how can I realize it? What can I do to let go and shed this illusion? But this is the question we, I assume can not answer with words, this is why we are going to do this investigation.

Thank you, already for this. I am grateful you want to help me! I feel excited and a bit nervous. But hopeful, grateful and happy. I believe it can happen.

[Seamist]

Hi Alex
Lovely to read your answer! Thank -you.

I want to believe!

it doesn't really involve believing anything, just a willingness to actually look what's there when you really look, without expectations or beliefs (funnily enough!) getting in the way. But you'll find that out for yourself as we go.

The only question I have is, the one that brought me here: how can I see, how can I realize it? What can I do to let go and shed this illusion? But this is the question we, I assume can not answer with words, this is why we are going to do this investigation.

yes! That's my job here, to guide you to that.

Say this aloud to yourself three times:
There is no separate self at all in reality. No agent that is in charge, no manager, no watcher, no owner of life; all there is is life flowing freely as one movement.
Watch, wait, notice, write- what comes up? Is there fear? Is there a doubt? Resistance? Frustration? Something that wants to scream and make a turn away, something that says this is not working? Or maybe there is a feeling of wow, joy, relief?
Notice all that is going on inside and just put it down in writing.


When I bold something, by the way, that means that it's something I want you to do
x Sioned