Would love to see that I am not there.

Postby **silentarrow** » Wed Nov 30, 2011 2:29 pm

Hi,
I have been a seeker for a long time and like the others I have the intellectual understanding,
but the suffering is still there.
I still feel like I am the doer and I do things.
I just want to be done with this and stop being the doer.
And to tell the truth, I am not a good doer too.
So, I just want to stop the doing and let beingness take control.

Thanks,
Faraz

Postby **Ilona** » Wed Nov 30, 2011 3:28 pm

ok, you are here, i am here. let's do it.

what are your expectations? what do you think seeing through this illusion is and what it should be?

Postby **silentarrow** » Wed Nov 30, 2011 4:24 pm

what are your expectations? what do you think seeing through this illusion is and what it should be?

umm, seeing through the illusion would give me a relief.
would see that I am not the body and what happens to the body wouldnt matter to me.
I would no longer be the doer and would no longer try to control things.
would not even try to control things.
would be happy no matter what happens.
would feel that everything and everyone is me and
would feel a sense of joy and would be loving everything and everyone.
would always have a sense of peace.
I would be okay, and wouldnt worry about the future at all.
would always be in the NOW moment and always peaceful.

umm, I think that's it.

Postby **Ilona** » Wed Nov 30, 2011 6:08 pm

Wow. A lot of expectations. And it's not at all what happens.

You believe in fairy tale. You have been trying to find happy ever after.. Ha, it's not what it seems.

All there is - a relief. End of seeking.

Life after that is not all flowers and butterflies and no rosy love all the time. No. It's not peace 24/7. Feelings like anger and frustration are not replaced with zombie like bliss.

All we help you to see is truth. Do you still want that?

If you do, are you ready to leave all expectations behind and take a fresh honest look?

Postby **silentarrow** » Wed Nov 30, 2011 6:12 pm

Oh yes.
I am ready to take a honest look and leave all expectations behind.
Hec, I want to leave the I who has these expectations, behind.

Postby **silentarrow** » Wed Nov 30, 2011 6:22 pm

Hi,
It's really late in my part of the world and my eyes are paining too,
because I have been working on the computer almost whole day today.
Will be here tomorrow and will be be able to stay late.
And just to let you know, I am willing to do whatever it takes to see through the illusion.

Postby **Ilona** » Wed Nov 30, 2011 6:42 pm

That's the spirit :) Good start.
Thank you.

We will talk tomorrow.
Sweet dreams.

Postby **silentarrow** » Thu Dec 01, 2011 1:26 pm

Okay, here I am.
Ready for your guidance.

Postby **Ilona** » Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:03 pm

ok, silentarrow, let's see what comes up for you when you let this thought in:

there is no separate entity 'me' at all, there is no one in control of life, no manager, as in zero.

Postby **silentarrow** » Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:16 pm

ok, silentarrow, let's see what comes up for you when you let this thought in:

there is no separate entity 'me' at all, there is no one in control of life, no manager, as in zero.

what comes up is that I still feel that I am separate and in control.

Although I could say that I know there is no 'me' and 'no one in control'
but that's just theoritical knowledge for me.

What Is true for me now is that I still feel that I am separate and in control.

Postby **Ilona** » Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:26 pm

if that was true, that there is no you, what would be lost?

Postby **silentarrow** » Thu Dec 01, 2011 2:37 pm

if that was true, that there is no you, what would be lost?

I am not sure how to answer this one. so, I think the concept of 'I' would be lost and all the stress associated with it.

Postby **Ilona** » Thu Dec 01, 2011 3:13 pm

Imagine what life would be like if that was true. Tell us a story, how would everything fit, what about you, other people, animals, nature?
Describe in detail, what would life be like if there really were no separate entities in charge of individual lives.

Postby **silentarrow** » Thu Dec 01, 2011 3:21 pm

Imagine what life would be like if that was true. Tell us a story, how would everything fit, what about you, other people, animals, nature?
Describe in detail, what would life be like if there really were no separate entities in charge of individual lives.

umm, I am not sure I understand your question.
but there are no separate entities now also, right?
so, life would be the same as it is now.

it's just that I would become different if I saw that there was no separation.

Please dont mind this answer, but I really didnt get the question.

Postby **Ilona** » Thu Dec 01, 2011 3:28 pm

Righ, the answer, 'I'm not sure' is not gonna work here. If I ask you a question, you find an answer and come back when you are sure.
You have to dig for answer, not just throw words that show me that you are not looking.
So try again.

Yes there are no separate entities already. So the task is easy.

Let me rephrase the question.
What would your life be like if there really was no you in control.

Since you do not see it clearly, the exercise is to imagine.