Continuing with Mitzuko

[Matthew]

But of course! Any time!

[mitzuko]

hello Matteo, did you get my message?

[mitzuko]

Matthew, sorry :-)

[Matthew]

Nope, sorry I haven't received am PM from you.
I'll send you one, to which you can simply reply.

[mitzuko]

let's continue! :-)

[Matthew]

Have a look at the word/thought "my name".
Is there by nature anything special about these letters?

What if you wake up in the moring.
You forgot your name and your whole story.
What would you be?
When everything is forgotten. What remains here?

[mitzuko]

Have a look at the word/thought "my name".
Is there by nature anything special about these letters?

It's just a name.
It does not mean anything

When everything is forgotten. What remains here?

remains what is there.
and I can not make peace with it.

[Matthew]

WHAT IS cannot be in peace or not in peace.
It simply is what it is and it is good as it is. Since it could not be any different.
Or could it?
Do you have control over what happens?

and I can not make peace with it.

Did you want this thought to appear?
Do you like having this thought?

If not, do you have control over this and other thoughts appearing?

[mitzuko]

Hello Matthew, I apologize if I take a long time to respond, but these days there is a lot of confusion, so I can not see the answers to these simple questions (at least for now).
I'm waiting for a bit more clarity before answering..

[mitzuko]

WHAT IS cannot be in peace or not in peace.

ok i see this

It simply is what it is and it is good as it is. Since it could not be any different.
Or could it?
Do you have control over what happens?

no but it is a conclusion that derives from a mental analysis.
I keep feeling myself the author

"and I can not make peace with it."

Did you want this thought to appear?
Do you like having this thought?

If not, do you have control over this and other thoughts appearing?

no, but despite this I continue to feel that I am the thought
if "I look for myself" I continue to find (and feel) myself in thought, in the body, in the emotions
I wanted to tell you something that I noticed.
There have been a couple of occasions where I have "really become aware" that what I'm doing points to the "death" of the sense of being here, of existing as I know it, aims to dissolve "me" in everything ( or in nothingness).
I felt strongly that I did not want this, that I do not want to lose myself, I do not want to "stop being here".
I felt a great fear.
great.
as if this "dissolving" of the "me" involved an intolerable expansion, which gives vertigo.

[Matthew]

Well yes. What we are doing here is no joke. It is one of the greatest game changers in existence.
It does not come without its cost on the way.
So while of course there is no real ego, which can die, it certainly feels like a dying process.

This can only happen if your desire is great enough to even die for it.

Do you have this desire or do you want to hold onto that current dream identity a little longer?

[mitzuko]

There were moments in my life when I wanted to die.
BUT
To die for not feeling anything anymore !!
to die and CONTINUE TO FEEL it seems a bit of a rip off: P
even if I know that after that, feeling will be no more of anyone and this will probably make it that "that's okay".
but the truth is that my life as I perceive it now, is worth nothing to me, besides being very painful.
so the alternative is to choose the forgetting of drugs forever.
this also seems like a good rip-off.
and in the long run I know that the need for truth will push from the heart, it has always done and will continue to do so.
if I want to die for the truth?
in conscience, having had a barlume of what REALLY mean for silvia (my real name) I would say that NO, I do not really want to die.
but at the same time I know that this thing has to go on and it will do it whether I want it or not.
only if I do it alone I risk being trapped in the "compromise" of the researcher forever.
so it is necessary, NECESSARY that someone / something help me to detach my head once and for all, helping me to unmask the deceptions that my ego will put in place to keep itself alive.
help me, if you can, to go BEYOND and please, please, do not get tired of me until it's over.

[Matthew]

Let's try something!
I'll show you some pointers from Meister Eckhart, that have helped me a lot back in the days.

but at the same time I know that this thing has to go on and it will do it whether I want it or not.

If the soul is to know God it must forget itself and lose itself, for as long as it contemplates self, it cannot contemplate God.

Furthermore:

When it has lost itself and everything in God, it finds itself again in God when it attains to the knowledge of Him, and it finds also everything which it had abandoned complete in God.

and in the long run I know that the need for truth will push from the heart

Not only does the need for the truth come from the heart, the very truth itself does come from nowhere other than within.

In whichever soul God's Kingdom appeareth, and which knoweth God's Kingdom, that soul needeth no human preaching or instruction; it is taught from within and assured of eternal life.


Let these sentences sink in.
After that, please read the whole text and tell me what comes up:

https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Sermons_ ... he_Kingdom

[mitzuko]

as a first impact, I'm crying.
I feel so alone, lost and scared, in every moment of my life ..
I'll do what you told me and I'll read the link, then I'll let you know.
Thank you..

[mitzuko]

If the soul is to know God it must forget itself and lose itself, for as long as it contemplates self, it cannot contemplate God.

My question is still: HOW?
Can it be a "voluntary" act?