1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, there's just thoughts and feelings arising from our conditionings that get labeled "me", but "me" is nothing more than a label that is usually accompanied with a strong sense of belief, which is also simply arising in awareness. "Me" connects memories, which gives us that feeling of there being a me-through-time, even though we can only ever find a "me-right-now", which is a much subtler sense of being I'm starting to notice, like an "I am"-ness inside awareness.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
All we can ever experience is within awareness. Inside this single awareness we have thought up a division labeled "me" and "other". As a child we think we become invisible, when we put our hands over our eyes, which isn't such a silly intuition as I used to believe. We soon learned afterwards that the people that appear inside awareness actually have an awareness just like this all-ness. But what we
don't see is that this
still is just merely a believed thought appearing inside this grand awareness. It gets a life of its own.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels free and timeless. There's no believed judgments of "the current situation", which is like a simplified label stamped on a certain time
period. The label that sticks these "current situation" memories together over time is "me", as in separate from "other".
It also feels a bit chaotic and mysterious, because of the continuous coming and going of phenomenal things inside awareness, while there's no believe anymore of "knowing what will come". It's like I keep finding myself inside a certain situation and I don't have the illusion of that situation being permanent.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Definitely the realization of the "spiritual seeker" me. This seeker was always judging what it was observing. Once the seeker thoughts were observed, clarity came.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
When we observe "the outside world", like with experiences of vision and sounds, we experience a simulation, a representation of it inside our awareness, the only thing we'll ever experience of it. The bird we see and hear is not the bird itself, but an effect of some external cause from the outside world. But we are not outside the outside world. Experiences like decision, intention, free will, choice and control are all just as much following the laws of physics as the things we see a simulation of. Like when we put a drop of ink inside a glass of water, and name one of those beautiful blobs of ink "Tom" and the rest as "outside world". But in reality there's no separation at all.
Besides these mere beliefs of "the how", I thankfully simply limit myself to experience and just see cause and effect arising as impermanence, without a "me".
6) Anything to add?
Thank you, Tim! :)
