Seeing freedom

[SeeingFreely]

Hey Kay

Just want to say I'm not avoiding answering but have been out all day till now (I did remember to do quite a bit of looking!) and still have to pack to leave in the morning and get a good nights sleep- night bus tomorrow! I will have plenty of time on the bus during the day too so will reply tomorrow promise.

Love

Anna

[forgetmenot]

Hey Anna....thank you for letting me know. No pressure. If you feel you aren't ready to answer them again at this moment..that is fine. We can just continue to look if you prefer.

Love, Kay

[SeeingFreely]

Hello Kay


I've had another go at the final questions...

Can you answer the following questions with some detail please, and answer what's true for you , rather than any sort of 'ideal' answer. Also please provide examples where asked.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?

No. There is not and was never a separate self. There are times when the illusion of a separate self seems very real but when I look I see it is an illusion.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of a separate self arises when the content of thought is taken to be real - that thought identifies actual experience of sound, colour, taste, smell, sensation and thought as belonging to an 'I' and labelling everything else as 'not me'. This illusion is further elaborated by thought stories about this 'I' choosing, controlling , desiring, feeling. For me, the illusion seems always to be coming from taking the content of thought too seriously, not looking, and thereby forgetting that the self all the thought refers to is only another concept and not AE.

3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.

It feels like putting down something I've been carrying everywhere, suddenly realising it's not needed. Sometimes it feels like a barely noticeable difference and other times like more of a substantial weight.
So I've had a few mental/emotional highs and lows the last days which has been a useful contrast for looking. It seems it has been getting easier to interrupt thought and either drop it or challenge it. I have especially noticed this in relation to thoughts where I compare my self to others and also generally worries, big and small. It doesn't really change anything but feels freeing.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

I think in the last couple of days it was helpful having one day where I think I said before, felt very peaceful, pleasant when looking and seeing no self. You asked if there was any expectation there. I wasn't sure but then when I had a more challenging situation the next day I looked and found no 'self' that this bad feeling was happening to. That felt ok. There was still this feeling thought labels unpleasant but there was a detachment from it, a (at least temporary) cutting off of more thought stories coming and adding layers of thought upon thought. So I understood that when I thought there was a pleasantness to seeing no self actually what I was experiencing was thought, albeit quite subtle thought.

5) a) Describe decision, interesting ntion, free will, choice and control.

They are all concepts, the content of thought and cannot be found in AE. They all depend on a separate self, in control and coordinating them.

b) What makes things happen? How does it work?

Things just happen.

c) What are you responsible for?

Responsibility also depends on there being a separate self who is the one responsible, so there is no 'me' to be responsible for anything.

d) Give examples from experience.

There's a growing list of chores to be done and thought comes in saying 'I- separate me- better get organised and prioritise and stop being lazy and get on with it. Nothing happens. Later, I find myself busy having done almost everything without thinking about it. To me this kind of situation highlights how there is no 'I' controlling or choosing what happens.
Mix up with bus tickets and thought comes in again shouting and complaining. Remembering to recognise it as just thought, the situation doesn't change but I feel lighter.
Feeling very concerned about a personal problem I stop and breakdown experience into colour, sensation etc. Seeing there is no self this problem is happening to there is a sense of greater ease.
Looking very closely at sensation when eating I see that there is no pleasant or unpleasant. Thee are thoughts that label this ways but the AE is taste and sensation and sound and thought. This was important for me as I had been finding it hard to separate pleasant and unpleasant from sensation.


With love

Anna

[forgetmenot]

Hello Anna,

Thank you for your responses. It seems to me that you are clear about what is happening with the yo-yoing and that you are looking and seeing what actually is, as opposed to the thought stories. Thank you for the great examples in Q5 and it was delightful to read your responses to Q3.

So from here, I am going to ask other guides to have a look at the thread, to make sure that I have covered everything clearly with you. This may take a day or two. There may be further questions for you if the other guides want something clarified, and they may not.

This was important for me as I had been finding it hard to separate pleasant and unpleasant from sensation.

And just remember to ask if the sensation itself suggests in any way that it is either pleasant or unpleasant, or if that is only a thought that is 'comparing' the sensation based on the thought story appearing. But from what you have written you have already started to see that there is no pleasant or unpleasant.\

I will be in contact with you as soon as I have heard back from the other guides. In the mean time, keep up the great work of looking.

With love, Kay

[forgetmenot]

Hello Anna,

Congratulations, and welcome through the Gateless Gate. There are no further questions for you. It has been a pleasure to walk this 'journey' with you and point the way. Thank you for being so open and willing to LOOK!

Keep an eye out for an email notification from the forum about a PM (private message) inviting you to join our Aftercare group on Facebook. The PM also details other resources available to you. Your name will change from green to blue on the forum, which indicates that you have had the realisation of there being no separate self.

You can contact me at any time if you have any questions etc, via the forums PM system, or via Facebook if you decide to join our groups there.

Love, Kay

[SeeingFreely]

Hey Kay!

Thank you so much for guiding me so consistently and patiently! I feel very grateful for the effort you make here at LU. It's been a fascinating journey...and is continuing to be as I keep LOOKING. I've sent a friend request and msg on Facebook.

Love

Anna

[forgetmenot]

Hey Anna!

You are more than welcome. Guiding is such a privilege. I look forward to seeing you on Facebook.

Love, Kay