Crossed the gate last night

[Vixine]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
I am experiencing the awareness of this manifestation of the universe... somehow I am experiencing this life situation of a person who has been in pain and seeking her whole life to find peace and growth but was not aware of what that meant... she was also 'aware' of another awareness but could never make sense of it until now.

What are you looking for at LU?
This awareness just came last night. There has been a lifetime of seeking which became much more intense recently. I suppose this mind, this manifestation, still feels the need for some additional understanding and answers, or further guidance to fully experience the truth in this life and move forward in authenticity, without being lost again in the world.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Connection and exchange of ideas, words, that may enable further realization. For example there are questions like... are all the other forms in my universe also in their own universe, or only in this one? Does each 'person' have their own, parallel universe? Or are they all interwoven as one? And there are still questions about suffering... is all suffering in the world just expression of my own suffering? This may be too much mind speak... but questions like this are part of what led to this awakening.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
Many years of on and off meditation, intense interest in buddhism, mindfulness, world religion, myth, and the unexplained connections seen in the human world. Recently a quickening of seeking... feeling of being led every moment and every day... first to an initial awakening to an acceptance of the reality of spiritual truths, then a few weeks of seeking and asking for the truth, the experience and understanding of no self and of this life as a manifestation of the source.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

[kvotski]

Hello Vixine,

I can help if you like.

Tell me in detail what did you cross? Which gate? What is this gate?

And who are you?

Please take a look at our rules of engagement and let me know if you can indeed post regulalry, honestly and avoid other teachings for the moment.

Regards,

Sunil

[Vixine]

Hi, Thank you Sunil

I don't know and I feel very confused today! When I wrote this what was meant was that for the first time I felt I had seen and understood that "I" am simply the energy or consciousness that has been experiencing this body and this expression of form... one of billions or maybe an infinite number of forms... that this experienced universe is not a universe of "me" walking around and fending for myself in a scary place with no meaning, but it is the perception of experience through this body and form.... if that makes sense.

All day yesterday I felt wonderfully free and I saw everything in life as an expression of myself... my child, my parents, the sun and the wind - and there was a feeling of intense love for everything.

Today is Monday, and I am trying to work at my job, and mind and ego have taken over, struggling with anxieties and feelings of wanting things to be different, wanting to change everything and live some different life now that the perspective of what this life is has changed so dramatically.

So, now I am not sure anymore what the gate is, or who I am. "I think" I am just life, giving life to this form, becoming conscious of this truth.... but I don't know anymore.

I can post regularly but I'm afraid ... I am afraid to commit to taking a break from other teachings. I know Eckhart Tolle and ACIM feel good, I am afraid to feel meaningless and feel that there is no reason to be here or to lead this life. But is that what happens?

[kvotski]

Hi Vixine,

Yes that’s what happens at Vixine. It may happen same or different elsewhere.

You living life through the body is very romantic. But is it true?

There has to be a you first.

Is there?

What is it, where can one find it?

I love your journey.


Sunil

[kvotski]

Oh, why do Tolle and ACIM make you feel good?

What do they make you feel like?

[Vixine]

Hi Sunil

Thank you. I am not sure if there is an individual me. But if not, why do I see this story of this life? Why do it feel that I see through my eyes and experience all of this... or how? Is asking what is 'me' just semantics? "I think" I am a person, or "I think" I am the life/consiciousness animating this form, or "I think" I am a dream of a life... how are we to know?

So it is meaningless? Then why would you want that? Tolle and ACIM make me feel good because they point to something greater and also the ability to feel love and enjoy this life, whatever it is. There is a theme of not being an individual but being a part of the big "life" or being or source, or whatever you want to call it. If I am not an individual, but there is this existence of something that I am part of, that feels comforting. Maybe that is me holding on.

But are you saying that there is nothing? But you are writing to me... who are you?

[kvotski]

Hi Vixine,

Remember direct experience from our prologue at LU? If not check out Neil’s article on thehome page.

Now apply that to all your questions here, including who is this person sunil?

Be rigorous and let me know what you find.

Sunil.

[kvotski]

For example,

But if not, why do I see this story of this life? Why do it feel that I see through my eyes and experience all of this... or how? Is asking what is 'me' just semantics? "I think" I am a person, or "I think" I am the life/consiciousness animating this form, or "I think" I am a dream of a life... how are we to know?

In DE. not ideas or concepts, is there a you living this life, feeling through eyes, even thinking? What is happening by itself and what needs a doer?

So it is meaningless? Then why would you want that? Tolle and ACIM make me feel good because they point to something greater and also the ability to feel love and enjoy this life, whatever it is. There is a theme of not being an individual but being a part of the big "life" or being or source, or whatever you want to call it. If I am not an individual, but there is this existence of something that I am part of, that feels comforting. Maybe that is me holding on.

In DE, what happens when you get comforted by Tolle's words or ACIM?

Is there anything other than DE of whatever that happens?

IS the mind assigning (or thoughts arising) some special status to these feelings?

But are you saying that there is nothing? But you are writing to me... who are you?

let me not say anything. What are you saying? Is there something? What is it that you experience directly?

Who is Sunil?

Is he any more than your DE of these words?


-Sunil

[Vixine]

Hi Sunil

I am sorry to waste your time but it doesn't feel like this is quite right... it feels sort of sick trying to dive into something when I don't know what it is. This seems to be pointing to the same thing I glimpsed the other night, but for whatever reason this doesn't feel like the way for Vixine.

Thank you for taking the time to help. Maybe someday I will return with the utmost humility and ask for assistance again :)

[kvotski]

That seems like the right thing to do for you.

May i recommend a book, hot off the press, called “subtraction” by shawn Nevins about his journey to enlightenment.

Best wishes.

[Vixine]

Thank you - I will look :)