I am, but there is no me

[forgetmenot]

Hello Swaram,

For the next few days, I would like you to use the following steps to LOOK. Remember I gave you the same thing as a way to look at 'fear', well you can use the way of looking all the time. Whenever a thought comes up that seems to create doubt, or is seems to be identifying as a 'self' etc, you can use this form of looking. This is how I used to look. For you perhaps, exchange the word 'doubt' for 'expectation' or whatever suits.

Let’s look at ‘doubt’.

The label ‘doubt’ is the AE of thought and not the AE of doubt
The sensation labelled ‘doubt’ is the AE of sensation and not the AE of doubt
The colour labelled ‘me/I/body’ is the AE of colour and not the AE of doubt
The thoughts ABOUT doubt are AE of thought and not AE of doubt

So, is there actual experience of ‘doubt’ or what is actually appearing (AE) is label + sensation + colour + thoughts ABOUT doubt?

When ‘doubt’ appears, close your eyes and do the following. You can use this exercise for any thought that appears.

1) Look at the label 'doubt' or the thought ‘I am feeling doubtful’ itself. See the label/thought as a typewritten word/sentence in the ‘mind’s eye’ across the forehead

Does the thought know anything about doubt, or is it just a bunch of letters?
Is the label ‘doubt’ itself doubtful?
Is the thought itself in doubt?
Can you find anyone/anything in the word itself that is doubtful?

2) Then look at the sensation and ignore everything else but the sensation itself.
Inquire into the sensation and ask if the sensation itself knows anything about and “I” who “doubtful”.

Look and see if the sensation itself is the doubtful self. If the words ‘yes’ , or ‘yes, this is the self’ appears, go back to Step 1 and see the words across the forehead and repeat step 1.

And then look to see if there is anyone/anything in the sensation or behind the sensation that can be ‘doubtful’.

If other random mental images appear during the noticing of the sensation, check to see if those images are the self who is doubtful, or are they images that are simply arising and subsiding? If other ‘loud’ thoughts appear, check to see if they are the self that is doubtful as you did in step 1.

3) Look at the mental image/outline labelled body.
Does the image/outline itself know anything about ‘doubt’ or about an “I” who is doubtful
And then look to see if there is anyone/anything in the colour that knows anything about ‘doubt’ or that can be ‘doubtful’.

If other random mental images appear during the noticing of the sensation, check to see if those images are the self who is doubtful, or are they images that are simply arising and subsiding? If other ‘loud’ thoughts appear, check to see if they are the self that is doubtful, as you did in step 1.

4) With eyes still closed look everywhere and see if you can find anyone or anything that is doubtful or in doubt.

Let me know how you go .

With love, Kay

[forgetmenot]

Hi Swaram,

I thought that the guiding in the following link, might be of some assistance to you. It is based on the looking that I showed you to do. The entire thread from the beginning is not necessary to read. Just read from where the link starts to the end...there is only a few pages.

https://www.liberationunleashed.com/nat ... 09#p241600

Let me know if it was of any help.

With love, Kay

[Swaram]

Hello Kay,

I've been using the steps you sent me to look as much as possible throughout the day. I've been looking at anything that comes up: emotions, thoughts, sensations, etc. It has been very helpful. I'll continue to look.

Also, Thank you for the link. I'll read it carefully and get back to you in a few days.

Love, Swaram

[Swaram]

I just tried to access the link, but when I click on it I get a message saying "you are not authorized to read this forum."

[forgetmenot]

Oh...okay. What I will do is copy and paste it and send it to you via the forums PM.

Love, Kay

[Swaram]

Hi Kay,

Can I ask you how you knew you had gated?

[forgetmenot]

Hey Swaram,

Was such a pleasure to read your last message!

Okay, so here are the final questions!

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
b) What makes things happen? How does it work?
c) What are you responsible for?
d) Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

With love, Kay

[Swaram]

Hi Kay,

Here are the answers to the questions. Love, Swaram

Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

There are only thoughts about a separate entity. Like someone who is constantly referred to but never shows up. This has always been this way, NOW.

Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

A sensation/thought/image/etc. appears. A thought about a separate self claiming ownership comes up. Another thought about a belief in a separate self claiming ownership comes up. A thought labelling raw experience comes up. This turns into a habit, which goes unexamined and reinforces the illusion.

How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

Oh, very refreshing. Clarity. Simplicity. Relaxation. One of the main differences has been a lack of involvement in stories of the "separate self". Emotions, thoughts, sensations simply come and go. Looking just feels good.

What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Hard to tell. There have been several very subtle but crucial shifts in the last few days. But I guess the main one was reading in a post you sent me that there is no such thing as a belief. What is called a belief is actually a label for raw experience. That just struck a chord inside and released a ton of energy invested in the belief that there was a "separate self".

Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience

All of the concepts above are labels for thoughts that come up and disappear on their own. There is no one to choose, decide, will, or control anything. The raw experiences take place and a thought comes up claiming ownership, but it is seen as a thought, happening here and now. An "observer" sees the thought, but again it is seen that it is just another thought. Things happen on their own. There is no one here to be responsible for anything. Experiencer and experienced are one and the same. There is just experiencing. Spent the day just automatically registering all experience: walking, eating, writing, etc. No subject anywhere. No object anywhere. Just inexplicable, vivid, raw experience, including the appearances labelled "thoughts".

Anything to add?

The overall mood has been one of 'not knowing'. There used to be all kinds of opinions and convictions on what things like a spiritual path or awakening should look like. These convictions seem to be gone. Expectations are seen for what they are and not having a 'set structure' jus feels surprisingly refreshing and relaxing.

[forgetmenot]

Hey Swaram,

Thank you for your lovely responses. They certainly feel and read differently to when you done them the first time round. I am so happy for you. :)

Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

There are only thoughts about a separate entity. Like someone who is constantly referred to but never shows up. This has always been this way, NOW.

I just have one question with regards to your answer to Q1 as I don't understand what you mean when you say, " This has always been this way, NOW." Can you explain it to me please?

With love, Kay

[Swaram]

I just ment to say that there is only NOW :)

[forgetmenot]

Thank you Swaram. What happens now is that I will get a couple of guides to look at the thread to make sure everything has been covered and clear. This may take a couple of days. They may have some other questions for you to answer, or they may not. In any case, I will be in contact with you when I know something.

Love, Kay

[forgetmenot]

Hello Swaram...wow, we had a quick response, and I got a "clear and stable" from the other guide. So welcome to the Gateless Gate! :) It has been a pleasure to walk with you and point the way. Thank you for being so open, honest and willing to LOOK!

Keep an eye out for an email notification from the forum about a PM (private message) inviting you to join our Aftercare group on Facebook. The PM also details other resources available to you. Your name will change from green to blue, which indicates that you have had the realisation of there being no separate self.

You can contact me at any time if you have any questions etc, via the forums PM system, or via Facebook if you decide to join our groups there.

Love, Kay

[Swaram]

Hi Kay,

I am the one who must thank you for your patience and clarity, and for having kindly taken the time to guide me on this investigation!

Much love,

Swaram

[forgetmenot]

Hey Swaram....no probs! My absolute pleasure! Look forward to continuing our connection on FB.

Love, Kay