Trackless Bird

[s-p-a-c-e]

...and if you're special then what does that bring?

[Periwinkle]

...and if you're special then what does that bring?

Two things, depending on my perspective, and neither of which is a desirable option. Nothing, or bondage to good ole me.

[s-p-a-c-e]

Well being praised sure does make you feel special, means you belong.

[Periwinkle]

Well being praised sure does make you feel special, means you belong.

For me, being praised has always been very problematic. I have always felt like a duck out of water, the odd one out, beginning with my family. So praise has been important.

Also, I've spent a great deal of my life in the performing arts, but have always felt very conflicted about the relationship with the audience.

A year ago I took up the ukelele, and I really enjoy fooling around with it, it's very relaxing to work out tunes and just strum by myself. But once I perform for others, it's not fun anymore, as good ole me is incredibly hard on itself - the pressure for perfection is strong. I wish that weren't the case because people seem to enjoy the music. I'm hoping what we're doing here will help.

Thanks.

[s-p-a-c-e]

Thank you for sharing that. Love a ukelele. :)

Just returning to an earlier post...

Can 'good ole me' claim anything?

No, but it wants to!

We've looked at the smoke and mirrors of 'good ole me' - familiar feelings etc.
And while it's comforting to characterise, are you clear that it is all smoke and mirrors?
That 'good ole me' is not even able to lift a finger an inch, or count to 1.
Having no existence as anything that could do that.
If it was in a play, it would be written out.

Many thanks!
John

[Periwinkle]

We've looked at the smoke and mirrors of 'good ole me' - familiar feelings etc.
And while it's comforting to characterise, are you clear that it is all smoke and mirrors?

I'm clear when I examine it and take the time to unfold it. I'll take this with me into my day today and try to recall it. Even if it's not spontaneous yet, it's still really helpful to recall. It relieves the pressure.

That 'good ole me' is not even able to lift a finger an inch, or count to 1.
Having no existence as anything that could do that.
If it was in a play, it would be written out.

I get that. How could an idea have volition, move a finger, recite from memory? But then I have to ask, who or what is doing this? And why?

[s-p-a-c-e]

When you examine it, go down to the root. Not cursory, definitive, like life depended on it.

It returns because you have always let it off the hook. Fearing the truth.
But would you rather a comforting pretence?

As to the who/what question. That will answer itself.

We stay on point. :)

Many thanks!
John

[Periwinkle]

When you examine it, go down to the root. Not cursory, definitive, like life depended on it.

It returns because you have always let it off the hook. Fearing the truth.
But would you rather a comforting pretence?

Working on it.

Thank you!

[s-p-a-c-e]

Great - thank you.

[Periwinkle]

Good morning John,

I've been chipping away at this, and it's going well. Something is different but I can't quite put my finger on it. Feeling a bit lighter.

Getting a little stuck separating out the good ole me from this living being sitting here writing this.

Thanks.

[s-p-a-c-e]

Good morning John,

I've been chipping away at this, and it's going well. Something is different but I can't quite put my finger on it. Feeling a bit lighter.

Getting a little stuck separating out the good ole me from this living being sitting here writing this.

There are two threads of inquiry that tends to get mixed up, and are better kept distinct.

1. What is the nature of me? - the persona, self-image/self that I took to be running the show, thinking, speaking, reading etc - what we're calling 'good ole me', a character that has become an umbrella for habitual feelings, thoughts, actions.

2. What is the nature of this being? - Or sometimes called (my) true nature. This can only be revealed, not shown or spoken about.

See, I could say - the one writing this - which would be formulating this being as a 'one' and maybe there are ideas about the kind of 'one' that is, and off we go down the rabbit hole.

The self-image, on the other hand, the sense of ownership, of a being that is in charge, is easier to see for what it is: presumption through habit.

Each time we clear away the 'dirt', a little more is revealed. It's always there.

Your might treat being as an endless mystery, for which you have the joy and privilege of exploring and being. :)
Or you might not.

Keep probing and piercing,
John

[Periwinkle]

There are two threads of inquiry that tends to get mixed up, and are better kept distinct.

1. What is the nature of me? - the persona, self-image/self that I took to be running the show, thinking, speaking, reading etc - what we're calling 'good ole me', a character that has become an umbrella for habitual feelings, thoughts, actions.

2. What is the nature of this being? - Or sometimes called (my) true nature. This can only be revealed, not shown or spoken about.

See, I could say - the one writing this - which would be formulating this being as a 'one' and maybe there are ideas about the kind of 'one' that is, and off we go down the rabbit hole.

The self-image, on the other hand, the sense of ownership, of a being that is in charge, is easier to see for what it is: presumption through habit.

Each time we clear away the 'dirt', a little more is revealed. It's always there.

Your might treat being as an endless mystery, for which you have the joy and privilege of exploring and being. :)
Or you might not.

Excellent and clear.

Thanks so much, John.

Onward. A joy and privilege it is. Will report in shortly.

[Periwinkle]

Hi.

Rolling this over in my mind, trying to observe when I "catch" good ole me arising. I spend some dedicated time with it in the morning, then it's off to the races with family/work for most of the day, but the morning time helps to remind me throughout the day to check in.

Found some opportunities today to ask who is...
• trying to control the outcome of something - whether an organization agrees to a request of mine.
• worrying about future financial obligations - more control
• bored at work

Any other suggestions/pointers?

Thank you!

[s-p-a-c-e]

Ok, and what is it you are trying to do with this activity?

[Periwinkle]

Ok, and what is it you are trying to do with this activity?

As I go through my day, don't I unconsciously submit to good ole me, never even knowing that it's active? In noticing it, I have a chance to stop and look - seeing how this fictional "being" is claiming ownership/control. Aren't I attempting to experience the factual absence of it by clearly seeing its non-existence?

I like having something to do (and maybe this is part of the problem!), but if the above is not useful to help make this inquiry "work," then I'm not sure where to go with this.

Thank you.