hey new here....just get in

[nil akash]

hello i am nil akash
if you are new here and not seen the illusion of self post an introduction here.
note:only honest inquirers should post.
whoever is honest and ready to give everything will see it.

[lonilm]

Hi Nil, I am lonilm, and have posted "Need a Guide", and have not received an answer yet...are you a guide? And if is would you be willing to help me?

[nil akash]

hello lonilm
i dont know whether i am a guide or not but i can help you to see it.ya sure.but its upto you ultimately how much comitment you give.
so give me an introduction and what you expect from here.
be honest.

[lonilm]

Hi Nil,
thanks for your response. I have been reading the posts for over a month now, and resisting getting started. Decided it was time.

Introduction? how much personal info do you want? i just had the realization that my life really is just a story, with me as the main character. My husband passed just about a year ago now, and my mind wandered back to our life together. Then the realization that that part of my story is now closed, and all that is left of the story are the memories that are stored within my brain. That was very liberating when i saw that...relieved the longing, the wanting to do things different..etc., it is closed.
Further info...i have read MANY self help books, spitual tehniques, etc., all of which still left me feeling it wasn't all there was. This "feels" right, and i want more.
Commitment? i find myself constantly asking "who" thought that thought, and each time find no "I" thinking it...they just seem to arise, and i can either observe them or latch on to them...but it seems they are usually the same thoughts that just circle around in the brain in an endless circle, and when i become aware of them they cause a feeling within the body and then the mind responds to the stimuli of that feeling. Does that make sense?

Expectations? i don't really have any. Just want to explore this further.

Again, i thank you very much for your response and look forward to our time here.

[nil akash]

let me show you how the process works

I have been
reading the posts for over a month
now, and resisting getting started.
Decided it was time.

what were you resisting? what were you denying? what do you think its time for? chatting? checking the pockets of liberated ones here?

Expectations? i don't really have any.
Just want to explore this further.

explore what ? ideas ? philosophies? no self stuffs? non duality ?
you dont have any expectation then why are you here? do you its non serious party place? do you think we will spoonfed answers to you?

the realization that that
part of my story is now closed, and all
that is left of the story are the
memories that are stored within my
brain. That was very liberating when i
saw that...relieved the longing, the
wanting to do things different..etc., it is
closed.

must be very relieving isn't it? but you are still in the story? not everything that is relieving necssarily be true.see not only everything that is happening to you the life is story but you too are.everything is story a play a drama.centring oneself to the drama is ego doing its job miraculosly.but we will come to those things later.

first you have to know ACTUALLY KNOW what you desire for.unless you are sure of what you want process wont work...it will be just half hearted.
okay?

so this is your first experiment take a pen and paper and write on top

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

see whats coming...and post it .dont be afraid of looking foolish.just be honest.you have nothing to loose just your lies.

[lonilm]

To answer your question of resisting...i was resisting the thought of looking stupid
What Do I Want?
I want to get to the truth of this. I don't want to just "know" there is no "I", I want to "see" there is no I. I want to feel the connection with everything instead of feeling like a seperate self.

[nil akash]

okay fix your attention in just one thing truth.
everyday you wake up just say i want truth WHATEVER THE COST MAY BE.

okay?
some important points:
1)whatever the question is asked should be pondered over again and again throughout the day unless you are stuck with somereal true and real and then post.

2)how will you know whether you have found it or not...just a simple formula-no doubts stand infront of truth.
when you got sometging that seems abs true and real..just intently create doubts in the mind against it...if all doubts just simply fall away against it then it got to be true...it should be right infront of the eyes...okay? u understand?

so lets start
i heard you have read a lot posts hete so must understand something about it.

define self.....what is the self you know about.
we will start from there.

[lonilm]

the self that i know about at this time is confused, angry, depressed, nervous, scared, but there is no "I" creating these feelings. The more I ponder i WANT THE TRUTH WHATEVER THE COST MAY BE, the more all the emotions mentioned above intensify. My mind is putting up a real battle here

[nil akash]

the self that i know about at this time
is confused, angry, depressed,
nervous, scared,

you must have used words in your day to day life like i am confused,i am angry...and so on.isn't it?
so is there anybody creating the confusion, is there anybody behind the anger? how does it pops up?

but there is no "I"
creating these feelings

okay you have looked and didnt find any I behind the feelings.isnt it so?
but then what is this I?
is it a thought belief idea emotion ghost metaphisical entity god etc...what is it actually.look deply into the matter when the sense of 'I' apperas...where is it..what is it..keep checking.
okay?

the
more all the emotions mentioned above
intensify. My mind is putting up a real
battle here

very good.let your whole body..every breath you pass ..let it know what you desire.
but amidst all this try to take a backfoot every now and then and LOOK is there anything behind emotions? is there anything directing your mind? is there anything controlling the DECESION MAKING PROCESS of your system or is it just influenced to choose its best option.

and one last thing: dont expect too much from the process.the process is simple....you look you inquire you find.thats all.

keep looking
okay?

[lonilm]

still looking, and no I to be found. I can find nothing behind the emotions. When i really look at them, question them, there is nothing there...just an emotion, nothing to substantiate it. And as far as i see at this time the mind is just willy nilly to what ever is occuring around me. I can find nothing controlling the decision making process right now.
I will continue to look and post again later.
Thanks Nil

[lonilm]

There is no "I"....there is awareness, but no "I".

[nil akash]

good.you are doing well.
now see
you have seen there is no controller behind your emotions,thoughts,sensations,etc.is it?

but look to your last post cautiously :

There is no "I"....there is awareness,
but no "I".

i am not sure but i think you are centring self as awareness.
check
this is the last barrier and most typical problem with all so called spiritual people...they think they are awareness..its stupid.though awareness is an important part in process.
look is anybody or anything aware or is awareness just exists spontaneously?

this time work with :
1)if there is no I what is that I that people talk about ...what is I me self ...etc.what is it?
2)look at the impossiblity of self....why self never existed and never will.
look more intensely.

there is only life
thoughts
emotions
matter
sensations
no controller
no doer
no self.
check if thats the case or i am lying.spill out everything.
okay?

[Bill]

Hello there lonlim.
Wanted to let you know that Nil could not carry on here.
I am happy to work with you and point the way to the gate.
Just go ahead and let me know where you are right now.

Namaste,
Bill

[lonilm]

Hi Bill, thanks for your help. Right now i am aware of the fact that there is no i..but, i still feel there is an i when interacting with others. When i sit and observe them with no interaction, i can see life unfolding with no i's anywhere. But programming, habits, whatever keep me from seeing it otherwise.

to the point Nils made about centering self as awareness, yes i see that was exactly what i was doing. i was expanding myself outward as awareness, and thinking there was no i, so i was only awareness. woa....ego is a tricky thing. i will keep looking for the i, and looking for the truth, no matter what the cost.
thank you, lonil

[Bill]

Hello Lonil,

Just had a chance to read your thread and feel you're very close.
I want to go ahead and put the other post you made in the first thread you responded to here as it does have some other info in it. Just so its all in one place...
Will respond to this and what you just wrote a little later.
BTW - I am on west coast US time.

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"Have been reading the posts for quite some time and would like to go further"

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"Cam...I am looking for a guide...I care not who. I saw Nils post and ask if he would help me..he hasn't replied..I guess just impatient. I have been reading the posts for a little over a month now, and resisting getting started with posting, telling myself I needed more info before starting. Just another story...lol

OK, I've learned from reading the posts that there is no "I"...i "know" that, but i'm not sure i "see" that. Does that make sense?
i have had one day of complete observation...just watching life unfold...without labeling since starting reading and applying, i have watched myself...and notice everything is automatic...breathing, moving...etc. i want to become more aware of my thoughts...i know by observing that they are not "my" thoughts...they are just thoughts that arise..ususally the same ones just making a continuous circle within my brain Expectations? i don't know that i have any...just want more of this...i have looked, read watched, tried many things for years, and they all left me lacking something, and this "feels" so right, i want more"