Gratitude

[Maluhia]

Hello again Jon,

When I mentioned that the peace I felt was not any deeper than usual it was really to let you know where I am. I could also have said that it was the same depth of peace I normally feel.

With my new realization that there is no 'me' life still feels pretty much the same as before I experienced this. Truthfully, it seems surprising that I seem to be just as attached to my personality/ego. I don't expect it to go away, just a little less in the foreground.

This week I will work with your exercise of simply noticing and seamlessness. I'm looking forward to this : )

Love,

Siobhán

[JonathanR]

Hello Siobhan,

Thanks for your post.

Is it seen that you are not what you thought you were?

Is it seen that there is no self, anywhere in experience (other than as a story)?

love,

Jon

[Maluhia]

Good morning Jon,

You are correct.....I have definitely seen that I am not what I thought I was nor is there a 'self' anywhere to be found in reality. It is all just a story, a collection of thoughts and ideas.

It seems this new awareness is being noticed gently and subtly. For example, about a week ago, I was at work and it was late afternoon. The thought came up, 'How much longer until it is time to go home?' Before I could respond to the thought the way I usually would, which is to go and look t the clock, another thought arose. This thought was, 'It doesn't matter what time it is, or whether I am at work or at home or anywhere else because it is all the same.' There is no difference. It is not important. I was a little surprised yet felt content with this. Another example of my responding differently, is a big customer issue that came up at work that I have spent a few days attempting to resolve. On that day, the last day that I was working on it, I was not feeling well, has not been able to eat foe several hours and was about to be off for 2 days, so felt very pressured to complete this. Though I know I was causing myself to feel stressed, I still felt it. The one thing that was different was that
normally, under that circumstance, I would have collapsed in tears due to the sheer frustration of it all, but 'I' was watching myself and kept checking in to see why I wasn't in tears. The I would discover that I really didn't need to be. Then I would allow that to be ok. This happened several times, where I sort of stopped and thought, well, huh! I wasn't able to completely separate myself from my normal reaction, but I was able to step outside of the 'story' just enough to allow a change. I really took notice of this.
Then, last night, I awoke sometime during the night noticing the difference between Reality and the way I see things when I identify with 'my story.' Wow, It seemed important yet I cannot recall it at the moment. If it comes to me I will let you know.

Love,

Siobhán

[Maluhia]

Sorry for the typos......I only noticed them after I posted! Siobhán

[Maluhia]

Hello again Jon,

There is another thing that occurred the other day while I was driving. My arm suddenly began to feel very warm and I looked down to see that the sun was beaming through the window directly onto my arm. As I began to think the thought 'that's why my arm is so warm,'
I realized that there was no 'my arm' being warm, there was simply the sensation of heat. Nothing else.

Siobhán

[JonathanR]

Dear Siobhán,

What wonderful posts!

I have definitely seen that I am not what I thought I was nor is there a 'self' anywhere to be found in reality. It is all just a story, a collection of thoughts and ideas.

Very good!

It seems this new awareness is being noticed gently and subtly. For example, about a week ago, I was at work and it was late afternoon. The thought came up, 'How much longer until it is time to go home?' Before I could respond to the thought the way I usually would, which is to go and look t the clock, another thought arose. This thought was, 'It doesn't matter what time it is, or whether I am at work or at home or anywhere else because it is all the same.' There is no difference. It is not important. I was a little surprised yet felt content with this. Another example of my responding differently, is a big customer issue that came up at work that I have spent a few days attempting to resolve. On that day, the last day that I was working on it, I was not feeling well, has not been able to eat foe several hours and was about to be off for 2 days, so felt very pressured to complete this. Though I know I was causing myself to feel stressed, I still felt it. The one thing that was different was that
normally, under that circumstance, I would have collapsed in tears due to the sheer frustration of it all, but 'I' was watching myself and kept checking in to see why I wasn't in tears. The I would discover that I really didn't need to be. Then I would allow that to be ok. This happened several times, where I sort of stopped and thought, well, huh! I wasn't able to completely separate myself from my normal reaction, but I was able to step outside of the 'story' just enough to allow a change. I really took notice of this.
Then, last night, I awoke sometime during the night noticing the difference between Reality and the way I see things when I identify with 'my story.' Wow, It seemed important yet I cannot recall it at the moment. If it comes to me I will let you know.

I love what you have written here. It's such a joy to read.

There is another thing that occurred the other day while I was driving. My arm suddenly began to feel very warm and I looked down to see that the sun was beaming through the window directly onto my arm. As I began to think the thought 'that's why my arm is so warm,'
I realized that there was no 'my arm' being warm, there was simply the sensation of heat. Nothing else.

Nothing else! :-)

Okay, now, concerning how things happen. Do you make anything happen? Do thoughts or intention make anything happen?

imagine you had to explain to a child or someone who had never heard of 'no self' before how there is no 'doer', yet things get done, how would you convey to them?



love,

jon

[JonathanR]

Hello Siobhan,

You might be wondering about my last question, since I asked you before about things like 'decisions, intention, choices' and so on? Have a go at answering my question. It will help me to see your current understanding.

Also, At the outset of our chat you talked of feeling of being inside a body? Behind the eyes? How does that seem now? Does it feel like such a certainty that there is a 'you', 'behind eyes'?


love,

Jon

[Maluhia]

Good morning Jon,

'I' cannot make anything happen because there is no 'me'
that is separate from Source/Life/God/The One. The personality, Siobhán, is simply a thought made up of ideas,beliefs and conditioning. The little 'me' is not real, though the organism that supports this life is real in this rhythm. Life happens spontaneously. Nothing makes it happen, it simply arises.

I can see now that 'I' don't and can't make anything happen, I have absolutely no control over anything.
This is incredibly freeing! The more I am able to let go of the idea that I can control anything the more freely and fully Life will be able to express itself. The times I am able to let go I actually feel the flow of Life and feel I am
one. There is no separation.

As far as how I would describe this to a child or someone unfamiliar with this, I will need a little more time.
I have to leave for work soon.

Love,

Siobhán

[JonathanR]

Great Siobhán!

I look forward to reading what you have to say.

love

Jon

[Maluhia]

Hello Jon,

For the last few days I have been struggling with a way to explain 'no self ' , 'no dooer ' yet Life arising and things getting done, to someone who is completely unfamiliar with this. The first thing that came to me is that this cannot be explained to someone. It can only be understood through direct experience. A skilled guide would be able to point one in the right direction, but the person being guided is the only one who can have the experience of 'direct experience.'

Then I thought that perhaps you needed to have a clear written explanation from me in order to see if I have understood this intellectually or if I have had a direct experience of this. Though I have tried, what I find is that as I attempt to explain this I begin to use concepts and I began to become wordy. I have not been able to explain this simply.

Finally, I decided that my original impulse to say that this cannot be explained to another, is really the only thing I can come up with.

You asked if I still feel attached to the me behind the eyes. Though I do feel there is a 'me' inside this body,
I feel there is a very slight, gentle lessening of the strong identification that has been there. It is ever so slight.
Perhaps it seems this way because of my shift in perspective. I have definitely had huge realizations that have changed my perspective, however, I am very clear that Self has not yet awakened in this body.

I have no idea how you will respond to this, and am looking forward to your reply!

Love,

Siobhán

[JonathanR]

Dear Siobhan,

For the last few days I have been struggling with a way to explain 'no self ' , 'no dooer ' yet Life arising and things getting done, to someone who is completely unfamiliar with this. The first thing that came to me is that this cannot be explained to someone. It can only be understood through direct experience. A skilled guide would be able to point one in the right direction, but the person being guided is the only one who can have the experience of 'direct experience.'

Very well said. And very true. And thank you for the obvious trouble you have taken. What you are describing is how to really help someone to see this for themselves and not just 'explain' information at them. This is the way a guide has to approach things.

Maybe describing this to someone completely unfamiliar with all this is a tall order? But how about to me? In day-to-day living, could you give me a few examples of how things happen, where the conventional understanding would be that 'I decided', 'I chose' ? Or 'I intended'? It can be fairly straightforward to notice that there is no self but what about all those jobs that apparently require decisions and choices?

Though I do feel there is a 'me' inside this body,
I feel there is a very slight, gentle lessening of the strong identification that has been there.

Is it seen that this is an illusory 'me'?

I have definitely had huge realizations that have changed my perspective, however, I am very clear that Self has not yet awakened in this body.

Could you say more about Self awakening in this body? What is your understanding of that?


love

Jon

[Maluhia]

Dear Jon,

Another very thoughtful reply, thank you.

Since a separate entity, a 'me' cannot be found anywhere,
it cannot be real. It simply doesn't exist. The body is a living organism that has 'gathered' around it a collection of thoughts, beliefs, ideas and conditioning. This collection is called a personality and through it's thoughts,beliefs,ideas,conditioning and training, it knows how to do mundane things and operates automatically.
The body is enlivened and automatically run by the Self, God, the One. Self, God, the One, Awareness, simply arises. There is no thought, no planning, no motivation.
Awareness simply arises. Everything is Awareness. Mind/ego is like a labeling machine. It must label everything! Everything it sees, feels, hears and senses.
Awareness arises, then the mind goes to work and claims 'it/ego' is doing, wants to do, etcetera. Because most of us are so convinced that the material world is real and all there is, we do not perceive the subtlety of Awareness/God/the One. We are too steeped in the grossness of the material world and we believe we are separate and that we actually choose what we want to do, how we want to do it and when, and on and on and on.

As for my still feeling that I am in this body, it's odd; I have experienced that a separate 'me' is not real, yet I still seem to be clinging to the personality that has developed over this lifetime. There is much more awareness of Awareness : ) as I go through my day.
There seems to be a focusing on one or the other......mostly on the personality.

My understanding of Awakening is that it is the beginning of knowing Awareness. Since there is no one there to awaken, it is Awareness recognizing Itself. There is no person there to be awakened. Also, it seems there is so much more to come after an initial Awakening. One cannot make this happen and it happens differently for everyone.

Please let me know if I have not been clear.

Love,

Siobhán

[JonathanR]

Hi Siobhan,

You have been very clear. Thank you.

If there are no car keys on the hook, looking for car keys starts to happen, possibly going upstairs, walking around, lifting the occasional object until keys are found. Is there 'choosing' or 'deciding' to do this? Somehow the keys do get looked for and found and maybe a thought appears that announces 'I did this'

That is a kind of example of how looking for car keys had no 'doer'.

Does this example make sense to you? Have you noticed any scenarios like this from 'your'' experience?

. It's odd; I have experienced that a separate 'me' is not real, yet I still seem to be clinging to the personality that has developed over this lifetime.

Is it more that clinging still happens and it appears that someone clings?

Take a good peek at the clinging to see if it really is clinging or if it is actually a thought of 'clinging' plus, possibly, some body sensation that is assumed to be evidence of both 'clinging' and 'clinger'?

Love

Jon

[Maluhia]

Hello Jon,

Apparently I was not clear after all. The example you gave about looking for the car keys, I feel I had explained. The body/mind runs on automatic according to the preferences developed by the personality over time. There is no one to wonder where the car keys are nor is there someone there to look for them. There is no one that 'does' anything. Looking simply arises. After that, the mind/ego labels this impulse and decides it needs to look for something. Not only that, but it thinks it is actually the dooer!!!

Regarding the feeling of a 'me' still there in this body, I think clinging was too strong a word, however, give me a day or two to really take a look at this.

Love,

Siobhán

[Maluhia]

Good morning Jon,

Just to further clarify what I mean by the body operating automatically, there is no 'me' controlling the breathing or the blood circulation or the cells multiplying etc.
'Me' wouldn't have a clue how to do this and probably most people never even give a thought to how their body functions.

Love,

Siobhán