Hey Kay <3
I am sorry if my answers are a bit 'cloudy', but I just answered the questions straight from the Heart, please let me know if you need more intellectual answers :).
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
No there is not, there have never been and will never be, it is only THIS appearing, without time and without the illusion of separate individuals.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of separate self is from actual experience such as smell, colour/image, taste, sensation etc, which is weaved and combined into thoughts and labels, which the illusion of self is attaching it self to. The illusion of self is weaved thoughts about something that does not exist in the first place. Memories, thought etc is all in the illusion/dream that something is happening to an individual.
From own experience I can clearly see the thought patterns and old "habits" which is no longer, I can see that there is no 'Hesam', there is only THAT, which is another way of saying THIS, there is no other, only THIS, which is appearing, and the illusion of 'Hesam' is trying to bring all that into saying 'it is happening to ME'.
3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.
There is the sense of something that was already known before, but just hidden in some way. It is a beautiful 'feeling' of release and liberation. I am now the observer, I am not 'Hesam', I can just observe life as it is happening in the NOW, in THIS.
Also the knowledge received to me to LOOK, is not intellectual anymore, it just IS. Closest word would be 'I just FEEL it'. No thoughts can be fit here, just FEEL.
Before this I could understand it in theory someways, but now I SEE it, I FEEL it.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Last bit that pushed over was being able to put the bits and pieces together from all the things we had been speaking about. Actual experience, the body, the illusion of self etc. They all contributed into the LOOKING. I could see the red tread through our conversation. To see the whole picture pushed me over. To put the different LOOKING together.
5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
b) What makes things happen? How does it work?
c) What are you responsible for?
d) Give examples from experience.
a)They are all included in the illusion/dream. The Ego/Hesam is in the belief that life is happening to him. It is hard to truly believe that Hesam has no control over life, that decision, intention, free will, choice and control is just the beautiful architecture of the universe or whatever who put it together so beautifully. There is no point in describing something that just feeds to the illusion. There can only BE in THIS. Anything than THIS is just strain of thoughts which knows nothing about them self or anything else.
b)Life happens, as it just does. To ask about life, is to feed the intellectual, to ask is not about FEEL or LOOK. To ask the question is to get entangled in thoughts. I can not express how it works or what makes things happen. As it just does.
c) Nothing, I trust that the flow of life will get 'Hesam' where it needs to be, as 'Hesam' is just part of THIS, or IS this rather, like everything else.
d)Hard question hmm... But previously to this I could not separate Hesam, I thought I was Hesam. And that everything that is happening was because of Hesam taking actions and focusing on things that Hesam wanted.
Example 1: I previously thought that "focus" was "focus" and not just another thought. And that with focus, I could control what thoughts would arise in my head.
Example 2: I thought that I could control bad and good thoughts, or thought that it even existed good or bad.
Exampel 3: I learned about Actual experience, and in the end, that actual experience is also just a tool for us to be able to LOOK. And when that LOOKING has happen, Actual experience is no longer needed as a tool either.
6) Anything to add?
'You' are an angel and 'I' am forever grateful for this.
Much love,
Hesam
xx
