Thank you very much for the quick feedback!
I realise the annoyance isn't so much about the sensation of the sore throat as it is about not knowing how it will develop and whether or not I'll be able to carry out my various commitments and whether or not I should try to re-schedule some things or just steam ahead. I hate not knowing and I don't like the interruption.
True, the annoyance could just be an innocent response to what is. In so far as my annoyance might take a different form from someone else's though doesn't that point to it being personal and that therefore there is a me that responds with all its idiosyncracies?
With much appreciation.
Hi Wendylon, great to see you here.
Re: Hi Wendylon, great to see you here.
You say that you hate not knowing. But what do you really know? Is it possible to know what will happen tomorrow? Can you be ok with not knowing?
You don't like interruption to what? There is no interruption. All is flowing as one movement. If you allow it to unfold as it does, there is no more resentment and no more resistance. Holding in to thoughts how it should be is creating suffering.
Take a close look here, can you know future? Is it you that makes life happen? Does life need a manager? Would it be ok to let life take care of things and resign from manager's possition?
Much love.
You don't like interruption to what? There is no interruption. All is flowing as one movement. If you allow it to unfold as it does, there is no more resentment and no more resistance. Holding in to thoughts how it should be is creating suffering.
Take a close look here, can you know future? Is it you that makes life happen? Does life need a manager? Would it be ok to let life take care of things and resign from manager's possition?
Much love.
See for yourself.
8-week guided self-inquiry experience → https://ilonaciunaite.com/8-week-program/
8-week guided self-inquiry experience → https://ilonaciunaite.com/8-week-program/
Re: Hi Wendylon, great to see you here.
That's true: I can't know for sure what will happen tomorrow. I do assume a certain amount of continuity though.
I'd love to resign as manager but my first reaction is that I don't trust that life would take care of everything. When I think that way, I must confuse resigning as manager with me not playing my usual part in my family's life. I imagine that my family's life would go to pot if I disappeared and didn't keep it running. I know that sounds very arrogant!
Resigning as manager doesn't mean that my role ends though, does it? Presumably it just means that I stop taking both the credit and the burden of thinking of myself as the doer of it all. Without taking myself to be the manager, I may still do exactly what I do without the martyr/heroine twist.
I'd love to resign as manager but my first reaction is that I don't trust that life would take care of everything. When I think that way, I must confuse resigning as manager with me not playing my usual part in my family's life. I imagine that my family's life would go to pot if I disappeared and didn't keep it running. I know that sounds very arrogant!
Resigning as manager doesn't mean that my role ends though, does it? Presumably it just means that I stop taking both the credit and the burden of thinking of myself as the doer of it all. Without taking myself to be the manager, I may still do exactly what I do without the martyr/heroine twist.
Re: Hi Wendylon, great to see you here.
Resigning from the role of manager of life only means that you are no longer in charge of telling life what should be happening and what shouldn't. Life is going on regardless of what you want. So it still be Wendy, taking care of family and living out her role, but she no longer be suffering because of assumption that she needs to control what is.
No one can control what is.
Believing that you can only makes you bang your head against the wall.
When you resist what is, it's painful.
How is that sore throat by the way? Can you will it away? Does it get better if you try to change it? It's here until it isn't. No matter what you think it should or should not be.
Sending love.
No one can control what is.
Believing that you can only makes you bang your head against the wall.
When you resist what is, it's painful.
How is that sore throat by the way? Can you will it away? Does it get better if you try to change it? It's here until it isn't. No matter what you think it should or should not be.
Sending love.
See for yourself.
8-week guided self-inquiry experience → https://ilonaciunaite.com/8-week-program/
8-week guided self-inquiry experience → https://ilonaciunaite.com/8-week-program/
Re: Hi Wendylon, great to see you here.
Your statement, 'no one can control what is', is really appealing. I can see that believing I can control what is is painful and that knowing I can't is peaceful. I feel as if I want to know that I can't control what is through and through and therefore live it.
Two of my children are sitting exams at the moment. I feel stressed about it as the results of their exams will partly determine their futures. Is that a sign that I'm telling life what to do? Am I asking life to make sure they do well? I certainly think I know which way I want things to go. I'm already dreading the dates in August when the results come out. I'm not thinking that I can control what happens but I know what I hope will happen.
The sore throat has gone and I now have a runny nose. I had no say in the matter!
Good night and thank you so much.
Two of my children are sitting exams at the moment. I feel stressed about it as the results of their exams will partly determine their futures. Is that a sign that I'm telling life what to do? Am I asking life to make sure they do well? I certainly think I know which way I want things to go. I'm already dreading the dates in August when the results come out. I'm not thinking that I can control what happens but I know what I hope will happen.
The sore throat has gone and I now have a runny nose. I had no say in the matter!
Good night and thank you so much.
Re: Hi Wendylon, great to see you here.
let's look closer at hope. what is that? do you need hope if you trust that all is unfolding perfectly? whatever results will be is nothing to do with you. you hope you not, the results will arrive and your children will go on the path that is right. all you can do is trust. and not even that.I'm not thinking that I can control what happens but I know what I hope will happen.
the worry is here, because of some belief inside the system that is bringing feelings of insecurity up. what is it that you believe that should be different from what it?
now let's look at where thoughts come from, can you control them? are you the thinker? is there a thinker at all?
have a good look and write what you see.
much love.
See for yourself.
8-week guided self-inquiry experience → https://ilonaciunaite.com/8-week-program/
8-week guided self-inquiry experience → https://ilonaciunaite.com/8-week-program/
Re: Hi Wendylon, great to see you here.
Never thought like that about hope. No, if I were to trust that all is unfolding I wouldn't need hope. I see that. Most cards/emails/letters I write to people include something along the lines of 'I hope it goes/went really well'.
When you ask me directly, I see that I'm not choosing my thoughts and I can't control them. If I could, I wouldn't be looking for a strategy to find life more easeful. I'd have it sussed and I wouldn't be on this forum.
When I'm not answering your question about whether I control thoughts, I revert to assuming I have control of at least some of life and many of my thoughts. I was exposed to the Serenity prayer in my early 20s and it made sense to me. Actually, it was a shift away from believing I could control most things. Unfortunately, I've assumed that the category of things I couldn't change was relatively small (my mother's drinking). I've also assumed that the category of things I could change was pretty big and certainly included how I lived and felt. I'm realising now that that belief has caused me lots of suffering because I've obviously failed at fashioning a life for myself that feels serene.
There is no thinker (when I look) but there is still something that takes the credit for the good things that have 'come' from me or that relate to me. There is also something that takes the blame for being a character who is controlling, neurotic, prone to depression and to anxiety. I feel as if there is a 'me' at the heart of the victories and defeats in my life. Even if I can't control it all, my life reflects on me. It's nearly as if I could be given a grade (through no real doing of my own) and then be considered a success or a failure. I'd say I'd get a mix of great grades, terrible ones and average. I feel they should all be high. I don't like my spiky profile. I've even heard myself think that given my academic successes, I should be better at marriage/family life. I hate to imagine family and friends saying " Funny, how she really cracked some of life and really failed at other bits of it". I'm starting to see the myth of control more and more but pride is still going strong.
The main thing that I think should be different is that I should be happier! There are lots of other things that 'should' be different: I shouldn't find life easier when my husband is away (as he is now), I shouldn't be so co-dependent, he should have control over his drinking/eating/smoking/sleeping... My mother shouldn't have wasted her money. That list could go on and on! I could write a long essay on what my ideal life would look like in an ideal world.
It occurred to me today that it's as if some new software was downloaded at your meeting, through your presence and words, but that the download is incomplete (or failed half way through) so the new software can't replace the old software yet. The softwares are competing. Downloads are still taking place with our conversing. Thank you very much.
With love,
Wendy
When you ask me directly, I see that I'm not choosing my thoughts and I can't control them. If I could, I wouldn't be looking for a strategy to find life more easeful. I'd have it sussed and I wouldn't be on this forum.
When I'm not answering your question about whether I control thoughts, I revert to assuming I have control of at least some of life and many of my thoughts. I was exposed to the Serenity prayer in my early 20s and it made sense to me. Actually, it was a shift away from believing I could control most things. Unfortunately, I've assumed that the category of things I couldn't change was relatively small (my mother's drinking). I've also assumed that the category of things I could change was pretty big and certainly included how I lived and felt. I'm realising now that that belief has caused me lots of suffering because I've obviously failed at fashioning a life for myself that feels serene.
There is no thinker (when I look) but there is still something that takes the credit for the good things that have 'come' from me or that relate to me. There is also something that takes the blame for being a character who is controlling, neurotic, prone to depression and to anxiety. I feel as if there is a 'me' at the heart of the victories and defeats in my life. Even if I can't control it all, my life reflects on me. It's nearly as if I could be given a grade (through no real doing of my own) and then be considered a success or a failure. I'd say I'd get a mix of great grades, terrible ones and average. I feel they should all be high. I don't like my spiky profile. I've even heard myself think that given my academic successes, I should be better at marriage/family life. I hate to imagine family and friends saying " Funny, how she really cracked some of life and really failed at other bits of it". I'm starting to see the myth of control more and more but pride is still going strong.
The main thing that I think should be different is that I should be happier! There are lots of other things that 'should' be different: I shouldn't find life easier when my husband is away (as he is now), I shouldn't be so co-dependent, he should have control over his drinking/eating/smoking/sleeping... My mother shouldn't have wasted her money. That list could go on and on! I could write a long essay on what my ideal life would look like in an ideal world.
It occurred to me today that it's as if some new software was downloaded at your meeting, through your presence and words, but that the download is incomplete (or failed half way through) so the new software can't replace the old software yet. The softwares are competing. Downloads are still taking place with our conversing. Thank you very much.
With love,
Wendy
Re: Hi Wendylon, great to see you here.
Nice noticing about software download :) it's more like cleaning up viruses out of the system, I'd say. Software has been corrupted by confused thinking and now wee are looking at what is true and what is not, so the system can come back to natural state. Ease. It does take time, but it's very doable as once you see through all the conditioning it does not come back again.
Right, so back to work. :)
I see you have a lot of shoulds! I should be happier- that is a big one. what would you be without this thought? Is this thought creating lightness or stress? And other shoulds too, are they not creating tention?
Observe this and tell me, is this not resistance to what is and what is here if it's not resisted?
Can you let go of all the shoulds? Ask the mind. If its ready, it will say yes, if not, ask it what is in the way.
Report what you find.
Much love to you wendy.
Right, so back to work. :)
I see you have a lot of shoulds! I should be happier- that is a big one. what would you be without this thought? Is this thought creating lightness or stress? And other shoulds too, are they not creating tention?
Observe this and tell me, is this not resistance to what is and what is here if it's not resisted?
Can you let go of all the shoulds? Ask the mind. If its ready, it will say yes, if not, ask it what is in the way.
Report what you find.
Much love to you wendy.
See for yourself.
8-week guided self-inquiry experience → https://ilonaciunaite.com/8-week-program/
8-week guided self-inquiry experience → https://ilonaciunaite.com/8-week-program/
Re: Hi Wendylon, great to see you here.
I know all the 'shoulds' that I carry around cause stress and tension. At times today, I said to myself that there was no reason really that I should be happier. I immediately felt lighter and therefore happier.
I feel as if I'd love to get rid of all the shoulds but that it isn't in my control to do so. It's as if you asked me if I could let go of my likes and dislikes. They're just there, despite what I think about them.
The shoulds are indeed resistance to what is. If not resisted, the same thing is here but without resistance I guess. Just that alone would be an improvement.
Cold/hayfever feels bad right now. I'm not as stressed because there are no commitments over the weekend. I would, however, like to know whether it is a cold or hay fever so that I'd know what to take for it. Also, I don't like the headache.
Much love.
I feel as if I'd love to get rid of all the shoulds but that it isn't in my control to do so. It's as if you asked me if I could let go of my likes and dislikes. They're just there, despite what I think about them.
The shoulds are indeed resistance to what is. If not resisted, the same thing is here but without resistance I guess. Just that alone would be an improvement.
Cold/hayfever feels bad right now. I'm not as stressed because there are no commitments over the weekend. I would, however, like to know whether it is a cold or hay fever so that I'd know what to take for it. Also, I don't like the headache.
Much love.
Re: Hi Wendylon, great to see you here.
Are you feeling better? It may be cold or hayfevor or tension triggered by this inquiry. It will play out and pass. There are 4 magic words, that work well in sticky situation- this too shall pass.
What you do with shoulds is simple- you notice them. Everytime you think or say word should, notice that. Ask if it's true. Should you be or do anything other than what is happening already?
Ok, let's take a next step.
Do this exercise from this post : http://markedeternal.blogspot.co.uk/201 ... s.html?m=1
Write how it was and what you learned from doing it.
Sending love and healing vibes.
What you do with shoulds is simple- you notice them. Everytime you think or say word should, notice that. Ask if it's true. Should you be or do anything other than what is happening already?
Ok, let's take a next step.
Do this exercise from this post : http://markedeternal.blogspot.co.uk/201 ... s.html?m=1
Write how it was and what you learned from doing it.
Sending love and healing vibes.
See for yourself.
8-week guided self-inquiry experience → https://ilonaciunaite.com/8-week-program/
8-week guided self-inquiry experience → https://ilonaciunaite.com/8-week-program/
Re: Hi Wendylon, great to see you here.
Hadn't occurred to me that feeling unwell could be triggered by this inquiry. My last couple of mornings have been worse in terms of anxiety/depression. The early mornings oscillate between the two states and then back to sleep for some nightmares.
I like 'this too shall pass'. Right now feels as if things will always stay painful. I guess that feeling too shall pass.
I will do the exercise today and notice.
With love.
I like 'this too shall pass'. Right now feels as if things will always stay painful. I guess that feeling too shall pass.
I will do the exercise today and notice.
With love.
Re: Hi Wendylon, great to see you here.
Hi Ilona,
Did the exercise both in writing and as I was going through my day.
Dropping the pronoun "I" seems truer to life. In the writing, dropping the "I' also gave the impression of greater fluidity in what was happening. Things moved on faster through the body. Irritation dissipated on its own more rapidly. When the "I" was attached, irritation lingered for longer. The "I' anchors the states somehow and makes it all seem more solid and less flexible.
As for when I think/say 'should', I was trying to see even then thinking that as what 'should' be happening in the moment. It had a lightening effect and I didn't feel so wrong for having so many 'shoulds'. Right now my husband is sleeping (a common occurrence). I still think that ideally he' should' wait until bedtime but I'm also thinking that that's exactly how I tend to think for now and I 'should' be thinking that! Accepting that I 'should' be thinking that actually makes me less fixed on the original 'should' statement (that he 'should 'wait til bedtime to sleep). It all seems less fixed. Just 'should-thoughts' passing through. No big deal.
Feeling better cold-wise and generally.
With love.
Did the exercise both in writing and as I was going through my day.
Dropping the pronoun "I" seems truer to life. In the writing, dropping the "I' also gave the impression of greater fluidity in what was happening. Things moved on faster through the body. Irritation dissipated on its own more rapidly. When the "I" was attached, irritation lingered for longer. The "I' anchors the states somehow and makes it all seem more solid and less flexible.
As for when I think/say 'should', I was trying to see even then thinking that as what 'should' be happening in the moment. It had a lightening effect and I didn't feel so wrong for having so many 'shoulds'. Right now my husband is sleeping (a common occurrence). I still think that ideally he' should' wait until bedtime but I'm also thinking that that's exactly how I tend to think for now and I 'should' be thinking that! Accepting that I 'should' be thinking that actually makes me less fixed on the original 'should' statement (that he 'should 'wait til bedtime to sleep). It all seems less fixed. Just 'should-thoughts' passing through. No big deal.
Feeling better cold-wise and generally.
With love.
Re: Hi Wendylon, great to see you here.
My husband is driving me crazy. 3.5 hours ago he proclaimed that he was going to bed because he was really tired. He's still on his laptop. It doesn't really matter practically but it INFURIATES me no end. Why? I don't know why the fact that he is the worst predictor of his future behaviour bothers me so much. It's bothered me for 22 years.
Given that there is no 'him' to be doing it and no 'me' to be upset, I can see that there is just proclaiming stuff that doesn't happen and irritation. Seeing it that way doesn't seem to lessen the irritation though... I guess that's not the point of this inquiry but I feel intense dislike of feeling this irritated.
Given that there is no 'him' to be doing it and no 'me' to be upset, I can see that there is just proclaiming stuff that doesn't happen and irritation. Seeing it that way doesn't seem to lessen the irritation though... I guess that's not the point of this inquiry but I feel intense dislike of feeling this irritated.
Re: Hi Wendylon, great to see you here.
Good going Wendy, I see you are looking deeper and following the trail.
Yes, the irritation does not have to go. It's here for a visit and all you can do to help it pass is alow that to arise and be felt fully.
That is a polar opposite of repressing feelings and resisting what is. Resting in what is.
There is a belief hiding inside, you can find it, look at it, identify and release regarding your husband. See if you can find it.
Sending love.
Yes, the irritation does not have to go. It's here for a visit and all you can do to help it pass is alow that to arise and be felt fully.
That is a polar opposite of repressing feelings and resisting what is. Resting in what is.
There is a belief hiding inside, you can find it, look at it, identify and release regarding your husband. See if you can find it.
Sending love.
See for yourself.
8-week guided self-inquiry experience → https://ilonaciunaite.com/8-week-program/
8-week guided self-inquiry experience → https://ilonaciunaite.com/8-week-program/
Re: Hi Wendylon, great to see you here.
I love the idea of "resting in what is as opposed to resisting what is". There are only 2 extra letters in the word 'resisting' than in the word 'resting' but what a difference between the two states.
I'm wondering about the hidden belief regarding my husband. There is a belief that he should be different but I can't say that one is hidden :) I do keep thinking that he should have more self-control and then realise that, logically, he doesn't have a self in which case the idea of him exercising self-control is ludicrous. I just wish he were expressed differently as it would be make my life a lot easier--or so I imagine. Who am I angry at? Reality?
I would really appreciate any pointing in the right direction regarding my belief about my husband. It does cause me lots of suffering.
By the way, someone I know suggested I go to Byron Katie's School for the Work. It is very expensive but I was just wondering if you felt it could be helpful or if you had any experience of it and how it fits in with how you see things. From what I know, it revolves around questioning our beliefs. I'd like it if you said that the questioning of beliefs can happen here with no need for an intensive/expensive retreat! Also, if I really, really saw that there was no 'me' wouldn't all the beliefs unravel and get released? Don't they need a 'me'--a host--to carry on?
Sending love too.
I'm wondering about the hidden belief regarding my husband. There is a belief that he should be different but I can't say that one is hidden :) I do keep thinking that he should have more self-control and then realise that, logically, he doesn't have a self in which case the idea of him exercising self-control is ludicrous. I just wish he were expressed differently as it would be make my life a lot easier--or so I imagine. Who am I angry at? Reality?
I would really appreciate any pointing in the right direction regarding my belief about my husband. It does cause me lots of suffering.
By the way, someone I know suggested I go to Byron Katie's School for the Work. It is very expensive but I was just wondering if you felt it could be helpful or if you had any experience of it and how it fits in with how you see things. From what I know, it revolves around questioning our beliefs. I'd like it if you said that the questioning of beliefs can happen here with no need for an intensive/expensive retreat! Also, if I really, really saw that there was no 'me' wouldn't all the beliefs unravel and get released? Don't they need a 'me'--a host--to carry on?
Sending love too.
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