Attacks of the "I"

[Chemilyance]

Hi jon

Today seems to have been crazy with the flat buying malarky. Lots of phone calls, emails and the idea of Chem being stressed out. I seem to be a bit wound up or over stimulated or such like. I'd like to just be and relax for a bit before I consider your questions. Hope that's ok with you.

Thanks

Chem

[Chemilyance]

Hi jon

Today seems to have been crazy with the flat buying malarky. Lots of phone calls, emails and the idea of Chem being stressed out. I seem to be a bit wound up or over stimulated or such like. I'd like to just be and relax for a bit before I consider your questions. Hope that's ok with you.

Thanks

Chem

[Chemilyance]

Hi Jon

Apologies for the double post, no idea how that happened. I don't know how to utilise the quote function when the source is on a different page so I'll type your questions in as I'm answering them in the wrong order as it were.

"Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in life? Do you make anything happen? Give eamples from your experience."

Choices and decisions appear to happen but there is no "me" choosing or deciding. There is no me controlling events or making things happen.

Last week I was sitting on the sofa watching a movie that had 15 mins to go, felt hungry and started thinking about what I'd make for supper when the film ended. "I should use that roast beef before it goes bad, I could do something oriental with noodles, oh there's the chicken that needs used, could have that with pasta or rice". This chicken or beef, rice, pasta or noodles debate went on until the movie was finished and I had no awareness of the ending. I got up, walked into kitchen, took a mixing bowl and cracked 3 eggs into it and went on to make a broccoli and cheese frittata without a single thought.

Another time I was sitting on the sofa seemingly stressing out about my daughter coming for dinner, when will she arrive, what will I make, yada yada yada. The next thing I was aware of was having shoes on, wearing a jacket and walking along the street outside my flat. No thoughts, no decisions, it just happened. The idea of a self deciding, choosing, controlling seems like the thing Einstein said about reality. It's an illusion albeit a very persistent one - I would add convincing to the description. This flat buying business has been quite a goldmine in terms of opportunities to see the illusion in action.

"When you first noticed that there is no self was there something that made you look and see this. If so, what was it?"

Does this question refer to the first BIG BANG awareness 2 years ago or the horrible painful one a couple of months ago or the clarity that seems to have come as a result of our conversation?

Love

Chem

[JonathanR]

Hi Chem,

No worries about the double post ;-). That happens to me occasionally.

Thank you for taking the time to write out those beautiful answers. Lovely to read. And all this in spite of the relative turbulence of your flat-buying! Excellent! (Hope that is all going well now, by the way?)

. Does this question refer to the first BIG BANG awareness 2 years ago or the horrible painful one a couple of months ago or the clarity that seems to have come as a result of our conversation?

I'd love to hear a bit about each, if that's OK? But include the recent clarity.

Love,

Jon

[Chemilyance]

Hi jon

A lot appears to be happening and has happened. Thanks for your kind thoughts about the flat business, they were felt warmly. I don't know if it is within the LU protocols to just spew out thoughts/feelings/descriptions of what seems to be going on so I shall refrain from doing so. It looks like a lot of drama.

I don't even know if it is appropriate to ask for your guidance. Nobody told me there'd be days like these, strange days indeed, most peculiar ;)

Love Chem

[JonathanR]

Hi Chem,

Why don't you let me know what's going on anyway? Sure, guidance here is about the guide pointing to no self. But the 'raw material' is provided by life, ins't it?

When you have a moment please say a little in answer to the last of those questions?


love

Jon

[Chemilyance]

Hi jon

"When you first noticed that there is no self was there something that made you look and see this. If so, what was it?"

Both times I realised there was no self I wasn't looking at anything or for anything. I seemed in complete despair, I felt suicidal the second time. The idea of a me just disappeared and the idea of time disappeared, there was just pure experience. There was no experiencer and experience, just what is, just being.

Our conversation has been purposeful, taking apart the idea of a self. It has been an unflinching look at thought and thinking and the idea of a self. There is no self to be found. All there is is happening, fresh, immediate happening. There is no I to feel joy, I am joy, there is no I to feel love, I am love. There is no I to dance, I am dance. I am irrepressible what is.

Sorry if that looks flowery or ponsy, It's what was written.

Love

Chem

[JonathanR]

Hi Chem


:-). Not 'ponsy' at all !! Beautiful to read in fact.

I'm niw going to ask the other guides if they have questions for you. It my take a day or so for them to respond.


Love

Jon

[JonathanR]

Hi Chem,

The guides don't have further questions for you. Our convetstaion here is successfully concluded. But this is not really an ending. I will send you a Private Message (accessable via the top of the page). Please do read it: it contains information about what happens now.

Love

Jon