Some help would be fantastic!

[Ilona]

but what it actually point to, I'm having trouble answering

well, have a look. what is behind the word I? take a peek.

[marcel2]

I don't see anything in particular "behind" the word I. I just see the the letter, and the I see the letter in various sentences, and then sometimes definitions arise, like looking up the word "I" in a dictionary

[Ilona]

:) cool.
how is your searching "itch" that you talked about when you came to the forum, is it still here? do you notice any differences in everyday life?
sending love

[marcel2]

there's less of an "itch", I think... hmm.
differences, yes, a bit different for sure, but hard to pinpoint in exactly what way. perhaps too early to tell!

[Ilona]

are you still expecting for something to happen?

[marcel2]

hmm, in a way, although different from earlier. it feels more like assembling a puzzle than going out looking for pieces. there's a more relaxed "expecting". or rather not expecting, curiously watching may be closer to the truth. the "itch" is very different from before

[Ilona]

Great! Would you say, that a concept of separate self is no longer convincing?
Is there a you, that lives life?

Sending love

[marcel2]

It is a lot less convincing, that's for sure. The self feels pretty "small". But i think i need a little bit of time to check this out, i'll write back in two or three days! :)

[Ilona]

How is it going? Anything interesting to report?

Sending love!

[marcel2]

it's going well I think! nothing much has been happening, but the self is not what it once was. that realisation stops a lot of thinking in it's tracks, since it tries to go back to the "root" of certain thoughts and feelings, finding nothing concrete to hold on to. the "abbreviation" insight was key I think

[Ilona]

what is the self? can you explain and describe it? when and how does this self appear and where does it go when you are not thinking about it?

write lots!

sending love

[marcel2]

the self seem to be not one thing, but rather a label or a common denominator that refers to a not totally random but ever-changing number of things, mostly in regards to memories, future fantasies in the form of protagonist. when the self is examined closer it seems to have no "concrete" properties
sometimes it appears as a "silent" part of a sentence, eg "I am hungry", (by "silent" I mean "strictly a bit of language", not really denoting anything).
when not thinking about the self strictly I can't really see how you can say it exists at all... if it's not a "thing" that is taken out of the minds box (and put back after use), and more of something that is always created, since it's properties are different from time to time (although always sharing some properties, but not necessarily the same). when looking at the self it is mercurial indeed!
I see the self more like a part rather then "me". if "me" is supposed to be "everything that is experienced" then clearly whatever the self is cannot be the same as "me", since the self is always less than "witness" + "self". then of course there is no me either, cause what would that be? if it's defined well then it's another object like the self... an infinite regression
so then the question arise, what is the "witness", well, it cannot of course be seen it's really just is (and what does "it" mean? nothing really, because then it would be outside of witnessing, the witness cannot be a one thing, it's is just witnessing). the self isn't in actually anything that exists "inside" or "in addition to" the "witness", separate from the witness...
hmm
ramblings! :)

[Ilona]

Thank you for reply and sharing thoughts.
is it clear, that separate entity is an illusion?
Is there any doubt about it?
is seeking still going strong? have you found what you were looking for?

lets wrap this up :)
sending love

[marcel2]

the separate self is an illusion, or rather what I assumed it was is an illusion. the "self" exists, but is not "me" so to speak. there is no doubt about that! well, in a way it depends on what "separate" means... it's not separate, but an "object" among many. perhaps one could say there's been a shift in hierarchy
as for seeking, yes, there's seeking, but I'd say it's a different kind of seeking. the urgency is gone... maybe "seeking" isn't the proper word though, more like a certain curiosity; wanting to know the end of a movie but not feeling the need to fast forward to get there... if it makes any sense. yes, let's wrap it up! i've been wasting enough of your time ;)

[Ilona]

Great, sound that the Seeking was replaced with exploring :) that's a good indicator that a shift happened.
So can you tell with a big fat YES, it's clear now, that I is not an entity that drives this body and makes things happen?
What is a self?

Sending love.