Request to be guided

[tfarrah]

Thank you, Ghata. I will keep these in mind through my day. I will be spending the day with my mother in the dementia care facility where she lives.

A quick reply now:

Now I am finding that whenever the "I" arises I am semi-automatically examining it, immediately, to see it as thought + sensation.

Could you describe this thought and sensations a bit more? What is exactly happening , what comes first and what second and what kind of thought and sensations are there?

The "I" seems to often (but not always) arise on the in-breath. After the in-breath begins, there is a sense of constriction behind the throat and nasal passages. When I examine this constriction as it is happening, an image arises of collecting together energies from throughout the entire body from the hips upward: the belly, the chest, the arms. After the constriction begins, the word "I" appears, often at the beginning of a sentence. That word is accompanied by a sensation inside the skull, another kind of constriction.

[tfarrah]

Since the fear is coming up so often, please talk to it again the same way you did.

Ghata, I just spent 30 minutes on Facebook avoiding doing this work. I spent much of the day with my mother in the dementia care home. Often the thought would arise, "OK, I should be looking at the 'I' ... I should be ... it feels hard and I don't know exactly what to do, I've gotten so many different instructions, and at the same time I'm sitting here paying attention to Mom; how can I do this investigation at the same time? Ghata said I don't need to strain to do it, it should be fun and exciting, but it just feels hard now, I can look again but I am pretty sure I'm going to see the same old same old same old ..."

As I write the above, I feel the mild panic that I've described before. I will try your instructions ... even though I feel more like just going to bed and falling asleep.

Panicky feeling, welcome. I am finding you most uncomfortable, but thank you for being here, for keeping me safe. I know you are here for a mighty good reason. Can you tell me, what is it that you are protecting? It seems that you don't want me to see. Can you tell me why?

Panic responds: You know that horrible thing that happened. I can't trust anybody or anything again. I've found a comfortable way of being. Don't take that away from me!!! What are you doing, blindly following instructions from a website that just popped up a few years ago? Who the hell are these people? You want them to have the answers, you want a quick solution, but I'm telling you there is no such thing! Their stuff makes a kind of sense, but so do 1000 other world views. Besides, that horrible thing that happened proved that nothing really good can happen to us. Also, if nothing really good has happened so far in the past 56 years, it's not going to happen now.

And when it tells you what it is protecting you from, Thank the fear for telling you. Give it a hug. Tell it how much you appreciate that it wants to keep you safe.

Panicky feeling, thank you for telling me all of this. I can see that there is a lot of disappointment, mistrust, sadness, and anger. I can see that you don't want to trust again, and that you are protecting a certain kind of comfort that you have found. (Panic says, "Yes! I'm comfortable! I like my comfortable bed and relationships and job.") Here is a hug. I really appreciate that you want to keep Terry safe.

(I then took several minutes to actually hug myself and think about all the comfortable things about my life, and how they do really bring temporary peace and joy, and how it is understandable that psychological forces want to protect that.)

Does the feeling change? How does it feel now?

Feeling did not change. Here is what I notice now: constriction in the right throat and jaw, pulsing in that same area, a slight nausea and hunger, shallow breathing, pressure in the skull.

Ask again, what it is there for or whether there is a message. And thank it for telling you.

I asked. What I got was "Grrrrrufff!" like a dog barking. Then, "I want to take you back to the horrible thing that happened and I want you to really see it and to help unravel it and help me really see it and get inside it and untangle it."

Ghata, I've been in psychotherapy for 14 years, the last 6 with a somatic practitioner who has led me back to visceral memories of early childhood trauma. I'm not sure exactly what happened to me as a very young one but my sense is that two distinct formative traumas happened. The first was that my mother did not fully see me and only allowed the parts of me that were clean and quiet and well-behaved. The second may have been some kind of molestation or other grave violation of my body around age 4 or 6.

Ask permission to look behind fear, what is being protected. Is it still nothing? Then stay with that nothingness.

Fear says: I don't want you to see how bad you really are.

Despite the difficulties I described earlier in this message, I did spend two or three chunks of time paying attention to the thoughts and sensations that comprise the "I": the gathering together of energies into an area in the back of the throat, often on an in-breath; the tangle of thought that contains the word "I". And I will do that as I fall asleep tonight.

[Ghata]

Dear Terry,

you are so courageous and dedicated! :-)...hugs.

Panic responds: You know that horrible thing that happened. I can't trust anybody or anything again. I've found a comfortable way of being. Don't take that away from me!!!...

"I want to take you back to the horrible thing that happened and I want you to really see it and to help unravel it and help me really see it and get inside it and untangle it."...

I'm not sure exactly what happened to me as a very young one but my sense is that two distinct formative traumas happened. ...

Fear is coming up because something really bad probably happened to you in the past and the fear is trying to keep you from having to encounter it again. At the same time the fear is asking you desperately to go back and untangle all this.

Now the only thing we can be with is what is happening right now. For the better or worse there is no way of going back to the past.

Please read what you wrote and notice all sensations that might come up. Also write down the thoughts and images that arise.

I'm not sure exactly what happened to me as a very young one but my sense is that two distinct formative traumas happened. The first was that my mother did not fully see me and only allowed the parts of me that were clean and quiet and well-behaved. The second may have been some kind of molestation or other grave violation of my body around age 4 or 6.

Write down what you experienced. And then please answer these questions:

Do the raw sensations have a name? Or are they just sensations happening? When you stay with the raw sensations, are they comfortable, uncomfortable, neutral or do these labels not apply? Is there a feeler and the felt or just feeling?

Are these sensations resisted, neutral or embraced? What happens when thoughts come in?

Share what you find - and if you feel tired in the evening and want to go to sleep, please do so. We have time. I will stay with you here until the end of our dialogue.

Warm regards,
Ghata

[tfarrah]

You know that horrible thing that happened.

Constriction in the throat (neutral). Shallow breathing (neutral) and the sense of not getting enough oxygen (unpleasant). Quivering in the throat (neutral). A scrunching of the right mouth and cheek (neutral). Pulsing in the throat (pleasant). Mild nausea (unpleasant). Tensing of the right shoulder (pleasant). Hearing the clock ticking (pleasant). Coolness of the air passing through my throat as the constriction begins to relax (pleasant).

I can't trust anybody or anything again.

Thought: That's right! (pleasant) Then, a repeat of the sensations above. Then, the sensations and thoughts called sadness: a tingling in the throat (pleasant), very mild spasms of the diaphragm, like the beginning of crying (pleasant), vague images of a deep, dark, lonely void (neutral).

I've found a comfortable way of being.

Image of myself wrapping my arms around myself in a smug and protective gesture (neutral). Tensing of the right neck and shoulder, a tingling/burning sensation (pleasant). Tension in the right jaw (pleasant). Shallow breathing again (neutral) and the sense of not getting enough oxygen (unpleasant).

Don't take that away from me!!!

Pulsing in the throat (pleasant). An image of someone coming toward me, straight at me from the front. A dark, shadowy image. About to grab me. Shallow breathing, not enough oxygen (unpleasant).

What are you doing, blindly following instructions from a website that just popped up a few years ago?

Image of someone scolding me. Or is it an image of myself scolding someone? I can feel whispers of scolding sensations in my body, the vigorous pumping of the lungs, the vibration of the vocal chords (neutral). Image of my mother scolding me, hearing her voice (unpleasant). My body recoils.

Ghata, I am finding this to be an interesting and engaging process--reading words, reporting subsequent thoughts and sensations. It feels like something I know how to do, a straightforward set of instructions to follow. And the results are interesting. I am finding that, if I don't get all the sensations/images/thoughts on the first go-round (because they come so fast), I can re-read a sentence and the sensations/images/thoughts will recur. It did take about 30 minutes just to do what I wrote above, and I need to get ready for my day, so I will pause here and continue later.

Thank you for being with me, Ghata.

(later)

Who the hell are these people?

More recoiling. Someone is yelling at me! Something must be wrong with me! I must have done something wrong; I will be punished. Breathing becomes shallow.

You want them to have the answers,

A softening in the right chest (pleasant). Thought: I _do_ want the answers, it would be so sweet.

you want a quick solution,

Thought: OK, you're right, there is no such thing as a quick solution. Breathing becomes shallow.

but I'm telling you there is no such thing!

Thought: she is trying to protect me, that's nice.

Their stuff makes a kind of sense, but so do 1000 other world views.

Thought: Oh, shut up. This is all so complicated; I can't handle it. Shallow breathing. Tingling, quivering in the back of the right throat, like I'm about to cry (pleasant).

Besides, that horrible thing that happened proved that nothing really good can happen to us.

Same response as the first time I read about the horrible thing: constriction, pulsing, shallow breathing. Thought: nothing really good? Really?! Am I that doomed? Image: a gigantic heavy metal door closing down before me with a crash. Sleepiness (pleasant).

Also, if nothing really good has happened so far in the past 56 years, it's not going to happen now.

Thought: Noooooo! It can't be that hopeless!

I want to take you back to the horrible thing that happened and I want you to really see it and to help unravel it and help me really see it and get inside it and untangle it.

Thought: I want that so bad I can taste it. I want to see!!! Image: my hand reaching inside a big red tangled tumor. It is warm and damp (pleasant). Vague sensations of sexual pleasure throughout the pelvis (pleasant). Thought: I want to do that!!!

I don't want you to see how bad you really are.

Shallow breathing, lack of oxygen (unpleasant), pulsing in the right throat (pleasant), sensations of wanting to spit or of actually spitting (neutral). Image: my hands covering my ears, not wanting to hear. The eyes flutter closed (neutral).

[tfarrah]

Write down what you experienced. And then please answer these questions: ...

What traumas did I experience as a young one? I don't have any more details than what I already wrote. I know that these things happened because of the residue in my body and psyche. For example, I know I was violated because I experience fright whenever my partners enter the bedroom or get into bed, I don't want any one to touch me unless I can control how it is done, and I have an intense hatred of most of my older male relatives.

Do the raw sensations have a name? Or are they just sensations happening? When you stay with the raw sensations, are they comfortable, uncomfortable, neutral or do these labels not apply? Is there a feeler and the felt or just feeling? Are these sensations resisted, neutral or embraced? What happens when thoughts come in?

I'm not sure which raw sensations you're talking about. Do you mean the sensations of the traumas I experienced when I was very young? Although I don't have detailed memories of specific events, I do have very vague memories. Shall I call up the remembered sensations and answer the questions about those?

Thank you, Ghata. I look forward to hearing from you, as always.

[Ghata]

Dear Terry,

you did a great job with noticing what is going on when you read the words you had written before. :-)

Please copy everything you wrote about your experiences reading your text.Then go through it and put an (E) behind what you actually experienced during the exercise and a (T) behind what appeared as a thought - a word or mental image.

Write down what you experienced

That means what you experienced doing the exercise. We are only looking into what is experienced right now.
I'd like to let go of the last questions right now and stay with the first part of the exercise.

When we are trying to look into the past, we try to look into memories.
What are memories? In what form do they appear?

Warm regards,
Ghata

[tfarrah]

Dear Ghata,

I will start with what I am experiencing this moment. Hearing clock ticking, clicking of keyboard. Sight of hands moving on keyboard. Gentle breathing. Coolness of air on back of throat. Pulsing in the throat and upper chest. Tingling at back of throat. Gentle shimmering of relaxation throughout body.

When I began the paragraph above, I was feeling uncomfortable and agitated, with sensations of constriction. But during the observing and reporting, relaxation occurred. This is very familiar to me. For several years my main spiritual practice was noting in the style taught by Mahasi Sayadaw. Usually when I wake up in the morning I am agitated and the mind is aswirl with anxious thoughts. Before I began with LU 3 weeks ago, I would sit every morning and do noting practice and the thoughts would subside as my attention went to present moment experience. I have discontinued this morning practice so that it doesn't interfere with the work we are doing together.

To answer one of your questions from before: most raw sensations are comfortable or neutral, even those of fear, sadness, and anger. It is mostly the cycle of sensation <-> thought that becomes uncomfortable.

Now, to your queries of today:

When we are trying to look into the past, we try to look into memories.
What are memories? In what form do they appear?

In my experience, memories are collections of thoughts and sensations. A memory collection includes the thought, "This happened to me." Often it also may include the thought, "Because this happened to me, I am a _____ person (generous, unlovable, ...)"

Please copy everything you wrote about your experiences reading your text.Then go through it and put an (E) behind what you actually experienced during the exercise and a (T) behind what appeared as a thought - a word or mental image.

OK, here goes:

You know that horrible thing that happened.

(E) Constriction in the throat (neutral).
(E) Shallow breathing (neutral)
(E) the sense of not getting enough oxygen (unpleasant).
(E) Quivering in the throat (neutral).
(E) A scrunching of the right mouth and cheek (neutral).
(E) Pulsing in the throat (pleasant).
(E) Mild nausea (unpleasant).
(E) Tensing of the right shoulder (pleasant).
(E) Hearing the clock ticking (pleasant).
(E) Coolness of the air passing through my throat as the constriction begins to relax (pleasant).

I can't trust anybody or anything again.

(T) Thought: That's right! (pleasant)
(E) Then, a repeat of the sensations above.
(E) Then, the sensations and thoughts called sadness:
(E) a tingling in the throat (pleasant),
(E) very mild spasms of the diaphragm, like the beginning of crying (pleasant),
(T) vague images of a deep, dark, lonely void (neutral).

I've found a comfortable way of being.

(T) Image of myself wrapping my arms around myself in a smug and protective gesture (neutral).
(E) Tensing of the right neck and shoulder, a tingling/burning sensation (pleasant).
(E) Tension in the right jaw (pleasant).
(E) Shallow breathing again (neutral)
(E) the sense of not getting enough oxygen (unpleasant).

Don't take that away from me!!!

(E) Pulsing in the throat (pleasant).
(T) An image of someone coming toward me, straight at me from the front. A dark, shadowy image. About to grab me.
(E) Shallow breathing, not enough oxygen (unpleasant).

What are you doing, blindly following instructions from a website that just popped up a few years ago?

(T) Image of someone scolding me. Or is it an image of myself scolding someone?
(E) I can feel whispers of scolding sensations in my body, the vigorous pumping of the lungs, the vibration of the vocal chords (neutral).
(T) Image of my mother scolding me, hearing her voice (unpleasant).
(E) My body recoils.

Who the hell are these people?

(E) More recoiling.
(T) Someone is yelling at me! Something must be wrong with me! I must have done something wrong; I will be punished.
(E) Breathing becomes shallow.

You want them to have the answers,

(E) A softening in the right chest (pleasant).
(T) Thought: I _do_ want the answers, it would be so sweet.

you want a quick solution,

(T) Thought: OK, you're right, there is no such thing as a quick solution.
(E) Breathing becomes shallow.

but I'm telling you there is no such thing!

(T) Thought: she is trying to protect me, that's nice.

Their stuff makes a kind of sense, but so do 1000 other world views.

(T) Thought: Oh, shut up. This is all so complicated; I can't handle it.
(E) Shallow breathing.
(E) Tingling, quivering in the back of the right throat, like I'm about to cry (pleasant).

Besides, that horrible thing that happened proved that nothing really good can happen to us.

(E) Same response as the first time I read about the horrible thing: constriction, pulsing, shallow breathing.
(T) Thought: nothing really good? Really?! Am I that doomed?
(T) Image: a gigantic heavy metal door closing down before me with a crash.
(E) Sleepiness (pleasant).

Also, if nothing really good has happened so far in the past 56 years, it's not going to happen now.

(T) Thought: Noooooo! It can't be that hopeless!

I want to take you back to the horrible thing that happened and I want you to really see it and to help unravel it and help me really see it and get inside it and untangle it.

(T) Thought: I want that so bad I can taste it. I want to see!!!
(T) Image: my hand reaching inside a big red tangled tumor.
(T) It is warm and damp (pleasant).
(E) Vague sensations of sexual pleasure throughout the pelvis (pleasant).
(T) Thought: I want to do that!!!

I don't want you to see how bad you really are.

(E) Shallow breathing, lack of oxygen (unpleasant),
(E) pulsing in the right throat (pleasant),
(E) sensations of wanting to spit or of actually spitting (neutral).
(T) Image: my hands covering my ears, not wanting to hear.
(E) The eyes flutter closed (neutral).

[tfarrah]

Ghata, I am unsure what practices I could be doing throughout the day. Shall I just practice in whatever way calls to me? Sometimes I am intrigued by trying to notice and label as much I-doing as I can. Sometimes I like to notice the I-doing in as much detail as possible.

I have the LU app on my phone and am aware of the wide variety of looking that I could be doing -- but what do you recommend for me?

Thank you, Ghata.

Terry

[Ghata]

Dear Terry,

thank you for this lot of work, you do very well with distinguishing betweeen thoughts and emotions.:-)

For your practice throughout the day, when you find some time to do it, notice what sensations you are experiencing. Seeing, hearing, touching, body sensations, smelling and tasting. Again, no need to strain yourself.
When experiencing whatever sensation is there, once in a while ask: Is there an experiencer and the experienced, or is there just experiencing?

Your regular meditation practice is fine, you are welcome to continue it.

To answer one of your questions from before: most raw sensations are comfortable or neutral, even those of fear, sadness, and anger. It is mostly the cycle of sensation <-> thought that becomes uncomfortable.

This is a very important insight! The trouble is not that the actual experience is uncomfortable. Sensations in themselves are just sensations.

The trouble comes when thoughts come into play. They can be followed by more sensations --> new thoughts --> even more sensations, creating something like a horror picture show.


Exercise:
Close your eyes and imagine a watermelon in front of you. See the green color. Pick it up. Heavy, isn't it? Knock on it, is it ripe? Picture yourself taking a knife and cutting it. Feel the slightly sticky juice running over your fingers. Have a bite. Is it sweet?

Now open your eyes.

Where is the watermelon gone?

What does that tell you about the reality of thought content?



Warm regards,
Ghata

[tfarrah]

Went out for a walk. So happy to see another message from you on my return!

Where is the watermelon gone?
What does that tell you about the reality of thought content?

When I opened my eyes, there was no watermelon to be sensed with my senses, and the images were 95% gone from my mind. This tells me that thought content can be very vivid, yet have no connection to what is happening in the material world at the present moment.

I will practice noticing sensations and asking whether there is an experiencer.

Again, no need to strain yourself.

Indeed, I am one who inclines to strain herself :-) It is nice to be told that I don't need to.

Terry

[tfarrah]

I have written that part of the "I" experience is a constriction in the back of the throat. I want to find out how closely associated the constriction is with the "I" experience, so I set out to answer these questions:
- Does this constriction happen always for "I", or only sometimes?
- Does it happen for any other concepts that arise in thought, such as "you" or "watermelon"?
- Does it happen for a non-conceptual vocalazition, such as "om"?
- Does it happen when my attention is on sense perceptions?

I tried bringing to mind "I", "I", "I", as well as "you", "watermelon", and "om". I also tried Mahasi-style noting of sensations. In each case I tried to notice what happened in the back of the throat.

The results are not clear-cut. It does seem that the constriction almost always does occur with "I", but it also occurs with all the other things, though seemingly less strongly and less often. It occurs least often and least strongly with the noting of sensation. It seems that the results are influenced by a desire to see a correlation. I seem to sense myself controlling the constriction, either making it happen or making it relax. Also, I can't know when a silent (unconscious) "I" might be occurring.

It seems more difficult to do scientific hypothesis testing in this realm than in the realm of the material world.

[Ghata]

Dear Terry,

you are a true scientist indeed :-).

Though the results are not clear-cut ,you found out that thoughts ("I", "I", "I", as well as "you", "watermelon", and "om") are followed by sensations.

When I opened my eyes, there was no watermelon to be sensed with my senses, and the images were 95% gone from my mind. This tells me that thought content can be very vivid, yet have no connection to what is happening in the material world at the present moment.

Very well seen :-).


For our Investigation we call the content of thought unreal in the sense that the thought isn't the real thing, no matter what it points to. The bottle of water you think of will not save you, when you are lost in the desert.

Thoughts point to three different things:
- Something that exists in the material world: Water, tree, table
- A concept which parts exist in the real world: University, school, government
- To an imaginery thing: Santa, unicorn, Batman.

Thoughts come as words or mental images.


Here is an exercise for you to find out more about the word 'I':
Sit down for 10min. and write down what is going on right now.

Example:
"I am sitting at the table. My fingers are typing away on the Keyboard. I see the letters popping up on the Screen. I see the sun Color turning into wonderful red tones. I hear my Partner speaking next door.

Watch the Body. Are there any sensations of tightening or relaxing?


Then write down what is Happening without using the words I, me or mine for 10 min.

Example:
Sitting at the table Fingers are typing away on the Keyboard. Letters are popping up on the Screen. The suncolors are turning into beautiful red tones. Partner speaking on the phone next door.

Again watch what is happening in the body.

Now compare the two ways to label experience- is one truer than the other? If so, which one? What is here without the label I? Does the label affect the experience or just describe it?


Share what you find. Take that as an exercise for the day also.

Warm regards,
Ghata

[tfarrah]

Ghata, I did the exercise while taking the bus and walking to work (I didn't write anything down).

When I described to myself what is going on in the present moment using the words I, me, and mine, the thought arose, "I am now practicing an old habit that I worked hard to abandon." I felt resistance in the mind and body. In the mind, "I shouldn't be doing this!" In the body: mild fear sensations, tingling in the chest and arms. Then the thought arose, "Ghata is a skilled teacher. She is asking me to do this because there is some learning here for me."

I then continued the exercise without worry. When I said to myself a phrase such as, "I am hearing the traffic", during the words "I am", awareness of the sound diminished, and there was a constricting at the back of the throat like I described yesterday. Attention seemed to be on the "I" sensations. Then, during the words "hearing the traffic", attention returned to the hearing. This happened with each observation. So during the entire exercise I experienced the following cycle: awareness of a sensory experience, formulation of a sentence describing the experience using the words I, me, or mine, awareness of constriction at the back of the throat and decreased awareness of the sensory experience as the words "I am" (or the like) passed through my mind, then increased awareness of the sensory experience as the words describing the experience passed through my mind.

When I did the same exercise omitting I, me, and mine, no bodily sensations seemed to arise as a result of the exercise. Occasionally the "I" sensations arose, perhaps every few seconds, not in association with any particular other event. They arose softly, like a whisper, and disappeared quickly.

To answer your questions: the second way of labeling experience seems truer. Without the label I, the experience is still here. The label does affect the experience.

[Ghata]

Dear Terry,

Very well watched :-).

"I am now practicing an old habit that I worked hard to abandon."

That is the difference between direct looking and the traditional paths that are around. On the traditional paths you tell yourself: This is not me or mine and try to remember it. But you haven't seen it for yourself and it comes back over and over again.

With direct looking, once seen it cannot be unseen. Do you have to remind yourself that the man in the red clothes and the white beard isn't the real Santa but just a person?

So no need to be afraid :-)

awareness of a sensory experience, formulation of a sentence describing the experience using the words I, me, or mine, awareness of constriction at the back of the throat and decreased awareness of the sensory experience as the words "I am" (or the like) passed through my mind, then increased awareness of the sensory experience as the words describing the experience passed through my mind

.

Very good :-). The I leads to constriction and the sensory experience is weaker.


Find out how the I is added to the experience.
Going through your day, when you have time, watch how thoughts are commenting everything you do.

Find out when the comment comes, before or after? Can you watch thoughts saying "I am doing this"? When do they appear, before or after you did something?

Watching this is easier when you do something very slowly.


With much love- Ghata

[tfarrah]

Dear Ghata,

As usual, I eagerly arose from bed this morning to find your post and learn what the exercises are for the day. After reading today, strong resistance arose, with the thought, "I am going to fail."

I continued sitting, and after a minute, I began observing, with the thought, "I will now do some things very slowly and observe the thoughts."

Here is a series of thoughts and events that I observe while slowly raising my hands from my lap to the keyboard to type:

I am going to lift my hands and type.
I am going to type.
I am going to type.
I don't like this.
Emotion: anger
When am I going to type? I can't wait around all day.
I am doing this wrong.
Emotion: anxiety
I don't like this.
Action: hands suddenly raised about one inch, then dropped back into lap.
Thought: I didn't mean to start typing yet.
When am I going to start typing? I don't like this.
Sensation: slight tensing of muscles used to raise hands.
Thought: When will I raise the hands? Now? Now? Now? Now?
Thought: OK, I'm tired of waiting, I'll do it now!
The eyelids blink and there seems to be a moment of unawareness or unconsciousness.
Action: hands very slowly begin raising off of lap.
The right side of the face scrunches. Pulsing. Constriction in the chest. Anger.
Eyes look around computer screen, thoughts arise concerning what is seen: "What is that tab in my browser? Is that the tab for the office chair that E wants to buy?" Hands continue to rise.
Thoughts: I am raising my hands. I don't like this. I don't want to do this. When is this going to be over? Raising. Raising.
Sensations of sadness and anger arise. Breathing becomes shallow.
Action: hands continue to move to keyboard
Thought: I am moving my hands to the keyboard
Thought: I don't know what to do
Thoughts: Hands are almost there. Almost there. Reaching. Touching keyboard. Resting on keyboard. I am finally done.
Sensation: hands touching keyboard.

Ghata, actually, the series of events above took place in about 8 chunks. I interrupted about 8 times to write, then put my arms in the place where I left them, tried to put my mind in the place where I'd left it (?), and continued.

Thoughts arising now:
I want to go to the couch and do more of this exercise.
I really don't want to do this exercise. I don't like it.