Beginning

[Kiwi]

Hi Mary
Thank you for your very thoughtful post. I love the honesty that is apparent in what you write – that takes courage and I applaud you.

i have done a little of the homework you gave me. I looked inside to diffferent places in my body. It feels as if there is a great emtiness inside, like a huge empty room. I still find that there is a me looking though. I experimented with imaging that I had died and didn't have a body. I can't tell you what I got with that, it was last week and I can'tremember.

Good. So the looking didn’t find an “I”. Are you at a point that you know the “I” to be an illusion? (remember that intellectually perceiving that there is no “I” is different from a “knowing” that the “I” does not exist).

ACIM emphasizes that nothing you can see has any meaning other than that which you give to things. Through habitual use, you have assigned the “I”, “me” and “self” a meaning (identity) that you believe in. Again, ACIM exhorts you to not try and understand anything. No meaning, no understanding as this involves using the egoic mind – which is illusionary and dualistic.

Look carefully … is it a sense of “me” looking out, or is it just that looking out is occurring?

I looked back at my last post where I cautioned against the use of the “big Me” label to describe the seeing of the infinite. What perhaps was obscured by that caution is the realization of Truth that was apparent in what you wrote. In Truth, Mary you are what is. I might describe that as “is-ness” as simply “Life” or ‘consciousness” and you might describe it as “oneness” or God” All labels are clumsy attempts to try and put the “what is” into words. Could that “emptiness” that you describe be yet another word to express the inexpressible? Give me your thoughts – after you’ve directly looked and come to know an answer. What are you, Mary?

I looked around when I was outside and thought about dropping the labels of the plants and things around me. Without labels they just are.

You got it. Without labeling, what is, is. And what is neither has meaning nor requires understanding. Everything just is. Once you know this, the realization will follow that there is need for either labeling or understanding – and that labels and understanding are simply mechanisms for preserving the illusion and obscuring the truth.

Try this … Go for a walk. As you walk along, look at wahat going on around you without automatically labeling or judging whatever you see. Just look at life around you. Without labels or thought, does life (and that includes you) simply carry on, or does it fall apart? Try and walk for, say, five minutes without labeling or judging. Tell me what you discovered

Dropping my labels. Hmmm. I looked at the beliefs I have about myself and who I think I am. I would just be if I were to drop all of that. I thought about the label of good person/bad person. I had thought that I was a bad person when I was young, so I tried really hard to be a good person. I could work at taking away the belief that I am a bad person.

Good and its opposite are just words. We have assigned them meaning. Our egos then strive to be one and not the other. In truth, there is simply the seeing of what is – and that’s all there is.

But noone is totally "good". It is not real to be one way or another.

I could observe that life itself is neither one thing nor the other – it simply is. Is that not true of you, Mary? Does life need labels – is there a need for us to invent and apply them?

I've been a little depressed about not liking my job and asked myself "Is this real?" I am experiencing it. I can change it with my thoughts. I can go in the woods and feel better. Is that real? Don't have an answer.

It might feel real, but any mind state is exactly that – of the mind. In reality, there is simply what is. So the job is the job – neither good nor bad. To the egoic mind, however, there is no such thing as accepting “what is” – it will always want to apply dualistic terms such as “like” or “dislike” so that you are presented with a choice, to accept something or to change it. This choice was derived by the egoic mind, within the world of duality. Whatever choice you make will lead to further suffering – because the egoic mind is never satisfied with the answer and will always present yet another choice for you to worry and stress over.

I look forwards to your next insightful post

Mike

[Mary]

Hello Mike, I have some questions for you. Something odd happened yesterday. I was filing my nails and It felt as if the hands being filed and doing the filing were not mine. The experience only lasted while I was filing. Later I went for a walk to try and look without labeling and I noticed the hillside and plants looked different; brighter and more than 3-D. Everything popped out at me. It only lasted about two minutes. Are these occurances a sign that I am getting close? I don't feel as if I"m making progress with the dropping labesl exercise, but I'm going to the woods today so I'll work on it. I seem to do better when I am in the woods and looking at plants. It is easier for me to see that they don't have an identity. Also, do you recomend any reading? I have been rereading our posts and I went to visit my friend who awakened with the help of LU so that could talk about this process more with her. Thats it for now. Hope all is well with you, Mary.

[Kiwi]

Hi Mary
Thank you for your post

Hello Mike, I have some questions for you. Something odd happened yesterday. I was filing my nails and It felt as if the hands being filed and doing the filing were not mine. The experience only lasted while I was filing. Later I went for a walk to try and look without labeling and I noticed the hillside and plants looked different; brighter and more than 3-D. Everything popped out at me. It only lasted about two minutes. Are these occurances a sign that I am getting close?

“closeness” is an expression of distance which, like time is part of the illusion in which we seemingly find ourselves. The truth is, that you are no further away from seeing through the illusion that you ever have been – because the illusion is self-generated though the beliefs that your egoic mind has developed and strengthened over the years. As you start disbelieving some of those self-generated “sacred cows” then the truth – and its expressions – start to become more apparent. Truth has always been there, just obscured by illusionary beliefs.

The apparent brightness indicates that you are starting to see things as they are and not through a fog of belief-caused illusion. Clarity is good as it shows that you are starting to see things differently. A “good thing”!!

I don't feel as if I"m making progress with the dropping labesl exercise, but I'm going to the woods today so I'll work on it. I seem to do better when I am in the woods and looking at plants. It is easier for me to see that they don't have an identity.

Mary, the point of dropping labels is simply to have you see that any label has no meaning. The fact that we label something as a “tree” doesn’t mean that the tree knows that! – the label is a dualistic convenience that reinforces the illusion that surrounds us. Applying no label does not mean that the things cease to be – it simply shows that the label has no meaning and is completely irrelevant. Would the Absolute use a label? – no, because to do so endows the illusionary with a realness that it does not have.

To state the obvious, the Absolute (no matter what you might personally call the Absolute) is Absolute because there is nothing else. Because there is only Oneness, there is no separation and therefore no need for labels. While you might find it easier to experience that oneness in the woods, is it really any different in a crowded city? It is just that our conditioned perception that it should be different. Perception is the domain of duality along with the equally-illusionary expressions of comparison and contrast. Ask your self why it seems more difficult to experience oneness in the city? And tell me what you find?

Also, do you recomend any reading?

The best reading is the exploration of yourself! A potential problem of any external book or video, or teaching is that you are perceiving the message that someone else has perceived! Sort of like the game of “Chinese whispers” where you pass on a whispered comment only to see its message to be changed the further it travels. The truth of the message can become diluted to the point of misleading. I have sent you a PM on this issue

I have been rereading our posts and I went to visit my friend who awakened with the help of LU so that could talk about this process more with her.

Support is good – especially if you’ve got a sound understanding yourself before you “swap stories”. Without a prior degree of knowing, the danger is always that you could get sidetracked by opinions.

Mike

[Mary]

Hi Mike, Just a quick note. Going to spend the day looking for self. I still feel stuck thinking I am my mind. Let you know how it goes, Mary.

[Kiwi]

Hi Mary
Happy hunting!! I'm away from my home base for a couple of weeks, so my responses to your posts might be a bit tardy during that time. I will be checking most days, but may not be able to respond "on the sport"
Mike

[Mary]

Hello Mike,
A lot of water has gone under the bridge in a week. I tried to write ,but stuff got in the way. I've been spending some time working on this, but I haven't gone through the gateless gate yet. My strategy has been to read about it for inspiration, then spend some time staying present, experiencing my surroundings and this being as part of the is-ness without my thoughts getting the upper hand. Some old beliefs about myself and fears have come up. Like thinking that everyone else in the world except me will be able to do this and needing to aways be helpless in order to survive. This is important to me, so I know it will happen. It doesn't need to take a long time. Is there another practice you can recomend? Thanks so much for your help. Hope all is well with you, Mary.

[Kiwi]

Hi Mary
Thanks for the email. In the end, direct experience is what it's all about - reading about liberation is good and necessary, but eventually you have to leave the reading and experience what you've been reading about. In your second post, you outlined a bit of your history and indicated that you had been drawn to A Course in Miracles. I'd suggest you continue with that practice - especially the daily lessons. All the very best in your journey - I'm here if and when you want
Cheers
Mike

[Mary]

Mike,
Its sounds from your last post that you are quiting on me. Well it doesn't matter, I may be done anyway. I had an Aha moment last week. The question came to me "What would I be if I didn't 'get' it?" I realized that I would be the same as if I did. And the same as I have always been. There is no difference. I think that was the trigger, but I don't feel any different. I guess I expected esoteric fireworks or something. what do you think? Peace, Mary.

[Kiwi]

Hi Mary
No - I'm certainly not giving up on you - I thought that you were pulling back and wanted some "space"!! Mixed communications!

I may be done anyway. I had an Aha moment last week. The question came to me "What would I be if I didn't 'get' it?" I realized that I would be the same as if I did. And the same as I have always been. There is no difference.

If you look through threads on this site, you'll see that many comment on the "ordinaryness" of the realisation. Its purely a beliefs that there should be lights and a celestial choir singing!

Tell me at length and from your direct experience about what the moment of reazlisation that "there is no difference" means

I'm about to start travelling back home (currently overseas) so please forgive me if you don't hear from me for a couple of days. I'll have other questions, but I'm really looking forward to reading your post.

Cheers

Mike

[Mary]

Hi Mike, Hope all is well with you. Just read your last post,somehow missed the e-mail. Yes, sorry about the misunderstanding, but I think I needed the space too. Anyway, on April 13th I was pondering who is the self when a question came to me, "who would I be if I didn't "get" this experience?" I realized that I would be the same as I said; that I am the same, have always been. And what I am is the presence. For the past couple of years I've been practicing staying connected or staying present. Where I try to hold on to a feeling. I thought it was energy. It is energy, it is connection with source, but after asking myself that question I realized that that is also me. That is the is-ness that we have been talking about in the objects that I see. I could see it in a plant, but not in myself. I really didn't think that this realization was what you were pointing at at the time. I expected to go into an altered state or at least walk around falling in love with everyone I see. I did feel very happy for a little while. I don't feel any different. I still go around with the thoughts, blah, blab, blah in my head, but I have noticed some subtle changes in the past couple of weeks. I'll list them:
looking at my situations more objectively
questioning the dynamics of my friendships
questioning my thoughts
actually found myself being grateful for some anxiety that came up because it was pointing to a belief i could get rid of
the LU and other readings relating to uncovering the self suddenly made sense
less fearful
I got a glimpse of my awesome power that I had all along but didn't believe in
I was reminded of my mission in life and am more willing to fulfill it
And I'm sure there will be more changes as time goes on. So that is it so far. I look forward to your questions. Peace, Mary.

[Kiwi]

Hi Mary
Wonderful to hear from you.

on April 13th I was pondering who is the self when a question came to me, "who would I be if I didn't "get" this experience?" I realized that I would be the same as I said; that I am the same, have always been. And what I am is the presence.

I have been reading Timothy Freke’s book “How Long is Now?: A journey to Enlightenment…and beyond” wherein he expresses that “awakening” is not an “either/or” situation where you are either in the illusion of duality or you are with the absolute in Oneness. He argues that you cannot experience oneness unless you do so from the duality of illusion (unless you’re dead and therefore pure spirit!) and that awakening to the truth of who you are is a “both/and” situation whereby you can be operation both inside the illusion when that is necessary and in Oneness when you choose to be. This has been very much my deepening experience. So the question for you to ponder is not “who would I be if I didn’t get it” but rather “if I experience that who I truly am is beyond the body, is my continuing to operate in a body after that realization a denial of that transcendent spirit? Freke’s answer is no, so the issue is not an either/or one; it’s a both/and one. How can I be both awakened to my Absolute nature and still enjoy the advantages that our dualistic lifestyles offer?

For the past couple of years I've been practicing staying connected or staying present. Where I try to hold on to a feeling. I thought it was energy. It is energy, it is connection with source, but after asking myself that question I realized that that is also me.

It’s easy to lose sight of the fact that “energy” is a “thing” (as in what is this thing that is causing this feeling?). What “sits behind” the energy and gives rise to it is the pure potential that variously has been called “is-ness”, consciousness, awareness or (as you have called it) “presence” Arising from that potential is Lao Tzu’s “world of ten thousand things” or our dualistic world of separateness and specialness. Here’s a question for you to sit somewhere quietly and meditate upon. In your direct experience, who are you Mary?

That is the is-ness that we have been talking about in the objects that I see. I could see it in a plant, but not in myself. I really didn't think that this realization was what you were pointing at at the time.

There is only one-ness. It’s the same one-ness that gives life to a plant, insect or human being. It surrounds, permeates and animates everything. Looking at an insect for some time will have you wondering whether you are looking at the insect or the insect is looking at you. Quantum science is clear that at the sub-atomic level, everything is connected – so in truth, you and the insect are connected, are one. You have been looking at yourself! Once you get your head around that, you see that there is neither subject nor object – just looking. Further, if you accept that “looking” is simply a label, you could easily conclude that you and the insect are manifestations of One seemingly separate only because of the conditioning and belief structures that you have that “I am separate from an insect” I wonder whether the insect sees you as separate? There is only what is. Go back to the woods, sit down and quietly consider what oneness really means to you

I expected to go into an altered state or at least walk around falling in love with everyone I see.

Expectations seem to be part of the “human condition” and are, by their existence, dualistic (there is no such thing as a neutral expectation) When you write “I expected” you first had a thought about what “awakening” was going to be like. That thought created a belief which you expressed as an expectation. Life, however, has no expectations – life’s intelligence is prior to (before) thought, and what it shows you from time to time is simply what it decides to manifest to you – whether it fits your expectation or not!! My advice, recognize all expectations as “things that get in the way” – instead, aim to have an “I haven’t got a clue” or “I simply don’t know” approach and be open to whatever happens.

There are no stereotypical experiences of awareness – what one person has experienced is valid for that person only.

I did feel very happy for a little while. I don't feel any different. I still go around with the thoughts, blah, blab, blah in my head, but I have noticed some subtle changes in the past couple of weeks. I'll list them:

You should continue being open to noticing changes when they present. Be wary however of applying beliefs to their occurrence. For example when you write “looking at my situations more objectively” the “more objectively” filter that you’re applying implies that you’re comparing situations to some criteria that you’ve established.. This is a dualistic exercise that will then cause you to conclude that you’re seeing situations either better or worse than you were before and that will make you feel better or worse – so the exercise could become one of re-defining the self. If you had no self to (re)define, how would you experience each situation that presented itself to you?

I got a glimpse of my awesome power that I had all along but didn't believe in

Great. What did that ‘awesome power” feel like?

I was reminded of my mission in life and am more willing to fulfill it

Mary, can the Absolute have a mission?

And I'm sure there will be more changes as time goes on.

Think of it deepening the channel of understanding rather than finding “new stuff” because in truth, you already know all you need to. I don’t think that “channel deepening” - the deepening of experience - ever stops

Namaste

Mike

[Mary]

Hello Mike,
thanks so much for your post. I appreciate the time and energy it must take to explain this to me. I will need to get back to you in a few days after I give what you have written some thought. talk to you then, Mary.

[Mary]

Hello Mike, been working on this.

who am I? I am the Absolute. Its as if the Absolute got bored and decided to have a reality show with itself as the people, set, props, and all and I am one of its characters. To shake things up the Absolute decided to have the characters forget that they were him/her/it. what fun!

what does onenes really mean to me? It is a connection to everything.

What did that ‘awesome power” feel like?A feeling of being huge, all knowing, all creative, expanded, part of all and everything, love.

Does the Absolute have a mission? If I were to boil down my mission it would be to deepen the experience of being the Absolute. The Absolute attemping to experience itself as the Absolute. how silly is that? As if I'm trying to be something I already am. The trick is to know who I am. So there really is no mission of mine as the absolute or of the Absolute in general.

Look forward to hearing what you think, Mary.

[Kiwi]

Hi Mary.
Thanks for the post. I sense that you may have had a glimpse through the illusion to the Truth beyond, because of this one line

A feeling of being huge, all knowing, all creative, expanded, part of all and everything, love.

But it’s still a bit abstract, so I really need you to tell me a bit more – normal, as it’s very hard to put into words that really say what you want them to. Treasure the glimpse that you’ve had and build your understanding upon that experience., but I’d like you to focus on describing your direct experience of what happened.

Please take my words as they are written – in love. If they seem a bit “sharp” in places, they’re not intended to disparage or “doubt” but rather to help you clarify and focus you on what is real, by making more clear that which is a bit loose or vague. OK?

I am the Absolute.

This statement cannot be denied and I’m certainly not about to disagree with you! However, the “Absolute” is a label, a concept that of itself means little except point to an experience that was, for you “Absolute like”. In trying to guide and assist, I need to know a bit more detail about that experience. Something must have happened to you –and that something allowed you to perceive, feel, experience things differently. Tell me about what those differences were/are for you.

Its as if the Absolute got bored and decided to have a reality show with itself as the people, set, props, and all and I am one of its characters. To shake things up the Absolute decided to have the characters forget that they were him/her/it. what fun!

This is mind stuff. No-one can possibly know what motivated the Creator to create. It may indeed explain why the Absolute may have created “man in his image” – but it may also be pure new age fantasy. Either way, it does not contribute to your awakening, does it?

A feeling of being huge, all knowing, all creative, expanded, part of all and everything, love.

Great. I like this because it’s a personal description. In fact, I like it so much, I’d like you to expand on it for me. Tell me about the sensation and impact of “being huge, all knowing, love” as you go through your everyday chores

It is a connection to everything.

The word “connection” describes a linkage between two things – so that cannot be describing oneness. Oneness IS the Absolute. Look carefully at that word “connection” and then tell me how you directly experience oneness

If I were to boil down my mission it would be to deepen the experience of being the Absolute.

Oops – who is this “my” that has a mission?

So there really is no mission of mine as the absolute or of the Absolute in general.

Oneness cannot have a mission as that would be apart from itself. Oneness IS the mission. Imagine for a moment that there is only one being in the whole of existence. Oneness. To have a mission would imply that you have a plan to “improve things” or “achieve things” or “fix things” – in other words, a “mission” would be an admission that as the Absolute you haven’t created perfection, you have created duality or imperfection. Cannot happen. A “mission” can only exist in the world of duality, of separation and specialness.

In this world of separation and specialness, people (and groups of people) indeed have missions, and mission statements – and they get all excited about them, believing that such statements give them or their organization a focus. As a human being living in the world of separation, we both may well have or formulate a mission – and that’s OK. But in the Absolute state of consciousness, there is no mission to have except being that which you are – the Absolute

I think that will do for this post. I have lots more that I would like to ask, but I’ll wait until I see your responses

Namaste

Mike

[Mary]

Hi Mike, Thanks for your post.
I'm sorry ,but I'm really tired of dwelling on this. I thought I felt something, but it wasn't really experiencing of the hugeness, expandtion, etc . I tried to explain it in my last two posts. The feeling didn't stick. I feel especially bad about quitting on this since I accused you of quitting. I think I felt abandoned. Thank you so much for working so hard to help me. I'll continue to work on this on my own. Best wishs. Sincerely, Mary.