gateless gate of clouds

[unplugged]

I know it is difficult, but as much as you, please set aside all Buddhism for the purposes of this exploration because it can be a hindrance to clear seeing - direct experience is what we are going for here. Look and describe.

Are there any doubts at all about seeing through the illusion of the separate self?

[Kumarajiva]

Thank you for this response. It makes sense to an extent, although in fact Buddhism is about direct experience. But putting aside its language and filters, which may cloud the experiencing.

Are there any doubts at all about seeing through the illusion of the separate self?

Doubts that this is reality - no. Doubts that this is what is happening here - no. Disorientation - to a certain degree, which comes and goes. Though how much of this is a mental construct that something has been 'pulled out' this is is a question. Perhaps a habitual way of operating that is in fact not really there. Or even a sense that disorientation should be there - because it all seems so straightforward.

There is something about the gentle fierceness of LU that has broken through - something!

[unplugged]

Disorientation - to a certain degree, which comes and goes. Though how much of this is a mental construct that something has been 'pulled out' this is is a question. Perhaps a habitual way of operating that is in fact not really there. Or even a sense that disorientation should be there - because it all seems so straightforward.

Is the disorientation a thought, then a feeling, that happens after seeing through the illusion of a separate self?

[Kumarajiva]

Disorientation is a feeling, a sense of being in a familar place, or with known people, but seeing with different eyes. There is a certain sense of 'spaceyness' - perhaps allowing this new seeing to occur.

Tightness in the chest when writing this - of excitement rather than fear. It is soft, it is permeable, it is empty. Nice...

thank you.

[unplugged]

perhaps allowing this new seeing to occur.

Please tell me exactly what you see when you look? Is there a "you" to be found?

[Kumarajiva]

What is seen is what is there - just now, looking out the window, seeing birds on the bird feeder, roses standing up in the rain, looking ahead at the screen, fingers typing and words appearing onscreen. All without (to the extent possible) a 'me' or a 'them' or an 'us' in the absolute sense. Just being. Starting to have a sense that the notion of a 'me' is in the way - almost irritating!

But in writing this, a bit jittery inside. It seems so obvious - and exciting. If the mind kicks in, then it is earth-shattering.

[unplugged]

Great.

Now turn your focus inward and tell me exactly what you find.

[Kumarajiva]

Nothing -
space -
more space-
light -
free falling -
nothing

[unplugged]

So do you now have any doubts at all about seeing through the illusion of a separate self?

[Kumarajiva]

None whatsoever.

[unplugged]

Wonderful.

Lets make sure that you have complete clarity. Please answer these questions. Looking forward to your answers.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there
ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from
your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How
does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

[Kumarajiva]

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there
ever?

No. Only existed through thoughts within and also external expressions of separation from others.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from
your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

It is a sense of an identifiable, distinct being with its own boundaries, clearly discernible actions/thoughts which belonged to this being.
When does it start? Perhaps at birth and how parents/family talk about/to the being. This notion of a separate self is a common way of understanding/knowing and making sense of beings. Internally, there was a sense of protection, survival - and then an identification with actions/being to create an ego. A fear of not existing if not separate and not 'seen'. That's it - fear of not existing.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.

Feeling now: Calm, straightforward, light.
Difference from before: something explored and lit up which had not been truly explored. There was always a sense of proximity of the seeing but there was not a sustained attempt - or perhaps dialogue - to proceed. Thank you!

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Gentle but fierce persistance of the guide - willingness to be pushed.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How
does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

There can be a momentum of energy, a recognition of what is helpful, supportive, skilful and what is not. From this, choice (implying free will) and guidance can occur. Control is not an element in existence. Intention guides choice.

Responsibility sits with the conscious choice, the doing, the speaking with positive intention. There can be nothing beyond that.
Example: it is clear that it would be helpful if X chose to speak to Y instead of stewing about a perceived difficulty. Assessing if speaking to X would be heard. If so, suggesting to X that such a conversation be had - responsibility ends there.

6) Anything to add?

Heartfelt thanks for opening the door, showing the way - yet all is as it was. It is the seeing that is different.

[unplugged]

Thank you. I have no more questions.

I'll have other guides read this and see if they have any questions.

[unplugged]

Responsibility sits with the conscious choice, the doing, the speaking with positive intention.

Please answer the question: 'How are choices made'?

[Kumarajiva]

Sorry if I wasn't clear earlier.

Intention guides choice.

Where is intention from?

Arising out of awareness of potential results of actions/speech/seeing etc.

Is there a 'me' that is aware? No - no separate being, just being.