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[Canfora]

Impermanence rules. Do you think that when this state you are in ends you will be able to recognize that that's not a sign that suddenly a self has appeared? Do you know how and where to look if doubts happen, if "negative" thoughts and emotions arise?

[Yordan]

Do you have any doubts or can you say with a big yes that there isn't a separate self in reality?

YES, there isn't and never was a separate self. Only illusion of separation. Everything falls into place.
Feelings of happiness, joy and openness :)
Gratitude and appreciation !

Are you ready for LU final standard questions?

Absolutely :)

[Canfora]

Wonderful, I'm so happy for you!

Here are the questions - don't forget to give examples from your experience in Q5. You don't need to answer them all at once. Have fun!

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

[Yordan]

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No there isn't and never was. It's only a thought and till it's believed the whole mental description of every experience is centered around it.

I'll answer the other questions tomorrow. I have a lot of fun yes :)

[Yordan]

Ops, I missed this question.

Do you think that when this state you are in ends you will be able to recognize that that's not a sign that suddenly a self has appeared?

It's difficult for me to understand this question. Would you please give me some clarification here ?

Do you know how and where to look if doubts happen, if "negative" thoughts and emotions arise?

In Saturday such doubts appeared. I was lost in thoughts. A moment ago everything was clear and I felt great, then suddenly this realization disappeared. The flow of thoughts was very intense. There was also a lot of noise around me. It was a moment, when all this "negative" thoughts and emotions was so overwhelming, that it was impossible to see through it.
When I got home, I sit to meditate. When the mind was calm I a asked the question "What is I ?". It was easy now, to just look. The realization that it's only a thought appeared immediately. Then I look at the thoughts. The realization that they are empty, points nowhere and can't do nothing also appeared immediately. After that, all doubts disappeared.
If there is some "reality check" technique, I ask for it :)

[Canfora]

It's difficult for me to understand this question. Would you please give me some clarification here ?

I think you answered my question with what you said after this sentence, this description of what went on:

In Saturday such doubts appeared. I was lost in thoughts. A moment ago everything was clear and I felt great, then suddenly this realization disappeared. The flow of thoughts was very intense. There was also a lot of noise around me. It was a moment, when all this "negative" thoughts and emotions was so overwhelming, that it was impossible to see through it.
When I got home, I sit to meditate. When the mind was calm I a asked the question "What is I ?". It was easy now, to just look. The realization that it's only a thought appeared immediately. Then I look at the thoughts. The realization that they are empty, points nowhere and can't do nothing also appeared immediately. After that, all doubts disappeared.
If there is some "reality check" technique, I ask for it :)

I was asking if you knew how to do a "reality check" like you say above. And it seems you can! Wonderful!

The only way to deal with doubts is by looking, looking, looking, like you did - that's the only "reality check" technique that I think really works. Well done, you nailed it.

Looking forward to your answers to the other questions (unless you have more questions - let me know if that's the case :)

[Yordan]

Here they come :)
I'll post them one by one.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of separate self is only a thought. It appears after some experience. The live is a constant flow of experiences. There is nothing outside of the current one. So, it's impossible to have two at ones. Labeling, also a thought, is experience by it self and in linear perspective, it comes after some previous experience. At the moment of labeling, the previous one is not existing anymore. It's only a thought now. So we are entirely in the thought process. Only there is this 'I' present. Thoughts are coming one by one and paraphrase the past experiences from the position of separate 'I'. This position is never asked and thought after thought, after thought, this sense of really existing separate self goes stronger and stronger. But it's only an empty thought, pointing nowhere. When something happens, for example, phone rings, there appears hearing, at that moment thoughts are gone and there is pure experience of hearing. No 'I' is present. Then comes the thought - 'My phone is ringing' or 'I hear some phone ringing' and the experience of hearing is now gone and the experience of labeling is present and here 'I' appears again. In this way the experiences comes one after another and this illusion of separate self, shapes them all.

[Yordan]

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

Seeing through the illusion of separate self, opens a lot of space. There is more presence, clarity and peace. Everything looks the same, but it feels different. The live goes in the same way. I'm at work right now. The people around me are the same, thoughts are the same, but perspective is shifted. There is less attachment to the thoughts. Almost immediately there is recognition that they are empty. They point nowhere. They can't do anything. So, past is a thought, future is a thought and in the current experience they mean nothing. They simply does not exist. Why then, the thoughts about past end future have to be taken seriously ? This helps for more presence. Thoughts have less and even no power. The thought process goes weaker and weaker. Weaker, in sense of less emotional. At the same time there is more openness, feeling of connectedness. There is a feeling of being in front of big discoveries. It's very exciting.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

I experienced it as very step by step process. With every answer of the questions, the understanding deepened. I realize what it means to look, when I read the quotation from the movie "The Matrix", but I see the whole picture, when I answered the question 'What lives?'. This was the last bit.

[Yordan]

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

At this level of existence it seems like all this things means nothing. That they are only thoughts and what the thoughts can do ? Nothing. It's hard to say this, because of all old believes that are falling in pieces now, but from direct experience, this is what becomes clear.
If I decide to make a phone call, at this very moment, nothing else happens, it's only a thought. Deciding to make a phone call is actually awareness of the thought 'I will call mom' for example. It's experience by itself and nothing outside of it does not exist. The next experience can be calling mom or not. Maybe someone will came in to the room and the flow of experiences will go in some other direction. The whole process of calling mom is composed of numerous separate experiences. Taking the phone. This also is composed of many experiences - seeing where the phone is, moving the hand in this direction, touching the phone, catching the phone ... All this things happens by it self. Then dialing the number - moving finger, pushing button with number 0, ... Somehow everything is happening by itself.
Intension - same thing - thought. There is no awareness of it second before it comes. There is no doer. It just appears from nowhere and then disappears in to the void. There is some illusion of continuation, but it's also a thought.
Free will - thought.
Choice - thought.
Control - thought.
Example for control - let's try with the body. The body itself is a whole universe. There are billions and billions of cells. They are alive. They have their own live. They communicate with each other. They handle some information. They are born, grow old and die. All this things happens by itself. At our level of existence, there is no awareness of all this processes. There is no such thing as control. The cells forming organs. Every organ functions by it self. There is no awareness of this stuff. At this level, there is also no such thing as control. It's the same with every part of the body - no awareness, no control. The body as a whole - the same thing here. There are a lot of ideas like 'I will walk', but this has nothing to do with walking itself. The thought appears by itself, walking is happening by itself. No control, no controller.
What makes things happen? Live itself. There is nothing else. Every experience is manifestation of live itself. There is nothing outside of the experience and experience itself is a manifestation of the live. Live is All That Is, the Enlightened Energy. There is nothing outside of it and every experience is made of it. There is constant movement and interaction of this energy with itself. It's self aware and this constant movement gives rise of the experiences.
The responsibility is also a thought. Nothing more. They are coming and going, pointing nowhere and doing nothing. If there is a thought "I'm responsible for this" it's connected to nothing. The awareness of it is experience by itself but it points nowhere and is connected to nothing. There is only a constant flow of experiences.

6) Anything to add?

I just want to thank LU and you Sandra for pointing me the truth. Great appreciation !

[Canfora]

It was a pleasure reading your answers, Yordan! You went further in the rabbit hole than what we point to in the forum, wow! I'm going to ask the other guides to read this conversation and will post here when I have news.

[Canfora]

Hi Yordan,

We have no more questions to you. Welcome to the other side of the Gate :)
One of the administrators is going to send you some information and invite you to join the LU groups. I hope to see you there. It was a big pleasure being your guide!

Hugs,
Sandra