please help me thru the gate

[cathy]

i am ready after many years of searching and many mental constructs that ultimately fail.
thank you,
Cathy

[GrahamB]

Hi Cathy, Pleased to meet you. I am willing to be with you here. What are you searching for?

Best wishes,
Graham

[cathy]

an end to the searching and trying to get it right

[GrahamB]

What do you expect that liberation is going to be like Cathy?
What do you want from it?

Please answer these questions fully so that I have some input from you to 'gauge where you are at? Take your time. Much better to have a full and honest response than a quick one.

[cathy]

a feeling of oneness and less of a sense of being lost or alone
at home and more comfort, less fear
thank you for being here

[GrahamB]

a feeling of oneness and less of a sense of being lost or alone
at home and more comfort, less fear
thank you for being here

So can you please explain to me what gives you that sense of BEING lost, alone, uncomfortable and homeless?

Who/what do you think you are when you are BEING this way? And at other times?


And could you give me some of your history in regards to seeking please.

Again, no rush.

Pleased to be here with you.

[GrahamB]

Also, in your first post you spoke of "many mental constructs that ultimately fail." Could you please relate some of these and how they failed.

[GrahamB]

And why you think they failed.

[cathy]

even though i know it is not the entirity of me, there seems to be a psychology of past memories that feed into this feeling of lost. i have a frequent dream of being out on a stage with stage fright, not knowing my lines or how to perform. i have bought the idea of mind/body controlling my experience. there are only fleeting states of oneness. i have experienced states where i felt i was awareness that included everything and it was brilliant.
i have mostly read Joel Goldsmith, unity church teachings,course in miracles, david hawkins, william samuel. i was raised in Methodist religion and also learned more metapysical ideas of bible. basically the belief i was brought up with was I am one with god but fell into duality or descended into pysicality.

[GrahamB]

Thank you. Could you also please also answer the other things I asked.

[cathy]

the constructs seem to fail because i continue to read and study and logically they do not hold up when i really look at them or i really try to work them and they just don't bring any REAL change.
some examples of constructs are:
working through your psychodynamics (beliefs,memories, emotions) will bring healing
calling on angels, ascended masters, higher self to help you will bring you help and healing
working out your karma will help you evolve out
grace will save you from the wheel of karma if you can only identify as Christ Consciousness
the 5 steps of "busting loose" to break thru the cloud cover
meditation on who am i or contemplative meditation of a biblical verse or some "truth statement" for enlightenment

[cathy]

Tolle, Gangaji, Adyashanti are others i have studied

[GrahamB]

Thank you Cathy. You seem to have done quite a lot. Time to look at the one that thinks it is doing all these things.

i have bought the idea of mind/body controlling my experience.

You mean that you think you are controlled by your mind or body? Isn't this just some thought, an idea? What can possibly be controlled by thought? The content of thought is entirely imaginary; how can something real be controlled by something imaginary? It Cannot. What/who is this being that is controlled? A thought constructed being, a self image? Look deeply at this. No rush to reply.

the constructs seem to fail because i continue to read and study and logically they do not hold up when i really look at them or i really try to work them and they just don't bring any REAL change.

Again, you talk about this I, your self - what is it actually? When you REALLY look what do you see? Only a thought construct, a self image? Look deeply!

[cathy]

yes, i feel through my experience that i am having to contend with a body/mind. if i am honest, i am trying to control what feels like harsh experiences.
i will look more deeply into this "self-image". this term feels right. the first time i saw this i felt as tho i woke up in One Mind. then somehow i seem to go back to having a seeming mind of my own.
i must share with you that i found this website yesterday afternoon and i have barely been able to eat or sleep because i was so excited to read all of it, including links and websites of the guides. i am really beginning to get so tired i can barely see. i think i need a shower and get some sleep. i will stay with these last questions and resume writing tomorrow. will you be there or does someone else take over? do i start with an new topic or how do i resume?
yesterday, when i first saw the video on you tube i laughed for hours straight. i saw the absurdity of working so hard when there is no Me. it was fun to laugh uncontrollably for so long.
thank you for being with me tonight.
love,
cathy

[GrahamB]

We just keep going on this thread until you see. I will respond properly to your post tomorrow. Good night.

Love,
Graham.