My Story. Looking for a guide...

[NoKevin]

I am, however, stating emphatically, that what ever changes, is not real... meaning that it does not have absolute existence.

So basically the only thing that exists absolutely is what arises in the present?

Have you ever known a time when you did not exist?

Through experience, no I have not. Only in thought.

[NoKevin]

Apologies, I'll have to get used to the quote function. So by saying that whatever changes does not have absolute existence, you mean that the only thing that exists absolutely is what arises in the present?

[Josephkoudelka]

Through experience, no I have not. Only in thought.

If you have a thought about non-existence, isn't existence proved?

So by saying that whatever changes does not have absolute existence, you mean that the only thing that exists absolutely is what arises in the present?

The only absolute is now knowing itself. That remains constant. Everything else changes.

Where do you feel specifically stuck concerning no self? How would it look if you weren't stuck in this way?

[NoKevin]

Hi Joseph. Apologies for the delayed reply again. As I mentioned previously my mother is very ill and I had to abruptly leave to go and see her for a few days as she is starting a treatment that could render her unconcious for a few weeks. I hope you understand my dedication to our discussion hasnt diminished.

By saying existence is proved, do you mean in an absolute, eternal sense then I could disagree. In the moment it is undeniable. But without presence of the body I do not see how existence could be. I understand this is a thought. However death is a reality. And after death I dont understand how existence could be.

Where I get stuck is that my body is certainly a vessel for existence. If there were no Kevin, I do not see how knowing could exist. All sensory perceptions are experienced by my body. If I were not stuck in this way then I guess I would be completely calm and satisfied with the fact that the knowing is not something experienced as sense perception alone. And it continues regardless of physical form.

Thanks for your patience.

Kevin

[Josephkoudelka]

By saying existence is proved, do you mean in an absolute, eternal sense then I could disagree. In the moment it is undeniable. But without presence of the body I do not see how existence could be. I understand this is a thought. However death is a reality. And after death I dont understand how existence could be.

Whenever I speak of this matter, it is always from the standpoint of the present moment. Past and future do not exist at the level of this discussion. To speak of a past or future or death proves existence in this moment. You will never know any time but now. Everything else is a thought about existence in the present moment. Thoughts only occur presently, now. A memory is only a thought happening now.

Thoughts happen without your intervention, without any separate will or intention.

You live in a dream world of thought. What you think you are experiencing is mostly just that, thinking. Thinking, thoughts can claim anything but that does not make them true with regard to our direct experience.

You have never experienced a separate body.

Describe the self as you see it now.

[NoKevin]

Hi Joseph.

I have never experienced a separate body. I dont understand the relevance of that. The self as I see it now is this body. The one with sense perception. My body is all I experience with. Taste, touch, smell, seeing and hearing are all that I experience. I experience from this body and that is separate from other people experiencing senses from their bodies. This is how I live in the belief of a separate self.

I do understand from past readings (Eckhart Tolle) that you are not the body or your thoughts. I understand as a belief system that there is a quiet awareness of all things physical that is not part of the body. But in reality I still do not experience the moment in that way. Experience is deeply rooted in my physical presence. My body is with what I experience everything. I have had moments of being in a non dual way. But very briefly and short lived.

[Josephkoudelka]

I have never experienced a separate body. I dont understand the relevance of that.

and

I have had moments of being in a non dual way. But very briefly and short lived.

The relevance of the statement is right here, in your first and last comment. Everything else is just a story being weaved by thought, being believed as more true than the direct experience of the present moment.

Every single moment is one seamlessly experienced event with no inside or outside. All we ever have is a non dual experience. Can you experience a body in isolation from everything else present in this moment now? Where does perception begin and end?

[NoKevin]

Can you experience a body in isolation from everything else present in this moment now?

No I cannot. Even if I block my ears and close my eyes I still experience certain things in the direct vicinity.

Where does perception begin and end?

Perception doesn't begin or end. It simply is. However perception is limited by my body and its location. I cannot see round an obstacle in front of me, a wall for example. But the thought of whats behind that obstacle, even though it is just a thought. Something does exist behind the wall.

Something else that is tripping me up is other people. If I go and punch someone in the face for example (I promise not to), they have a separate experience to me. They see and feel different things to what I experience.

[Josephkoudelka]

However perception is limited by my body and its location.

During what appears as the waking state, yes, you can always find your body present if you look for it. It seems that way. That the body comes first... but that isn't our direct experience of the body. It is not like I am the body first and then I perceive a world outside of it. Rather, it is the just the opposite. Awareness as being present, with or without a body, arises first.

When you are in the dream state, where is your body then?

When you are aware of thoughts, where is the body?

In fact, can we even discuss the concept body, without first thinking about and then using thought as a means to communicate it's existence?

You look at your body and only then are you aware of it. It is not always present in your moment to moment experience. But something else is always present in your moment to moment experience - awareness of existence now. Has this awareness ever left your experience ever?

[NoKevin]

When you are in the dream state, where is your body then?

To my understanding the dream state is simply just manifestations of images and experiences by the brain. So I still relate it to the body being present. The same goes with thought. They occur due to the bodies presence. I apologize for my seemingly resistant attitude but I wish to see this undoubtedly.

Has this awareness ever left your experience ever?

While I am sleeping I sometimes do not experience awareness. Although that may just mean I dont remember the awareness.

Sense perception is another thing that confuses me. How can I be aware without the presence of sense perception that is brought about by the body? Nerve cells in the skin for touch, eyes for seeing, ear drums pick up the vibrations we refer to as sound etc.

[Josephkoudelka]

To my understanding the dream state is simply just manifestations of images and experiences by the brain.

This is a story, just thoughts about what may or may not be happening, and how it my be happening.

I'm not here to convince you of anything. That is just creating a new story that you can think about and analyze. If you are serious about this exploration, and honest, then you will look beyond thoughts about your experience and look at the experience itself.

I am not just referring to your responses of the last post, but all of your responses since you came back to look again. Thoughts are always going to arise. Thoughts are endless, their claims are endless. I don't care what thought thinks.

What is your direct experience of a separate body, now? Describe only the sensations, feel only the sensations occurring directly in the moment and describe that. I don't want to hear about what you think about the sensations.

[NoKevin]

Hahaha that actually made me chuckle a bit inside. It is amazing how much thought goes on without even realizing it. That in itself was a big realization. Now I guess the experience I have of a separate self is nothing. My experiences are tingling sensations, sounds, colours, contact between surfaces and my body. Vibrations inside my body. Breathing. Awareness of sensations. This is a good feeling.

[NoKevin]

Giving that some more though all I experience in the presence is awareness of these sensations. Everything else seems to me as just a thought.

[NoKevin]

Joseph I will be away for up to a week. My moms condition is now critical and we have been instructed by the oncologist to come and see her for the last time.

[Josephkoudelka]

My deepest sympathy to you and yours. Let me know when you would like to take his up again in the future.