Hi Sandra,
Have you been able to find, a ‘self’ that is the ‘experiencer’?
No. I have not been able to find a "self" that is the experiencer. But there is a feeling of experience. I don't feel separate from the experience.
Or a self that is the doer, or can control what happens?
No, no self that is a doer. No self that controls what happens. Only a self that thinks it controls things and is then very unhappy when things don't go the way it wants. When I look to see where this self is, I can only find it in thoughts.
Or a self that ‘makes’ decisions?
Decision making happens. I cannot find a self that makes decisions. Only a presence that is aware that decisions are being made.
Or a self who ‘does the thinking’?
No one does the thinking. Thinking arises from nowhere. And, thoughts cannot think.
Is the "body" just another thought label for sensations (namely tactile & kinesthetic)?
It seems so. Especially when I close my eyes, I can see this.
Are the five body senses made to arise or experienced by this ‘self’?
No, not at all. This I can perhaps see the most clearly out of all these questions so far.
Identification happens a lot more with thinking/feeling/story-telling than with sensing, it seems.
Is there a self ‘in here’ which is separate from the world and others ‘out there’?
No. There is not a self "in here". Thinking, at first, seems to occur "in here"-- in my head-- but when I look closer, I cannot find a location of a thought.
From my direct experience, when I close my eyes, I cannot draw a line where I end and the world "out there" begins. When I hear a sound, I feel I exist where the sound is, but also, I cannot identify a location of the sound or of the hearing. But the sound and hearing seem "together" to me-- one thing.
Is there doubt or unclarity that in all these cases the ‘self’ is nothing other than a mental fabrication?
I am starting to see through all "I-thoughts" which seems to be where I have had the most unclarity. The "I-thought" just arises from nowhere. It points to nothing. Yet, my whole sense of self and world was built on this. I do feel doubt arising, like: "This is just too bizarre!" But underneath that is a laughing... an astonishment...
The "I" that is attached to so many thoughts, doesn't point to anything!! When an "I-thought" arises now and I look back at it, it kind of pops like a bubble.
Are there any doubts about seeing through the illusion of separate self?
Well, I still feel the need to keep looking when new thoughts and experiences arise, so I don't know if that means I have doubts, or if I am just orienting towards what is true and continuing to see through conditioning.
Thanks, Sandra, for the guiding~
Jennie
