Sorry, it took me a while to put it into words again. there was great silence today.
Nobody here to take it personally even if you ignored it. the I that was aware is another idea, nothing more. there is just awareness, love, fear, no I to be awareThis post is great and I hope you did not think it was ignored? Looks like 'self' has been seen through and the idea that it was an 'I' that was 'aware'?
there is no separate entity or self. and no it was never there. I see that I "knew" it all along but there was so strong resistance to let it go. such an addiction to all that came with playing an I. I was really addicted to my own personal drama and was waiting for the big self realization with lots of love and bliss. because every book I've read always talked about the bliss of finding your true self. really? I laugh now.1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
But now I understand the stories: before I was getting water, chopping wood and after self realization I am getting water and chopping wood.
I remember when I was a little child and couldn't see a concept of I yet but everyone else saw it. It's like the story, the emperors new clothes. It is not there but everyone pretends it is, so we are trained from small on to belief it and see others as example.2)Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
nobody questions the self. it is like money, an image that is filled with thoughts and beliefs and experiences and this image gives a paper the power to buy. the Self is just that. an imagined image of past experiences and thoughts. thoughts create emotions and sensations in the body. It feels real, and everyone around me behaves as if I'm real. how could it not be.
but when I look, there is nobody home. yes thoughts passing by without control, sensations arise, emotions.
the greatest example was with the hands, to see which one rises first. and to see that nobody controls it and how thought immediately jumps in and makes it its own. and to realize that everything is just a thought.
3)How does it feel to see this? What is the
difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
I feel like new born, very sensitive and stirred and everything is upside down, lots of emotions coming up to persuade the self to still be there. And at the same time a peace an silence. I don't have to do anything, can let this emotions and feelings just be there.
I'm acting totally normal and wondering why nobody else seem to notice something is different. I work, I eat, I sleep. Without an I. my mind can't make any sense of it, something else can. I'm still wearing the mask of Lalita but no person there.
I get the invitation it seems in each moment still, come on, play the person. and I see how I was hooked before to take everything personal with my own drama. But it is much easier without my drama.
the search for enlightenment is the greatest joke. Self realization without a self. why doesn't any other teacher or master say this so easy, just look, there is only thought about an I. But nothing more.
I see that most spiritual practice that I see around me is just to improve and change the self and have wonderful experiences with the self but not to get rid of it.
Before the dialogue I had tried so many meditations and methods and yes, I had experiences in it. I felt more peaceful, more happy, life seemed easier and I would manifest what I wanted. And I thought I would never get it, the whole enlightenment thing. I thought I wasn't working hard enough on it.
And now I see the whole time the only thing that was in the way was I. nothing more. nothing to improve, change etc
so much gratitude
thank you
Love Lalita
