Postby Ruby88 » Fri Jan 30, 2015 11:32 am
Hi, Carrie, i hope all is well with you. I am feeling a bit better day by day. Here are my answers to your questions.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, that is very, very clear,
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.
Direct experience is sensations, hearing, seeing, touching, tasting, smelling, feeling and thinking. Thoughts arise all the time. Labelling happens very, very quickly, - things, feelings, sensations, experiences are labelled and then separated from the flow. Habit and language support this. From direct experience to – 'I' have a pain, for example, happens very quickly. 'I' and 'me'. 'mine', go together – while labelling is useful in daily life, if 'I' take it as real, then 'I' believe in an 'I' who has, owns, chooses, experience, and the illusory self arises in that moment.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
I began the dialogue with my response to the first question one of excitement and fear. I Also experienced, a few days in, what I called a tsunami of thought, made up of fixation, expectation, doubt, fear, and frustration. With help from my guide I looked into these thoughts, and saw them as only thoughts. I was also a bit ill, so surrendering to that, I relaxed. Seeing through the illusion of a separate self, I feel relaxed, open, joyful, a sense of freedom, in a gentle way.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Being guided to Look into those expectations above. Then everything relaxed, and I had an expressive dream. In my expectations, I was looking for something dramatic to happen. In experience, there was a gentle shift, more like waking up with one of those Lumie lights that re-enact the dawn, rather than by a big alarm clock!
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
The common factor will all these, which are similar, is that we habitually think, from the viewpoint of a separate 'I' arising from habit, language, thought, labelling etc, that 'I' choose, decide, control, intend, something, some action. I say, all the time, 'I' decided to do X. 'I' prefer Y. 'I' am going to do so and so. All this is predicated upon this sense of a separate 'I'/'me'/'mine'/'self' which thinks it owns and controls experience, choosing etc. But in experience, things happen, there is a continuous flow of sensations, feelings, thoughts, including thoughts of 'I must go and post that letter.' And at some point I do, though not necessarily immediately the thought arises, which is kind of mysterious. Someone asked me to post a letter. I agreed. It sits on my desk, the thought 'I must post that letter' arises, later, next day, I pick up the letter and post it. There is no 'I' entity making this decision. Actions happen, and very quickly I say to myself, I decided to post that letter.
In my experience, especially having been ill for a few days, and looking into actions and how they happen, I can see that although it seems that 'I' decided to get out of bed at some point – actually I just find myself out of bed, and then infer that 'I' consciously decided to do it. Seeing clearly that there is no 'I' entity, anywhere, and never has been, no-one makes decisions or chooses. So 'I' am not responsible for anything, since 'I' as a separate entity is illusory. Responsiveness happens.
6) Anything to add? -
Can't think of anything, except to say how helpful this has been – being guided and pointed back to direct experience, with very apposite and direct questions. Thanks.
