eyes wide shut? lets open them

[MerlinC]

Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from
your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

[sophie1]

Illusion of separate self is identification with a particular body and mind as well as one's story. It starts in childhood when one is conditioned to identify with those things. It's having a basic belief that those thoughts, emotions, and sensations are mine. It's a belief that there is a centre that hold all those experiences together and owns them. All the past experiences are considered as one's story and there is a sense of ownership of one's story.

[MerlinC]

How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.

[sophie1]

There is more calmness than before, less trying to reach things and more just being. But when there is less time for reflection and life requires action and being among people, old habits of seeing the "me" are back. However, things are taken less personally. So it's a mixture of old and new.

[MerlinC]

What stops you from realizing truth with people when people are apart of it?

[sophie1]

They refer to "me" a lot, similar to initial conditioning: "your" things, "your" qualities... You cannot use the language without using "I", "my".... Even talking to you, it's very hard not to use "you" to convey who I am referring to. When one deals with language and people all the time old habits of referring to "me" become stronger. I think we talked about it. Someone gives "you" a compliment. "You" feel good. It's a habit.
It's much easier to see no self while meditating or being in nature alone.

[sophie1]

But the way I feel "me" with people is actually different from before. Even when they refer to "me", it's hard to explain. All that they say to me and about my things feels much less personal.

[MerlinC]

When thoughts of "ME" shows up what are they referring to?
Isn't it curious that they come to you but don't touch what is because what is isn't a concept?
Being aware always, what's going to make you more aware? with friends or family co workers.
What makes thoughts relevant to you if you're not in concepts?

[sophie1]

They are referring to emotional reactions. It's a habit. But I can see that I am not my emotions.

[sophie1]

Being aware always, what's going to make you more aware? with friends or family co workers.

Even if they refer to my thoughts or feelings or body as mine, being aware that it is not true.
Remember an example with Santa, you said, once you understand the Santa is not real, you won't believe in him again. It's easy with Santa because no one believes in him. Now imagine that all other people believe that Santa is real and behave as if Santa is real. Even if you know Santa is not real you start getting confused.

[MerlinC]

who asking the question whos me?

[MerlinC]

So you react when others react whos going to stop that?

[sophie1]

The question "who is me?" just appears. No one asks it.
No need to stop emotions. It's about identifying with them vs observing them

[MerlinC]

Right! so continuing on with the previous questions, What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look into the truth of your experience?

[sophie1]

I think many small things contributed to it such as seeing thoughts as mental sensations or seeing doing as falling stone that seems to be active and moving but actually just following the law of gravitation. Another thing that contributed is a book that I just read in Russian. It's a fiction book, but surprisingly it had the same discussion between main characters. There was a nice metaphor that I will try to translate. "There is nothing but constantly repeating process of a fly sticking to honey. The honey exists only as an excitement in the fly, and the fly exists only as a reaction to honey". "You are a constantly changing experience. This is you and this is the world."