oh say can I see?

[codyjdennis]

wonderful

There won't be a report until Friday.

Sounds good Sue. I'll talk to you then.
Happy Holidays!!

Best,
Cody

[sue t]

As you go about your day today and move around, see if you can find that there is a self moving things around.
Look for this I.
As you talk, walk, drive, eat, type, ..anything..check it out.
Is there a self living your life?
Or are there just thoughts about everything, including a self, seeming to live your life?
You don't have to decide or believe anything at all, just look at whats true for you.
In all that you are doing today, just keep looking at this. keep the focus on this.
Keep looking to see if there is something real, besides a thought, that owns and directs the body.

There was a long drive thru somewhat hazardous conditions, the like of which would have previously caused ongoing tension and anxiety. But it felt completely fine. There wasn’t anyone to ‘surround the car with a bubble of light’ (what a joke) Just watching it all unperturbed. A thought comes up --of the old Popeye cartoons where baby Swee pea crawls unsupervised into the city streets, thru a gauntlet of dangers, totally unconcerned.
At the hospital , there was a woman with Downs syndrome, who was telling anyone who would listen that she believes in Santa. “I believe in Santa... and Jesus,” she said, “Those two men.” the unspoken question arose in my mind, and what do ‘you’ believe? There was no answer. “I” have no idea, it never did, it was just a collection of opinions, most of them wrong.
There was a smoothness felt all day. A wonderful smoothness.Saw a license tag that read FL0 EZ-, at least it seemed to, (you already know about my unreliable eyesight.) But flowing easily is how it felt. There was Christmas music on the radio, “And Heaven and Nature sing” had a deeper meaning. It’s always singing but “I” was always on the other line.

The self seemed to have reassembled the next day. What then--- was the whole dead deer epiphany for naught?????? During a walk, the self was being obnoxious. The sun was out and suddenly, there was my shadow walking along beside me. A thought pointed out, “the self is like a shadow.” It is there, but has no substance, and can’t do anything. Will it always be there? The expectation was that there would be no need for reminders that there’s no one here to be affected by x, y, or z.
All day It felt like nothing matters. No Heaven and Nature singing. Like what’s the point of plans. Plans and goals were something the self thought important. There are no regrets though. They’ve evaporated. No regrets, no blame. Just wait and see what comes next.
Today, Is the self here? There is no doubt it’s here. Sometimes a doppelganger kind of thing, but at times I am me, totally back in the whole illusion, lock stock and barrel. Maybe I never really left it but just peeked out that (non existent) window. Thank you for your patience. If I need another dope slap, feel free to do so.

[codyjdennis]

Hey Sue,

was the whole dead deer epiphany for naught??????

It was not for nothing. It was a wonderful realization.

Part of the reason the self reasserts itself is because of leftover beliefs. If you notice when something is believed it kind of requires an "I" to be believed along with it.

As an example...notice the difference between how it is said in these two statements.

1. "This is my body"

"This is a body"

What's truer?

2. "She is mad at me"

"She is mad"

What I want you to notice with these statements is how it feels. Say them to yourself if needed. How does it feel when the me is added. Do you notice a contraction in your chest?


Also, as always just because the self 'reasserts' itself does not mean it is real. Simply look and look again. Can it be found? Can it be found here now? It is ALWAYS right here, right now. That is the gift. It's not in the next moment that it's seen. Always right now.

[sue t]

As an example...notice the difference between how it is said in these two statements.

1. "This is my body"

"This is a body"

What's truer?

2. "She is mad at me"

"She is mad"

What I want you to notice with these statements is how it feels. Say them to yourself if needed. How does it feel when the me is added. Do you notice a contraction in your chest?

This is a body....feels expansive
this is MY body, feels constrictive, especially in the forehead.
What's true? It's not my body any more than it's my snow falling

She is mad -- detached
mad at me-- constriction head throat chest

just because the self 'reasserts' itself does not mean it is real.

THANK YOU

Simply look and look again. Can it be found? Can it be found here now? It is ALWAYS right here, right now.

There is no self found here now.

as usual, thank you for your patience, and to all of LU for this help.

[sue t]

Sunday report : I started out on a walk today. But by the end, the I was gone, the body was simply being walked. It was being breathed and lived. There was no I whatsoever. The walking stopped. What was observed was the landscape shimmering with energy all around. No self. It simply was not there. Later, it all felt rather back to normal again, making supper etc.

[codyjdennis]

You're welcome Sue :)

Great responses. It seems you have seen the simplicity of this. At this point we have some final questions to send over. Sound good?

Let me know if you have any questions or if there are any sticking points for you that you would like to discuss before the final questions. If not, I'll send the right over.

Best,
Cody

[sue t]

No, there are no more questions.
Thanks to all.....

[codyjdennis]

Here they are Sue. Take your time. No rush.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

[sue t]

Hello.  Have been thinking of all this and how to reply.  Honestly, I don’t know if I saw what was ‘supposed’ to be seen or not.  Whether it happened or no , there is no needing to continue. Sue will be leaving the forum. Here are the answers that came

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

There is no real self as an entity. No one to find that there was nothing to find.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

How did the illusion start?  The only thing that comes is It never started because it never was.  To say illusion existed is an oxymoron. If the inability to explain this means that it wasn’t really seen, then it wasn’t, so be it. Also can’t explain why there is awareness focussed on this body, or this time/space.  Or even if they are real.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

The feeling is smoothness, the dropping of baggage,  there is synchronicity, trusting what comes.  Knowing that whatever is needed will come right up out of the ground if necessary. The clarity is not always there however.
[

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

The last bit was approaching the dead deer and suddenly realizing  it wasn’t there.   It was a BAM.   Then a non bam.   A lesson from the Universe pointing out that self never was, either.   There was never anything to look for.  It was so anticlimactic that it didn’t sink in at first.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

[/quote]


All that comes is I don’t know. There is a persona that serves a role, it isn’t real, but it is writing this.  How it works, no idea.  it’s just all happening, twas ever thus.   
Deep Gratitude to all the patient dedicated guides at LU.   Happy happy new year, y’all.

[codyjdennis]

Thanks Sue :)

I am going to send these off to the guides and get back to you soon.

[sue t]

Thanks for everything.
BTW if they think I need to continue then of course that will be welcome. There was a feeling of wanting to leave the forum due to having to muster the' inner press agent' to figure out what to write. That no longer seems relevant, again, thanks.

[codyjdennis]

Hey Sue,

Have a question from a guide.

Also can’t explain why there is awareness focussed on this body, or this time/space. Or even if they are real.

Is there an awareness that focuses? Is there a body, a time or a space? Or is all just somehow happening and body, time and space are just labels?

[sue t]

Is there an awareness that focuses?

there is just awareness

Is there a body, a time or a space? Or is all just somehow happening and body, time and space are just labels?

THANK YOU FOR ASKING THAT. Because when trying to answer the question #2 about how the illusion of self started, the thinking was interrupted with a sudden series of glimpses in which there was not only no self, but no body, no history of illusion, no this world at all. Nothing that “I” had experienced had ever even happened. It was like falling into a void. It made everything else ‘I’ wrote previously on this forum seem like total cluelessness. I didn’t know if this concept ever appeared in any of the Gateless writings, hence the thought it was time to just leave the forum. It was a jarring experience. It took a couple days to even be able to put it into words. Trying to put thoughts of even mundane things into words is disconcerting enough. They said to be totally honest, direct experience, and what ‘I’ wrote down that evening was all that would come out, and later seems so inadequate.
The question of how to integrate all this, is answered with Let it be.
Feedback on this would be very much appreciated!!!!

[codyjdennis]

Wonderful Sue!

The guides have responded and they all confirm! :)

Soon you will be blue and more of the forum will open up to you. We will also get you set up with our aftercare groups on Facebook.

It's been such a pleasure guiding you Sue & I wish you the best. If you ever have any other questions etc always feel free to message me here or on Facebook.

Cody :)

[sue t]

Thank you Cody! It's been a strange and remarkable journey....