Open invitation, jump in and start the dialogue
Re: Open invitation, jump in and start the dialogue
Patrick, I'm so grateful! Please, know that! Heart melting to see how it is waking itself up here... I got a glimpse of the Oneness-individualization paradox just dissolve... Right hand will never blur or mix with the left hand, although being the same body. However, when right and left hand touches - is it the right feeling the left or vice versa, or is contact just felt in a wonderful union? As a leaf I can go out from a sense of being a single, separate leaf to see I am actually a whole tree, but I will never ever become another leaf, or be able to change places with another leaf.
Re: Open invitation, jump in and start the dialogue
I have tried to do the spoon thing... I can't. I'm too aware that there's an exercise and that there is in fact no spoon. Can't go into fooling myself that there's anything real there.
This is not about fooling yourself. It’s just to see how imagination works. A dream feels real in the dream. Imagination feels real in the imagination. The difference is that there is knowing that it's imagination while the imagination happens.
The same with the sense of self. Let it for what it is, nothing has to change. Just see that it's imaginary.
Don’t try to be more or less aware of this. That doesn’t help.
Just see this imaginary story. No one is there to do the seeing. It’s normal that ‘you’ don’t see it, neither the mind does.
How is it to know that there is no one in control, that you are completely at the mercy of life itself. How is this for ‘you’? Is this frightening? Or are there other feelings, sensations, emotions coming up?
This is not about fooling yourself. It’s just to see how imagination works. A dream feels real in the dream. Imagination feels real in the imagination. The difference is that there is knowing that it's imagination while the imagination happens.
The same with the sense of self. Let it for what it is, nothing has to change. Just see that it's imaginary.
Don’t try to be more or less aware of this. That doesn’t help.
Just see this imaginary story. No one is there to do the seeing. It’s normal that ‘you’ don’t see it, neither the mind does.
How is it to know that there is no one in control, that you are completely at the mercy of life itself. How is this for ‘you’? Is this frightening? Or are there other feelings, sensations, emotions coming up?
Re: Open invitation, jump in and start the dialogue
Woke up this morning. Lighter than usual. Mind ranting about the pain in the shoulder, and how it's always gonna be this useless "mind watching the mind"-thing, and that "I" will never loose its grip - always wanting to own the deeper experiences of being "I AM being", playing a smartass... And then inquiry voice: Is that true? Go back to where you found it obvious before! What is this I?
And I went back, finding the obvious that it was just the hearing of thoughts. And suddenly the commentator said with a small voice: Can I still call you "I"? There was a feeling that that's perfectly ok. =) And the heart opened... if it calls me "you" in the middle of the sentence? As if this "machine" knew it had lost its power, that there was no longer any identification with the thoughts, really seeing itself as something separate from what it's "talking to" sort of, can't explain... and programmed to call it "I"! So cute! And also that was included. That's obviously what's gonna be a companion along with this body. And all went silent. And a profound sense of emptiness and calm. The pain in the shoulder still there. Body taking an aspirin. Everything ok.
Opened the computor to find your post. Crying when feeling the softness radiating from it, reading
The same with the sense of self. Let it for what it is, nothing has to change. Just see that it's imaginary.
Mirroring what just happened. The allowing of the sense of self to be there. It doesn't change anything.
Don’t try to be more or less aware of this. That doesn’t help.
Just see this imaginary story. No one is there to do the seeing. It’s normal that ‘you’ don’t see it, neither the mind does.
More crying and a sort of inner relaxation although body is still tense. Eyes moving toward a flower, seeing a leaf dropping effortlessly. =)
I can see that the pressure of trying to be more aware creates headache, contraction and misery.
I'm going dancing today. Will continue to investigate what that's like from this place.
How is it to know that there is no one in control, that you are completely at the mercy of life itself. How is this for ‘you’? Is this frightening? Or are there other feelings, sensations, emotions coming up?
It's still a feeling of not having passed any gate. It's very delicate and a sense of resistance hanging in there. What knocked me out the last time was believing the thought and feeling "I'm not worthy". I'll look at that feeling today. Feeling of numbness dominating.
And I went back, finding the obvious that it was just the hearing of thoughts. And suddenly the commentator said with a small voice: Can I still call you "I"? There was a feeling that that's perfectly ok. =) And the heart opened... if it calls me "you" in the middle of the sentence? As if this "machine" knew it had lost its power, that there was no longer any identification with the thoughts, really seeing itself as something separate from what it's "talking to" sort of, can't explain... and programmed to call it "I"! So cute! And also that was included. That's obviously what's gonna be a companion along with this body. And all went silent. And a profound sense of emptiness and calm. The pain in the shoulder still there. Body taking an aspirin. Everything ok.
Opened the computor to find your post. Crying when feeling the softness radiating from it, reading
The same with the sense of self. Let it for what it is, nothing has to change. Just see that it's imaginary.
Mirroring what just happened. The allowing of the sense of self to be there. It doesn't change anything.
Don’t try to be more or less aware of this. That doesn’t help.
Just see this imaginary story. No one is there to do the seeing. It’s normal that ‘you’ don’t see it, neither the mind does.
More crying and a sort of inner relaxation although body is still tense. Eyes moving toward a flower, seeing a leaf dropping effortlessly. =)
I can see that the pressure of trying to be more aware creates headache, contraction and misery.
I'm going dancing today. Will continue to investigate what that's like from this place.
How is it to know that there is no one in control, that you are completely at the mercy of life itself. How is this for ‘you’? Is this frightening? Or are there other feelings, sensations, emotions coming up?
It's still a feeling of not having passed any gate. It's very delicate and a sense of resistance hanging in there. What knocked me out the last time was believing the thought and feeling "I'm not worthy". I'll look at that feeling today. Feeling of numbness dominating.
Re: Open invitation, jump in and start the dialogue
It's still a feeling of not having passed any gate.
What do you expect from passing the gate?
How would passing the gate be recognized?
What do you expect from passing the gate?
How would passing the gate be recognized?
Re: Open invitation, jump in and start the dialogue
What do you expect from passing the gate?
How would passing the gate be recognized?
Ok. So, this will be a bit long. I'll try to boil it down to the point. These latest days, I'd say I've approximately 80% of the time been a sleeping marionette of patterns during the day, and 20% inquring and seeing the obvious. It's a little bit deeper than usual when being beyond the I, but it's wobbling. I have been wobbling like this for 5 years. It's normal for me and does not bring liberation, just exhaustion and frustration that it never clicks.
Just wanna mention that the other day, I met a deeply realized guy. It was a piece of cake of him to have me flip over and go through the gate and land in simple, silent being, no more questions, nothing more to say, just buddha laughters for two hours, seeing the obvious. 2 hours after we split, I'm back in identifying with I again. He said "Now you're never gonna go back! You are seeing!". This is happening everytime I go near a realized person. It seems my consciousness "tunes in" very quickly and easily on the higher frequency around, but is not able to keep it on its own.
So when this happened the first time, I tuned into the frequency of a master. Just as clearly as we can see there's no I, it was then seen what was real and what was not.
You wrote: A dream feels real in the dream. Imagination feels real in the imagination. I don't know if you've seen this, but it is possible to realize this is not only valid for the sense of I.
It is valid for the whole experience of existence as "real". It is not. It has absolutely no substance. Just like when you wake up from a dream an realize it existed, but was not for REAL, I saw then not only that the I-thought was unreal, but that the whole Existence - form - matter - thoughts - energy - sound - movement - is nothing more than a dream. Non-substantial. It exists as appearances - but it's not for REAL. I saw the emptiness animating all of life, all matter, all forms, and there was an immediate huge falling in love with Form. Seeing it as "myself". I am That as This. I saw the birth of this universe, of time and space - being beyond space, being unlimited, eternal and infinite. From the absolute point before the big bang. Being prior to existence. Source. Awareness was at that place reduntant. Not necessary, cause there's nothing even to be aware of. Not possible to describe. Shaking now as I even write about it - memories but obvsiously with some frequency in it that goes through.
So my expectations of passing the gate is to have that constant sense of vastness, nothingness, of totally losing the sense of directions. There was no up or down, no inside no outside. It was all truly One. When I met other people's eyes - I looked myself in the mirror. Litterally. Exactly the same feeling as when seeing yourself in the bathroom mirror. I looked at any material form and saw myself everywhere. There were no "others". It was only space appearing as forms. All forms was only one energy field. Could not see where air began and chair ended. And an immense awe and wonder. Bliss flowing through the system for months. Enormous beauty all over. Like a crystal clear shining beauty. Being everything and nothing simultaneously. Pulsing between the point where all this came from - in and out of existence. Absolutely impossible not to love unconditionally. Reading books from Nisargadatta, Adyashanti etc and just nodding and smiling. No mystery anylonger. No questions. Then seeing that although existance is not for real, it's all there is, and so precious. It got absolutely clear what Maharshi meant by: "The world is an illusion. Only brahman is real. Brahman is the world." A great paradox for many. Obvious to me - at that time. And I have seen that there are NO LIMITS to how this "Matrix" of existence can be played with. ALL physical laws can easily be overruled.
At that time I'd also walk around and say "Once you've seen Truth, there's no turning back" and the feeling was that it was a permanent seeing. I saw how it's possible to not realize the whole way to Source at once. It seemed to go in steps for most people, not necessary to realize in any special order. For some the heart opens first, for some the sense of I goes first. Some even don't have their kundalini going when they realize. No special order.
So... I'm working hard here, to take it from step one again. Not being mistaken of what has now turned into knowledge, memories and experiences from the past. Keeping the expectations down. Opening to the possibility that that what was seen and directly experienced were all lies (although it is what I've read in all books from awakened people and recognized as "Yep, that's it" and although it hurts in my whole system to shrink it into lie) and dismissing anything that happens that is not directly seen NOW. The mind has been with me on this journey, and has become a very powerful smartass, owning and claiming to be the one who has seen it.
I've got some inquiry to do. It takes a great deal of effort right now to see the illusion of I more than short glimpses at a time. I'll start there. To stabilize the inquiry so it becomes automatic through the day. I hope we are not in a rush here. I must not be stressed with this. It's too confusing as it is, or I'll honestly go mad.
How would passing the gate be recognized?
Ok. So, this will be a bit long. I'll try to boil it down to the point. These latest days, I'd say I've approximately 80% of the time been a sleeping marionette of patterns during the day, and 20% inquring and seeing the obvious. It's a little bit deeper than usual when being beyond the I, but it's wobbling. I have been wobbling like this for 5 years. It's normal for me and does not bring liberation, just exhaustion and frustration that it never clicks.
Just wanna mention that the other day, I met a deeply realized guy. It was a piece of cake of him to have me flip over and go through the gate and land in simple, silent being, no more questions, nothing more to say, just buddha laughters for two hours, seeing the obvious. 2 hours after we split, I'm back in identifying with I again. He said "Now you're never gonna go back! You are seeing!". This is happening everytime I go near a realized person. It seems my consciousness "tunes in" very quickly and easily on the higher frequency around, but is not able to keep it on its own.
So when this happened the first time, I tuned into the frequency of a master. Just as clearly as we can see there's no I, it was then seen what was real and what was not.
You wrote: A dream feels real in the dream. Imagination feels real in the imagination. I don't know if you've seen this, but it is possible to realize this is not only valid for the sense of I.
It is valid for the whole experience of existence as "real". It is not. It has absolutely no substance. Just like when you wake up from a dream an realize it existed, but was not for REAL, I saw then not only that the I-thought was unreal, but that the whole Existence - form - matter - thoughts - energy - sound - movement - is nothing more than a dream. Non-substantial. It exists as appearances - but it's not for REAL. I saw the emptiness animating all of life, all matter, all forms, and there was an immediate huge falling in love with Form. Seeing it as "myself". I am That as This. I saw the birth of this universe, of time and space - being beyond space, being unlimited, eternal and infinite. From the absolute point before the big bang. Being prior to existence. Source. Awareness was at that place reduntant. Not necessary, cause there's nothing even to be aware of. Not possible to describe. Shaking now as I even write about it - memories but obvsiously with some frequency in it that goes through.
So my expectations of passing the gate is to have that constant sense of vastness, nothingness, of totally losing the sense of directions. There was no up or down, no inside no outside. It was all truly One. When I met other people's eyes - I looked myself in the mirror. Litterally. Exactly the same feeling as when seeing yourself in the bathroom mirror. I looked at any material form and saw myself everywhere. There were no "others". It was only space appearing as forms. All forms was only one energy field. Could not see where air began and chair ended. And an immense awe and wonder. Bliss flowing through the system for months. Enormous beauty all over. Like a crystal clear shining beauty. Being everything and nothing simultaneously. Pulsing between the point where all this came from - in and out of existence. Absolutely impossible not to love unconditionally. Reading books from Nisargadatta, Adyashanti etc and just nodding and smiling. No mystery anylonger. No questions. Then seeing that although existance is not for real, it's all there is, and so precious. It got absolutely clear what Maharshi meant by: "The world is an illusion. Only brahman is real. Brahman is the world." A great paradox for many. Obvious to me - at that time. And I have seen that there are NO LIMITS to how this "Matrix" of existence can be played with. ALL physical laws can easily be overruled.
At that time I'd also walk around and say "Once you've seen Truth, there's no turning back" and the feeling was that it was a permanent seeing. I saw how it's possible to not realize the whole way to Source at once. It seemed to go in steps for most people, not necessary to realize in any special order. For some the heart opens first, for some the sense of I goes first. Some even don't have their kundalini going when they realize. No special order.
So... I'm working hard here, to take it from step one again. Not being mistaken of what has now turned into knowledge, memories and experiences from the past. Keeping the expectations down. Opening to the possibility that that what was seen and directly experienced were all lies (although it is what I've read in all books from awakened people and recognized as "Yep, that's it" and although it hurts in my whole system to shrink it into lie) and dismissing anything that happens that is not directly seen NOW. The mind has been with me on this journey, and has become a very powerful smartass, owning and claiming to be the one who has seen it.
I've got some inquiry to do. It takes a great deal of effort right now to see the illusion of I more than short glimpses at a time. I'll start there. To stabilize the inquiry so it becomes automatic through the day. I hope we are not in a rush here. I must not be stressed with this. It's too confusing as it is, or I'll honestly go mad.
Re: Open invitation, jump in and start the dialogue
Thanks for your openness.
What was directly seen en directly experienced was real. Don’t make more stories from it.
Fine that you continue inquiring into what is real now and seeing the illusory.
What are the conditionings at play for the moment?
What is the need to label aliveness?
Where do you get this urge from to have a sense of self?
What kind of role do you want to continue to play?
We are not in a rush. It’s an ongoing process.
Just let me know every day what is happening.
What was directly seen en directly experienced was real. Don’t make more stories from it.
Fine that you continue inquiring into what is real now and seeing the illusory.
What are the conditionings at play for the moment?
What is the need to label aliveness?
Where do you get this urge from to have a sense of self?
What kind of role do you want to continue to play?
We are not in a rush. It’s an ongoing process.
Just let me know every day what is happening.
Re: Open invitation, jump in and start the dialogue
Thank you! Then I can easier trust that inner knowing of reality and drop a whole lot of the constructed confusion. =)
Very good questions! Right on the spot! Immediate inner response here. I'll dive into them! Thanks!
Very good questions! Right on the spot! Immediate inner response here. I'll dive into them! Thanks!
Re: Open invitation, jump in and start the dialogue
What are the conditionings at play for the moment?
One of the strongest pulls towards I right now is: I need to get a job. If I don't send applications, I'm not taking responsibility for my life. Something needs to take action, and I don't trust "life" will simply do it effortlessly, "I" have to be in charge here and it truly takes effort to send applications. I also have to be in control of which jobs will be applied to. If I just let life do it, I may end up anywhere!?!?! (hahahaha, as if I knew anyway where I'll end up LOL!) (Shut up, this is serious!)
*laughing*
What is the need to label aliveness?
First reaction to this: RAGE! Otherwise I'm useless. (!) It gives a sense of control. Knowing what is what.
Where do you get this urge from to have a sense of self?
An angry face coming up. Looking more closely, it's the symbol of the Devil. And it doesn't want to be discovered. Haha! Bit of new age'y stuff happening here, but it's allowed. =) Have been feeling that anger and rage:
- Thinking "I'm all alone in the house and I'm sick." Dwelling in it.
- Becoming aware of the thought. Taking a step back, seeing the thought as a mere thought.
- Pending on the edge between believing and not believing. Sensing the difference.
- Believing feels "natural and safe", but has a tension in it, a pressure over the head.
- Seeing it's just a thought feels spacious and a more "home"-feeling and inevitably true.
- Asking "what is this urge to have a sense of self?" Anger bubbles up. Something does not want to be seen.
What kind of role do you want to continue to play?
Ooouch! Up against the wall! The word "Special" comes up first. I want to be special and the second word is victim. Obviously enjoying speciality and victim role immensly! To be the one "stuck at the Matrix train station" for years... that's really being someone! Someone worthy of attention and confirmation.
Getting in touch with tenderness and softness when looking at these answers. Very good to investigate what's pulling "me" back all the time!
One of the strongest pulls towards I right now is: I need to get a job. If I don't send applications, I'm not taking responsibility for my life. Something needs to take action, and I don't trust "life" will simply do it effortlessly, "I" have to be in charge here and it truly takes effort to send applications. I also have to be in control of which jobs will be applied to. If I just let life do it, I may end up anywhere!?!?! (hahahaha, as if I knew anyway where I'll end up LOL!) (Shut up, this is serious!)
*laughing*
What is the need to label aliveness?
First reaction to this: RAGE! Otherwise I'm useless. (!) It gives a sense of control. Knowing what is what.
Where do you get this urge from to have a sense of self?
An angry face coming up. Looking more closely, it's the symbol of the Devil. And it doesn't want to be discovered. Haha! Bit of new age'y stuff happening here, but it's allowed. =) Have been feeling that anger and rage:
- Thinking "I'm all alone in the house and I'm sick." Dwelling in it.
- Becoming aware of the thought. Taking a step back, seeing the thought as a mere thought.
- Pending on the edge between believing and not believing. Sensing the difference.
- Believing feels "natural and safe", but has a tension in it, a pressure over the head.
- Seeing it's just a thought feels spacious and a more "home"-feeling and inevitably true.
- Asking "what is this urge to have a sense of self?" Anger bubbles up. Something does not want to be seen.
What kind of role do you want to continue to play?
Ooouch! Up against the wall! The word "Special" comes up first. I want to be special and the second word is victim. Obviously enjoying speciality and victim role immensly! To be the one "stuck at the Matrix train station" for years... that's really being someone! Someone worthy of attention and confirmation.
Getting in touch with tenderness and softness when looking at these answers. Very good to investigate what's pulling "me" back all the time!
Re: Open invitation, jump in and start the dialogue
Getting in touch with tenderness and softness when looking at these answers
Have a look at this tenderness and softness.
Just look without labeling, judging, making a story.
Just let these feelings be.
Do you need a ‘me’ for being this feelings?
Look at this very close.
Is there someone to have a look?
Have a look at this tenderness and softness.
Just look without labeling, judging, making a story.
Just let these feelings be.
Do you need a ‘me’ for being this feelings?
Look at this very close.
Is there someone to have a look?
Re: Open invitation, jump in and start the dialogue
Do you need a ‘me’ for being this feelings?
Tenderness just is. It's the language of the heart. Slightly touching the void and the endless sea of a welcoming home. Not falling into it, standing on the edge... Haven't been there in a while. This is truly going deeper quickly!
Life sent me a lesson today. Seeing how I project the anger I feel towards the inner victim on other people playing out their victims, and thus treating them without empathy. It hit back quickly karmically, and I tried to make amends. Not being true and in the heart gives tremendously quick responses nowadays... =/
More steady stillness today and more frequent moments of seeing/being. Also getting in touch now and then with fear of disappearing. Not having anything to call mine... shivers through the body.
Is there someone to have a look?
Right now: Cramping, trying, striving, pushing to see if there is... But with a greater allowance of that struggle now. The commentator is not so mean. Not able to make it a such a strong victim story anylonger. It is what it is, also the resistance. Hearing more often inside: "In time, Cinnamon... relax. In time... " As if there's a process here that do needs some time and it's not able to push it quicker by will.
Tenderness just is. It's the language of the heart. Slightly touching the void and the endless sea of a welcoming home. Not falling into it, standing on the edge... Haven't been there in a while. This is truly going deeper quickly!
Life sent me a lesson today. Seeing how I project the anger I feel towards the inner victim on other people playing out their victims, and thus treating them without empathy. It hit back quickly karmically, and I tried to make amends. Not being true and in the heart gives tremendously quick responses nowadays... =/
More steady stillness today and more frequent moments of seeing/being. Also getting in touch now and then with fear of disappearing. Not having anything to call mine... shivers through the body.
Is there someone to have a look?
Right now: Cramping, trying, striving, pushing to see if there is... But with a greater allowance of that struggle now. The commentator is not so mean. Not able to make it a such a strong victim story anylonger. It is what it is, also the resistance. Hearing more often inside: "In time, Cinnamon... relax. In time... " As if there's a process here that do needs some time and it's not able to push it quicker by will.
Re: Open invitation, jump in and start the dialogue
The scenes of Neo fighting more and more Mr Smiths in the Matrix - and even outside of Matrix (!) in the ship when Mr Smith manages to go outside of Matrix - is coming frequently. That itching again, that this need to create a struggle is what keeps up illusion of separation... Struggle takes two. And there's obviously noone... whoosh, shivers along the spine here... There's an intellectual knowing that surrender also to Mr Smith and internalize/include him is a key, but trying to not get hooked there. Looking, looking at this...
Re: Open invitation, jump in and start the dialogue
Could you have a look at the differences between
- the character, labeled by people as 'Cinnamon', who is patterning life
and
- the personality 'you' call 'Cinnamon'
Continue exploring what is natural and dropping all the beliefs.
- the character, labeled by people as 'Cinnamon', who is patterning life
and
- the personality 'you' call 'Cinnamon'
Continue exploring what is natural and dropping all the beliefs.
Re: Open invitation, jump in and start the dialogue
I'm not sure I understand the question. Perhaps a language thing. Could you just rephrase it with other words, please?
Re: Open invitation, jump in and start the dialogue
A character has a body, sensations, feelings, emotions, thoughts, with certain natural preferences and dislikes.
The one likes chocolate cream and the other has a preference for vanilla. These are given by life and are part of life. It's how life is lived by the character 'Cinnamon'. The character patterns life following patterns inherent to the character since birth. It's the role player in life. People see the external part of the character, the role player and label it as 'Cinnamon'. They recognise the patterns (likes, dislikes, reactions,..) that differentiate you from an other character. 'You' cannot change the character. Only life does.
The Personality, the 'I' is not the character.
What is the Personality, the 'I', the 'self' you label as 'Cinnamon', as 'me'.
Look for the differences.
The one likes chocolate cream and the other has a preference for vanilla. These are given by life and are part of life. It's how life is lived by the character 'Cinnamon'. The character patterns life following patterns inherent to the character since birth. It's the role player in life. People see the external part of the character, the role player and label it as 'Cinnamon'. They recognise the patterns (likes, dislikes, reactions,..) that differentiate you from an other character. 'You' cannot change the character. Only life does.
The Personality, the 'I' is not the character.
What is the Personality, the 'I', the 'self' you label as 'Cinnamon', as 'me'.
Look for the differences.
Re: Open invitation, jump in and start the dialogue
Thanks.
Ok. I see what you're aiming at. The mind is too quick. When the knowing and memories comes first it feels like I don't stand a ghost of a chance looking directly afterwards. It all becomes mental constructs and I see truth shown in pictures or visions and a cover of thin cloth over it making it dim. Just giving me a headache. I see the metaphore I used to use with the film and projector... A character in the film is absolutely unable to "wake up". It's not the character that wakes up, it's a waking up to the fact I never was the character, I'm the background, the screen where the light particles are moving on to create the appearance of a story, and eventually it's seen I'm the projector of the film, and the room - space that allows the whole event "film show".
Feels like a total back-lash day. Not being able to see anything directly, no glimpses. System closed. Drowning in victimhood and thoughts ranting about why I'm cursed to have this type of journey with these meta-layers to burn through... Perhaps I'll write a book on the "second awakening" struggles later... =)
Trying to see also that this is what´s happening to the character in this movie, but it just feels like a supression of feelings, escaping the feelings of victimhood, and a mind watching the mind. Ocean wave still going through the body and slow motion feeling, but no clear seeing whatsoever.
Mind attacking with analysis. Still hooking on the paradox of how consciousness - although one and unlimited - can create a border between seeing and not seeing, believing and dropping beliefs between different characters in the movie. I guess you can't explain it either. It's one of those mysteries of life. But you are no longer frustrated over not knowing, while I am.
Also testing if thoughts never proceed actions. Is it always a labelling afterwards from the commentator? I was on my way out of the door, when a "ding" comes and a thought "Where are my gloves?" And there's a realization I've forgotten my gloves, and body goes back to find gloves. Seems like the thought just came and activated the action. Thought created action, not action first and then a thought labelling the fact. What would that have looked like without labelling? Take a way "my" and "gloves" and there would still have to be a knowing that gloves were needed before going out. Or would you count "rememberance" as the action that just happened and "where are my gloves" as the labelling?
Hooking also on the different types of thoughts and their source. The repetitive I-thoughts are machine like. The inquiry thoughts have a softness to them and goes through with more sense of Truth. But why is it more ok and even necassary to believe in them and to go along with them?
Opening, closure, opening, closure, mind chaos, believing, not believing... is this happening whether there's an I there or not? I'll do my best to look at that.
Ok. I see what you're aiming at. The mind is too quick. When the knowing and memories comes first it feels like I don't stand a ghost of a chance looking directly afterwards. It all becomes mental constructs and I see truth shown in pictures or visions and a cover of thin cloth over it making it dim. Just giving me a headache. I see the metaphore I used to use with the film and projector... A character in the film is absolutely unable to "wake up". It's not the character that wakes up, it's a waking up to the fact I never was the character, I'm the background, the screen where the light particles are moving on to create the appearance of a story, and eventually it's seen I'm the projector of the film, and the room - space that allows the whole event "film show".
Feels like a total back-lash day. Not being able to see anything directly, no glimpses. System closed. Drowning in victimhood and thoughts ranting about why I'm cursed to have this type of journey with these meta-layers to burn through... Perhaps I'll write a book on the "second awakening" struggles later... =)
Trying to see also that this is what´s happening to the character in this movie, but it just feels like a supression of feelings, escaping the feelings of victimhood, and a mind watching the mind. Ocean wave still going through the body and slow motion feeling, but no clear seeing whatsoever.
Mind attacking with analysis. Still hooking on the paradox of how consciousness - although one and unlimited - can create a border between seeing and not seeing, believing and dropping beliefs between different characters in the movie. I guess you can't explain it either. It's one of those mysteries of life. But you are no longer frustrated over not knowing, while I am.
Also testing if thoughts never proceed actions. Is it always a labelling afterwards from the commentator? I was on my way out of the door, when a "ding" comes and a thought "Where are my gloves?" And there's a realization I've forgotten my gloves, and body goes back to find gloves. Seems like the thought just came and activated the action. Thought created action, not action first and then a thought labelling the fact. What would that have looked like without labelling? Take a way "my" and "gloves" and there would still have to be a knowing that gloves were needed before going out. Or would you count "rememberance" as the action that just happened and "where are my gloves" as the labelling?
Hooking also on the different types of thoughts and their source. The repetitive I-thoughts are machine like. The inquiry thoughts have a softness to them and goes through with more sense of Truth. But why is it more ok and even necassary to believe in them and to go along with them?
Opening, closure, opening, closure, mind chaos, believing, not believing... is this happening whether there's an I there or not? I'll do my best to look at that.
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