eyes wide shut? lets open them

[sophie1]

Has been

[MerlinC]

How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.

[sophie1]

Feeling of more lightness...more going with the flow than trying to control life. The process is gradual for me (not just last few days) - letting go of old beliefs and thinking patterns and seeing reality more and more clearly. However, there are thoughts trying to challenge what I see. They say: "What about responsibility? Does it mean no one is responsible for anything? It doesn't sound right.. " in my life I always felt very responsible for my decision and felt regret for "wrong" ones, it's hard to let go of a very strong pattern... But then another thought comes that says: "responsibility is just another concept or idea of the mind". How do you see responsibility? Is anyone responsible for anything?

[MerlinC]

No reason to beat yourself up because there's no one there at fault for wrong decision making.
Who would be challenged and who would be responsible? Only thoughts think of letting go and trying at not doing but the silent listening part of you never needs to let go because its not holding on to anything merely watching.
whos watching the listening?

[sophie1]

Silence, mystery...

[MerlinC]

Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from
your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

[sophie1]

The illusion of separate self is seeing a center of the experience, the magnet that holds together thoughts, feelings, sensations and the story. It starts with identification with them: "I am my mind, body and feelings. This is my story." It is something learned in childhood.

[MerlinC]

Was there any significant moments that made you look into your experience?

[sophie1]

Using "mental sensations" for thoughts made me look at thoughts as something that happens to me and not something I do. Comparing my perception of me controlling my actions to a perception of falling stone, it seem to move but actually it follows gravitation force. I seem to have a will, but actually my actions are pre determined.

[MerlinC]

do thoughts happen to a you? are they predetermined?

[sophie1]

Not to a "me", they just happen.
They are pre determined by previous thoughts and conditions, whether it could be followed or not

[MerlinC]

Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How
does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

[sophie1]

If there is no "me", no one to make decisions, have free will, etc. There are processes of problem solving, analyzing, comparing that are mental functions, but there is no "me" who does them. They happen in response to a problem, task or situation. For example, there is a need to choose between two options. The processes of comparison start, pros and cons are considered, there are many thoughts around it until one option is chosen. There is no "me" needed for that to happen.

[MerlinC]

what would thoughts have you believe yourself to be?

[sophie1]

They would make me believe that I am my thoughts, my feelings, and my body