Thread for Monja Gitana

[Mad biker]

OK so you seem to be saying that the negativity did not NOT just suddenly lift. You did not stop protecting yourself, you continued protecting yourself?

Therefore you are not saying that; 'negative states arise but evaporate very quickly after a minute or two because there is nothing for them to stick to'. Am I correct in this interpretation of what you said Gitana?

[Monja gitana]

The intensity of the negativity lifted. But this is ongoing stuff for me , dealing with jealousy and insecurity, so it arises and passes, arises and passes. The negative states stick for awhile and then move on. MG

[Mad biker]

Arrive and breath Gitana!
Answer from Direct Experience:
When you said:

'...I was protecting my...'

What was the word; 'I' referring to or describing?

What was the word; 'my' referring to or describing?

What was being protected?


When you said:

'This is torture'

What was the word 'this' referring to?

[Monja gitana]

I was referring to this solid fixed self that didn't want to feel the pain. My was referring to the same. What was being protected was this thing I call me. The torture was having to revisit the pain again.
As I'm writing this its sounding ludicrous and absurd . I'm looking across at photos of me at different ages. I look very different in all of them and I've got no idea of who the images are of. I know they were this person I call me at different times in my life but I also don't know. MG

[Mad biker]

I was referring to this solid fixed self that didn't want to feel the pain. My was referring to the same. What was being protected was this thing I call me. The torture was having to revisit the pain again.

Great we are back again!

Ok just open up to some caring breaths! Why don't we just tosh it up to seven breaths for a change?
Just sitting there 'being' as though nothing was coming next.
Letting go into complete relaxation. If I used triple dots there would be triple dots here!

Is the content of your above quote anything more than thought and sensation?

Where is this 'solid fixed self' in direct experience?

Describe this solid fixed self in words you would use to describe it to an eight year old child.

[Monja gitana]

No its just thought and sensation.
This solid fixed self feels tight, contracted and small.

[Mad biker]

Mmm, OK I am coming right back at you tomorrow!

[Mad biker]

OK now breathing, letting go, just be

Your quote below is NOT direct experience amiga!

This solid fixed self feels tight, contracted and small.

You sound as though you are running from this. I am asking you to bring a sense of space to your experience. Space in the sense of latitude, room, breadth. Just being with yourself sitting there.

Where is this 'solid fixed self' in direct experience?

Describe this solid fixed self in words you would use to describe it to an eight year old child.

You have avoided the above questions.

I want answers. You will get them from looking in direct experience, that which can be apprehended by the senses. What can you see, hear, feel of the above?

What kind of 'solid' is this 'self'?

If you rapped it with a drumstick what kind of sound would it make?

[Monja gitana]

Rain making a tap, tap sound on metal, screeching of door opening, peoples voices, reflection of Catalan flag in window, peoples voices, breeze on face, rain, coolness, door banging, stronger breeze, birds, shutters moving, green shutters red stool, church bells, cat sitting on balcony, bitter sweet taste in mouth, raindrops falling, pressure of thighs and bottom on chair, legs tingling,church bells, sore eyes, singing, banging, banging, sore neck,

[Mad biker]

I did not get the sense of your last post. It needed a few words of explanation so that I could see what you were getting at.

And don't forget to answer those questions OK?
Mbx

[Monja gitana]

I'm going to France today for a week and won't have access to the internet. Will post something next week when I'm back.

[Mad biker]

OK have a good France!