Help me please . . .

[Sparsh]

I don't see a dividing line between ending of sound and beginning of me. All experiences are happening simultaneously.

Okay great, so no separation between alleged "you" and sound? Could you explain a bit more about "all experiences are happening simultaneously"? What experiences?

My experiences of my self-awareness and awareness of sounds are happening simultaneously. I'm hearing the sound of ceiling fan and I'm feeling my legs on wall simultaneously, though the awareness to one object is stronger than the other. When I try to focus on sound, awareness of sound is strong and the awareness of my legs is weak, while when I try to focus on my legs, awareness is stronger there and weaker on sounds. While I'm typing here, sometimes I get lost in typing, while at other times there is awareness of sound from ceiling fan, my legs on wall, my hand on pillow etc too while I type.

Hyperventilation and uptightness? Were you anxious about something? Did you expect something meaningful, important or special will happen?

I hyperventilate and am uptight almost all the time. I have been this way since years now.

Mind is used to think in subject object relationship. But is that true in our direct experience? What is hearing, what is hyperventilating, what is uptight, what is lost in sounds, ...?

I'm a little uptight right now, there's a feeling of a little tightness on my neck . I'm breathing like I'm not getting enough breathe, kind of shallowness. I'm focussing on these. I realize I had forgotten about other things, then my awareness goes to surrounding and sounds, then I'm back to typing, and so on . . .

Surely that "I" or "me" or "self" is pointing to something concrete. So what is it?

I see my legs, hands. 'My' body is deeply tied with the sense of 'me'. I see 'my' legs, and own it immediately, see my hands, and own it. The sense of 'me' - a separate entity is always there except at times I get lost in things like typing, chatting on facebook etc. Most of the time, when I'm around other people, there is self-consciousness.

Hearing the sounds from surrounding and hyperventilating at the same time, there's no sense of ownership.
But as I think of this ownership, there's this sense that I'm hearing the sounds.


So this sense of ownership is present in thoughts only and not in hearing?

This sense of ownership is deeply tied with my body as a whole, the expressions on my face, my body language etc. I'm an owner of my body and what I'm experiencing through senses. Only at times I'm lost in other senses like typing, hearing sounds etc., there is temporary loss of ownership.

This sense of ownership is present sometimes, while not present sometimes. Sometimes, I get lost in senses, and there's no sense of ownership, while other times there is this sense of ownership.


So, if sense of ownership is not always present that surely cannot be you. What is it that notices comings and goings of this sense of ownership?

I notice, but only the coming of this sense of ownership. . Sometimes ownership is lost, while other times it's back and I notice it. It's like I'm back to my senses again.

Please, try to describe as best you can, what exactly do you believe or think this "I" is? What proofs "I"'s existence?

'I' is the sense of me as a separate entity. I am a separate individual. I am the one who does things everyday.
There's a vision of 'my' body parts and It's assumed to be 'me'. This body is too closely tied with the sense of 'me'. 'There's a sensation in body and automatically owned as mine. A mosquito bit on my back and the irritation is automatically assumed as mine without having to think about it. Some people's actions are hurting and the 'hurt' is automatically assumed as mine without having to think about it.

[smi]

Hi Sparsh,

Sorry for being late, as I was away for a while. Thanks for all clarifications. Again I would just like to focus on one or two things…

'I' is the sense of me as a separate entity. I am a separate individual. I am the one who does things everyday.

There are raw experiences: hearing, seeing, touching, smelling, and tasting. There are sensations in the body (hunger, thirst, or pain). This is direct experience. This is the level of experience of cats, dogs, birds, and newborn babies.

Then there are thoughts. Thoughts layer concepts over these raw experiences. A thought or concept or label is never the actual. Some thoughts point to the actual, and some point to other thoughts. This is the realm of make-believe. This is the realm of “I”. Is there an “I” in direct experience?

So where do concepts “separate entity” and “separate individual” point to? What are they in reality?

How does doing happen? Is there something doing “doing”, or is there simply doing?

Notice that thinking happens automatically – no one is doing it. Thoughts are simply spontaneously arising out of lifetime of conditioning and current circumstances. Same goes for doing, feelings, sensing, looking, hearing, …

Stop looking for the answer in thoughts. Look what is actually here now.

I see my legs, hands. 'My' body is deeply tied with the sense of 'me'. I see 'my' legs, and own it immediately, see my hands, and own it. The sense of 'me' - a separate entity is always there except at times I get lost in things like typing, chatting on facebook etc. Most of the time, when I'm around other people, there is self-consciousness.

Yes you are right. Body is deeply tied to this sense of self. So are your stories and your memories.

However sense of self is not what you are. Sense of self is just thoughts about feelings about thoughts… all mind made stuff. Nothing actual. Stories and memories are like an echo in the mountains slowly reverberating into nothingness.

Is that what you are? A sense of self – an echo?

Does the body experience sensations and thought?

Is the "body" just another thought label for sensations (namely tactile & kinaesthetic)?

Kind regards
Milan

[Sparsh]

Is there an “I” in direct experience?

I find there is a sense of 'me' in direct experience. I'm typing right now, and I'm aware that it's 'me' who is typing.

So where do concepts “separate entity” and “separate individual” point to? What are they in reality?

'Separate entity' and 'separate individual' point to 'me' as someone different from other human beings, creatures and things.
'Separate entity', 'separate individual' and 'me' are labels. These labels point to an owner of experiences. The sense of 'me' - the sense of ownership of body, experiences etc is there sometimes, while not there other times.

How does doing happen? Is there something doing “doing”, or is there simply doing?

This sense of ownership is sometimes there while doing things, while not there other times when I'm lost in doing things like typing, reading etc.
But this losing of ownership sometimes doesn't convince me that there is no owner.

However sense of self is not what you are. Sense of self is just thoughts about feelings about thoughts… all mind made stuff. Nothing actual. Stories and memories are like an echo in the mountains slowly reverberating into nothingness.

Is that what you are? A sense of self – an echo?

The source of my perception is my conditioning. What I perceive right now decides what thoughts are going to come. The source of conditioning is experience.
The sense of self is always there, except some times. There is self-awareness most of the time.
I'm unable to not experience myself as a separate entity.

Does the body experience sensations and thought?

The body doesn't experience thought. The body experiences the results of feelings arising from thoughts. The body experiences the sensation of touch.

My body also responds to certain stimulus like certain sounds, certain music, certain type of voices, certain sights etc, by hyperventilating with those stimuli without any thought to precede.

Is the "body" just another thought label for sensations (namely tactile & kinaesthetic)?

Tactile and kinaesthetic sensations are the only ways there is awareness of body.

I'm feeling my body on bed, and come to the conclusion that I'm lying on bed.
I'm feeling the movement of my hands and fingers and come to the conclusion that I'm typing.

[smi]

Hi Sparsh,

Imagine a film projector is projecting images from the film onto the screen. You see them as running images that are telling stories. You are not aware so much of individual frames but you are fully immersed into the story that is being projected.

Similarly our mind is running at “full speed – all 5 senses +overlay of internal processing” projecting its stories. This way the illusion is perfect and we get lost in it, believing we are it.

However if you slow down the film and look at individual images it becomes apparent that the story is not real – it is just images projected in a certain way that creates an illusion of story.

So when looking, try to ignore all mind ideas and concepts and just notice frame by frame, what is actually going on. Examine each individual frame for what it is and see how together with all other frames the illusion of story is created.

I find there is a sense of 'me' in direct experience. I'm typing right now, and I'm aware that it's 'me' who is typing.

Yes, sense of self or sense of “me” is sometimes present and sometimes not. Where are you when the sense of self is not there? Do you disappear? Do you cease to exist?

Are you the sense of self or are you that which knows sense of self? That which sees sense of self coming and going?

Typing is happening. Do you type or does it just happen? Are you aware of and in control of every single finger pressing keys on keyboard and movements of hands or is it just happening automatically and sometimes thoughts and feelings commenting about what is happening – that too happening automatically?

'Separate entity' and 'separate individual' point to 'me' as someone different from other human beings, creatures and things.

Yes, again that is appearance but not direct experience. If you take just one frame (for example a sense of hearing), direct experience is only hearing. There is no separation between hearer and sound. Both are just one experience – hearing. Same goes for other senses as well. So in direct experience if you look closely there is no separate entity or individual.

'Separate entity', 'separate individual' and 'me' are labels. These labels point to an owner of experiences.

Slow down, relax and look closely. Are all those labels really pointing to something actual? Where is the owner of experiences? Isn’t that just another experience in running movie?

The sense of 'me' - the sense of ownership of body, experiences etc is there sometimes, while not there other times.

Great. So what happens when the sense of “me” is absent? Does life stop?

This sense of ownership is sometimes there while doing things, while not there other times when I'm lost in doing things like typing, reading etc.
But this losing of ownership sometimes doesn't convince me that there is no owner.

Okay, great. Naturally false self doesn’t want to be found out that it doesn’t exist. That is perfectly okay and normal. Keep looking at it. Notice what happens when the sense of self is absent.

I'm unable to not experience myself as a separate entity.

All that you experience can be grouped into raw sensations and thoughts in form of pictures, sounds and feelings. Those thoughts (pictures, sounds and feelings) create an image of “you”. And that image is naturally separate from other images. So, how would you experience yourself otherwise?

What is it that is experiencing? Is it possible there is just experiencing?

The body doesn't experience thought. The body experiences the results of feelings arising from thoughts. The body experiences the sensation of touch.

Close your eyes. Let your body relax for a while. Can you pinpoint a location where your skin ends and clothing begins? What is mind doing during this experiment? Does it try to create an image of body? What happens when you ignore this? Can you really tell there is a body or just a blob of tactile sensations?

Is body experiencing or is body a label for experiences?

My body also responds to certain stimulus like certain sounds, certain music, certain type of voices, certain sights etc, by hyperventilating with those stimuli without any thought to precede.

Yes, all those are conditioned responses. Your mind gives those events certain meaning and body responds accordingly. There is a lot of activity in there.

Main question is – are you doing all that or is it just happening automatically?

I'm feeling my body on bed, and come to the conclusion that I'm lying on bed.
I'm feeling the movement of my hands and fingers and come to the conclusion that I'm typing.

That’s what the thought says. You are not in control of thoughts as we already explored. Thoughts say many things and most of it is made up so please take everything with a grain of salt, specially everything that starts with “I”. :)

Kind regards
Milan

[Sparsh]

Yes, sense of self or sense of “me” is sometimes present and sometimes not. Where are you when the sense of self is not there? Do you disappear? Do you cease to exist?

I'm still there. Awareness of me is not there.

Are you the sense of self or are you that which knows sense of self? That which sees sense of self coming and going?

There is nothing that sees the sense of self coming and going. Either the sense of self is there, or it's not there.

Typing is happening. Do you type or does it just happen? Are you aware of and in control of every single finger pressing keys on keyboard and movements of hands or is it just happening automatically and sometimes thoughts and feelings commenting about what is happening – that too happening automatically?

I'm typing what answers I'm concluding from the given question.
I'm aware of what keys I'm pressing, but not using my particular fingers and movements of hands consciously. Sometimes it's jotting down of thoughts and feelings.

Slow down, relax and look closely. Are all those labels really pointing to something actual? Where is the owner of experiences? Isn’t that just another experience in running movie?

I'm open to the possibility of the owner of experience just being another experience in running movie, but I'm not able to see that.

Great. So what happens when the sense of “me” is absent? Does life stop?

Life continues when there is no 'me'.

All that you experience can be grouped into raw sensations and thoughts in form of pictures, sounds and feelings. Those thoughts (pictures, sounds and feelings) create an image of “you”. And that image is naturally separate from other images. So, how would you experience yourself otherwise?

There is ownership of the raw sensations and thoughts. It's like I am experiencing all kinds of experiences. I'm not able to see 'me' as a part of the experience.

What is it that is experiencing? Is it possible there is just experiencing?

A little feeling of cold, and I think 'I' am feeling cold. There is this sense of ownership for every experience.
I'm open to the possibility that there is just experiencing.

Close your eyes. Let your body relax for a while. Can you pinpoint a location where your skin ends and clothing begins? What is mind doing during this experiment? Does it try to create an image of body? What happens when you ignore this? Can you really tell there is a body or just a blob of tactile sensations?

There isn't a single location where my skin ends and clothing begins. Skin is there all over, and clothes are covering it.
There is an imagination of my body, skin and clothes while I close my eyes.
When I close my eyes, I can tell about my body from memory. If I ignore the memory, there is awareness of body through tactile and kinaesthetic sensations.

Is body experiencing or is body a label for experiences?

I'm able to see my body - legs, hands, belly etc., and it experiences tactile and kinaesthetic sensations.
On top of knowing about my body through the sensation of touch and movement, I can also see my body.
I'm unable to see the body as a label for experiences.

Yes, all those are conditioned responses. Your mind gives those events certain meaning and body responds accordingly. There is a lot of activity in there.

Main question is – are you doing all that or is it just happening automatically?

Hyperventilation always happens on its own. It's out of my control.
Every other sensations the body feels is the result of thoughts and feelings, which are out of my control.

[Sparsh]

Am I doing something wrong, Milan ? Please tell me what more do I need to do to make the process more efficient for us.

[smi]

Hi Sparsh,

Am I doing something wrong, Milan ? Please tell me what more do I need to do to make the process more efficient for us.

You are doing great. Besides there is no you to do anything. Questions are asked, looking is happening and responses are being written. More questions are being asked, more looking, more responses and cycle is being repeated…
If I joke a little I could say: Wash, rinse, repeat… That’s all we can do and that’s what we are doing. Sometimes this cycle is fast, sometimes it takes a while and sometimes even longer. So really there is nothing to worry about… All is well.

I'm still there. Awareness of me is not there.

There is nothing that sees the sense of self coming and going. Either the sense of self is there, or it's not there.

Okay, great. So, is it clear that sense of self or “me” or “I” is not you, since it comes and goes?

What are implications of that? Does it matter if the sense of self is present or not?

I'm typing what answers I'm concluding from the given question.
I'm aware of what keys I'm pressing, but not using my particular fingers and movements of hands consciously. Sometimes it's jotting down of thoughts and feelings.

So, while typing is happening, is there anything about it that “you” control (thoughts, sensations, movement of hands, fingers, body…, anything at all)?

smi wrote:Slow down, relax and look closely. Are all those labels really pointing to something actual? Where is the owner of experiences? Isn’t that just another experience in running movie?

I'm open to the possibility of the owner of experience just being another experience in running movie, but I'm not able to see that.

Please, describe what/how you see it. And please answer all questions that I asked (bold ones).

Life continues when there is no 'me'.

Great. So, is it possible that “me” is not needed?

There is ownership of the raw sensations and thoughts. It's like I am experiencing all kinds of experiences. I'm not able to see 'me' as a part of the experience.

You keep talking about owner of raw sensations and thoughts, yet we already looked and saw there is none.

We saw that there is no hearer and what is being heard. There is just hearing.
We saw that there is no seer and what is being seen. There is just seeing.
Same for all 5 senses…
We saw there is no thinker, just thinking, etc…

And yes, you are correct when you say “It’s like”. Exactly. It is only an appearance and not actual.

That will not change all of sudden. Appearances will continue to be appearances.

A little feeling of cold, and I think 'I' am feeling cold. There is this sense of ownership for every experience.
I'm open to the possibility that there is just experiencing.

Look closer. So, there is feeling of cold and thought comes “I’m feeling cold”. There may also be present a sense of ownership, which is just another thought – maybe in a form of vague feeling. However that is not true for every experience as you say.

If you label everything as experience it may be easier to see. For example:

A feeling of cold – experience
Thought “I’m cold” – another experience
Sense of ownership – another experience

So, just a flow of experiencing… Where is experiencer? Isn’t that just another experience?

There isn't a single location where my skin ends and clothing begins. Skin is there all over, and clothes are covering it.
There is an imagination of my body, skin and clothes while I close my eyes.
When I close my eyes, I can tell about my body from memory. If I ignore the memory, there is awareness of body through tactile and kinaesthetic sensations.

Again look closer. You are right when you say that while eyes closed “there is an imagination of body”. And also “I can tell about my body from memory”. If you ignore both imagination and memory, what is left?

Is there really awareness of body, or are there just various tactile and kinesthetic sensations?

I'm able to see my body - legs, hands, belly etc., and it experiences tactile and kinaesthetic sensations.
On top of knowing about my body through the sensation of touch and movement, I can also see my body.
I'm unable to see the body as a label for experiences.

Just a thought exercise…

Imagine you never learned about body and various body parts. Simply your parents never told you about them and you were never taught about body in school and nobody ever told you anything at all about body? So, basically you have no idea about hand being your hand, legs being your legs, etc… You never learned a single label about body.

So all there is, is seeing, hearing, touching, smelling and testing. So what is body from that point of view?

Kind regards
Milan

[Sparsh]

Okay, great. So, is it clear that sense of self or “me” or “I” is not you, since it comes and goes?

Awareness of 'me' comes and goes. 'Me' doesn't necessarily come and go.

What are implications of that? Does it matter if the sense of self is present or not?

Life continues whether the sense of self is there or not. From trusting 'Liberation Unleashed', self has never been there, life is running fine.

I'm typing what answers I'm concluding from the given question.
I'm aware of what keys I'm pressing, but not using my particular fingers and movements of hands consciously. Sometimes it's jotting down of thoughts and feelings.


So, while typing is happening, is there anything about it that “you” control (thoughts, sensations, movement of hands, fingers, body…, anything at all)?

I don't control the thoughts, sensations, movement of hands and fingers etc . This happens spontaneously. But I can be aware of my fingers and hands and move them in some other ways (though in what way I'm going to move might not be determined by me. For example, I can make my right hand curved while typing. But I could have made it straight instead. I cannot say if there is control over how I shape my hand.)

smi wrote:Slow down, relax and look closely. Are all those labels really pointing to something actual? Where is the owner of experiences? Isn’t that just another experience in running movie?


I'm open to the possibility of the owner of experience just being another experience in running movie, but I'm not able to see that.


Please, describe what/how you see it. And please answer all questions that I asked (bold ones).

The labels are pointing to 'me'. 'I' am the owner of experiences.
There is this sense of ownership for every thing experienced. Hurt, and 'I' feel hurt, happy, and 'I' feel happy. There is this ownership for everything experienced.

Great. So, is it possible that “me” is not needed?

Yes, it's possible that 'me' isn't needed for life to continue.

Look closer. So, there is feeling of cold and thought comes “I’m feeling cold”. There may also be present a sense of ownership, which is just another thought – maybe in a form of vague feeling. However that is not true for every experience as you say.

If you label everything as experience it may be easier to see. For example:

A feeling of cold – experience
Thought “I’m cold” – another experience
Sense of ownership – another experience

So, just a flow of experiencing… Where is experiencer? Isn’t that just another experience?

Yes, the sense of ownership too is an experience. I see that.

There isn't a single location where my skin ends and clothing begins. Skin is there all over, and clothes are covering it.
There is an imagination of my body, skin and clothes while I close my eyes.
When I close my eyes, I can tell about my body from memory. If I ignore the memory, there is awareness of body through tactile and kinaesthetic sensations.


Again look closer. You are right when you say that while eyes closed “there is an imagination of body”. And also “I can tell about my body from memory”. If you ignore both imagination and memory, what is left?

Is there really awareness of body, or are there just various tactile and kinesthetic sensations?

There are only tactile and kinaesthetic sensations. The memory of body is deeply ingrained. Feeling of touch on my legs, and an imagination of legs comes. On ignoring the memory and imagination, there's only sensations.

I'm able to see my body - legs, hands, belly etc., and it experiences tactile and kinaesthetic sensations.
On top of knowing about my body through the sensation of touch and movement, I can also see my body.
I'm unable to see the body as a label for experiences.


Just a thought exercise…

Imagine you never learned about body and various body parts. Simply your parents never told you about them and you were never taught about body in school and nobody ever told you anything at all about body? So, basically you have no idea about hand being your hand, legs being your legs, etc… You never learned a single label about body.

So all there is, is seeing, hearing, touching, smelling and testing. So what is body from that point of view?

In that case, I wouldn't own the body. Just like the sensations of vision, hearing, smelling, tasting etc, there would be the sensations of touch and movement through the body. Just like I would move my laptop, I would move my hands or legs. I would do activities by moving the body as if I'm moving some other object.

[smi]

Hi Sparsh,

Awareness of 'me' comes and goes. 'Me' doesn't necessarily come and go.

First statement is true, awareness of “me” does come and go. However I still don’t understand second statement. What would that “me” you speak of be? Is it something actual that you can see, hear, touch, smell or taste? Or is it just an idea, a concept, a thought?

If you asked several people what is “I” you would most likely get various responses. Some would refer to body, some to mind, some would say they are somewhere inside of heads, some would say they are soul or spirit or something non-physical, etc… In other words you would get various responses. How could that be if “I” were something concrete that everyone could perceive in the same way?

So, please be very specific. Write down everything that you believe “I” is or may be hiding in. Make a list.

Life continues whether the sense of self is there or not. From trusting 'Liberation Unleashed', self has never been there, life is running fine.

Indeed, life is unfolding just fine without self. But no need to trust what others say. Ultimately that doesn’t help. You need to see that for yourself.

I don't control the thoughts, sensations, movement of hands and fingers etc . This happens spontaneously. But I can be aware of my fingers and hands and move them in some other ways

Habits how we use language can be a hindrance for recognizing falseness of “I”. Out of habit you use words like “I” and “me” and out of habit you believe those words point to something actual.

There is awareness of fingers and hands moving. Idea that you can move them in some other way is a thought which also appeared spontaneously.

Please make a list of everything you believe you control. We’ll go over the list together and explore whether it is true or false.

Yes, the sense of ownership too is an experience. I see that.

Great.

There are only tactile and kinaesthetic sensations. The memory of body is deeply ingrained. Feeling of touch on my legs, and an imagination of legs comes. On ignoring the memory and imagination, there's only sensations.

Excellent.

So, for today, please just make a list of everything you think or believe or imagine this “I” or “me” is.

And also make second list of everything you believe is under your control.

We’ll examine both in detail.

Kind regards
Milan

[Sparsh]

So, for today, please just make a list of everything you think or believe or imagine this “I” or “me” is.

And also make second list of everything you believe is under your control.

We’ll examine both in detail.

Concerning the list of things I believe is me:

I see that 'I' or 'me' is an experience like other experiences, still 'I' get hurt when mistreated in anyway, 'I' am the one who is at unease with sounds and voices from TV or some other voices (which only happens when others are around me). 'I' am the one who is conscious about my facial expressions.



Concerning the list of things I believe is in my control:

Looking deeply, nothing is in my control. The source of my actions - my thoughts aren't in my control. Even the actions that aren't preceded by thoughts aren't in my control. Nobody knows what I'm going to think or do the next moment.

I want to believe some things are in my control. I want to be in control of my life. It terrorizes me to see that I might not study hard after I get admitted for post graduate in a few months. It scares me to see that I might stop working on bettering my body.

[smi]

Hi Sparsh,

Great, thanks for compiling those lists. That helps to identify sticking points.

I see that 'I' or 'me' is an experience like other experiences,

Excellent. Keep looking and really verify that this “I” is nothing more but a thought/feeling occasionally “passing by”.

still 'I' get hurt when mistreated in anyway, 'I' am the one who is at unease with sounds and voices from TV or some other voices (which only happens when others are around me). 'I' am the one who is conscious about my facial expressions.

Notice how vague the language is whenever the form “’I’ am the one who…” is used. “I am” doesn’t point to anything concrete but it sort of implies there might be something. It is nothing more but thoughts about thoughts about thoughts… or simply a story.

Did you pick those thoughts? Are you thinking them? Or, are they all simply spontaneously arising in consciousness?

So, there is no need to buy into that story. Whenever a particular story is being “played out” you can simply notice that there are certain thoughts arising and there might be some feelings and sensations as well. However they are all arising on their own - automatically. So, there is no need to buy into this appearance or try to do anything at all about it. That would be just adding more to the story. Leave it alone and it will dissolve on its own. That is basically a recipe to dissolve any kind of suffering.

Looking deeply, nothing is in my control. The source of my actions - my thoughts aren't in my control. Even the actions that aren't preceded by thoughts aren't in my control. Nobody knows what I'm going to think or do the next moment.

Fantastic. Were you ever in control of anything?

I want to believe some things are in my control. I want to be in control of my life. It terrorizes me to see that I might not study hard after I get admitted for post graduate in a few months. It scares me to see that I might stop working on bettering my body.

That is one possible reaction. For some it may be terrifying yet others might find it very relaxing and a huge relief.
I’ll just repeat the question above: Were you ever in control of anything? Really look. Once it is obvious there was never control over anything, all those concerns about future will start to fall away.

Maybe take a break for a day in nature. If there is a park or some beautiful place in nature you can go to I would highly recommend you do. Watch animals, babies, other people. See how everything moves, wiggles, trees, grass, animals, birds, humans, the body that is here now.
Notice life, aliveness, notice how everything is happening effortlessly. Turn the focus outside. Notice how everything simply is. It's real. It's here, now, alive.
See how seeing just happens. There is no one behind the eyes, no watcher, no observer, only watching, observing happening in the present moment. Mind is doing its usual business of labeling experience and it is also just happening by itself without an effort.

If there is a doubt, notice that, look right at it, see it for what it really is- another mechanism of protection. Just that. It is just a thought that arises and passes away. Keep looking at the obvious. Focus. Is there a focuser? Or focusing happening?

Kind regards
Milan

[Sparsh]

I have been experiencing pretty intense emotions since 2 days.
I'll post as soon as I can.

[smi]

Hi Sparsh,

Sure, take as long as you need and I highly recommend you do spend some time in nature.

Kind regards
Milan

[Sparsh]

Did you pick those thoughts? Are you thinking them? Or, are they all simply spontaneously arising in consciousness?

I didn't pick the thoughts. Experience of me thinking them is like every other experience. Thoughts arise and fade away in consciousness.

Looking deeply, nothing is in my control. The source of my actions - my thoughts aren't in my control. Even the actions that aren't preceded by thoughts aren't in my control. Nobody knows what I'm going to think or do the next moment.

Fantastic. Were you ever in control of anything?

There was this illusion of control. But there is nothing that is in control, never been.

Maybe take a break for a day in nature. If there is a park or some beautiful place in nature you can go to I would highly recommend you do. Watch animals, babies, other people. See how everything moves, wiggles, trees, grass, animals, birds, humans, the body that is here now.
Notice life, aliveness, notice how everything is happening effortlessly. Turn the focus outside. Notice how everything simply is. It's real. It's here, now, alive.
See how seeing just happens. There is no one behind the eyes, no watcher, no observer, only watching, observing happening in the present moment. Mind is doing its usual business of labeling experience and it is also just happening by itself without an effort.

If there is a doubt, notice that, look right at it, see it for what it really is- another mechanism of protection. Just that. It is just a thought that arises and passes away. Keep looking at the obvious. Focus. Is there a focuser? Or focusing happening?

When I observe, there is always self-consciousness. There is this inability of 'losing myself' while observing. There is a lot of insecurity while watching. There is this feeling that the other person might get offended if I watch them.
Even when I observe animals or inanimate objects, there is this feeling that I might look like a 'psycho' to people.

[smi]

Hi Sparsh,

I didn't pick the thoughts. Experience of me thinking them is like every other experience. Thoughts arise and fade away in consciousness.
There was this illusion of control. But there is nothing that is in control, never been.

Great. Things are getting clearer.

When I observe, there is always self-consciousness. There is this inability of 'losing myself' while observing. There is a lot of insecurity while watching. There is this feeling that the other person might get offended if I watch them.
Even when I observe animals or inanimate objects, there is this feeling that I might look like a 'psycho' to people

What happens when you simply notice all the labels “popping up” and also the story that narrates what is actually going on?
What happens when you simply acknowledge labels and story and let it be as it is?
After all, is it YOUR story or just story that is showing up?
Has there been any kind of change lately? How do you feel now?

Kind regards
Milan