Finally Here

[parasamgate]

Hello Everyone,

Whew, what a ride, but finally popped it last week. Decided to sit on it for a bit, didn't know if it would take really, but as they say, once you've seen, you've seen. Here's what has become absolutely clear:

There is no self. never was a self, never will be a self. "I", "self", "me", "my" are all concepts based on a projection onto the body by parental units to teach functionality according to their concepts, passed on down the generations.

In fact, knew as a child there was no self, and part of the insanity of growing up was attempting to act out the part of a self I knew had nothing to do with the energy flowing through this body. Something weird about looking at this body in a mirror and hating whoever it was because the way it was related to led to pain.

Memories of pure being before words came into play, at one with life, sitting watching ants on a trail, father coming up behind me and hearing/understanding for the first time, "Those are ants, they live underground in a colony, there is a queen ant, etc., etc.", suddenly disconnected by the experience of words=things and unable to turn if off, then a sad feeling, separation.

The spell of words is very powerful.

Have been on the "spiritual" path for 35 years, but it was mostly fits and starts of being free, then back into the marketplace and getting sucked in again. Have a weakness for certain emotional triggers from a very dysfunctional childhood and get sucked into certain dramas before I realize what's happening, a case of undeveloped discernment. Want to become more present to these instances as they happen ala Eckart Tolle's descriptions. Now that this is seen so clearly, will be truly vigilant for this. There are patterns within patterns, unfolding in perfection, always available to be seen if one just has the courage to look.

So.....

No self. Freedom from the lie of "I".

If anyone wants to test me, it's cool. Only want to be of service now.

Peace.

[Ilona]

Really nice to have you here. How did the popping happen? is there a link anywhere for us to have a look?
I'm really looking forward to have you confirmed here and so you can join our team.

Welcome here, Parasamgate.

[parasamgate]

Hello Ilona,

How did popping happen? Such a little, but profound thing, a trail of breadcrumbs leading to this moment. The big question is really how does one fall back into a state of hypnosis when one has seen clearly?

To come to this moment of awakening required a huge undoing of my entire life, an encounter with hell, profound suffering, and a clear decision to clear the decks of all distraction. Except I did nothing, there is no I, what was necessary for this truth to be seen unfolded and "I" surrendered. Then there was Elijah Crow's "The Silence of the Mind" (look it up on Scribd, excellent guidance for looking), the Jed McKenna books, then the RT forum, this forum, your blog, and just the sitting and looking for hours. I am living alone at the moment, semi-retired, no need to go out in the marketplace and no desire for social entertainment, so this makes it easy. Sitting in Costa Rica, watching the rain, away from my children and family, cut off from the past, this is it. No place to go to escape what is right in front of you, the only thing left.

Then out of no where, the obvious dawned, this little tiny "oh". So clear. So nice.

I put a new post on my blog to invite others to take the same look, using the same questions that guided me. The link is below.

There was no one thing that did it, just the accumulation of it all and then the stopping on its own. Enough was enough.

The cool thing is now seeing the mechanism that has lured me back into the amusement park, the blind spot is seen. Those concepts that were delivered with emotional hooks and linked to the body's survival are the last to go. Pain is such a good indoctrination tool. Now the feelings are felt, but there is no one there they happen to. The thoughts still come, but there is no identification. It is seen through completely.

Sure there is a story behind, but not sure if it benefits anyone. One of the pitfalls is comparing one's experience to others and attempting a match. Like thinking your way to enlightenment, it doesn't work. Each is its own best teacher. All it is is taking the time to really look.

Also, the "spiritual" concepts really become stumbling blocks for many. I've heard people speak for hours on spiritual concepts but they don't have a clue what it is to live, to let Life live through you. Life, God, whatever word you use, lives through this body unencumbered, one just steps aside and allows it to happen. No more control. For mind, it's hell, for the body, it's sweet.

What I love about this forum is that it embodies the crumbling of the concept of "Guru". No more teachers on stages gabbing on and on about whatever practice is the latest craze. Time to get on with it, right? Everybody Wake Up!

Any further Q's?

[parasamgate]

Is everyone sleeping?

Please engage, want to see if this flies, stepping out of my cocoon as it were....

[parasamgate]

Is One-on-One the place for this?

[Ilona]

Awesome posts. You look very clear to me. thank you for coming here.
yes, could you answer for us the normal questions we give to everybody.

Do you exist in any shape or form in reality?
what is the self and how does it work? how does it feel to be liberated and what was the final realisation before the seeing happen. and of course, how would you explain no self thingy to somebody who never heard of it before?

Looking forward to your answers. :)
much love.

[parasamgate]

Awesome posts. You look very clear to me. thank you for coming here.
yes, could you answer for us the normal questions we give to everybody.

Thank you Ilona. Here are my answers:

Do you exist in any shape or form in reality?

No. Just a ghost in the machine.

what is the self and how does it work?

The self is an imagined identity that initially comes into being as a result of our primary caretakers attempts to indoctrinate us into the illusory conceptual world. Acting as mirrors, they project their conceptual reality onto our bodies, give them names, dress them up, and attach expectations and labels to them, and we, being children, believe this is the way it is. This is exacerbated by other means of collaborative conditioning, such as television, education, etc. It is a mass hallucination that almost all humans have bought into. A loop of associative verbiage plays endlessly in the mind to continually reemphasize ones role. There is usually a pain/pleasure component to keep humans on the conveyor belt of sleep. The self is only an imaginative word-association game we play, believing it is real. It is held together by our agreements to keep the lie going, our fears of what will happen if we don't. It has no actual substance at all.

how does it feel to be liberated

There is relief. The search is over. Life is living itself as always and there is no division, no struggle. There are vestiges of old thought patterns, but they are seen through. Peaceful. But also this sense of celebration arises, and a smile.

and what was the final realisation before the seeing happen.

I had been struggling with some past emotional patterns and attachments that were very tied to this body and its survival. The entire story is not important. The suffering had been ongoing for months, deep, deep letting go was happening. I had been reading Jed, Tolle, Elijah Crow pretty constantly. I had kicked everyone out of the space, no phone calls or social life. There was deep focusing, using these forums to keep the essential question in mind, which for me was "what is THIS that sees?" Looking for self always brought me back to this emptiness, the void, silence, and I had to look THERE. I knew there was no answer in mind, that thoughts are fabrications. I saw the fear and what it was protecting, another idea that did not exist in reality. At the same time, there was an honoring of the experiences, the conclusions drawn, the whole process that had driven me to this moment. And then there was this simple falling away, an opening, a little "oh", and the truth of it was seen. There is no self, no "I". Without that component, the drama falls away, the story comes to an end. Now there will be watching for further subtle releases as they arise, but the major realization is seen. Of course, there will be no one doing any of this.

and of course, how would you explain no self thingy to somebody who never heard of it before?

If someone was really curious to know about this, to discover if there is a self or not, I would tell them to step back from all their thinking about it for a bit and just look at the functioning of the body, how it is totally self sustaining and has no director at all. I would have them notice how thoughts spring spontaneously into awareness without anyone being able to control the process. I would have them look closely at the thoughts that have an "I" attached to them, to see if they have any reality backing them, to see if they are true or not. I would have them look to see what experience they have had throughout life that did not come and go, that didn't change. I would point out, that thoughts, beliefs, ideas, bodies, all are changing, but there is something that these things arise from that is not and that is where to look. I would point to the fact that all of nature, which we are part of, functions naturally without a self, and that when we were born there was no self. I would point to the insanity of a world that has built itself on this false belief in a separate self and what that has led to. I would finally tell them that their birth right to be free of that which causes suffering is available right now if they have the courage to just look and see.

Looking forward to your answers. :)
much love.

[Ilona]

My answer is Welcome Friend. Please join our groups on Facebook. It's a great pleasure to meet you.
Much love.

[parasamgate]

It really is like coming home, isn't it? Much love from this end too Ilona, much appreciation for this forum, for the dedication here. Waking up the world online, how cool is that?

[Ilona]

Yes it's really cool and now you can join us in this :)

[Elizabeth]

My favourite bit was the little tiny 'oh'.
Not as advertised. But entirely real.
Welcome!

[parasamgate]

Thank you Elizabeth. I think it was so little because it was a recognition of something I'd always basically known but lost track of. Got caught in a mental loop and couldn't find my way out for a bit.

It's so nice to finally be "Here". Again!

Peace to you.