Dridhamati - will you be my guide?

[dridhamati]

Hi Jai Ananda,

Been here before if you remember. Feeling this is conditional and habitual responses coming up. Observing this without reaction and being patient to settle back into the knowing. This spin appears to be a correlation when too busy with work and health challenges arise with a feeling of needing control.

Very well observed. Settling does happen: the knowing is there. No one who settles though, no one who knows. Just serenity happening.

All the best,
Dridhamati

[Jai Ananda]

Hi Dhridhamati,

Feels good to be able to sit and connect once again. Not sure what is happening, but life seems full as the summer winds down so have not been able to write and might be challenged in the next few weeks to respond daily. Your guidance and LU are very present though and as each moment unfolds there is no longer a habitual way of being, not that the thoughts or stories have stopped, but a different awareness is present, a joy of freedom from a conditional perspective.

Dridhamati wrote: 1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No, there is no and never was a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form. Only in thoughts and concepts is 'self', 'me' and 'I' created.

Dridhamati wrote: 2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

As I see it now the illusion of separate self begins at a very young age when vulnerable to the environment that teaches stories, labels, concepts forming a culture of 'self', 'me', 'I' and ‘you’, ‘others’. From my own experience this illusion of separate self creates an alienation and separateness from our essence and interconnectedness. This creates an aloneness and competitiveness keeping 'self', 'me', 'I' and ‘you’, ‘others’ in existing stories created by habitual conditional thoughts and concepts. To step out of this perspective of illusion is a challenge for many as there is a grasping for security, control, and survival that the worldly perspective supports and fosters.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

I feel lighter and often smile knowing this truth. Not sure I remember where I was when I started since that no longer exists. What I presently notice is that there is more of a feeling of equanimity and openness, if not awe of life’s situations as they arise. Tears of joy come reflecting back to the general pain, struggle and aloneness I felt with life. There are still thoughts and uncomfortable feelings that come up now from past habitual and conditioned patterns wanting to engage my perspective with stories, but now there seems to be more of an ability not to engage, but find solace in acceptance of 'what is'.

Being interrupted with a visitor so will post again with other questions.

with gratitude, Jai Ananda

[dridhamati]

Hi Jai Ananda,

That's very clear and unambiguous.
Thank you.
Looking forward for the next post.

All the best
Dridhamati

[dridhamati]

Hi Jai Ananda,

All good I trust.

Best,
Dridhamati

[Jai Ananda]

Hi Dridhamati

Thanks for checking in. Been thinking of LU and meaning to check in, but have been really sick. I think food poisoning or severe stomach bug. It leaves me with no energy or creativity so being patient as it hopefully works it way out of my system. Hope to connect again soon.

With gratitude, Jai Ananda

[dridhamati]

Hi Jai Ananda,

Best wishes for a prompt recovery.
Take it easy.

All the best,
Dridhamati

[Jai Ananda]

Hi Dridhamati,

Wow, very slowly getting better (almost a week). Looks like food poisoning which has been humbling. Found old conditioning and habitual responses (fear, control, anger) kicking in as I felt vulnerable and challenged with being sick. Good to be back with LU community to strengthen the knowing.

So continuing to answer questions:

Dridhamati wrote: 4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

There were many key moments in the inquiry that challenged past thoughts, beliefs, labels, and concepts, but there were some key ones. One was the exercise of identifying where and how sound is experienced and the realization in DE that it is felt in the present moment everywhere (and nowhere?), and another was the dialogue about thoughts and how they made “seeing” more complicated by trying to conjure, control and actually create separation with labels/concepts from all that is in the moment.

Dridhamati wrote: 5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

No, I do not decide, intend, choose, control events in Life or make anything happen. I especially notice this when slowed down in DE enough to see that a decision has already happened, life happens, yet thoughts jump in with a story to claim ownership and control. Personally I noticed it when working with an illness and there was an experience of non-acceptance followed by a rash of control on ‘how it had to be’ and then the realization - it wasn’t going to be that way, nor did it matter, nor was it worth the pain followed by a huge softening and relief of letting go.

Dridhamati wrote: 6) Anything to add?

I shared one other experience this past summer that really impacted me that I would like to share again. Immersed in LU I was driving downtown and saw two girls with ice cream, which is something I cannot have now. There was a felt sense of interconnectedness – almost like a merging that we were all enjoying the ice cream which brought great joy and laughter. That image/experience still exists.

With gratitude, Jai Ananda

[dridhamati]

Hi Jai Ananda,

Welcome back. Happy to read you are feeling better.
Thank you for your answers. They are very clear. I will submit them to other guides, just to make sure I haven't missed anything. They might come back with questions, or not.
After that I'd like to invite you to some groups, here on LU and on Facebook, where you can share and continue the discovery process.

All the best,
Dridhamati

[dridhamati]

Hi Jai Ananda,

It looks like other guides are in agreement: Jai Ananda has seen through the illusion of "self".
A personal message will be on its way shortly containing information about groups dedicated to pursuing the inquiry further.

It has been a pleasure, and many thanks for the opportunity to travel with you for a while.

All the best,
Dridhamati

[Jai Ananda]

Hi Dridhamati,

Thank you so much for the time, encouragement, insights, inquiry, love, courage, openness and presence on this amazing experience of life. I am excited about continuing on some level with LU. This community and shared knowledge helps strengthen my own knowing and helps to override the tugging of thoughts and stories of old habitual conditioning.

Hoping we can continue to stay in touch and/or if I can connect on the occasion that I need one of your pointers? Also know, if you ever need support or help I would be there in a heartbeat.

Truly touched and feel so loved.

With incredible gratitude, respect and love, Jai Ananda