looking for smudge to guide me .smudge are you there.

[alaya shunyata]

Mmm that is it ...the nhilistic tendency is strong..yep defo tipped into that ..what is felt is an unexplainable sorrow...tears falling..there is something inside me thats being opened...a sence of death...in a way Storyville reports what's the point its all dust in the wind its all impermanent we all die ..I'm dying. Sorrow is felt ..

[alaya shunyata]

No non existence cannot be found now ...its a projection of some point in the future ..not now ..in this moment there is life ..story of this future death.which will happen...is..with this experience continuously..only ever a breath away.

[alaya shunyata]

I'm stuck on the death thing ...sometimes I feel so fucking angry that death exists !

[alaya shunyata]

Looking...

Ego does not want to accept death as part of lifeing...ego is felt in this moment throwing a tantrum and running g stories about why there should be anger or non acceptance of death

[smudge]

So ego is seen as story. Belief in story is upsetting, sadness and anger arising now. BUT DE is life is happening (story's are being told, feelings felt and so much more..). It's quite a paradigm shift going on hey.
You are not dying, the belief in a you is. It's often sad for children to find out Santa was just a fiction. Just like this.
I find that the headless exercise is helpful to counteract nihilism...to see, ah no me in here, instead a vast emptiness that is capacity for EVERYTHING! So then who dies?...check back in soon, lots of kindness flowing your way.

[alaya shunyata]

Doing the headless exercise now ..and all evening ..body felt sence already changing ...this is huge smudge...and yes the belief in a me is dying and there is grief or what I sence to be grief at this moment ..could also be called exhaustion of a concept of self...the end of a cycle the end of the era of self..this experience feels huge..HUGE.....

[alaya shunyata]

I must tell you...because I laughed for an hour ..my mother called after I posted earlier wanting to discuss death with me....how ironous is that !

[smudge]

ha ha, syncronicity happens!!!

[smudge]

All guides are happy with your answers and so time for us to say goodbye in this context.
It has been a delight to walk alongside you my friend as seeing has happened. Do keep in touch on Facebook, email or PM here anytime. You are falling now by the sound of it and so please do access the aftercare groups you will be invited to shortly.
Much love sweet Alaya.
Yours in emptiness. Smudge. Xxxx

[alaya shunyata]

Thank you liberation unleashed and my dear friend in emptiness smudge. On the groundless ground ...looking..for now there is a sence of freedom..thank you xxx