At the front door, waiting for you

[kenbok]

a real understanding of what is actually going on or how it works is still lacking

Yes.. This understanding only really arguably comes from letting go! Sink into the surrender for a bit - understanding comes there.

[1llusion]

As a result of the influx of all the stuff I am reading, my head is spinning with possibilities I would have only faintly imagined before. So, here I clearly see how my mental activity is taking away the energy from other possibilities, however, it doesn't seem to be a problem.

Why am I still here? I don't really know.

I noticed that, although thinking goes on and understanding presumably becomes much clearer, thought rarely involves the concept of an "I" or a "me" or self.

[1llusion]

Sink into the surrender for a bit.

Yes, this is precisely what I should do. But: how? Just sit somewhere quietly? Keep the mantra "you don't exist" spinning in my head?

[kenbok]

Please reply and confirm you have stopped reading and will not start again. You can read all you want after this process.

Yes, this is precisely what I should do. But: how? Just sit somewhere quietly? Keep the mantra "you don't exist" spinning in my head?

Walking in nature works for me. :)

[1llusion]

OK, I will stop reading what I called "occult literature".

[1llusion]

Due to sickness, I didnt go anywhere. I hope to find some time and opportunity on the weekend.

[kenbok]

No... Now.. Here.

[1llusion]

Is that an advice to go out despite fever?

[kenbok]

I never really asked you to go anywhere, my friend.. ;)

[kenbok]

Look into and beyond your fever too. Don't let it distract you.

[1llusion]

I never really asked you to go anywhere, my friend.. ;)

Oh, you're right. :)

[1llusion]

Some more observations:

Friday I had some time sitting in a car on a 6 hour drive (not driving myself) and focused on looking or maybe "being": There was "sense" of a struggle going on, it was not so much a thought more like a feeling(?) that there is something that struggles for something -- presumably thought?

Just today, on the way back, there was this experience of a "distance" to thought; I had this before, but now it was more intense: tought was more fickle, less persisten or coherent and most of the time lacking a feeling of identity. Before that, there was again this idea of "I am not in control" and some more fear(?) (not really sure, it was some sensation labeled as unpleasant).

Sorry for the missed day in between, had some trouble with WiFi.

[kenbok]

Just today, on the way back, there was this experience of a "distance" to thought; I had this before, but now it was more intense: tought was more fickle, less persisten or coherent and most of the time lacking a feeling of identity. Before that, there was again this idea of "I am not in control" and some more fear(?) (not really sure, it was some sensation labeled as unpleasant).

Good. Stay there and keep watching. When you see yourself identifying with anything - sensation, feeling, thought, check again for a self.

[1llusion]

Still there.

[kenbok]

Remember, we are not doing anything. Just freefalling, the way things are.