Looking for some direction

[Freddi]

Hi Brant,

From my reading I'm told that non-abiding awakenings are the most common and the ones that stick are quite rare... Adyashanti says he started out with a non-abiding and then deepened it from there.

Never mind the reading and what you are told, that’s second-hand ‘knowledge’, hearsay. Your direct experience is the only guide here.
In the experience of this moment, the only one that exists, what is ‘non-abiding awakening’, apart from a comparison of stories and memories?
The one and only question really is: Is awakening present, here and now? Yesterday or tomorrow don’t exist, they are mental projections. Awakening, realisation, liberation, whatever we choose to call it, is a matter for now only. Is liberation here now … and now … and now?

What is being pointed to here is not an experience, not some ‘thing’ that comes and goes, it is a fact that is right in front of our eyes 100 % of the time. If you want to chase after an experience, and keep ‘deepening’ a practice, feel free, but then there is still the sense of some entity that can do that, in time, to attain some goal. That is the illusion.

I've actually broken the rules and have done some reading trying to figure out what that little event was

That is not the only rule you broke. You don’t post for over two weeks, and you don’t address the questions asked. That is a case in point, because what happens then is that the ‘seeker mind’ comes in and starts to read other people’s stuff about what liberation is/should be/is not etc. It believes what it's told without questioning and stays very much in the illusion that it can 'get' somewhere.

I have this one question for you, which I would like you to contemplate for a moment: What are you looking for that isn't this, right now?

Fred

[Brant]

Yes good points.

What are you looking for that isn't this, right now?

The mind could answer with a million things, but they could all essentially fall into the category of 'a Super Brant'. Not putting the question for the mind to answer pulls me to first see who/what is asking the question. At first there is a thought of a Brant asking the question, then when i look to where the thought is coming from I go to experience and draw a blank answer.

[Freddi]

Hi Brant

So, when answering the question ‘what are you looking for that isn’t this?’, which do you trust most? Your mind and its million things amounting to a ‘super Brant’, or your actual experience?

If I ask you whether your keys are in your pocket right now, you can either hesitate and rummage through your memories of when you last saw them - or you can just put your hand in your pocket and check. It is really as simple as that.

Which is the most reliable?

Warm wishes

Fred

[Brant]

what are you looking for that isn’t this?’, which do you trust most?

The mind is the only thing which produces an illusion of anything other than This. Looking for what isn't in direct experience is impossible unless tuning into and believing thought. Thought happens, the content of which depicts a what isn't.

But who is doing the trusting. And what is trust.

I'll post again shortly. Been doing a lot of looking just in everyday activities... always mini discoveries and the beginning of a shift but then perhaps I latch onto it. I don't know.

[Freddi]

Hi Brant

The mind is the only thing which produces an illusion of anything other than This. Looking for what isn't in direct experience is impossible unless tuning into and believing thought. Thought happens, the content of which depicts a what isn't.

Yep that’s clear. Ask yourself: What is ‘mind’, in direct experience? Is it some entity that has the power to produce an illusion? Is it any more than the current thought?

But who is doing the trusting. And what is trust.

Does experiencing happen without an experiencer? Does seeing happen without a seer? Could trusting happen without a truster? Question the assumption that claims that an action needs a subject.

always mini discoveries and the beginning of a shift

A shift towards what? Towards a ‘what isn’t’? What’s wrong with this perspective, right here and now? Who or what is looking for a shift?

Warm wishes

Fred

[Brant]

Hi Freddi - I'm back. Wondering if you're still available for a bit of guidance.

[Freddi]

Hey Brant!
Nice to see you back here! Yes, of course, I'm available.

Tell me, where are you at?

Warm wishes,

Fred

[Brant]

Nice to see you're still here Freddi.

When I look for a self I begin to notice body sensation (not self), thoughts (stories of self) and fuzzy background thoughts (deep assumption of self). The surface level thoughts are easy to see through as not self, but the fuzzy deeper layers take some vigilance / digging / noticing. Like a whack'a'mole' - see through one layer but another assumption layer pops up somewhere else.

There have been times when I've noticed everything is thought. Everything. How can there be any meaning or narrative without thought. How can knowing that there is looking taking place be possible without it being thought.

Typing this out now there is a narrative which exists as thought as the typing happens. It's a fuzzy background thought of a self being responsible for this.

[Freddi]

Hi Brant,

Like a whack'a'mole' - see through one layer but another assumption layer pops up somewhere else.

Yes, a lot of looking can and does take place, when noticing the illusory nature of ‘I’ has already happened. I’m glad that you are doing so much looking, that you keep questioning layer after layer. A bit like with an onion, you keep peeling and peeling, then what’s left in the end?

Typing this out now there is a narrative which exists as thought as the typing happens. It's a fuzzy background thought of a self being responsible for this.

Take a good, fresh look, in actual experience, in this moment, the only one we can test. What is seen, heard, felt, touched?
Some fingers tapping on keys, some squiggles on a screen, some sounds, some colours, some shapes?
Just notice it all, without discrimination, away from thought.
Does the narrative accompany this happening? Does it comment on it? Does it ‘create’ it? Would it all happen without the narrative?

Bye for now

Fred