looking for smudge to guide me .smudge are you there.

[smudge]

Excellent looking! Yes life, life's all on its own hey, what a relief!

Can you say yes for sure there is no I / Me. Can you say for sure that I is imagined and that there is no separation? If no what is it that still needs to be looked at?

[alaya shunyata]

That's it that's exactly what was senced" life all on its own" but senced as huge all in the same massive stirring pot..like swimming in an infinite ocean and not swimming in it as some desperate little entitity..but as totally totalled within it..here is no I no me ...what else needs to be looked at? Looking needs to be looked at ..continued..the looking at not choosing has ripped a doorway open...are you going now? Sence of loss arising...no aversion to that...sence of wanting more arising..looking at that..

[smudge]

It's not over till its over. Please answer
1.what is sensing?
2. Re: "looking needs to be continued", this implies a future. Is there a future where looking needs to be continued or is that another story?
3. Is there an I when looking doesn't happen, was there ever, can there ever be. ??

Lets make sure your fully cooked before we say goodbye lovely Alaya. Xx

[alaya shunyata]

So glad not crispy enough yet let's turn the gas up! What is sensing? In D e sensing feels like touching into a phenomena with what feels like the edges the last perimeter of a felt sence of I. not i as in solid..or seperate but as a kind of continuum that can reach into and touch a phenomena in a moment of totally joining it..it not being seperated...it being always there..OK looking more deeply and finding its even more simpler than that ...sencing is simply turning attention complete attention to what is! Lightbulb !!! X

[alaya shunyata]

Looking needs to be continued...now..not in some future place..there is only now...but there is a feeling or a fear that it will stop..that the illusion of self will creep back in again..feels like the door needs barricading almost as if self is an enemy to serenity...

[alaya shunyata]

Feels like there is only looking...feels like there only ever was. Yet the looking...the paying attention breath by breath step by step feels somehow not it either ..fear rising...as i sence there is no looker no looking and no looked at ...

[smudge]

sencing is simply turning attention complete attention to what is!

Brilliant. this is it, now..

...that the illusion of self will creep back in again..feels like the door needs barricading almost as if self is an enemy to serenity...

This is a story, the story of the seeker, its JUST A STORY, look to see if there is anything outside of story that is 'sensed'...the story of the seeker doesn't involve finding so its not surprising fear arises.

fear rising...as i sence there is no looker no looking and no looked at

So as you know, sensing is just whats happening now and if story is happening now thats OK as long as it isn't mistaken for reality, the whole point here is to see how the story about 'Alaya' is believed when really its just a story, an 'I' added on all over the place. So look behind, what is behind the fear in DE?

Look forward to hearing back. Nice journey here.

[alaya shunyata]

What is behind the fear in DE...a world of story!...actually when seen its hilarious ..story of fear of failure.story of expectations...rejection abandonment hope loss..its insane when looked at almost ridiculous ! Like an incessant annoying noise in the background throwing a tantrum because I don't believe what its saying anymore...mouth hanging open...can't believe how many years have passed taking all this 'nothing' so seriously...deep breath witnessing the curtain blowing in this gentle breeze..clouds moving in the blue sky...action, doing arising,taking fear to the path today..slight light headedness at the "thought" of doing that ..laughter arising. ..God ! Its all ego ! Me me me me..what nonsence is that ! It doesn't exist..movement
Xxxx

[smudge]

Beautiful!

let this absorb and do its thing, then again, can you say a clear YES that I is an illusion, si there any doubt?

[alaya shunyata]

There really is not a doubt .....none zero...

[smudge]

Wonderful! Now we go through some clarification questions, so take you time to answer fully please.


1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there
ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from
your own experience. Describe it fully as you seeit now.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How
does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
6) Anything to add?

[alaya shunyata]

Just to share something....today this aliveness sang on stage for 2 hours..with absolute zero nerves...unheard of ...the I that I thought I was used to shake every time...nothing zero .. gone incredible. The nerves are a story...the fear...story..here was no thought to stop the nerves, there was just no arising...nothing. someone said they noticed the absence of anxiety...I hadn't ...smiling.

[smudge]

me too smiling :-)))))))) soooooo pleased for you xxxxxxxxx

[alaya shunyata]

Will do..one at a time. looking now
Thank you . Deeply. Xxxxxx

[alaya shunyata]

Self is an illusion ..what is experienced in D e ...is not self...what is experienced in story land is the idea of a separate. self if the I does not exist now ..and now is DE..then of its nature ...now ...there is no self thought of or believed in that Is senced as existing. In past present or future.
X