No-Self lost - Need to be guided

[nonaparry]

Dear Jean,

I can say I'm taller then wide, might be by 5 or 6 time, but not how tall I am.
some quantity of density can be felt from the inside

Are these true before thought comes in? Which of the four senses in use with the eyes shut has a sensation of tallness and width? Or are tallness and width a thought? Which of the four senses in use with the eyes shut has a sensation of density?

Direct Experience is the data from the senses prior to interpretation by the mind.

These exercises are designed to have you leave thought behind and rely on sensation-prior-to-thought. It will take practice, but I promise that the illusion can only be seen outside of the thought that produces it!

The I-ness I'm referring here is the conscience of a mental construction. This I-ness has no precise location. It's a mental construction built from a mix of body parts, sensations and thoughts. Thoughts appears with or without the help of sensations. The I-thought takes ownership of other thoughts. But I/Me being also thoughts it can not think, therefore this I-thought is a mental mush-up of the body/sensation/thoughts.

This is very good noticing!!

the I-ness is also that thing behind the scene, behind the senses and thoughts, which I can sometime feel.

With which of the five senses do you feel this?
This is important!
We often use the word "feel" when what we are referring to is "thought". I ask you which of the five senses feels "that thing behind the scene"? Is it sight? Hearing? Smell or Taste? Touch?

The What, which make move my hands.

Let us LOOK for the What.
Lift a hand. Notice it is lifted.
Now drop the hand. Notice it is dropped.
Did you observe something moving the hand? Or did it simply move by itself?
Don't overthink this! I am not looking for a scientific explanation of fast- and slow-twitch muscles, of synapses and responses. I'm looking for what you actually Observe when the hand lifts and drops. Is there an observable What that is doing the lifting and dropping? Or is there only a Story, a mental explanation, of how lifting or dropping happens?

Yes, they are very different experiences. With I/Me/My:
- Everything is experienced in a self-centered way. Most of the thoughts, experiences, start with I/Me or My. Also is a language convention, this impact the way the thinking works, the individual behaves. First Me then the other. For sure my neurons are affects, but this is a believe, I haven't checked myself.
- Also I notice to write judgements and desires very often when I/Me/My are allowed.

Excellent noticing!!! Well done!

This experience made me realize that things, don't need any Jean to exist. They are, with or without my authorisation. I also notice, the use of MY cup of coffee, MY bear... they don't need me, they are not me. And also, neither the cup nor the bear are cup or bear. Those are labels used to facilitated human inter-communication. They are some bunch of atoms and energy gather on some points.

YES!!!! Very well spotted!!!

So the convention of language reinforces the belief in an "I". I want you to keep this in mind as we LOOK for an entity "I", "me", "self", that is in control of a personal slice of Life.


For the next exercise, sit comfortably, breathing normally, with eyes closed. Now locate exactly where is the "I". If there is, in fact, an "I", it should be locatable. Take your time.
When the I is firmly located, lift a hand, and with a finger, point to the I.
Then open the eyes, and report what, exactly, you see.

You may want to do this several times to be sure.

love
Nona

[thejumper]

Hi Nona,

I can say I'm taller then wide, might be by 5 or 6 time, but not how tall I am.
some quantity of density can be felt from the inside

Are these true before thought comes in? Which of the four senses in use with the eyes shut has a sensation of tallness and width? Or are tallness and width a thought? Which of the four senses in use with the eyes shut has a sensation of density?

Direct Experience is the data from the senses prior to interpretation by the mind.

These exercises are designed to have you leave thought behind and rely on sensation-prior-to-thought. It will take practice, but I promise that the illusion can only be seen outside of the thought that produces it.

I understand, I like this explanation "These exercises are designed to have you leave thought behind and rely on sensation-prior-to-thought".
My current experience is: When no point of contacts -> no sensations -> no sense of size. But it's difficult to notice. The sense used is touch/pressure. The pressure come from inside with the physical feeling of the breath, flesh pressure, and from the outside with parts which are in contact with cloth, chair, heat or cold. It even seems is not the I which gives the volume/size, but the behind awareness. Now you're suggesting this is not the case... But the best I've found is during meditation. I can, not always, be in such a calmness, that the body doesn't seems to exist any more, it disappear. For that the mind has to be very,very calm and the body very still. But this is meditation...
To feel that 24/24 one needs an incredible reconditioning. How to, I can't really imagine how someone can be like that 24/24 without effot. Is that case?

the I-ness is also that thing behind the scene, behind the senses and thoughts, which I can sometime feel.

With which of the five senses do you feel this?
This is important!
We often use the word "feel" when what we are referring to is "thought". I ask you which of the five senses feels "that thing behind the scene"? Is it sight? Hearing? Smell or Taste? Touch?

None, senses don't participate. I understand that one of the key is right there. If senses get involved, this awareness disappear behind the thoughts, the interpretation. Here, the feel is without thoughts/senses, only awareness.

The What, which make move my hands.

Let us LOOK for the What.
Lift a hand. Notice it is lifted.
Now drop the hand. Notice it is dropped.
Did you observe something moving the hand? Or did it simply move by itself?
Don't overthink this! I am not looking for a scientific explanation of fast- and slow-twitch muscles, of synapses and responses. I'm looking for what you actually Observe when the hand lifts and drops. Is there an observable What that is doing the lifting and dropping? Or is there only a Story, a mental explanation, of how lifting or dropping happens?

Yes have been playing with that many time. The hands move by itself. No precise, no predetermined and deliberate action. No one can be found, it just happens. Sometime the thoughts take credit for it, but if I'm careful there is no Jean to observe. It's a fascinating and irritating exercise.

For the next exercise, sit comfortably, breathing normally, with eyes closed. Now locate exactly where is the "I". If there is, in fact, an "I", it should be locatable. Take your time.
When the I is firmly located, lift a hand, and with a finger, point to the I.
Then open the eyes, and report what, exactly, you see.

Sitting meditating for this exercise.
1. Look at what make the breath happens. Result of pointing: Can't point to anything.
2. Look at a thought. Result of pointing: Wide fingers open oriented toward the head. No precise points, I is everywhere in the head.
3. Looking to shake the conditioning, break the standard reaction: I've hold the breath up to it can't resist any more, and observe what IS that take the decision to restart the breathing: Can't point to anything precise. It happens.

Thank you,
Jean

[nonaparry]

Dearest Jean,

You are doing very good work here!!

I understand, I like this explanation "These exercises are designed to have you leave thought behind and rely on sensation-prior-to-thought".
My current experience is: When no point of contacts -> no sensations -> no sense of size.

And notice that points of contact don't mean anything without referring back to memory. I notice contact of body and chair. But without remembering where the thighs are and where the seat of the chair is, without remembering where the body's back is and where the back of the chair is, the contact between body and chair is not specific! There is only a sensation of touch, not a sensation of thighs against seat and back against the back of the chair.
Check it! Without relying on memory, is there anything to sitting in a chair other than just a sensation of touch?

The pressure come from inside with the physical feeling of the breath, flesh pressure, and from the outside with parts which are in contact with cloth, chair, heat or cold. It even seems is not the I which gives the volume/size, but the behind awareness. Now you're suggesting this is not the case...

So check it! Is the background awareness actually aware of size and volume? Without relying on memory? on thought? Or is the background awareness not participating in but merely containing what is noticed?

the best I've found is during meditation. I can, not always, be in such a calmness, that the body doesn't seems to exist any more, it disappear. For that the mind has to be very,very calm and the body very still.

Yes. Notice that when you stop relying on thoughts, on memory, that the "body" as a separate entity disappears.

But this is meditation...
To feel that 24/24 one needs an incredible reconditioning. How to, I can't really imagine how someone can be like that 24/24 without effot. Is that case?

Ah! Is that another Expectation arising? Do you imagine that the liberated spend 24 hours/day completely unaware of a body?
Not so!
But, what we CAN do, and you can do this too, is in any moment shift focus from thoughts to sensation-prior-to-thought, and in sensation-prior-to-thought is the calmness in which the body no longer exists as a separate entity.

Try this exercise:
Sit quietly some place where you can hear things, preferably out in Nature. But if not nature, any sound will do. With eyes closed, listen intently to the sounds.
Now, without referring to memory, or to what you've read in science or been told by your teachers, where is the sound actually taking place??
At this moment, I hear a motor revving. The scientific explanation is a Story that explains that the motor is outside and is creating sound waves which fall on the ear. But without access to memory, to thoughts, to the Story, I can check for myself what is actually happening in Reality — that is, in my Direct Experience. I do that by checking sensation-prior-to-thought.
I want you to do that, too. In your Direct Experience, in sensation-before-thought, where is the sound happening? Is the sound at all separate from the hearing of it? Can you divide the sensation of hearing the sound into a sound creator and a sound receiver? Or is the sound and the hearing of it simultaneous, in sensation-prior-to-thought?

the I-ness is also that thing behind the scene, behind the senses and thoughts, which I can sometime feel.

With which of the five senses do you feel this?

None, senses don't participate. I understand that one of the key is right there. If senses get involved, this awareness disappear behind the thoughts, the interpretation. Here, the feel is without thoughts/senses, only awareness.

You say "only awareness", but are you confusing awareness with thought?
It is common to assume that awareness = thought about what is happening.
But consider sensation-prior-to-thought. Sensation-prior-to-thought occurs in awareness but before there is thought about it.
For example, you have a sensation of touch, perhaps on the arm, that is very very delicate. You look at the arm and see a mosquito. Were you aware of the touch before you looked? Before you thought? Don't the five senses send information before you think about them?
Check this for yourself!

The hands move by itself. No precise, no predetermined and deliberate action. No one can be found, it just happens. Sometime the thoughts take credit for it, but if I'm careful there is no Jean to observe. It's a fascinating and irritating exercise.

Excellent!!! So the hand moves by itself, and thought takes credit afterward saying "I did that". But you watched carefully and did not see an "I" moving the hand at all!
What about walking? Is an I needed in order for the legs to swing forward, for the weight to shift from left to right to left again? For the fast- and slow-twitch muscles to extend and contract? Is there any "I" in charge of sending messages to each of the muscles, to the blood, to the breath, to make taking this step possible? Or does walking simply happen, as part of the flow of Life?

1. Look at what make the breath happens. Result of pointing: Can't point to anything.

So nothing in or on the body makes the breath happen. Good!

2. Look at a thought. Result of pointing: Wide fingers open oriented toward the head. No precise points, I is everywhere in the head.

Now be honest — do you truly observe thoughts happening in the head? Or have you simply learned to associate thinking with the brain which you have been told is located in the head?
Sitting quietly, with eyes closed, follow the next thought back to its source. Can you do that? At all?
Where do thoughts come from? Can you stop thoughts from arising? Can you have half a thought? Or do thoughts arrive fully formed? Where do thoughts arrive? Can you locate a thought? At all?

3. Looking to shake the conditioning, break the standard reaction: I've hold the breath up to it can't resist any more, and observe what IS that take the decision to restart the breathing: Can't point to anything precise. It happens.

Good!! Is there any movement of the body that does not just happen? Check it!
Sit quietly. Now raise a hand — or don't.
Did a hand raise?
If yes, was it the right or left?
Did you notice a decision to raise the hand, or not to? If yes, what exactly made the decision? Did a Self jump in to raise a hand or to decide not to?

love
Nona

[thejumper]

Very dear Nona,

At the end of the email, it seems imminent, so close...

And notice that points of contact don't mean anything without referring back to memory. I notice contact of body and chair. But without remembering where the thighs are and where the seat of the chair is, without remembering where the body's back is and where the back of the chair is, the contact between body and chair is not specific! There is only a sensation of touch, not a sensation of thighs against seat and back against the back of the chair.
Check it! Without relying on memory, is there anything to sitting in a chair other than just a sensation of touch?

Ohhh yes. Whouaw, impressing how the mind fool the reality. I can clearly feel it, if deliberately I put my attention into awareness. By awareness I mean the What I feel behind, before thoughts, this kind of emptiness. I deliberately stop thinking and just feel it without thoughts. It's not my natural "state", I mean that it's kind of similar to what I also do when meditating. Set the mind "behind".

So check it! Is the background awareness actually aware of size and volume? Without relying on memory? on thought? Or is the background awareness not participating in but merely containing what is noticed?

Yes it includes the all.

Yes. Notice that when you stop relying on thoughts, on memory, that the "body" as a separate entity disappears.

I can "feel" the no separate entity.

But this is meditation...
To feel that 24/24 one needs an incredible reconditioning. How to, I can't really imagine how someone can be like that 24/24 without efforts. Is that case?

Ah! Is that another Expectation arising? Do you imagine that the liberated spend 24 hours/day completely unaware of a body?

8-|

Not so!
But, what we CAN do, and you can do this too, is in any moment shift focus from thoughts to sensation-prior-to-thought, and in sensation-prior-to-thought is the calmness in which the body no longer exists as a separate entity.

I think is just what I did, tried to describe in previous paragraphs, isn't it?

Try this exercise:
Sit quietly some place where you can hear things, preferably out in Nature. But if not nature, any sound will do. With eyes closed, listen intently to the sounds.
Now, without referring to memory, or to what you've read in science or been told by your teachers, where is the sound actually taking place??
At this moment, I hear a motor revving. The scientific explanation is a Story that explains that the motor is outside and is creating sound waves which fall on the ear. But without access to memory, to thoughts, to the Story, I can check for myself what is actually happening in Reality — that is, in my Direct Experience. I do that by checking sensation-prior-to-thought.
I want you to do that, too. In your Direct Experience, in sensation-before-thought, where is the sound happening? Is the sound at all separate from the hearing of it? Can you divide the sensation of hearing the sound into a sound creator and a sound receiver? Or is the sound and the hearing of it simultaneous, in sensation-prior-to-thought?

Very clear instructions, thanks to be so crystal clear. You're taking me by the hand to...
I've notice it's easier to do the experience with "white noises", like the noise of the computer fan. Outside, here is the mix of nature with background of the city noises, I can snatch a glimpse of all the sounds together, if I'm careful enough. I have to be mindful or even better, mind-empty. Whouaw. At the stage there is no more sensation of hearing, a sound creator or a sound receiver. Sounds are, sounds unfold, happen.
This experience brings me better understanding, or a way to direct experience the movie/screen/screen observer metaphor.
It's a difficult exercise, as soon as a very distinct sound arises, the I-tought catch it and Jean loose the global awareness.

You say "only awareness", but are you confusing awareness with thought?
It is common to assume that awareness = thought about what is happening.
But consider sensation-prior-to-thought. Sensation-prior-to-thought occurs in awareness but before there is thought about it.
For example, you have a sensation of touch, perhaps on the arm, that is very very delicate. You look at the arm and see a mosquito. Were you aware of the touch before you looked? Before you thought? Don't the five senses send information before you think about them?
Check this for yourself!

I just experience that with the sun on my arm... just feel it, before the I grab it.
I think I can say I'm not confusing awareness with thought, also it requires still some efforts.

Excellent!!! So the hand moves by itself, and thought takes credit afterwards saying "I did that". But you watched carefully and did not see an "I" moving the hand at all!
What about walking? Is an I needed in order for the legs to swing forward, for the weight to shift from left to right to left again? For the fast- and slow-twitch muscles to extend and contract? Is there any "I" in charge of sending messages to each of the muscles, to the blood, to the breath, to make taking this step possible? Or does walking simply happen, as part of the flow of Life?

My experiment demonstrate there is no "I" to make it happen. If the "I" tries to walk the body stays still. I-thought does not know how to walk, even more evident for breathing or digesting.

Now be honest — do you truly observe thoughts happening in the head? Or have you simply learned to associate thinking with the brain which you have been told is located in the head?
Sitting quietly, with eyes closed, follow the next thought back to its source. Can you do that? At all?
Where do thoughts come from? Can you stop thoughts from arising? Can you have half a thought? Or do thoughts arrive fully formed? Where do thoughts arrive? Can you locate a thought? At all?

Interesting remark. I honestly don't know what to say. I'd like so much to respond I can clearly see/feel "I simply learned to associate thinking with the brain which I have been told is located in the head". But it is not my current experience when following thoughts. Could be conditioning... but...
Yesterday, I've read on LU forum or book, someone describing its thoughts coming from the chest! It surprises me, cognitive experiences, for thoughts, seems still locate in the head. Is that a believe? If I test it and look at only one thought, which seems the most difficult exercise for me, it points to the head. It's easier to have a different experiment with body sensations, breath, sense of touch and sounds. The awareness is less obscured by the I-thought, more easily have a direct experience. For thoughts it is still an other story... Might be because the eyes are located in the head and the sight is a dominant sense, therefore a strong thoughts generator.

I can not follow thought back to its source.
I can stop thoughts, directing my attentions to something else, while eyes closed. That destroys it. I understand this not what is, but is what currently experimenting...
If eyes closed, thoughts are located in head. If eyes open, the location is more diffuse.
Glurp? confused.

Good!! Is there any movement of the body that does not just happen? Check it!
Sit quietly. Now raise a hand — or don't.
Did a hand raise?
If yes, was it the right or left?
Did you notice a decision to raise the hand, or not to? If yes, what exactly made the decision? Did a Self jump in to raise a hand or to decide not to?

[/quote]
No self poped out.

Nona, it is happening, I think it is close, it is there. Still fragile, I feel "behind", I can stay behind, still not settle strongly, but it is different and there. It's not very different then before, just slightly behind, aware.
If it's that... ? I still can loose it, specially with the work on thoughts, following thoughts.

Kindesssssss
Jean

[nonaparry]

Dearest Jean,

I have to go take care of a family emergency, but I wanted to let you know you are doing very good work.

Please go back to the beginning of this conversation and do ALL the exercises again.
Notice how the experience is different this time.
LOOK with all the senses for an "I", a separate entity that DOES things: walks, cooks, types, meditates…
LOOK with all the senses for an "I" that is in control of events, that makes decisions and follows through.
Check this as you go through your day — is there any separate "I" in charge of a personal slice of Life at all?

I will check in again this evening.

with much love,
Nona

[thejumper]

Dear Nona,

I have to go take care of a family emergency, but I wanted to let you know you are doing very good work.

Thank you so much to have taken the time to write, although the emergency. Are you ok, the emergency not bad?

Please go back to the beginning of this conversation and do ALL the exercises again.
Notice how the experience is different this time.
LOOK with all the senses for an "I", a separate entity that DOES things: walks, cooks, types, meditates…
LOOK with all the senses for an "I" that is in control of events, that makes decisions and follows through.
Check this as you go through your day — is there any separate "I" in charge of a personal slice of Life at all?

During this day, different exercises, with different sensations, according to my presence into the behind awareness. Calm, soft day, It's also what I call a "Cotton hamlet" day in conjunction to the newly background awareness. Results could have been different according to the moment I could have experienced them. This probably because is a new way of living life, the unfolding of life, moment after moment. Still fragile with I-thought resisting.
Sometime no sense of "I", sometime "I" is back.
I'm not afraid but to loose the vision of illusion, also I understand it can't be lost. For now is just not constant. When I loose the sense of no I, I often can take a step behind and go in awareness.

So I've been doing again all those exercises:
A.

When you have an image in mind, is that Reality? Or imaginary? Check it each time — know for yourself!

Only imaginaries. I can see it quite clearly.

B.

With the eyes closed, sitting still, notice the other sensations: hearing, smelling, tasting, touching.

- 1. With only the input from those four senses, and without relying on Memory, can you know how tall the body is? Check it!
- 2. With eyes shut, and relying only on four senses, can you locate a boundary between the body and the clothing? Between the body and the chair?
- 3. With eyes closed, and not relying on memory, can you know the weight or the volume, of the body? Can you know it's name? It's address?
- 4. With eyes closed, and not relying on memory, what can you learn about the body?

When staying in the background:
1. No, it's fuzzy, it's more like a mass of sensations.
2. No, again fuzzy, even part of the chair seems to be part of the body
3. No name and address. Volume/weight none
4. Body still exists, it's here, but it's not precise. There is a bubble around it.

C.

For the next exercise you will need 20 minutes, a piece of paper and a pen or pencil.
For ten minutes, write what is happening here and now using the words I, me, and my. For example: I am sitting in my chair with my computer in my lap, I am typing and watching the words appear on my monitor.
After ten minutes, write what is happening here and now without using the words I, me, or my. For example: sitting in a chair, typing, reading the words on the screen.
When you have finished, compare the experiences. Did they feel different?
Did what was happening change when you stopped using the word I?

I'm kind of afraid in doing this exercise :-) I don't want to write with I. Afraid of loosing the vision, also I understand it can't be lost. It is so new, I feel a fragile stillness, enjoyable, but seems it can be impermanent...

D.

Let us LOOK for the What.
Lift a hand. Notice it is lifted.
Now drop the hand. Notice it is dropped.
Did you observe something moving the hand? Or did it simply move by itself?
Don't overthink this! I am not looking for a scientific explanation of fast- and slow-twitch muscles, of synapses and responses. I'm looking for what you actually Observe when the hand lifts and drops. Is there an observable What that is doing the lifting and dropping? Or is there only a Story, a mental explanation, of how lifting or dropping happens?

I was looking at the hand closing the pen, clearly nobody is doing it. Now my fingers tipping.... it happens, no Jean.

E.

For the next exercise, sit comfortably, breathing normally, with eyes closed. Now locate exactly where is the "I". If there is, in fact, an "I", it should be locatable. Take your time.
When the I is firmly located, lift a hand, and with a finger, point to the I.
Then open the eyes, and report what, exactly, you see.

I sometime find an "I" in the head, sometime in the chest (that very new to me!!!), sometime no one, no I.

F.

Sit quietly some place where you can hear things, preferably out in Nature. But if not nature, any sound will do. With eyes closed, listen intently to the sounds.
Now, without referring to memory, or to what you've read in science or been told by your teachers, where is the sound actually taking place??
At this moment, I hear a motor revving. The scientific explanation is a Story that explains that the motor is outside and is creating sound waves which fall on the ear. But without access to memory, to thoughts, to the Story, I can check for myself what is actually happening in Reality — that is, in my Direct Experience. I do that by checking sensation-prior-to-thought.
I want you to do that, too. In your Direct Experience, in sensation-before-thought, where is the sound happening? Is the sound at all separate from the hearing of it? Can you divide the sensation of hearing the sound into a sound creator and a sound receiver? Or is the sound and the hearing of it simultaneous, in sensation-prior-to-thought?

When actively mindful (mind-empty) conscientiously staying in the background, no I, sounds just come to me.
When I hear distinct known sounds, interpretations pop up. I says: Noise; bird; disturbing sound.

G.

What about walking? Is an I needed in order for the legs to swing forward, for the weight to shift from left to right to left again? For the fast- and slow-twitch muscles to extend and contract? Is there any "I" in charge of sending messages to each of the muscles, to the blood, to the breath, to make taking this step possible? Or does walking simply happen, as part of the flow of Life?

I went for a walk. The action of walking was talking place. Nothing to add.
Then I crossed a lunatic loud person. I had a reaction of fear, of protection. I thought: "What are you protecting?" I've answered: This body, afraid of physical pain if get hit.

I went then for a formal meditation. The beginning was "I" oriented, quickly the meditation turns to be caaaaalm, sooooooft with new sensations and less "I". Not too many thoughts comparing to other days. I then just noted the thoughts, as being thoughts, fantasies.

I've noticed when I close the eyes, not mediating, the sense of "I" is stronger. Surprising. How come?

Kindness,
Jean

[thejumper]

Hi Nona,

This morning the "I" believes is back. Feeling the softness away.
I will to my best to notice phenomena during the day.

Kindness,
Jean

[nonaparry]

Dearest Jean,

I was so happy to read your very good work last night. I was too exhausted to reply, but I will do now.

This morning the "I" believes is back. Feeling the softness away.

So LOOK! Observe with all the senses!!
Self and no self are not a feeling!!! Either there is an actual separate entity that runs your personal slice of Life — or there is not!!

The work we are doing here is not about beliefs!! I don't want you to take on a new belief: "there is no self." I want you to LOOK for a self, a Real entity, everywhere!!! Leave no stone unturned!! If you think there is a self in or on the body, LOOK for it! If there is a self that decides things, that controls the body's movements, that interacts with people and environments, SHOW it to me! Can you in fact find a self that is anything more than a thought???

Thank you so much to have taken the time to write, although the emergency. Are you ok, the emergency not bad?

My son is in hospital with an infection. I am fine, and all is as it should be. But I was obliged to be away from the computer all day yesterday.

This probably because is a new way of living life, the unfolding of life, moment after moment. Still fragile with I-thought resisting.

It IS a new way of living. But not a difficult one. When I was a small child I was taught that Santa Claus flew around the world in a magical sleigh delivering gifts to all the good children in the world on Christmas Eve. Despite the fact that our home did not have a chimney with a fireplace, I was willing to accept the story of how the gifts turned up in my stocking on Christmas morning. Likewise, a magical being called the Tooth Fairy collected the baby teeth when one fell out, and left a coin in its place. When I discovered that there was no actual entity Santa Claus, no actual entity Tooth Fairy, I had no trouble at all replacing the belief in these magical beings with what I saw in Reality: my parents played both roles.
Likewise, when I saw there was no magical entity "self" that was responsible for DOing actions, for making decisions, for controlling a separate, personal, slice of Life, I had no trouble at all replacing the belief in a separate entity "self" with what I actually experience in Reality: Life living itself. Sensations simply happening. Walking, typing, thinking, interacting — all these are simply happening as Life living itself! There is no separate "me" that pops up when there is a need for walking, typing, thinking, interacting! And I invite you not to believe me, but to Check it for yourself!!

Sometime no sense of "I", sometime "I" is back.

Yes; that is how Life lives itself. We have no control over which thoughts arise. Some thoughts will be of "I"; others will not. Thoughts are just mind-weather — sunny or rainy, they are just thoughts. They come and go; no thought stays, no thought is Permanent.

I'm not afraid but to loose the vision of illusion, also I understand it can't be lost. For now is just not constant. When I loose the sense of no I, I often can take a step behind and go in awareness.

Did you imagine that you would be constantly aware of no self? Is there anything of which you are constantly aware? Even when you believed in a separate self, were you constantly aware of your belief? Or did the awareness that thought took credit for every event, saying "I did it", come and go?

When you have an image in mind, is that Reality? Or imaginary? Check it each time — know for yourself!

Only imaginaries. I can see it quite clearly.

Excellent!! And every time you have a thought about something, you can check it — is the content Real or imaginary?

When staying in the background:
1. No, it's fuzzy, it's more like a mass of sensations.
2. No, again fuzzy, even part of the chair seems to be part of the body
3. No name and address. Volume/weight none
4. Body still exists, it's here, but it's not precise. There is a bubble around it.

YES! Good to notice! We think these are inherent parts of human experience, but when we do the exercises, we find that in Reality what is actually going on is reliance on thought and memory.
And language reinforces thought and memory: we say, I am going to the shops, not "going to the shops is happening". But Check it! What is actually happening in direct experience? There is pressure; there are sights and sounds and smells. And that is all. No "I" is actually going to the shops.

For ten minutes, write what is happening here and now using the words I, me, and my...

I'm kind of afraid in doing this exercise :-) I don't want to write with I. Afraid of loosing the vision, also I understand it can't be lost. It is so new, I feel a fragile stillness, enjoyable, but seems it can be impermanent...

The vision is impermanent. Beliefs are impermanent. Feelings are impermanent.
No self is a FACT.
Just like no Santa Claus is a FACT. No Tooth Fairy is a FACT. The pressure you experience when apparently sitting in a chair is a FACT. The Story of Santa Claus at Christmas, of the Tooth Fairy taking the tooth and leaving a coin, these are just Stories.

I was looking at the hand closing the pen, clearly nobody is doing it. Now my fingers tipping.... it happens, no Jean.

Yes, exactly. It happens. LIFE happens. Life happens without a Jean and without a Nona to direct anything. Check it. Life is on auto-pilot: is there anything that ever happens in Life that is not just happening?? Does any event ever need a controller? a director? a mover? a do-er?

I sometime find an "I" in the head, sometime in the chest (that very new to me!!!), sometime no one, no I.

So what exactly is this "I" you sometimes find? Is it an actual entity? Can you see it, hear it, smell it, taste it, touch it?? How tall is it? How wide? What colour is it? How much does it weigh? Can you give it to me?

When actively mindful (mind-empty) conscientiously staying in the background, no I, sounds just come to me.
When I hear distinct known sounds, interpretations pop up. I says: Noise; bird; disturbing sound.

So don't worry about active mindfulness, just sit quietly with eyes closed and listen! WHERE is the sound taking place? If you don't hear anything at all, is sound happening at all in your direct experience? Pay attention to the data from the senses only! Sensation is your direct experience. What is happening in Reality?

I went for a walk. The action of walking was talking place. Nothing to add.

YES! You didn't send messages to the muscles, telling them to lengthen or contract. You didn't send messages to the body telling it to shift its weight this way and that. You may not have even noticed a decision to walk! How many times a day do you walk without consciously deciding to do so? Check it!

Then I crossed a lunatic loud person. I had a reaction of fear, of protection. I thought: "What are you protecting?" I've answered: This body, afraid of physical pain if get hit.

So Check it! Were you being hit in Reality?? or did thoughts suddenly start showing you an image of you being attacked and injured? What exactly was happening in Reality at that time?

I went then for a formal meditation. The beginning was "I" oriented, quickly the meditation turns to be caaaaalm, sooooooft with new sensations and less "I". Not too many thoughts comparing to other days. I then just noted the thoughts, as being thoughts, fantasies.

Good! Thoughts are just thoughts. Thoughts happen — we can notice that we are thinking. But the content of our thought is invariably imaginary.
This is Important!! We experience thinking; but we can never directly experience the content of our thoughts — it is imaginary, just like the cup you thought about.

I've noticed when I close the eyes, not mediating, the sense of "I" is stronger. Surprising. How come?

What, outside of another Thought, says so?
When you have a thought or a belief, check what Proof you have for its truth. If the Proof is an image, another thought, what makes that "Proof"?? Isn't it just another thought?

much love,
Nona

[thejumper]

Dear Nona,

So LOOK! Observe with all the senses!!
Self and no self are not a feeling!!! Either there is an actual separate entity that runs your personal slice of Life — or there is not!!

The work we are doing here is not about beliefs!! I want you to LOOK for a self, a Real entity, everywhere!!! Leave no stone unturned!! If you think there is a self in or on the body, LOOK for it! If there is a self that decides things, that controls the body's movements, that interacts with people and environments, SHOW it to me! Can you in fact find a self that is anything more than a thought???

There is a self but it's thought. The thought seems present, it's difficult to keep focus on it, observe it, the attention tends to run away. I know why but doesn't help.
I'm talking about softness feeling because the current experiences is correlate to it. When getting close, flirting with no-self, enquiring about the "I" brings it. I guess my brain try to fool me. Still this feeling is very strong. So the brain makes a parallel.
Now if it's not related, ok I assume it's not. This enigma will be unveiled soon, or not.

My son is in hospital with an infection. I am fine, and all is as it should be. But I was obliged to be away from the computer all day yesterday.

Good, what has to be done is done. Courage. Thank you to be here, also the Me feels embarrassed to disturb you.

Sometime no sense of "I", sometime "I" is back.

Yes; that is how Life lives itself. We have no control over which thoughts arise. Some thoughts will be of "I"; others will not. Thoughts are just mind-weather — sunny or rainy, they are just thoughts. They come and go; no thought stays, no thought is Permanent.

Did you imagine that you would be constantly aware of no self? Is there anything of which you are constantly aware? Even when you believed in a separate self, were you constantly aware of your belief? Or did the awareness that thought took credit for every event, saying "I did it", come and go?

An other expectation... I was/am believing once seen it is seen, therefore the softness felt would also stay, be more present. What does your experience tells you?

Walking, cooking etc. without the self is, as today, easier then for less active/envolving actions, like thinking. I believe all thinking have to be check!!?
Could you tell me if it makes sense the way I feel, I "activate" the no-self? Some confirmations needed, some guidances about it: This is how Jean does. When taken in an action, I just step back in the head and look at what the body is doing. This action brings me the no-self conscience. The interpretation of what is happening, is that the stepping back, automatically activates the reality, the fact there is no-self. the Does it make sense?

Also, as you say, the no-self is a fact not a vision, do you also have the ability, the switch to ON or Off the no-self? What I'm trying to describe, is can one go back and front from and to direct experience (conscientiousness)? This is what I'm experiencing.
How does one switch by default to the no-self. Also I've seen it, why isn't it switched on by default. Is it a question of reconditioning?

Yes, exactly. It happens. LIFE happens. Life happens without a Jean and without a Nona to direct anything. Check it. Life is on auto-pilot: is there anything that ever happens in Life that is not just happening?? Does any event ever need a controller? a director? a mover? a do-er?

No, obviously not.

So what exactly is this "I" you sometimes find? Is it an actual entity? Can you see it, hear it, smell it, taste it, touch it?? How tall is it? How wide? What colour is it? How much does it weigh? Can you give it to me?

It's thought. I can not give it. The thought seems present, it's difficult to keep focus on it, observe it, as the attention tends to run away. I know why but doesn't help.
I still have to work on it.

So don't worry about active mindfulness, just sit quietly with eyes closed and listen! WHERE is the sound taking place? If you don't hear anything at all, is sound happening at all in your direct experience? Pay attention to the data from the senses only! Sensation is your direct experience. What is happening in Reality?

Yes sounds are happening in the direct experience.


Thanks you xxx
Jean

[thejumper]

Very dear Nona,

Some worries for you son. I believe it takes you all the time and energy. I'm sincerely with you and him in the heart.

In case, you can keep on with this coaching, I report below two invented exercises I did yesterday.
Note: I was not in my background awareness state. Couldn't see it.

Exercise 1:
I question: "Who is I?"
The answer which has popped up: The brain.
Now I change all the mental narrative thoughts containing an "I" with the word "brain". Brain becomes "I".
Yes it works, I can feel it too. The difference is in giving the feeling of a more external person. Example of a thought conversion:
- "Brain" think it's a strange exercise. "Brain" reports to Nona he's has spend time doing some home works. "Brain" looking for encouragement, incentive, etc.
Where is located brain (felt as an "I", not organ): --> Right now, in the chest, like for the "I". Mmmhh... interesting, "I" has moved!
Then Jean thought: Me/self/I = Brain --> No-self = no brain --> dead.
--> At this point, not very useful, conclusion.

Exercise II:
Here I imagine Jean as being real but a slightly different person. Like a fiction. Jean has an other type of job, life.
I look at the new Jean while he is thinking, shopping and saying things like: "I need apples, let's buy some, etc".
I look at new Jean and questioned: Who is he? --> Jean is a brain.
Now, who observe new Jean? I felt my brain, the brain of the real Jean. But the real Jean brain as the function of putting together thoughts, and put labels on them. The brain is the cook of this life, this illusion. A cook which takes ingredients by chance, as they appear. So the cook is not aware.
Jean (real Jean)? Yes, it's me, here. "Yes it's me" = thoughts
When I see "I/brain/cook" = labels. And the mental = label machine. Therefore "I/brain/cook" = empty. I felt then that it's the brain function, the mental functions which becomes Jean.
Question: Are the mental functions real?
Answer: the functions yes, the content = fiction. Therefore "I/Jean/cook/content/brain" = nothing.
Therefore: Brain functions = consciousness

Today I've found the exercise you gave me about the body feelings, the one to look for the boundaries, good to hep me set into the background "awareness".
Looking for the "I" in awareness "designs" a fuzzy boundary bubble around the body.

Kindness ++++ courage
Jean

[nonaparry]

Dear Jean,

There is a self but it's thought.

Notice that all thoughts about a self refer to other thoughts about a self. Thoughts about a self are self-referential — that is, they are a circular argument. Thoughts about a self all rely on other thoughts about a self for "proof". Check it! Have you ever found a self outside of thoughts??

The thought seems present, it's difficult to keep focus on it, observe it, the attention tends to run away. I know why but doesn't help.

Yes, this is mind protecting the belief in self. Mind will tell you anything to stop you from LOOKing at whether there is a self in Reality or not. Mind is completely invested in your belief in self: as long as you believe in a one-to-one correspondence between language/thoughts and Reality, Mind runs your world.

I'm talking about softness feeling because the current experiences is correlate to it. When getting close, flirting with no-self, enquiring about the "I" brings it. I guess my brain try to fool me. Still this feeling is very strong. So the brain makes a parallel.

Mind always fools you. I don't wish to dissuade you from enjoying your feeling; I only want to assure you that the feeling is not no self; it is not the liberation for which we are working.

the Me feels embarrassed to disturb you.

All is well now. I am not disturbed.

An other expectation... I was/am believing once seen it is seen, therefore the softness felt would also stay, be more present.

Again, softness, or any other feeling, will not be Permanent. States of being are ever-changing. Once you have seen the illusion, it is a FACT, not a State, not a feeling. It is just like finding out that your parents were responsible for the alleged actions of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

Walking, cooking etc. without the self is, as today, easier then for less active/envolving actions, like thinking. I believe all thinking have to be check!!?

ALL thinking will have to be checked until you are able to distinguish between thoughts and direct experience easily. Notice that there is no action which requires a Self to take over! Walking happens. Cooking happens. No walk-er, no cook-er is required!

Could you tell me if it makes sense the way I feel, I "activate" the no-self?

Sweetheart, there is no "no-self". There is no entity "no-self" that banishes another entity "self". Self and no self are concepts, thoughts! They are not Real.
Please do not replace your belief in a separate entity "self" with a belief in an entity "no-self"!! There is no self, and there is no no-self. And I'm asking you to LOOK for a self everywhere so that you can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that one does not exist. Self is a network of thoughts, not a Reality. And your entity "the no-self" is equally a network of thoughts.
Please. Stop Thinking!!! Just LOOK! Observe Life. Observe the actions of Jean, of the people around Jean, of the birds and trees and animals. At any point does an entity "self" show up to perform actions? Ever???

When taken in an action, I just step back in the head and look at what the body is doing. This action brings me the no-self conscience. The interpretation of what is happening, is that the stepping back, automatically activates the reality, the fact there is no-self. the Does it make sense?

No. This is all thought. No stepping back in the head is ever required in order to notice that no entity "self" shows up to take over the actions. ALL interpretation is thought!! And all thought is creating the illusion you wish to see through.
I'm asking you to observe sensations without thought.
For example.
Suppose you are walking bare-footed and you accidentally strike a hard object with your toe. There is immediate sensation — you Notice the sensation before you interpret it as "foot striking the table-leg".
This moment when you become aware of a sensation before Mind interprets it is what I want you to Notice!

Also, as you say, the no-self is a fact not a vision, do you also have the ability, the switch to ON or Off the no-self?

There is no no-self. No self means the absence of any self, not an entity with which to replace an entity "self".

There is no such thing as an entity Self. At all.
This is referred to as no self. It is a FACT, not an entity, not a State, not a feeling. It is a fact in the same way that there is no actual Santa Claus is a fact, in the same way that there is no actual Tooth Fairy is a fact.

Facts are never switched on or off. They are simply the case at all times.

One can go back and forth between direct experience (sensation-prior-to-interpretation) and thinking, yes. It's easy. One moment you are lost in thought; the next moment you focus completely on the five senses and there you are — in direct experience.
In direct experience there is only sensation. There is no colour, no space, no movement, no concept, no thought. There is only sensation.

Also I've seen it, why isn't it switched on by default. Is it a question of reconditioning?

From your questions, it is clear you have not yet seen through the illusion. There is no reconditioning; no self is a fact, not a belief.

Life is on auto-pilot: is there anything that ever happens in Life that is not just happening?? Does any event ever need a controller? a director? a mover? a do-er?

No, obviously not.

You write "obviously", but is it obvious? It's right here under our nose, hidden in plain sight, yet we never bother to inquire whether there is an actual entity "self"!

So what exactly is this "I" you sometimes find? Is it an actual entity? Can you see it, hear it, smell it, taste it, touch it?? How tall is it? How wide? What colour is it? How much does it weigh? Can you give it to me?

It's thought. I can not give it. The thought seems present, it's difficult to keep focus on it, observe it, as the attention tends to run away. I know why but doesn't help.

GOOD!
Notice that you cannot keep your focus on the thought "I". Thoughts change! Moment by moment, any thought you have will alter, will change!
If "I" were an actual physical entity, would it change so much that you cannot keep focus on it?
Does the information from the senses change so much you cannot keep focus on them?
Which is more reliable, the senses or thought?

Shift focus from thoughts about self and no self to sensation. Close the eyes to eliminate the distractions of sight. Focus on the sensations of hearing, smelling, tasting, touching.
At this moment NOW, what are you actually experiencing? Pressure, sounds, possibly a scent or a flavour. That is all. Check it!!
If ALL you experience with the five senses is pressure, sound, scent and flavour, then what is the I??

I question: "Who is I?"

This is an incorrect question. It assumes there is a "who" for the I to be! But there is no who, and there is no I. Better to ask, "WHAT is I?"
So I ask you, what is "I"? In your experience.

Is I a brain? Really?
Have you ever seen the brain?
Please be 100% honest about this!
What is it that makes Brain a likely candidate for "I", except that you haven't found an I and you believe in a Brain?

I felt my brain

I'm sorry but don't believe you. Please be 100% accurate when you report.
You have thoughts about a brain. Now you tell me you feel the brain and its functions. I suspect this is not true. Please check it and report honestly.

Question: Are the mental functions real?

Answer: in what way does this matter?
You are allowing Mind to take you far off the track.

The more you THINK, the more elusive the illusion becomes.
Why?
Because it is exactly this thinking that creates the illusion in the first place!

I ask you not to think, but to Observe!!!
Notice with the senses!
See, hear, smell, taste, touch!! The senses are far less easily fooled than the Mind!

The only question you need ask is "can I find an actual, separate entity "I" anywhere?"

That is the question we are here to investigate.

with much love,
Nona

[thejumper]

Hi Nona,

There is a self but it's thought.

Notice that all thoughts about a self refer to other thoughts about a self. Thoughts about a self are self-referential — that is, they are a circular argument. Thoughts about a self all rely on other thoughts about a self for "proof". Check it! Have you ever found a self outside of thoughts??

Yes I see that all thoughts about a self refer to other thoughts about me.
Haven't found any self outside of thoughts.

Sweetheart, there is no "no-self". There is no entity "no-self" that banishes another entity "self". Self and no self are concepts, thoughts! They are not Real.
Please do not replace your belief in a separate entity "self" with a belief in an entity "no-self"!! There is no self, and there is no no-self. And I'm asking you to LOOK for a self everywhere so that you can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that one does not exist. Self is a network of thoughts, not a Reality. And your entity "the no-self" is equally a network of thoughts.
Please. Stop Thinking!!! Just LOOK! Observe Life. Observe the actions of Jean, of the people around Jean, of the birds and trees and animals. At any point does an entity "self" show up to perform actions? Ever???

Of course Self and no self are concepts. It's only a way to communicate.
Observing Life today, I sometime find a self, sometime I don't. Needs some more investigations.

When taken in an action, I just step back in the head and look at what the body is doing, what the senses are perceiving. This action brings me the d.e., the background conscience. The interpretation of what is happening, is that the stepping back, automatically activates the reality, the fact there is no-self. Does it make sense?

No. This is all thought. No stepping back in the head is ever required in order to notice that no entity "self" shows up to take over the actions. ALL interpretation is thought!! And all thought is creating the illusion you wish to see through.
I'm asking you to observe sensations without thought.
For example.
Suppose you are walking bare-footed and you accidentally strike a hard object with your toe. There is immediate sensation — you Notice the sensation before you interpret it as "foot striking the table-leg".
This moment when you become aware of a sensation before Mind interprets it is what I want you to Notice!

My sentence wasn't clear. What I mean with "When taken in an action, I just step back in the head and look at what the body is doing. This action brings me the no-self conscience." is:
When taken in an action, it's possible to "step back in the head", stop thinking, direct experiencing, just use the sense and look at what the body is doing, feeling. The "stepping back" brings the direct experience, no thoughts, just IS, NO mind interpretation. .
Aren't we talking about the same thing?

One can go back and forth between direct experience (sensation-prior-to-interpretation) and thinking, yes. It's easy. One moment you are lost in thought; the next moment you focus completely on the five senses and there you are — in direct experience.
In direct experience there is only sensation. There is no colour, no space, no movement, no concept, no thought. There is only sensation.

Yes, that what I've tried to explain in the previous paragraph: "the next moment you focus completely on the five senses and there you are — in direct experience." It's what I call the "stepping back", it's my way to describe the "process".

From your questions, it is clear you have not yet seen through the illusion. There is no reconditioning; no self is a fact, not a belief.

:'(

Life is on auto-pilot: is there anything that ever happens in Life that is not just happening?? Does any event ever need a controller? a director? a mover? a do-er?

No, obviously not.

You write "obviously", but is it obvious? It's right here under our nose, hidden in plain sight, yet we never bother to inquire whether there is an actual entity "self"!

There can be a believe, a filter, but doing the d.e., no, I don't see a do-er. Action take place.

GOOD!
Notice that you cannot keep your focus on the thought "I". Thoughts change! Moment by moment, any thought you have will alter, will change!
1. If "I" were an actual physical entity, would it change so much that you cannot keep focus on it?
2. Does the information from the senses change so much you cannot keep focus on them?
3. Which is more reliable, the senses or thought?

1. No, body is more stable then thoughts. So we rely on body in order to d.e. If I-thought was a piece of the body we could more easily focus on it.
2. I can experience senses, they change, but focus on them, d.e. is fine. Senses are shorter then emotions, but longer, more stable then thoughts.
3. Senses

Shift focus from thoughts about self and no self to sensation. Close the eyes to eliminate the distractions of sight. Focus on the sensations of hearing, smelling, tasting, touching.
At this moment NOW, what are you actually experiencing? Pressure, sounds, possibly a scent or a flavour. That is all. Check it!!
If ALL you experience with the five senses is pressure, sound, scent and flavour, then what is the I??

Yes, "I" = A thought, nothing more. A thought about my sensation or/and self generated thought with memory material. When thoughts are present, they interpret the experience. When I-thought pops it grab the experience.

I question: "Who is I?"
The answer which has popped up: The brain.
Now I change all the mental narrative thoughts containing an "I" with the word "brain". Brain becomes "I".
Yes it works, I can feel it too. The difference is in giving the feeling of a more external person. Example of a thought conversion:
- "Brain" think it's a strange exercise. "Brain" reports to Nona he's has spend time doing some home works. "Brain" looking for encouragement, incentive, etc.
Where is located brain (felt as an "I", not organ): --> Right now, in the chest, like for the "I". Mmmhh... interesting, "I" has moved!
Then Jean thought: Me/self/I = Brain --> No-self = no brain --> dead.
--> At this point, not very useful, conclusion.

This is an incorrect question. It assumes there is a "who" for the I to be! But there is no who, and there is no I. Better to ask, "WHAT is I?"
So I ask you, what is "I"? In your experience.

WHAT is I?
Intellectually: Believes of sense of some accomplishments. Someone who has experienced experiences.
Right now, with d.e., being in background: I = seems very empty.

Is I a brain? Really?
Have you ever seen the brain?
Please be 100% honest about this!
What is it that makes Brain a likely candidate for "I", except that you haven't found an I and you believe in a Brain?

I've haven't seen the brain but neither the lungs.
Difficult to answer because right now: the brain NOT = "I", I don't have a sense of I. Looking at my fingers on the keyboard, softness.Things happening.

I felt my brain

I'm sorry but don't believe you. Please be 100% accurate when you report.
You have thoughts about a brain. Now you tell me you feel the brain and its functions. I suspect this is not true. Please check it and report honestly.

This reported above is not my today experience.
Now: WHAT is I?
Keeping simple, looking for "I". I step back:
- Look at my screen: The seeing comes. No I, can't see a self, there is the seeing of screen.
- Listening to sounds: The sounds come directly. No intermediary. hearing happens.
- Feeling the body: sensations arises, conscience of fuzzy boundaries --> bubble
- uncontrolled thoughts pop in my head. No one to give permission to come, no I.

The only question you need ask is "can I find an actual, separate entity "I" anywhere?"

The sense of self comes back! As today no-self is not continual!

So things are fluctuating, according to... ? don't.

Kindness,
Jean

[nonaparry]

Dear Jean,

It is way past my bedtime and I must sleep, but I want to thank you for your post. I will reply more tomorrow, but for now I want to say GOOD!
I misunderstood your phrase "stepping back in mind", and am happy to learn you are practicing Observing in direct experience.

The only question you need ask is "can I find an actual, separate entity "I" anywhere?"

The sense of self comes back! As today no-self is not continual!

So Check it!! Is sense-of-self an actual entity Self? Or is is just a sensation plus a thought?
Did you think that sense-of-self will completely disappear? Did you think that no self is a continuous awareness?

Think of other facts you know, such as there is no Santa Claus. Are you continuously aware that there is no Santa? Or does the awareness only show up when you are asked about it or confronted with a Santa-character at Christmastime? How about 2+2=4. Is that a fact of which you are continuously aware?
Is there anything of which you are continuously aware??

love,
Nona

[thejumper]

Hi Nona,

Thank you for your email.

So Check it!! Is sense-of-self an actual entity Self? Or is is just a sensation plus a thought?

It should be a sensation plus a thought, but I've been trying to check that and I couldn't figure it out today.

Did you think that sense-of-self will completely disappear?

I think yes, kind of, but I didn't really had a precise idea.

Did you think that no self is a continuous awareness?

Probability I've expected no self to have some awareness continuity, or feeling of tranquillity (remember my cotton hamlet).

1. Think of other facts you know, such as there is no Santa Claus. Are you continuously aware that there is no Santa? Or does the awareness only show up when you are asked about it or confronted with a Santa-character at Christmastime? How about 2+2=4.
2. Is that a fact of which you are continuously aware? Is there anything of which you are continuously aware??

Your explanations really help to understand. Thanks you.
1. Makes senses, no.
2. No I can't find any.

Kindness,
Jean

[nonaparry]

Dear Jean,

Is sense-of-self an actual entity Self? Or is is just a sensation plus a thought?

It should be a sensation plus a thought, but I've been trying to check that and I couldn't figure it out today.

Why "should" sense-of-self be a sensation plus a thought? Because I asked? Maybe it's only a thought or a network of thoughts. Maybe it's a collection of self-referential thoughts. I'm glad you tried to Check it — keep trying! And remember the way to shift out of Thinking is to focus on sensation.

Did you think that sense-of-self will completely disappear?

I think yes, kind of, but I didn't really had a precise idea.

For me, sense-of-self is thought, and I have no control over which thoughts appear or don't. The language seems to imply a self, and thought is usually in language, so there seems to be reinforcement of the idea that there is a sense-of-self happening.

Did you think that no self is a continuous awareness?

Probability I've expected no self to have some awareness continuity, or feeling of tranquillity (remember my cotton hamlet).

Oh dear! The authors of treatises on awakening have much to answer for! A feeling of tranquility is often not even a sensation! It's often a Thinking, rather than a Feeling. Tranquilizers induce tranquility; and as far as we know, they do not induce awakening/liberation.
Feelings are subject to change. They DO change, and without warning! One moment you feel this way; the next moment a different way. No feeling is Permanent, not excepting tranquility!
And would you genuinely prefer constant tranquility to the excitement of not knowing what's going to happen next? To the fresh aliveness of Life-as-it-Happens?

Your explanations really help to understand. Thanks you.

Good! The idea that once liberated we will be constantly aware of our liberation is confusion.
At any given moment we can Check, by shifting to sensation, whether there is in fact a separate entity "self". That we can do this is very relaxing; the peace of moving out of Thinking and into sensation is always available! But this is not the same as constant tranquility.

Sense of self is not a sense at all; it's a Thinking. That doesn't mean it does not appear to be real!
Close the eyes, and suppose I am handing you an imaginary watermelon. It is so big, you have to take it with both hands. Feel the weight of it! Feel its smooth skin and its cool temperature. Can you smell its fresh, slightly sweet scent? Imagine tapping on the watermelon, hearing the hollow sound a ripe melon has when tapped. Have you got it clearly in imagination?
Good.
Now what can you do to get rid of this melon? Is there any way to remove what doesn't exist?

Now open the eyes. What happened to the melon which seemed so real?

love
Nona